Living together before marriage

[FlamesAddiction]

Originally Posted by The Yen Man

You're signing one piece of paper to please her dad. Is it really that tough if you're planning to be in the long haul anyways? One piece of paper gets the guy off your back for good, and you can legitimately sleep with your girl in his house without him having any problems with it. I guess I just see it as a small thing to save everyone a lot of grief.

Actually, better yet.

If you're married, you can tell them that you are going to stay in a hotel because you're trying to make a baby and they will understand.

[The Yen Man]

Originally Posted by AFireInside

I wouldn't live my life to please her family. In my situation, I stated that if she really really wanted to get married, then I'd probably do it. FOR HER....

Maybe I consider marriage a religious ceremony, and maybe that goes against my beliefs.

It doesn't matter why I choose to not get married, it's not an indication of anything. It doesn't represent my level of commitment to my gf.

The dad needs to get a grip and realize it's 2010.

You can try and twist not getting married however you like.

I'm going to look at marriage as meaning you are insecure, needy, and constantly worried that your significant other is going to leave you so you are trying to find some way to ENSURE they don't leave. Having a joint account is a way to constantly monitor your significant other because you have very low self esteem and need to know what they are doing at all times because you do not trust them and want to control them.

*clearly sarcasm*.

You can twist it how you like, people have reasons for doing things like getting married, or not getting married. Thats between the couple in the relationship, if they are happy no one else should judge them for it, caving just to please one person is silly. That person (father in this case) needs to grow up and open his mind just a little bit.

Still back to the original issue, sleeping on the couch for a couple days is no biggie, and shows some respect for the father in house. Then again getting a hotel should not offend the father either and should be fine.

Look, all I'm trying to do is put myself in the father's percpetion, and try to rationalize his thinking. There's a whole slew of reasons why people choose not to get married. All I'm saying is, that's probably what the dad is thinking. It isn't right or wrong how you or the father thinks. It's just a point where you guys disagree.

Like I said, if I knew my in-laws cared so much about a formal marriage, and I didn't care either way, I would do it as a kind gesture to them, that's all.

[rubecube]

Originally Posted by The Yen Man

Look, all I'm trying to do is put myself in the father's percpetion, and try to rationalize his thinking. There's a whole slew of reasons why people choose not to get married. All I'm saying is, that's probably what the dad is thinking. It isn't right or wrong how you or the father thinks. It's just a point where you guys disagree.

Like I said, if I knew my in-laws cared so much about a formal marriage, and I didn't care either way, I would do it as a kind gesture to them, that's all.

Her dad's and some of society's attitude towards people who aren't married is also a big chunk of why I'm against getting married. I don't need a lavish ceremony and a binding agreement to let people know how much I care about somebody. And quite frankly, if she doesn't need it either then her dad should butt out. It's none of his business.

EDIT: I hope nobody here thinks I'm trying to berate them or anything. I really appreciate all the candor and understand that people are just trying to present his side of the argument.

[Rerun]

Now... to put another spin on this..... how would you feel if your mother, if she was single, came to your place and brought along her boyfriend and they wanted to sleep together? Would that make you a bit uncomfortable?.... having your mom who you dearly love, sleeping with some relative stranger to you, in the next bedroom and perhaps even having carnal sex with said guy, under your roof?


On the other hand, my step-son who just turned 30 and his girlfriend who is 25 have been together for about 5 or 6 years. They have two kids... a girl who is 4 and a boy who is 2.

I wish they would get married.... I think if you have children with a woman, you should marry her. Call me old fashioned ... but thats the way I think..... plus I think its about time they made it legal (paperwise).... Its time they made a "real" commitment to each other.

By the way, when they come to visit, I have no problem with them sleeping together.

I also have a 22 year old step-daughter who has been living with her boyfriend for the past year. Since they live in Calgary, they don't actually have to sleep over... but if they had to, I would have no problem with it.

But then again... they are after all my step children and I wasn't the one who raised them from birth to adulthood. Maybe I would feel different if I had.

[AFireInside]

Originally Posted by Rerun

Now... to put another spin on this..... how would you feel if your mother, if she was single, came to your place and brought along her boyfriend and they wanted to sleep together? Would that make you a bit uncomfortable?.... having your mom who you dearly love, sleeping with some relative stranger to you, in the next bedroom and perhaps even having carnal sex with said guy, under your roof?


