CP! I need some advice....

[Winsor_Pilates]

I think you need to judge your current relationship on it alone and the old fling can't be a consideration.
If your current relationship isn't strong enough to fight temptation, then end it. If it's not this fling, it will be another down the road. You need to be able to fight temptation before commiting to the current one.

[kipperiggy]

Having just ended a similar, almost 3 year relationship just last week, I can tell you that there is a good chance that the feeling is mutual if you feel the relationship has gone stale. Not necessarily, but a chance. I would say you and your current girl need to have some discussion on where your relationship is going, because I mean, after 3 years if it's not going anywhere, is there even a point to it?

Not trying to sway you either way, just the thoughts that popped into my head.

[BuzzardsWife]

Here's some advice from an old and somewhat wise mom. You are young and not married. You are still living at home I presume. You and your current girlfriend have no serious commitments, no engagement. I don't see a thing wrong with you meeting this girl privately for a coffee or a drink somewhere. Maybe after spending a few hours with her you'll get more of a feel for where you two could go from here. Some would say it's cheating, but if you're not doing anything wrong but having a coffee together you are not hurting anyone. I think it would be alot different if you had plans to spend your future together, but you have no plans so far. You are young. I think you should explore your options. I made the mistake of not doing this same thing at one point in my life and regretted it for many years. You are only young once, you don't have alot of responsibilities and trust me, one day you'll be married to someone and you'll always at least wonder what if.

[ok, ok,....I get it]

Originally Posted by bigalspratty

Im 24, looking to move out on my own soon. As far as the dating scenario goes, we've done some travelling together, staying inside North America.
She hates the word marriage, so I don't think thats in her immediate future.

24...good god man....the world is your oyster....get out there......

[Bill Bumface]

You already have two of the ingredients, the only thing missing is one cup.

[octothorp]

Let me ask you this: if On & Off Girl hadn't come along and expressed her feelings, would you honestly still break up with your current girlfriend? Or is On & Off girl causing you to imagine some perfect relationship that your current situation will never be able to live up to?

It's important that you evaluate a relationship on the basis of what it is, what it means to you, what it can mean for your future; evaluate being with her against not being with her. If you can honestly say that, regardless of any potential future with On & Off Girl, you'd still break up with your current girlfriend, then your choice is clear.

Otherwise, it means that you're breaking up with her because something better came along. Which is fine, but it involves an entirely different set of principles, since you're now acting purely out of self-interest. You need to remember that On & Off girl may have no interest in a relationship with you, or anything more than a casual, On & Off relationship. You also need to consider whether things with her will ever reach a similar staleness, and what would you do then? Some people are fortunate enough to go through their life involved in a meaningful relationship that never feels stale, but most people aren't so lucky, and chances are that whether with your current girlfriend, this old flame, or some other girl, you'll have to confront these sorts of issues.

[JiriHrdina]

Originally Posted by fotze

I actually went back and changed it to a for some reason after typing it correctly, just looks right with an a.

I can't spell that word to save my life. I just try to avoid it now at all costs. Resteraunt is another word I can't spell.

[Prototype]

Originally Posted by JiriHrdina

I can't spell that word to save my life. I just try to avoid it now at all costs. Resteraunt is another word I can't spell.

Way to stay on topic... LOL.

[JiriHrdina]

Originally Posted by Prototype

Way to stay on topic... LOL.

Meh. I'd give myself a blue square if only I could.

[BlackArcher101]

Originally Posted by octothorp

Let me ask you this: if On & Off Girl hadn't come along and expressed her feelings, would you honestly still break up with your current girlfriend? Or is On & Off girl causing you to imagine some perfect relationship that your current situation will never be able to live up to?

It's important that you evaluate a relationship on the basis of what it is, what it means to you, what it can mean for your future; evaluate being with her against not being with her. If you can honestly say that, regardless of any potential future with On & Off Girl, you'd still break up with your current girlfriend, then your choice is clear.

Otherwise, it means that you're breaking up with her because something better came along. Which is fine, but it involves an entirely different set of principles, since you're now acting purely out of self-interest. You need to remember that On & Off girl may have no interest in a relationship with you, or anything more than a casual, On & Off relationship. You also need to consider whether things with her will ever reach a similar staleness, and what would you do then? Some people are fortunate enough to go through their life involved in a meaningful relationship that never feels stale, but most people aren't so lucky, and chances are that whether with your current girlfriend, this old flame, or some other girl, you'll have to confront these sorts of issues.

