When Your Brain Comes to a Screeching Halt....

[T@T]

My Brain comes to a Screeching halt every time I hear an athlete who has just inflicted pain on another human say:

Well, first I would like to thank god.......

[LChoy]

Originally Posted by LGA

Oh, another thing my old landlord said that made me go "WTF?"

We asked her if we could have a cat, she answered with "No, cats make girls infertile!" she then went on a 50 minute rant about it. I was very confused.

Technically, she may be referring to the risk of Taxoplasmosis to pregnant women
It is advisable that women who are pregnant or trying to conceive avoid changing the cat litter

http://www.cdc.gov/toxoplasmosis/pregnant.html

[habernac]

Originally Posted by T@T

My Brain comes to a Screeching halt every time I hear an athlete who has just inflicted pain on another human say:

Well, first I would like to thank god.......

I just get a sudden urge to throw up when I hear that.

[LGA]

Originally Posted by Lchoy

Technically, she may be referring to the risk of Taxoplasmosis to pregnant women
It is advisable that women who are pregnant or trying to conceive avoid changing the cat litter

http://www.cdc.gov/toxoplasmosis/pregnant.html

I wish, she did literally go on a 50 minute rant about how cats are the worlds evil, and how they make women infertile as a way to control humans. I mean, if it weren`t for the fact that she was my landlord, I probably would have found it very amusing.

[Ford Prefect]

I was stopped at a roadside rest area in Nebraska once, sitting on the hood of my car smoking a cigarette (so shoot me), when a local came up to mooch a smoke off me. While I was getting it out for him, he looked down at my license plate (Alberta still had front plates at the time) and noticed I was from Alberta.

I know this will sound like a cliche American joke, but this is what followed. The guy saw Alberta on my plate and said "Oh, I know where that is ... it's by Calgary. You guys had the winter Olympics a few years ago. That's in Canada isn't it?"

I confirmed this to be all more or less true, at which point he got a confused look on his face and asked, "So how did ya'll get down here anyway?" I'm still sitting on the hood of my car, speechless at this point. After getting my brain in gear again, I told him I snowmobiled to the border and swapped my snowmobile for the car I was sitting on.

[GreenTeaFrapp]

I once overheard a Future Shop sales geek tell a potential customer that if they didn't get the matching HP monitor for their HP computer then they "wouldn't get all the colours".

[Buff]

Originally Posted by GreenTeaFrapp

I once overheard a Future Shop sales geek tell a potential customer that if they didn't get the matching HP monitor for their HP computer then they "wouldn't get all the colours".

I was recently checking out wireless routers at Future Shop. The clerk asked if I needed help and I said no, but he continued to comment on the routers anyway. Evidently Wireless G routers can only put out a signal within the same room. I then said, "I suppose my wife bought and installed one for each room in the house because I only installed one". He just said "Thats probably what happened". I just walked away thinking that I should've told him that I'm a network admin when he tried to keep telling me about their routers.

[driveway]

While working in a wine shop I was asked by a customer what the difference is between merlot and wine.

Although. that's not really brain-screeching, more just jaw-dropping.

Brain screeching...

"We should invade their countries, kill their leaders, and convert them to Christianity." - Ann Coulter.

[Titan]

Originally Posted by Buff

I was recently checking out wireless routers at Future Shop. The clerk asked if I needed help and I said no, but he continued to comment on the routers anyway. Evidently Wireless G routers can only put out a signal within the same room. I then said, "I suppose my wife bought and installed one for each room in the house because I only installed one". He just said "Thats probably what happened". I just walked away thinking that I should've told him that I'm a network admin when he tried to keep telling me about their routers.

Or just punch him in the face. Maybe you could get 4x4 to do it for you?

[sureLoss]

Sent to me in an e-mail:

I was in biology class once, and the teacher said there was sugar in sperm
And a girl asked why doesn't it taste sweet then
When she realised what she said her face became red like a spanked monkey ass
Then the teacher said, because you taste sweetness with the front of your tongue, not the part of your tongue back in your throat
The girl started crying and left class

[flip]

Originally Posted by sureLoss

Sent to me in an e-mail:

Honest to god a story exactly like that happened to me in Bio 30 at St Francis in the fall semester 2001. Mrs Doherty was my teacher.

