Dealing with heartbreak - put your advice or tips here

[Flame Of Liberty]

I think the lesson we all learned here is - never get emotionally attached. Or, if you must, choose something that cannot leave you. Like a water bottle, for example.

[bigtmac19]

Wow what great advice and help in this thread. CP is great.
One more thing, make sure you watch out for signs of depression, just be careful.
Not eating, sleeping, lack of concentration stuff like that. For the first while is somewhat normal, just make sure it doesn't get worse or go too long.

[loob job]

Definitely don't talk to your ex. I made that mistake and talked to her for a year after the breakup and couldn't get over her. Ever since we stopped talking a few years ago I have moved on. Have a great g/f now and hopefully will be engaged soon. It does suck but time does heal, you have to allow time to work though. Talking for a year like I did made time stand still, therefore no healing.

[Ronald Pagan]

Sever the limb.

No recently broken up person heeds this advice which is idiotic.

You are broken up, buck up, and sever that limb.

Cut all contact. ALL CONTACT.

Do not ever try to talk, see, facebook etc. with them again. Resist all urges initially and you will get over them in the fastest possible timeframe. After which you will be pain free and ready to live your life.

If you do contact them you are only prolonging the pain and the inevitability of getting over them. Don't be stupid.

[CaptainCrunch]

Things I hate

The expectation from the other half that the wounded party is willing to be friends afterwards. Thats right sister, I'd like nothing better then to go to lunch with someone who tore my heart out and took a bite out of it so that she can talk about her latest boyfriend and expect me to be supportive.

The drunken phonecalls, weepy phonecalls where she tells me that she misses me, that I was so good to her, and can we give it another chance. Its the worlds biggest pricktease so she can feel good about herself. Sorry, no, chances are I'm going to lie to you, rail the crap out of you leave and change my phone number.

The expectation that the dumpee has to be the bigger person, you know, be the mature one. Hey look she feels pretty pumped up on the self esteem train because she dumped you, and then she or her friends giggle about it whenever they see you, or if your dating someone else, it must be an overcompensation to get over her. Sorry sister, I don't see your face when I'm doing her, I don't sit at home and listen to some sappy crap album while I stare at her picture and load a single bullet into a gun. You weren't the end all and be all, I was over you the minute you ended things, I'm dating this girl because I'm free from your influence.

When its over its over, both parties should walk away, burn their numbers, email addresses, facebook contents, take any joint pictures or anything that reminds you that she was in your life ever and toss em out. Shared friends, she can have em. Relationships don't define you ever, and they shouldn't rule your life when its over. Is it ok to feel sad, sure whatever, but take your couple of days, get drunk and move on.

[COGENT]

Travel to somewhere you have never been. It won't make you forget the person but it will certainly make you realize there is so much more than that person.

[BuzzardsWife]

MIssKat!! this is advice I give all my heartbroken friends..Remember the BAD times, not the GOOD Times!! it seems we all dwell on all the great things about a broken relationship instead of thinking about all the crappy parts about it..trust me, this helps!

[return to the red]

here's my advice that I used to help me feel better when my wife dropped the bomb on me and up and left.

The first thing you need to do is realize that it will be a difficult time. It's ok to devote some time to the situation but only do it for about 5 minutes a day. It's not easy to just up and forget about it so acknowledge it and then start doing something else. Acknowledging it and devoting a little bit of time to it lets you release some frustartions and emotions and then allows you to continue on with the day.

Talk with someone if you really feel the need to. Family and Friends are great but a third party that is not related to the situation is even better. They offer an outsiders point of view and are there to not make any judgements but just listen.

If you feel like listening to sad songs, aggressive songs, whatever do it. Don't keep your feelings bottled up inside. The quicker you can get in touch with all your emotions and acknowledge them the better. It's difficult but sometimes it's harder to keep those feelings bottled up than let them out.

My last piece of advice is trying to keep active and stay positive. believe me I know that it seems like your world has come crashing down but know that there is something better out there for you. The world works in mysterious ways.

I should mention I've been seperated for 10 months now and never thought I would be able to find another person like my ex but low and behold I've met someone that has made me realize that there were so many things lacking in my marriage and AI wasn't getting out of it that now I'm happier then I've been in a long time.

Chin up, you'll be fine and good luck

[troutman]

Old German saying:

Other mothers have nice daughters [sons] as well.

[J pold]

Stole this quote from The Sopranos:

"Sometimes I go about in pity for myself, and all the while a great wind is bearing me across the sky."

[mykalberta]

Cannot say I have really had my heart broken as the longest relationship I had was about 14 months and I ended for a few different reasons that I knew early on but thought I could work past them.

For my I just move on, I get rid of everything that reminds me of her; photos (except racy ones ) things that remind me etc.

I am not someone that thinks you need to get out for some fun just to forget about someone. I usually take a few weeks off of anything dating related after and just relax with my friends.

Forgot....
One thing to try for the first person you date after, is choose a completely different hair colour than the previous one. I find this helps in the forgetting/not picturing her etc.

[bigtmac19]

Originally Posted by Ronald Pagan

Sever the limb.

No recently broken up person heeds this advice which is idiotic.

You are broken up, buck up, and sever that limb.

Cut all contact. ALL CONTACT.

