Discussion: Kids & Marriage - Calgarypuck Forums - The Unofficial Calgary Flames Fan Community

rubecube · 12-04-2009, 04:57 PM

On the heels of my other thread, I kind of thought I'd drag something else up. I know a lot of CPers are married and/or have kids and I'm wondering what made you make that decision?

As 23 year-old man, living in the prime of my life, I can't even fathom the idea of being a father. I love that I have the ability to drop everything without notice and go on a booze-fueled romp to Vegas, so long as I have the funds to do it. I like that I can take my girlfriend to a movie and not worry about getting a sitter. I also enjoy not having to fork over a good chunk of my money to clothe, feed and entertain children.

I have kind of the same thoughts on marriage (well known, I know). Hell, for years I didn't even like the idea of being tied down in a relationship, and still don't sometimes. I had a girlfriend when I was 15, broke up with her 6 months later, and then didn't have another girlfriend until I was 21. I still maintain that I had a lot more fun when I was single. It's easy to have fun when you don't have obligations.

So what am I missing out on with kids and/or marriage? This isn't my attempt to be smug or anything like that. I'd like to hear both sides of it. I don't really ever plan on having kids and have considered the ol' snippity-snip in the past, but figured my attitude could change down the line.

Single-folk can chime in too. Do you guys wish you had a long-term relationship/kids? Is that a goal in the future? Why? Etc...

Eric Vail · 12-04-2009, 05:07 PM

I got married in 2004 and now have two children: a one year old boy and a three year old girl. The two of them give me far more joy than a dozen trips to Vegas/year ever would. It is awesome to come in the door after work and have two kids yelling Dada and running to give me hugs. Getting hammered on a Friday night or going to a movie on Saturday just doesn't come close.

I love being a Dad. It is the best thing I have ever done. Maybe you are too young to appreciate it, or maybe you are not cut out to be one. I do believe that not everyone who has kids should have kids. Some don't really want then, it seems. It looks like they have them because everyone else is, and then don't commit to them like they should.

FlamesKickAss · 12-04-2009, 05:08 PM

I know my view has changed a little bit since 23 (27 now) but I am still not 100% sure about kids, but isnt the snippity snip reversible anyways?

rubecube · 12-04-2009, 05:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FlamesKickAss

I know my view has changed a little bit since 23 (27 now) but I am still not 100% sure about kids, but isnt the snippity snip reversible anyways?

Eh, depends on who you ask. I keep hearing that it's not 100% reversible.

dre · 12-04-2009, 05:13 PM

At 23 I was living on the road. Loved it! I was very immature, well I still am actually.
It is hard to explain, but having kids is just awesome. The look on my son and daughter's face when we took them to Disneyland was priceless. I married a women who is doctor, so I stay at home with the kids. I am lucky. My kids have forced me to learn a lot, because you try to find an answer for most of their weird questions.

flip · 12-04-2009, 05:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eric Vail

I got married in 2004 and now have two children: a one year old boy and a three year old girl. The two of them give me far more joy than a dozen trips to Vegas/year ever would. It is awesome to come in the door after work and have two kids yelling Dada and running to give me hugs. Getting hammered on a Friday night or going to a movie on Saturday just doesn't come close.

I love being a Dad. It is the best thing I have ever done. Maybe you are too young to appreciate it, or maybe you are not cut out to be one. I do believe that not everyone who has kids should have kids. Some don't really want then, it seems. It looks like they have them because everyone else is, and then don't commit to them like they should.

I can see how youth might have something to do with it but can you elaborate on "not cut out to be one"?

Like Rube I have no plans to have kids but have no problem with settling down. Actually it is interesting, my dating history has been almost the opposite of Rube's. I am a long-term relationship kind of guy and had like 3 girlfriends from the age of 16-21 (with literally only like 5 months worth of breaks in 5 years and two 2+ year relationships) and now I haven't had a g/f in almost 4 years and I love it.

I can imagine myself getting married but I just don't see myself having kids. Most people tell me I'm wrong and I do want kids, I'm too young (I'm 25 and it is getting tiring, people can't say that forever) or they bring up "you'll want kids when your wife wants kids" which I hate the most.

Sample00 · 12-04-2009, 05:14 PM

I'm just saying..but if you are asking yourself whether you should get married and have kids, then its probably just as good to wait.
I waited until I was 30 to marry and 32 before we had kids. To me, it was the perfect time.
And having kids doesnt mean that you cant go to Vegas or a drunk up. thats what Grand parents are for. they just assume take your kids for a couple of days and then gladly hand them back to you.
it works real well!

rubecube · 12-04-2009, 05:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sample00

I'm just saying..but if you are asking yourself whether you should get married and have kids, then its probably just as good to wait.

Oh yeah, that's not my point. Like I said, both of these things are very far off from happening if it all. Just wanted to hear some different perspectives. I love the freedom that I have, and I can't see myself wanting to give that up to clean up crap, vomit, and deal with teenagers for 20 years.

dre · 12-04-2009, 05:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fotze

The kids aren't so hard, its the fact that your wife turns into a mother is a bigger change.

Maybe that was Tiger's issue.

HPLovecraft · 12-04-2009, 05:21 PM

You're 23. Your opinion on the whole thing will change vastly by the time you're 30. You'll be extremely against it, or be ready to have kids with anyone who is willing. The "freedom" you have now is good, but at this point it's a novelty. You have freedom as an adult, but it's a very different type of freedom.

Just let it riiiiide for now.

