Dealing with heartbreak - put your advice or tips here

[MissKat]

Im not wanting to talk about what happened or disclose details (I did this already Fri and Sat, with my GREAT and amazing family and let it all out). Fri evening and all throughout the night into the morning and afternoon of Sat was possibly the worst time of my life.

Im just at the part where ive finally gotten all my tears out and have finally gotten myself together, enough to go about my daily activities. So Im just looking forward from here on in.

This thread is strictly for those of you who have gone through heartbreak and how you have dealt and overcome it and would like to pass some kind advice to another CPer. It would be MUCH appreciated.

Right now, the most common tip Im getting from my family is to keep my mind occupied on something else. Obviously, its not easy, and you may go one day blowing away the thoughts with ease, and others where it will be an absolute nightmare. Its definitely an up and down procedure in overcoming heartbreak.

Right now when I have the thoughts start to wander on the back of my mind - Im just shaking my head and then immediately forcing myself to jump to another thought. Whether I have to stop doing what im doing and walk a few steps, then so be it.

Thanks

PS - thank god I have an xbox and PS3, video games are amazing for taking your mind off things.

[pepper24]

Hookers and Blow?

[Deelow]

Social networking sites can be a constant reminder. You may want to rid your life of facebook for a while..or at least de-friend the ex....and resist all urges to make contact.

[Otto-matic]

Originally Posted by MissKat

Im not wanting to talk about what happened or disclose details (I did this already Fri and Sat, with my GREAT and amazing family and let it all out). Im just at the part where ive finally gotten all my tears out and have finally gotten myself together, enough to go about my daily activities. So Im just looking forward from here on in.

This thread is strictly for those of you who have gone through heartbreak and how you have dealt and overcome it and would like to pass some kind advice to another CPer. It would be MUCH appreciated.

Right now, the most common tip Im getting from my family is to keep my mind occupied on something else. Obviously, its not easy, and you may go one day blowing away the thoughts with ease, and others where it will be an absolute nightmare. Its definitely an up and down procedure in overcoming heartbreak.

Right now when I have the thoughts start to wander on the back of my mind - Im just shaking my head and then immediately forcing myself to jump to another thought. Whether I have to stop doing what im doing and walk a few steps, then so be it.

Thanks

Sorry to hear that MissKat.

I agree with Deelow just shut out the ex and try your best to stay positive through the hard time.

[Blaster86]

Originally Posted by Deelow

Social networking sites can be a constant reminder. You may want to rid your life of facebook for a while..or at least de-friend the ex....and resist all urges to make contact.

This.

One thousand times this.

[Sainters7]

Hanging out with friends/family alot, and just all-in-all being social really helped me. If I was at home alone I'd just sit there & mull about it and get myself all depressed.

[Jing]

Originally Posted by Blaster86

This.

One thousand times this.

Definitely. Facebook is very bad for situations like this.

[MissKat]

Originally Posted by Deelow

Social networking sites can be a constant reminder. You may want to rid your life of facebook for a while..or at least de-friend the ex....and resist all urges to make contact.

I dont have facebook or myspace. But thanks for the tip.

[bigtmac19]

Definitely try to keep busy, spend lots of time with friends to keep you from thinking about it too much.
I'm sorry MissKat, I wish you brighter days ahead for sure.

[Kybosh]

I would suggest doing physical activities. Either things that you have always enjoyed doing or some sort of new activity that you would've maybe never thought about trying. If its something new, consider registering/taking a course with other people as a new activity is more fun when everyone is starting at the same level. I have some social anxiety issues but this kind of mentality has gotten me to try a variety of things I never, ever, thought I would do.

[jeremywilhelm]

Usually physically destroying something that they value usually makes me feel better.

[Resolute 14]

I know that when one of my best friends got dumped by her husband, the happiest I saw her in the first two months after was when she went out and tried something she always wanted to do - in this case, take a flight lesson. So my suggestion is to do something like that. Find something you always wanted to do, but never did, and do it. It'll help you begin to develop a life of your own, separate from the person who broke your heart.

[MissKat]

Originally Posted by Kybosh

I would suggest doing physical activities. Either things that you have always enjoyed doing or some sort of new activity that you would've maybe never thought about trying. If its something new, consider registering/taking a course with other people as a new activity is more fun when everyone is starting at the same level. I have some social anxiety issues but this kind of mentality has gotten me to try a variety of things I never, ever, thought I would do.

Thats a very good idea, to try something new that ive been wanting to do and havent gotten around to. However, I cant even think of a single thing.

[Kybosh]

Originally Posted by MissKat

Thats a very good idea, to try something new that ive been wanting to do and havent gotten around to. However, I cant even think of a single thing.

Some ideas:
1) Yoga
2) Martial Arts (Capoeira, Karate, Tae Kwon Do etc.)
3) Cycling/spin classes
4) Intramural sports (hockey, frisbee, soccer etc.)
5) Rock climbing - I actually can't emphasize this one enough. I never thought I would ever do this a few years ago but now it is one of my passions and favourite thing to do. Take an intro to climbing course and you will love it.