On the other hand, my step-son who just turned 30 and his girlfriend who is 25 have been together for about 5 or 6 years. They have two kids... a girl who is 4 and a boy who is 2.

I wish they would get married.... I think if you have children with a woman, you should marry her. Call me old fashioned ... but thats the way I think..... plus I think its about time they made it legal (paperwise).... Its time they made a "real" commitment to each other.

By the way, when they come to visit, I have no problem with them sleeping together.

I also have a 22 year old step-daughter who has been living with her boyfriend for the past year. Since they live in Calgary, they don't actually have to sleep over... but if they had to, I would have no problem with it.

But then again... they are after all my step children and I wasn't the one who raised them from birth to adulthood. Maybe I would feel different if I had.

If my parents weren't together, I would not make my mother and her boyfriend sleep in different rooms. Doesn't bother me at all.

I can understand the argument for getting married when kids are involved I suppose. However I think having a child together is a way bigger commitment (at least for most people) than some piece of paper supported by an imaginary bearded man who lives in the sky. Or whatever you believe!

Also before people jump on I know that not every marriage is religious based, and I'm not judging those who get married. Whatever makes you happy. I just don't see it as anywhere near necessary.

[rubecube]

Originally Posted by Rerun

Now... to put another spin on this..... how would you feel if your mother, if she was single, came to your place and brought along her boyfriend and they wanted to sleep together? Would that make you a bit uncomfortable?.... having your mom who you dearly love, sleeping with some relative stranger to you, in the next bedroom and perhaps even having carnal sex with said guy, under your roof?

If she was living with the guy and had been seeing him for more than two years I doubt I'd have a problem with it. My mom is remarried and there's no way in hell I'd make my stepdad sleep on the couch if they came to visit.

[AFireInside]

Originally Posted by The Yen Man

Look, all I'm trying to do is put myself in the father's percpetion, and try to rationalize his thinking. There's a whole slew of reasons why people choose not to get married. All I'm saying is, that's probably what the dad is thinking. It isn't right or wrong how you or the father thinks. It's just a point where you guys disagree.

Like I said, if I knew my in-laws cared so much about a formal marriage, and I didn't care either way, I would do it as a kind gesture to them, that's all.

Maybe if they don't get married and stay together for 20 years, the father will have his eyes opened a little bit and see that you don't need to be married in order to be committed to each other!

Not likely though....

[FireFly]

I don't think you've learned how to properly choose your arguments if you're pouting over sleeping on the couch, but you let her sleep with her ex in your bed... Some things you need to let go of, and some things should maybe be more important.

It's not like you're moving in to her parent's house and this will be for eternity. Do you have such a large sexual addiction that three nights will kill you?

[sclitheroe]

Originally Posted by fotze

Is this the same girl that was banging her ex from Victoria and you let it happen in your house? Tell that story to her dad to show your committment.

Oh this thread just got awesome.

Anybody think maybe daddy wants his daughter to get married in this situation because she's a tramp, and he's hoping she'll settle down if she's hitched?

[supadaveo]

Originally Posted by rubecube

Her dad's and some of society's attitude towards people who aren't married is also a big chunk of why I'm against getting married. I don't need a lavish ceremony and a binding agreement to let people know how much I care about somebody. .

Getting married has more to do with letting EACH OTHER know how much you care about each other......

Also, as a father myself, I want someone thats going to take care of my daughter/grandchildren, because should he decide to skip town, then the daughters family (including parents) will be left to clean up the mess.....

[mikey_the_redneck]

Originally Posted by FireFly

I don't think you've learned how to properly choose your arguments if you're pouting over sleeping on the couch, but you let her sleep with her ex in your bed... Some things you need to let go of, and some things should maybe be more important.

It's not like you're moving in to her parent's house and this will be for eternity. Do you have such a large sexual addiction that three nights will kill you?

3 NIGHTS!?!?! You just don't get us do you................

[Antithesis]

Rube, for what it's worth, here are my thoughts:

1. You and your girlfriend (it seems) asked for a favour from her parents in having you in their house while you have nowhere to stay. If you are staying in their house, no matter how unreasonable you may think their rules are, it's their house.

