Baby on the way... tips for a first time parent?

[psicodude]

Wow, Fotze actually has some good advice!

My boy will be 3 in May, and although there are a ton of bad days, the good ones make you forget them in a hurry.

Just have to agree with a few things already posted.

1) Don't cheap out on the crib, car seat, or stroller. These are, IMO, the main places where your child's safety is somewhat out of your hands. Don't go crazy, but don't go Wal-Mart.

2) Go buy a Diaper Genie 2. Somewhere around the 3 month range, poo starts to smell and garbage bags are no match.

3) Always remember that you and your wife (or baby mama) need your alone time. The baby can safely and comfortably sleep on it's own after 3 months or so. Even if your time off is only 3 or 4 hours a day, make a point of cherishing it or you will go crazy.

The last piece of advice is to never, ever underestimate what your child is capable of. They learn things at an astonishing rate and have incredible memories. Don't be the jerk Dad that pushes your kids too hard, but don't be the guy that holds them back either.

Oh, and put anything you care about into storage because it will get wrecked. No, seriously.

[sclitheroe]

Avent bottles leak like mofos. Overpriced, underperforming pieces of junk. There are entire websites dedicated to the "technique" of putting the tops on properly. And none of them work.


That is all.

[wooohooo]

I don't know why... but I just read this whole thread and I'm even close to getting married. But congrats!!!

[Acid Rush]

I agree with the other posts. Buy a diaper genie and with the hand me down clothes. Kids grow up fast and your baby will surely outgrow some things. So if you can buy cheap but good quality items that's ok. Check first the reviews of the cribs/strollers/car seats/and or other big items that you'll be buying. There are some product recalls even for toys.

Lastly, after the baby comes, give your wife some time on her own and/or for you two to spend some alone time with each other.

Congratulations!

[prarieboy]

I'll second a few of the posts already here.

Buy used. You can get practically new baby stuff if you look around for next to nothing.

No baby in the room. Maybe for the first while but after that the baby monitor will make sure you know when junior needs attention. This pays sleep dividends down the road.

Prentend to not hear the baby cry in the middle of the night. Let's face it, both parents at exactly the same moment know it happened. It's like a Mexican stand off. Lay Still and you'll be OK.

Buy a Video Camera. It sounds cliche but they do change so darn fast.

I'll add one of my own at the end of this.

Get some sort of permanent wall height gauge that you can take with you wherever you decide to move. The simple roll up plastic ones are nice to keep track. Consider getting a piece of Oak or some other nice piece of wood that you can put on the wall and take it with you if you ever decide to move. Especially good if you have many children.

Congats on the new one, I hope all goes well and we have ourselves a new, healthy Flames fan!!

[ma-skis.com]

Sometimes you and mom have to go with instinct despite everyones advice, sometimes you have to go with what feels right.

Skim the baby books, but don't read into too many of them too often, I find they all end up contradicting each other anyways. it's funny if you walk through them in Chapters you'll find books that pretty much say the exact opposite by people who are experts in the field.

fever means you stay home, no fever means you don't which also reminds me, those quick ear thermometers are a million times better than the armpit or anything that takes more than two seconds on a squirmy sick baby

[La Flames Fan]

Was there some sort of convergance in the universe? Including myself, it seems everyone I know has baby on the way.

I'm loving the advice in here as well. Thanks all.

[V]

One cool thing about having a kid is that moment when your first kid arrives. There is no more powerful moment. I don't think you can possibly be ready for that moment. It's freaky as hell when that ginormous head pops out, but holy smokes is that ever something else.

Oh, and if mama thinks the kid needs to go to the hospital, the kid needs to go to the hospital.

My boy was 8 days old when my wife was real worried about the kid's breathing, saying it was too raspy. I wasn't going to fight her about it, so we went to Emergency, and lo and behold the kid was admitted for the next 8 days with a respiratory virus. Mama knows best.

I'll tell you what, though, there isn't a whole lot in this world scarier than seeing your brand new infant tied to all those tubes. Freaky stuff.

[Jagger]

Congratulations!!!!

Being a parent is both the most fantastic and most terrifying thing that you will ever do.