Took the words right out of my mouth.

And I'm heavily against meeting the other girl for coffee. I'm not overly protective, but if my sig other started seeing someone else (because that's what it is), I'd be pretty pissed. Sure they aren't having sex... it's just coffee.. blah blah blah... I'm sorry, but if I love someone and they are going off with another person to "feel it out" then I'd be PO'd.

And I guarentee you that person will find out one way or another. Don't think you can hide anything like that forever.

[Phanuthier]

Originally Posted by BuzzardsWife

Here's some advice from an old and somewhat wise mom. You are young and not married. You are still living at home I presume. You and your current girlfriend have no serious commitments, no engagement. I don't see a thing wrong with you meeting this girl privately for a coffee or a drink somewhere. Maybe after spending a few hours with her you'll get more of a feel for where you two could go from here.

Thats actually pretty good advice. I ended a 2 year relationship like that once, except I was the "other guy." Girl goes stale with her relationship, I guess I was something different for all the things she didn't like about the current guy she was with, we went out for coffee and off things went.

Originally Posted by JiriHrdina

I can't spell that word to save my life. I just try to avoid it now at all costs. Resteraunt is another word I can't spell.

Originally Posted by Prototype

Way to stay on topic... LOL.

Originally Posted by JiriHrdina

Meh. I'd give myself a blue square if only I could.

Funny little exchange

[tvp2003]

Two points I'll add:

1. I'm also in the no department for going for coffee with the off/on girl -- it might seem innocent, but she's said she has feelings for you and you've already told us that you have feelings for her. That's a pretty slippery slope to tread -- too many red flags IMO.

2. The fact that your 3-year relationship has gone "stale" should be the starting point -- there will always be what if's, attractive people to date, people you may have had feelings for in the past (or in your case, still do). If you're happy with where you're going and want to stick it out, these things shouldn't and don't matter. However, if you're not happy, it's time to reconsider things regardless of whether or not there is another girl possibly waiting in the wings.

[return to the red]

I'll approach this from the other end of the spectrum. Recently (7 months ago) my wife and I seperated, she left because she said there was no spark anymore, relationship had gone stale, etc. Of course to me this was a shock as I thought we were great up until a month or so leading up.

Anyhow, she experessed to me that she never really had those feelings from the start...I know, why the hell did she say yes to marry me? I look back at it all and really do wish that she would have laid it out well before and not taken the steps to get married, build a house, etc.

Save yourself and the current GF alot of heartache and time, man up and do what needs to be done for your sake and hers. It's hard to let someone go but it's even harder to make a relatioship work with someone that you really don't want to have a realtionship with.

[PYroMaNiaC]

Originally Posted by BlackArcher101

.... Don't think you can hide anything like that forever.

Yes, you can. People really do only see what they want to see. If his coffee date shows him that really, he does have something solid and special with his current girlfriend, he'll have a renewed interest in their relationship. His current girlfriend will only appreciate the new attentiveness. It's highly unlikely that she'll question why and, if, on the off chance, she does say, "How come you're being so nice?", he can always say something mushy to distract her.

On the other hand, if his coffee date reveals to him that he genuinely wants outs of his current relationship, then his girlfriend will know, no matter how long he delays in ending things. He'll reveal his unhappiness in a million different ways and women just clue into the signals.

[SportsJunky]

Originally Posted by return to the red

I'll approach this from the other end of the spectrum. Recently (7 months ago) my wife and I seperated, she left because she said there was no spark anymore, relationship had gone stale, etc. Of course to me this was a shock as I thought we were great up until a month or so leading up.

Anyhow, she experessed to me that she never really had those feelings from the start...I know, why the hell did she say yes to marry me? I look back at it all and really do wish that she would have laid it out well before and not taken the steps to get married, build a house, etc.

Save yourself and the current GF alot of heartache and time, man up and do what needs to be done for your sake and hers. It's hard to let someone go but it's even harder to make a relatioship work with someone that you really don't want to have a realtionship with.

Wow. That's a raw deal you got there. This is a cliche but it is damned true - The best revenge is to live a good life.