Do not ever try to talk, see, facebook etc. with them again. Resist all urges initially and you will get over them in the fastest possible timeframe. After which you will be pain free and ready to live your life.

If you do contact them you are only prolonging the pain and the inevitability of getting over them. Don't be stupid.

I got sucked into this, it's definitely a no-no. Nothing like re-opening that wound time and time again. I would have moved on a lot faster otherwise. I wasn't the one doing the contacting, it was my ex, and I kept expecting it to mean more than it did, which was stupid. I truly regret all the time I wasted with that.

[4X4]

My buddy had a moment of weakness this weekend... We were having a great time at a pub and then out of nowhere, he decides to start drunk-texting his ex. He woke up the next day with a bad case of retro-cringe.
Nothing is worse than getting drunk and professing your feelings to your ex. There should be breathalyzers on cell phones. Ditto facebook and email.

[kermitology]

When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

Just make sure you don't spend time alone at home. Call friends, beg them to spend time with you if you have to.

[J pold]

You know it's funny I've been through 2 pretty significant break ups, but I'm still good friends with both girls. Initially I tried to distant myself but it wasn't until I was able to confront them just as a friend and be totally comfortable with it, that I knew I had really moved on.

[MissKat]

Originally Posted by GoinAllTheWay

Are you feeling a tad pessimistic? that's not surprising all things considered. I put the in places I didn't really agree with. I think the spirit of your survey is if a person can change or not and I say yes, if the really want to, anyone can change themselves. If you want to be optimistic, I really think you need to surround yourself with positive people. Hanging around negative people is a REAL drain.

The thing that sucks the most about losing a relationship is this. There are places all over the world that can teach you to gain things, there are NONE that teach you how to lose things. I think this is why most have a really tough time with break ups. It sucks, it has to be one of the worst feelings ever. Ever wonder why the loss hurts so much? Recently saw a show that found that strong feelings like jealousy (a common emotion during breakups) is processed in the same part of the brain that processes pain so it does actually manifest itself physically, really crappy side affect.

Been down that road many times. Every time I've come out the other side just fine. Takes a while but we all get there. Can't stress enough about the hanging out with positive people though.

Pessimistic behaviour im relating to my ex - he is an EXTREME pessismist. Im not focusing on him, but more so this type of behaviour. I was told from many people, that one of the best ways to help me out is to look at the biggest negatives about the relationship - and that was his pessismistic nature. Once you look at it, you will only see the positive big picture in the long run and becoming a better person from all of this.

[STeeLy]

Originally Posted by bigtmac19

I got sucked into this, it's definitely a no-no. Nothing like re-opening that wound time and time again. I would have moved on a lot faster otherwise. I wasn't the one doing the contacting, it was my ex, and I kept expecting it to mean more than it did, which was stupid. I truly regret all the time I wasted with that.

Yeah, I was like you too. I didn't talk to her for months after the break up and had to work. Then when school started up again, she talked to me, no big deal, then she invited my roommate and I over for dinner and I thought I could do it, but when I saw her, everything came flooding back.

Now, it's Lent, I can use it as an excuse to stay off facebook and MSN, pretty much barring any communcation with almost the entire world (except through calling, texting and of course, forums). This has helped me immensely, as there is absolutely nothing that reminds me of her and life is much much easier.

[MissKat]

Thanks everyone for the support and filling out the survey. This read has been a great help and only given me more motivation in moving forward.

[Cowboy89]

Originally Posted by BuzzardsWife

MIssKat!! this is advice I give all my heartbroken friends..Remember the BAD times, not the GOOD Times!! it seems we all dwell on all the great things about a broken relationship instead of thinking about all the crappy parts about it..trust me, this helps!

I would agree with this approach in the short term because any reminder of good times with someone who you still have unresolved feelings for will be either depressing or will foster 'we can get back together' thoughts until one is fully recovered.

However long term it is always good to remember good times had. Personally when times get rough in the present (not necessarily relationship trouble, just general tough times) I like to remember some of my good dating/relationship experiences among other fond memories of family, friends, travel, or anything really where I recall feeling really good. Those memories/experiences remind me that while things in the present might not be optimal, I can endure and there can and will be more good times.

I would also like to agree with those who suggest spending time with friends, family doing activities instead of dwelling on it. One time a while ago I got dumped on a Saturday morning in May (Even when the relationship didn't last over a year, it still is taxing to even the most confident person's self esteem to be dumped by someone). A couple friends of mine at the time were in the midst of a weekend project that I had turned down helping them with because I was supposed to be off with the gf that weekend. Right after getting dumped, I thought that the best thing I could do for myself to keep my mind from dwelling on it was to call them up and offer a hand. After a couple of day's labor, building a residential fence in the hot late-spring sun, drinking beer, and enjoying BBQ dinners with my good friends, somehow things came into a broader perspective and while not competely mended I felt ready to resume regular life's activities with the same amount of enthusiasm again.

The first 24 to 72 hours are probably the most critical. Regardless of how you choose to spend that time period whether it be lying in bed depressed or helping build a fence, the shock and self-pity will be over after such time. Personally I would rather be building a fence.

[MissKat]

Last night and today has been rough, having trouble keeping the thoughts away Sat night was great though.