It's a full time job this parenting lark:

Here's a summary of my night (for real. Nothing made up here):

-dropped the three school age kids off at school
-picked up the kids after school
-Took daughter #1 to get her broken glasses fixed with all 4 kids.
-Picked up yet more milk (two more 4ltr jugs. They'll last until tomorrow night.)
-Battled my eldest son over his math homework (many tears were involved. Some even from my son.)
-Put daughter #1 to bed early since she refused to eat her supper. Another battle.
-Changed three poops from daughter #2 (2 year old)
-Son #2 tried to manipulate gaming time (a no no on school nights) and when I refused he called me "the worst dad in the world"
-multiple refusals to go to sleep from various of the kids
-daughter #1 woke up as she went to bed so early and now cannot go to sleep (1 am now!)

That's my night so far and you know what, I wouldn't change any of it.
All of my kids also gave me hugs, told me they loved me, son #1 drew my wife and I a really nice card, the toddler gave me numerous patented toothy smiles, even cranky (today) daughter #1 had her good moments. She came out of the girls room wearing a giraffe costume. I didn't even know we had one! That's the thing with kids, they will always be surprising you, both good and bad.

Bottom line. We have four kids. I'd have more. They are fantastic little people.

Oh, as for stuff. We have owned tons of strollers. Get a Bob. They are easily the best.

And soothers. Waste of flippin' money. Non of our kids would take one.

We are still on our first crib. (Cheap model. $150 or so. 4 kids later. Hanging in there....just.)

Best wishes to you both. You will have a lot of great moments with your little one. Take Troutman's advice, get a camcorder and a camera. Use them lots. There is always something new going on.

edit: Oh yeah, and sleep is overrated. I've been getting five or less hours every night for about seven years now. (The age of son #2) We had a gap between our first two so got some normal sleep for a while. Not now. Our kids have to be the worst sleepers in the world. They are all night people just like us. If you like sleep. Sleep now. Otherwise become a night AND morning person. It's easier that way.

Update: 1:20am Daughter #1 just woke up our 2 year old. Yeah! A parent's job is never over. Still want the job?

[zuluking]

Anyone who says they have the answer to getting your kid to sleep is really saying that they have the answer to getting THEIR kid to sleep. Everyone of them is different, no solution will likely work twice (even in the same family), and once the little buggers catch on that your getting some sleep, they'll change their pattern.
You can try all these things, but the only guarantee is that there is no guaranteed solution.

And don't start depriving yourself of sleep now as some sort of twisted training regime. Get all the freakin' sleep you can NOW! You should immediately leave this messageboard and go to sleep!

[yads]

When choosing a stroller, make sure you and your wife are able to close/open/lift it. Especially your wife since she'll be going to the mall and other things during the day with the child.

Get a swing or some kind of chair they can sit in for the first little while, while you or your wife are busy cleaning/cooking/etc.

Get some of those puppy training pads so that if you're hanging out you can change the baby right there instead of taking them down to where the change table is. Also keep them near the change table anyway so that you don't have to wash the change pads as often when there's an accident.

If you're planning on breastfeeding, rent/buy a breast pump so that mommy can go out and have some alone time.

If you have to have a c-section, don't rush getting checked out. We definitely checked out 1 or 2 days early.

[You Need a Thneed]

Be prepared to adapt. Just as soon as you figure out what works with one child, it changes. The next kids will required all new methods again.

Just enjoy every minute!

[BlackAce]

Thanks guys... Just had my first on January 29 and all the info helps... add it to the knowledge pool and try to be a "good dad"... Glad to hear my sleep will return one day... I am sooo sleeeeee... Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

[Starfishy]

A couple things:

Poo doesn't stink at 3 months, it stinks whenever you start feeding solids (usually 6 months).

The stroller is personal preference, but I find more often than not going with the most compact stroller has always been best. We have opted to have two strollers, the one that the car seat fits into, and then when baby is old enough we downgrade to an umbrella stroller. It seems like a waste to buy two strollers but the umbrella one should be a cheapo wal-mart one for 30 bucks or less. We did not regret having an easily transportable stroller for whenever we were travelling and/or fitting stuff into our car.

I agree with the masses in saying change tables don't matter. You will end up using a table, the floor, couch... whatever.

I would tell you to buy everything second hand (used) however this is never going to fly with your wife. If she is anything like any other woman I have ever met your first child will "deserve" new clothes. Then she will come to her senses and use all that stuff for your next child/children anyways. Don't worry if you don't get used stuff for the first one, you will be amazed at how much stuff the kid wares holes in once he/she is crawling.