[The Yen Man]

I feel for you MissKat. I'm going through some pretty rough heartbreak right now too. It's still so raw, it really does suck. All my life I've been pretty emotionally sheltered, so man this one hit me like a ton of bricks!

I think talking to friends and family helps a ton. And yes, Facebook is bad, really bad. There's constant reminders all over the place there.

But people tell me going to the gym really helps. I just have to get off my butt and actually go! Hope everything works out for you MK! Remember, it may be low now, but when you hit the high again, man it'll feel real good!

[Nehkara]

Firstly, I am very sorry that you have to go through this MissKat.

I have gone through it several times.

In my experience, close and continued contact with friends helps a lot. Sometimes you just need to lean on those around you who love you and let them take your mind off things.

After some significant time it can help to be a bit introspective and examine what exactly happened so that you can grow from the experience, but that isn't now.

Your best bet is, as you mentioned, to keep yourself occupied... and take it easy on yourself, don't add any undue strain to your already emotionally battered self.

[MissKat]

If some of you dont mind, could you please fill out this survey? Just want to get some thoughts on extremely pessismitc people. Answer Y or N to each one on whether you agree or disagree. I got it from a site.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Pessimism starts at home, in the from of self-pity and suchlike. They are dangerous people. Beware! =

Those who seek only sympathy often can't see others happy =


Pessimists can be just as happy in life as optimists. =

Pessimists are often in denial of living an unhappy life.

Extreme pessimists are highly unlikely to change their behaviour alone =

Extreme pessimists are highly unlikely to change their behaviour even with support from friends and family =

Pessimistic behaviour is a sign of in-security =

Pessimistic behaviour is a sign of depression =

Pessimistic behaviour is a sign of loneliness =

Associating with extremely pessimistic people will most likely be a bad infleunce towards you =

Pessimistic people act that way because it has been in-grained into them since childhood by family and/or surroundings. To them, pessimism is the only lifestyle they've known =

Pessimistic people only prepare for the worst case scenario in a situation and just have a bad reputation =




A BIG THANKS TO ANY OF YOU WHO ARE WILLING TO FILL IT OUT.

[FlamingLonghorn]

i am very unhealthy when it comes to heartbreak. I bury myself in work (not a bad thing) and sleep around a lot (very bad thing, doesn't help either).

[Maritime Q-Scout]

First of all I'm sorry to hear about your current situation, been there, done that, it sucks.

Essentially to me you're asking two questions. What should you do to help cope, and what did I do? Thing is they're two different answers.

First of all, the try new things, keep yourself occupied approach is great. Go out with friends, play board games, play video games, watch movies, visit family that you mean to visit but never seem to have the time. You want to surround yourself with positive things (mind you I'd argue this should be done regardless of heartbreak or not, we all to often forget this).

You won't forget completely, and it will take time to heal and get over.

Something cool to do is make new friends. In a few months or years time you'll look back and you won't be able to fathom how your new friend(s) that you're so close with weren't in your life while you were dating your ex.

Set goals, figure out a few things that you really want to do, or never took the opportunity to do (I don't what there is to do in Calgary in the winter, go exploring COP, can you go down the bobsleigh track?) Set goals accomplish said goals, it'll make you feel better, plus you'll have more experiences and some cool memories.

Now for what I did. Drink. A lot. I mean a lot. Don't do that. That's basically how I coped. Sure it might help temporarily ease the pain, but I'm a much more cynical person now when it comes to relationships than I used to be.

The fact you've been talking it out with lots of people is a good thing, don't limit yourself to a few people here and there. I also did that, it doesn't work too well.

The biggest thing right now is to remember it's ok to be upset, and it's ok to feel like you're heart's been ripped out, torn up, and spat upon. But it's also ok to go out and do fun things and try to be happy even if momentarily.

[Maritime Q-Scout]

I post, and then I get homework

what the hell is this? Happy things!!!! You're supposed to be doing happy things, assigning homework isn't happy!

_____________________


Pessimism starts at home, in the from of self-pity and suchlike. They are dangerous people. Beware! = Yes

Those who seek only sympathy often can't see others happy = No

Pessimists can be just as happy in life as optimists. = No

Pessimists are often in denial of living an unhappy life. = No

Extreme pessimists are highly unlikely to change their behaviour alone = Yes

Extreme pessimists are highly unlikely to change their behaviour even with support from friends and family = Yes

Pessimistic behaviour is a sign of in-security = Yes(doesn't mean everyone is though)

Pessimistic behaviour is a sign of depression = Yes(doesn't mean everyone is though)

Pessimistic behaviour is a sign of loneliness = Yes (doesn't mean everyone is though)

Associating with extremely pessimistic people will most likely be a bad infleunce towards you = Yes

Pessimistic people act that way because it has been in-grained into them since childhood by family and/or surroundings. To them, pessimism is the only lifestyle they've known = No

Pessimistic people only prepare for the worst case scenario in a situation and just have a bad reputation = No