Random Thoughts Thread - Page 50 - Calgarypuck Forums - The Unofficial Calgary Flames Fan Community

photon · 01-24-2009, 11:35 AM

Have to agree with that, you don't just marry the girl you marry into the family too. And differences in religion are easy to ignore until the first day you discuss how to bring up the kids.

Unless you both don't want kids, then just elope and move to Australia.

burn_this_city · 01-24-2009, 11:38 AM

We both have the same values. It just boils down to her family disowning her if she married me and I was a non-muslim.

FireFly · 01-24-2009, 11:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by burn_this_city

I wouldnt care if she took them to church. I grew up in a staunch catholic house and it probably helped shape my morality. I would expect her to allow them to make their own decisions later in life about their faith. Besides if I really thought it was going to last I would probably convert to her faith anyhow.

So why does the family need to know at all? Can't you just say I was raised a Catholic and leave it at that? Or is she Muslim and that won't fly either? And how weak are your beliefs that you'd just convert to whatever your spouse is regardless? I'm confused. If she's so perfect, then why don't you fight for it?

Edit: Ohhhhh... She is a Muslim.

burn_this_city · 01-24-2009, 11:43 AM

Shes not even very devout, drinks occasionally, hardly attends the services. Its just the fact if I didnt convert we couldnt marry due to overbearing family members. She is afraid to become attached because if I didnt convert down the road we would have to end it.

FireFly · 01-24-2009, 11:46 AM

Gotta love families that pull out the disown card over religion.

photon · 01-24-2009, 11:49 AM

ResAlien · 01-24-2009, 12:26 PM

What the hell happened to Saturday morning cartoons? They suck now. I'm so raven? Not even a cartoon! Gotta find the good old stuff for my daughter...

JohnnyB · 01-24-2009, 12:29 PM

So this is totally random, but I'm looking for some confirmation that there are some other guys out there like me.

Tonight, I was at the bar without my fiance (it's the start of Chinese New Year and she's home with her family). I was there in a group of about 25 people who I know, both men and women. There's this one girl, who is really hot, who has really been suggesting to me that she wants to hook up. Actually, she wrote me an email to say as much. She was out tonight, and all night long she was making moves on me. I'd be in the middle of conversation with somebody and I'd find that my fingers were being bitten and sucked on behind this person's back all of a sudden kind moves. I told her the deal: "I have been in long term relationships since I was 14. In a decade + of those relationships I have never cheated on a girl, even as far as kissing another girl, and I never plan to. There's no way that anything is happening unless it's a threesome with my girl and she is cool with that" (my girl is into threesomes, but not with this chick because she knows this girl has a thing for me). She told me she just wanted to hook up tonight, that she wanted to have sex, and that nobody would know afterwards (her and my girl have no mutual friends or other ways of it getting back to her). I repeatedly laid things out to her, and she said that she wanted me so bad she would wait for me and I could just have her any time. I tried to let her down as easily as possible while still saying "there's no way I'm betraying my girl". It was not comfortable, and not fun.
I have no doubt in my decision. I have strong values, and I am proud to stand by them because I believe in them. I'm just curious how many other guys out there think I made the right choice, or how many think I should have done it. Most of the guys I know would have done it, pretty much for sure. What does CP think?

metallicat · 01-24-2009, 12:36 PM

Good on you I say.

Lanny'sDaMan · 01-24-2009, 12:37 PM

You sir are a very very good man. I like to think I would have done the same in your position, but having never been in such I cannot for certain say.

Many kudos to you.

STeeLy · 01-24-2009, 12:38 PM

I'd agree with oilers_fan... good for you for standing your ground! Not many men can resist sex offered to them... with or without a girlfriend/fiance

ResAlien · 01-24-2009, 12:39 PM

Hey, you've got morals. That's good, run with it.

And you've got a girl that's already down with threesomes? Man, you need to be at the basement of that chicken joint, not out at a bar without your lady

In the same situation I'd be in the confession thread posting the "So I'd never cheated on my girl before..." story. Good job I guess.

Phanuthier · 01-24-2009, 12:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JohnnyB

I have no doubt in my decision. I have strong values, and I am proud to stand by them because I believe in them. I'm just curious how many other guys out there think I made the right choice, or how many think I should have done it. Most of the guys I know would have done it, pretty much for sure. What does CP think?

I know some here will have funnier responses, but quite frankly, I feel bad for the girl. I dunno if she is either infatuated with you or will do this to any other guy, but I feel bad for her either way. I think you made the right choice for sure, between having a great girl to have a relationship with or a one night stand, I'd pick having a great relationship.

JohnnyB · 01-24-2009, 01:01 PM

I'm really glad to get some positive responses to my choice. I knew there would be some people who support that decision, but I also wonder how many really think otherwise. My best friend here is pretty much a womanizer who definitely would have done it. Another of my good friends in in the middle of a divorce and is in a state of amorality (not that I'm judging other choices) where I'm certain he would have done it as well. Furthermore, I'm pretty confident that pretty much any of my male Chinese friends would have done it without thinking to much about it, and that they'll think I'm kind of an idiot for not doing it. I believe in strong personal values, but I also recognize that values are social and I'm happy to have support from an online community where a real-life community would maybe not be so agreeable.
Cheers.

JohnnyB · 01-24-2009, 01:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Phanuthier

I know some here will have funnier responses, but quite frankly, I feel bad for the girl. I dunno if she is either infatuated with you or will do this to any other guy, but I feel bad for her either way. I think you made the right choice for sure, between having a great girl to have a relationship with or a one night stand, I'd pick having a great relationship.

I feel bad for her too. I tried to be as easy as possible in rejecting her, but how easy can that be. Her and I had been pretty cool with each other previously too. We'd gotten tattoos together and all, which is pretty extreme for a Chinese girl.

missdpuck · 01-24-2009, 01:07 PM

You're awesome Johnny. Really impressed by that and also by the guys who agree with your stance.

JohnnyB · 01-24-2009, 01:12 PM

Thanks. I certainly do appreciate that. To be honest I expected most women to be supportive. That's valuable in itself, but it's the men who I wonder about really agreeing with me or not.

missdpuck · 01-24-2009, 01:18 PM

I can understand that. I can think of guys who would call you gay or whatever for not taking advantage. Ha let them say that when they've ruined a good thing!

calgaryrocks · 01-24-2009, 02:37 PM

way to go JonnyB! totally respectful what you did, i havent been in the situation, but would like to think i wouldve done the same. more guys should be like this, and there are definitly some, like myself, that would hope they could resist that temptation and be faithful to thier girlfriend/fiancee/wife.

GreenTeaFrapp · 01-24-2009, 03:04 PM

JohnnyB, you did the right thing. Even though you might think it would never get back to your fiance, you can never be 100% sure. And, even if she'll never know, you know and unless you're a complete A-hole, you'll have to feel some guilt sooner or later.

Then look at what happens if you did go through with it. What if she was terrible? Would you have wanted to cheat and end up having a terrible time?

Or even worse, what if it was more AMAZING then anything you've ever had before? What do you do then? Stay with the finance and always wish she was as amazing or go with this other woman who you may have little in common with other then a physical attraction?

As far as I'm concerned cheaters are just weak, selfish people. If you want to be with someone else, break it off with who you are with and then get someone else.