REDVAN · 12-04-2009, 05:24 PM

Are you Spencer from the Hills TV show?

Sylvanfan · 12-04-2009, 05:24 PM

What changed for me was when my father passed away and my Mom was pretty much left alone. Sort of struck home how old and lonely you could become if you chose to do the no kids thing. Sure you have friends and the like now, but odds are a lot of them will have their own kids and families one day and you'll become an after thought in their lives.

My wife's sister and her husband were millionaires before the economic melt down (might still be), and don't have kids. They have nice houses, had a fancy Bimmer, and she spent on shopping spree's. Yet they just didn't seem happy, and are always begging for people to come visit them because they're bored.

My wife is expecting in February and I'm pretty excited about it. The money thing still stresses me. But I'm at a point where I no longer care that I don't have a cool car, or wicked awesome house. I've traveled pretty much anywhere I wanted to go. Than again I'm into my 30's now. I see a few others much younger than me with 2-3 kids and wonder how they do it. When I was 23 I think I could have made it work, but it wouldn't have been my preference. Now it's going to be a preference. I live in a small town and have next to nothing to do for entertainment, having to take kids to hockey, or dance will add some excitement to life!

4X4 · 12-04-2009, 05:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sylvanfan

What changed for me was when my father passed away and my Mom was pretty much left alone. Sort of struck home how old and lonely you could become if you chose to do the no kids thing. Sure you have friends and the like now, but odds are a lot of them will have their own kids and families one day and you'll become an after thought in their lives.

My wife's sister and brother were millionaires before the economic melt down (might still be), and don't have kids. They have nice houses, had a fancy Bimmer, and she spent on shopping spree's. Yet they just didn't seem happy, and are always begging for people to come visit them because they're bored.

My wife is expecting in February and I'm pretty excited about it. The money thing still stresses me. But I'm at a point where I no longer care that I don't have a cool car, or wicked awesome house. Than again I'm into my 30's now. I see a few others much younger than me with 2-3 kids and wonder how they do it. When I was 23 I think I could have made it work, but it wouldn't have been my preference. Now it's going to be a preference.

Ew. Your wife's brother and sister are a couple?

Sylvanfan · 12-04-2009, 05:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 4X4

Ew. Your wife's brother and sister are a couple?

Yeah, that was a typo, was supposed to be brother in law, which is also stupid.

Two minutes in the box to feel shame.

Merlot · 12-04-2009, 05:34 PM

Life is better with kids. They become such a big part of your lives and I agree they are better than any road trip any day.

Ice · 12-04-2009, 06:03 PM

I think only you can make that decision. If you don't want kids, don't have them. The last thing you need is to try and nurture children you never wanted. That's not good for you or them. If you don't want to be in a relationship, don't be in one. That's not fair to you or your girlfriend. Obviously, I don't know you and can only form an opinion based on your posts. But you seem to care more about protecting yourself from losing money or freedom than you do about building a relationship. Maybe you're just meant to be a bachelor and play the field.

flip · 12-04-2009, 06:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ice

I think only you can make that decision. If you don't want kids, don't have them. The last thing you need is to try and nurture children you never wanted. That's not good for you or them. If you don't want to be in a relationship, don't be in one. That's not fair to you or your girlfriend. Obviously, I don't know you and can only form an opinion based on your posts. But you seem to care more about protecting yourself from losing money or freedom than you do about building a relationship. Maybe you're just meant to be a bachelor and play the field.

I totally agree but I think Rube was asking people why it gives them fulfillment, not whether or not he should do it.

If every response in the whole thread was that kids kill your soul it would probably reinforce his feelings and if every response was that without kids life is meaningless it might sway him.

CrusaderPi · 12-04-2009, 06:11 PM

I've found that everyone in a marriage loves being married right up to the point when they aren't married.

Weird, eh?

Puppet Guy · 12-04-2009, 06:33 PM

your world changes a lot between ages 23, 30 and beyond. I used to think that I'd be by myself until I died, and I was fine with that. Two and a half years back I met the girl who's now my wife, and I seriously can't see my life otherwise. You value the time when you can do your own thing - I still do, in fact - but having someone waiting at home when you come back from work, who is genuinely happy to see you can't be beat. Ly wife had to have her appendix out last weekend and I was home by myself for a few days, and realized that I just didn't like sleeping alone anymore; the house felt completely different, and I didn't like it.

...as for the kids, I'll tell you in April after the little one arrives.

Galakanokis · 12-04-2009, 06:44 PM

From 18 to 27 I was pretty much against kids (dated a girl for a long while that had a kid and I was still against it). Life was about food, sex and booze (not necessarily in that order) and it is all I cared about.

But things change and can change with out you even knowing it. My first boy is now 13 months old and it is true he is by far the coolest thing that is in my life. When you come home from a crappy day of work you think a cold beer or a stiff drink would be the best thing in the world right now but when that kid flashes his big gummy smile at you...man I just melt. I forget about the drink I forget about work I forget about damn near everything and spend an hour rolling around on the floor.

You still have your time as well. I play my hockey still (not as much but) go for beers with the boys, watch the UFC whatever it may be. Just not as frequently and it has to be planned a little more. Sometimes it makes it a little more fun.

My wife's son is 14 now and I love going to his sporting events. He is active in lacrosse, football and basketball. I love going to the games, I have a lot of fun at them. Sometimes more than when my beloved Eagles are on.....Damn Oakland!

It's life, things change. You can't plan the way you feel. Don't want kids now but 5-10 years is a long time and a lot of things can happen.