Oilers announce ticket price adjustments

[Sylvanfan]

With the arena not selling out in these tough economic times despite the teams strong on ice performance, owner Poker Petelington has announced his "You have no choice" ticket initiative designed to maximize revenue and sell out the building.

Luxury box tickets that used to run you $200 have come down to $190 per ducket. Lower bowl seats that were running $100 were cut to $91. The second level which was $60 per seat will also decrease to $55. But it's blue collar joe average who'll pay for those decreases. Upper bowl tickets which were $20 will now cost $30, and third level tickets that were $40 will now run $45.

Petelington has made it clear that he'll run up the price on upper bowl tickets further if these cheap losers don't get off their wallets and start buying better seats. Petelington was quoted "I'm spending money giving them a good team and they don't care. Put on a sweater for a week and turn the heat off in your house and use the savings to buy a better seat. If they don't make the choice to do that, I'll take it away from them and charge as much as I have to for the cheapest ticket to force them into better seats. They need to watch hockey more than they need basic things like food, shelter, and heat. I plan to exploit that. Many a man has made himself extra wealthy by exploiting the addictions of the weak. Thats what I'm going to do."

Petelington also announced that Oiler games will no longer be shown on live T.V. and he won't allow any type of broadcasting equipement in the building. Games will be taped by his own personal assistant and sold on DVD at Rexall drug stores in Edmonton the next day on view once and blow up DVD's.