2. You're saying he's never had the stones to come up to you with any issues, but this seems like an excellent time to clarify your feelings toward you commitment to his daughter with him. It may (or may not, who knows) do some good to explain to him what your views are, perhaps also with his wife there, and have a frank discussion about it. While you may say it's none of their business, really, it is their child so they do have the right to some information.

3. If you can't deal with it, then say, listen, thanks for the offer for a roof over our heads, but we are adults, so I'll get us a hotel room. Not much they can say about that.

4. Like Jiri's saying, your refusal to go over there for dinner on Sundays - no matter how much sense it might make to you - probably doesn't paint you in the best light with her parents. You say you have a PVR, can't you record the odd Eagles game you couldn't watch live (don't they play at 11 usually anyway?) and watch it later?

Like I said, it might not even be worth .02, but that's my reaction to your conundrum.

[AFireInside]

Originally Posted by supadaveo

Getting married has more to do with letting EACH OTHER know how much you care about each other......

Also, as a father myself, I want someone thats going to take care of my daughter/grandchildren, because should he decide to skip town, then the daughters family (including parents) will be left to clean up the mess.....

Married or not you can still skip town.. Once you are common law aren't you entitled to half of everything anyways? As for kids, well that's something the father or mother are responsible for whether they are married or not.

I guess I really don't understand how getting married shows anymore commitment then not getting married. You can still leave, cheat, etc married or not. It's imaginary commitment. I show just as much commitment, as someone who is married. I show her I care about her, probably more than a lot married folk! HAH! Kidding of course..

I just don't get it... We are planning on buying property together, we have pets together... We aren't having kids so I guess thats all there is...

I showed my commitment by giving her the past 7 years of my prime, which is a big deal because I'm really really ridiculously good looking. Even I can't keep a straight face typing that.

Also I agree with antithesis above....

[DOK]

You sound like your not wanting to get married because her father thinks you should. It sounds to me if her father forbid you guys from getting married that you'd be rushing off to do it to prove that you want to and it's your choice.

Your also 23 and have been seeing her since you were 21. I was still sucking my thumb and doing prairie fire shooters at that age. No offense, but to me, that's a better reason to choose not to get married yet.

[tkflames]

Originally Posted by rubecube

That's definitely part of it. He's told her that she should be going to school and I should be paying to support her, despite the fact that he has not told me how to activate the mint in my body that dispenses currency out of my ass.

I thanked you, not because I agree with you, but because that is an awesome quote and a hillarious picture...

[Locke]

Sweet Holy God, this is still going on?

Just plow her on the dining room table while watching an Eagles game and lighting a Cigar with her parent's Marriage Certificate already....

Now, thats commitment!

[Tyler]

Originally Posted by Locke

Sweet Holy God, this is still going on?

Just plow her on the dining room table while watching an Eagles game and lighting a Cigar with her parent's Marriage Certificate already....

Now, thats commitment!

/end thread

[rubecube]

This worked out better in my favour than I planned. He admitted to her mom that it was disrespectful to our relationship but those were beliefs. He's buying us a new BBQ this week, gaves us money for groceries, and is taking me boozing after work next week. I asked my girlfriend what this was all about and she told me he doesn't like to admit when he's made a mistake, so this is how he apologizes. We're cool now.

[CaptainCrunch]

Originally Posted by rubecube

This worked out better in my favour than I planned. He admitted to her mom that it was disrespectful to our relationship but those were beliefs. He's buying us a new BBQ this week, gaves us money for groceries, and is taking me boozing after work next week. I asked my girlfriend what this was all about and she told me he doesn't like to admit when he's made a mistake, so this is how he apologizes. We're cool now.

Lucky this isn't Vegas

"Hey Dad in law why are we driving out to the desert"

"And whats with the gun?"

[rubecube]

Originally Posted by CaptainCrunch

Lucky this isn't Vegas

"Hey Dad in law why are we driving out to the desert"

"And whats with the gun?"

That was my first thought too, but then he told me to bring one of my buddies. Apparently we're going to golf course he's a member at and hitting the clubhouse.