She mentioned that it has lots of glucose in it to supply the sperm with energy and a girl blurted out "so that's why it is sweet". I guess she got it in a fashion that allowed the front of her tongue to taste the sweetness.

[Antithesis]

Both my brain and my vehicle come to a screeching halt when I am driving in the left lane on Deerfoot and I see people behind me trying to pass.

[Bobblehead]

I was riding the train down the coast of California, and during the meal ended up sitting with a couple other Canadians and a guy from New Jersey. Everyone was chatting away, and the Jersey fella said, "I've thought about driving my van through Canada, is it safe?"

I guess he realized he said something wrong when there was silence; so he piped in, "I mean do you have any police up there?"

[troutman]

Years ago at a poker game, our friend "Tex" had to much to drink and passed out at the table. Some time later he revived himself, and blurted out "King Of The Moles".

To this day, we wonder what kind of strange fantasies he must have had about ruling his underground kingdom of moles and his twelve-nippled queens.

[flylock shox]

Originally Posted by Bobblehead

I was riding the train down the coast of California, and during the meal ended up sitting with a couple other Canadians and a guy from New Jersey. Everyone was chatting away, and the Jersey fella said, "I've thought about driving my van through Canada, is it safe?"

I guess he realized he said something wrong when there was silence; so he piped in, "I mean do you have any police up there?"

Must have confused us with Alaska. Which I guess is understandable.

[Kipper is King]

When I worked at a bookstore, I was talking to a customer who was looking for books on education, and she explained she wanted to be a teacher. I told her my parents were teachers. She scowled at me...

Her: "So your parents are part of the system designed to make kids today stupid?"

Me: "What? Excuse me?"

Her: "The school system today is filled with overpaid, lazy teachers who do nothing but make kids feel dumb. I want to revolutionize teaching as we know it."

She then lambasted me, without prompting of any sort, for being "poorly educated", and that she "felt sorry for me".

She then handed me a business card, before going off to tell my manager what a "poorly educated child" I was.

The really funny part came when we all looked at the business card later. Her name was stated as being "Dr." (somebody)! On the back were her credentials, including a PHD in "ME"!

A doctorate in herself? That must mean she knows herself really well. But then, why didn't she realize she was insane?

[Kipper is King]

Oh, also in that bookstore:

A customer wanted to see some maps of England. I lead him to them.

He then stared at them with a confused, and bewildered look on his face. I asked him if anything was wrong. He then stated "I can't believe I went underwater!". I asked him what he meant, and he explained to me he went on the Chunnel train from London to Paris a couple weeks previously, and that he had no idea the tunnel went under the ocean! He was genuinly surprised that England was not connected by land to the continent! :-O

I left him alone, politely excusing myself, where I walked into the back room and laughed so hard I was crying!

At the game last night, someone behind me screams:

"SCORE THE PUCK!"

stoopid Edmonton fans....

[Weiser Wonder]

A friend of mine was studying abroad and was taking a train from Prague into Belguim when the train stopped. Two girls are having a conversation about why the train stopped:

Girl 1: Why is the train stopped?
Girl 2: It's stopped for the time zone change.

[I-Hate-Hulse]

I was at the game last week and my buddy brought his g/f to the game. Never met her, but she was a real wildcat this one. You know the type - flirty, gregarious, not afraid to say anything, and loud.

Anyways, she's talking to me and running some smack on her b/f (who's sitting between us) and says very loudly:

"Well he's got a big problem with performance anxiety. Trust me, nothing he's done outside of work OR IN BED for that matter has really lit up my world"

He replies back "Oh yeah? The windows were open last summer, the neighbors seemed entertained pretty good! She's a screamer."

Right then and there I could see heads in the 2 rows ahead of us forget about the game for a moment and swivel towards us to get a better listen - like windmills turning to catch a better breeze. Followed by a "casual" look back to look at the girl a few moment later.

Classic!