The wait and see approach is a good one. You need some stuff before baby comes, but you will find that lots of stuff you may never use. Wait until you need it before you buy it for a lot of stuff. We have given away plenty of crap that we never opened, ie. breast pumps, soothers, extra clothes, basinet, countless baby toys... don't buy it until you need it and you will save a fortune.

[Peanut]

First off, congrats!!! Lots of good advice in here already, here's some of mine (my daughter is 7 months today):

1. Buy used. Once upon a Child, kijiji, garage sales... definitely can save a lot of money. "Mom" forums also usually have buy/sell sections that are good. I got a lot from the CP buy/sell too!

2. Be ready for the baby a bit early. Like, 30 - 32 weeks is probably a good timeframe to be 90% ready (crib, carseat, clothes, hospital bag packed, nursery set-up, etc). Lots of babies go to 40 - 41 weeks, but some are early and if you're not ready it just adds to the stress of having a preemie and spending 12+ hour days at the hospital until they are strong enough to leave.

3. Sometimes the epidural doesn't actually work. So... yeah. No real advice but just thought I'd let you know because I sure as hell didn't!!

4. Just do what works best for your baby and your family. Lots of advice will be forth-coming from well-meaning friends/in-laws/strangers. Just listen, ignore any "judgement" and decide for yourselves what works. You know your baby best, after all.

5. Take lots of pictures. The time really does fly by and it's such an amazing experience, so capture the memories when you can.

[ah123]

Originally Posted by yads

When choosing a stroller, make sure you and your wife are able to close/open/lift it. Especially your wife since she'll be going to the mall and other things during the day with the child.

To add to this - make sure your wife can open/close the stroller with one hand (she will often need to do this while holding the baby in the other hand)

[Table 5]

Not sure why I ventured into this thread, but after reading through, I need to call my girlfriend and make sure her pills are topped up.

[Sliver]

I think some people are glorifying the experience a little. Either that, or maybe some are just "baby people" and I am not.

I didn't enjoy my babies that much. I loved them and everything, but the work:fun ratio is way off. Like maybe 99% work to 1% fun. As soon as they hit 2 - almost to the day - they become a total ball.

My advice is be prepared for a total life let-down. All the things that were fun to you in the past will basically be off-limits for the next while because you are going to be saddled with a whaling boat anchor. You and your wife are likely going to be so exhausted and stressed that life will cease being fun for the next year.

Anyway, prepare for the worst and hope for the best. Some people have really easy kids and that makes the experience all the better and they will have no idea what I'm talking about. I've had an easy baby and a very difficult baby (cholic, etc.) - the experiences are as different as night and day. Pray to your own personal god you have an easy baby.

[troutman]

Bob: It gets a whole lot more complicated when you have kids.
Charlotte: It's scary.
Bob: The most terrifying day of your life is the day the first one is born.
Charlotte: Nobody ever tells you that.
Bob: Your life, as you know it... is gone. Never to return. But they learn how to walk, and they learn how to talk... and you want to be with them. And they turn out to be the most delightful people you will ever meet in your life.
Charlotte: That's nice.

[macker]

Stay away from plastic bottles etc.. For you its ok but for your baby....not a chance. If you run get a solid running stroller. If you walk/hike get a good backpack. You are likely going to want to do both as you will need to get out and these are two essential tools for allowing you to get out and be active even though you have the little one to lug around. They love and need the fresh air anyways so take them everywhere and get a bit of an extra workout as a result. Also these were essential for us when we wanted to "motion them to sleep". Get a white noise alarm clock as the slightest noise will wake them up and you will soon learn to hate the barking dogs in your neighborhood or the early morning lawn mowers/neighborhood handy guys. Take lots of video but you likely won't have time to watch any as I am up to 7 years worth that I haven't had a chance to watch yet. Journal as much as you can as the time goes by so quickly and you will enjoy going back over things with them when they are older and recalling unique things they did/said, places you took them etc. etc. Expect the in-laws to figure prominantly in the first 1-2 years as they are can't get enough of them for the first few years. Your friendships tend to change a bit and you will likely gravitate more towards people that also have babies which is fine as it is nice to go through the stages with others who are also working things out and able to offer advice etc. You are going to learn a lot from that baby and I don't think there is anything more rewarding in the world. Enjoy every minute of it!! The years go by too quickly!! You are about to become a hero!!