help what do i do?

[Bagor]

Originally Posted by driveway

1. Irregardless is not a word. Never use it again. Ever.

Yes it is a word in casual use. Irregardless of whether or not it is a "standard" English word, it is nonetheless a word. End of story.

Originally Posted by driveway

2. You must be a dude. Pregnancy is totally an excuse, the woman has a four-pound parasite kicking her stomach from the inside.

Nothing to do with the fact I have bollocks (a slang "word"). Pregnancy is NOT an excuse to act like an ungrateful cow when someone is putting themselves out on their behalf. Pregnancy is NOT an excuse for acting like a spoiled brat.

Manners are easily carried.

[Flash]

Rant #1:
Im throwing my best friends baby shower and she is being SO demanding. Everything from her choosing the menu to her saying my centerpieces arent good enough to her telling me what to get for favors. She is one of my best friends and I know she's emotional cuz she's pregnant, but how do I tell her (without her freaking out at me) that she's being too demanding! I swear, she is expecting a baby shower that is fancier than most people's weddings. She emails me all the time to give me her suggestions.....she's usually an AMAZING friend..just her expectations are so high and with work, school, my dad's situation (he's suffering from cancer and I'm always thinkng about him), my brain's going to explode. I shouldve told her in the first place I couldnt do it, but i didnt realize how demanding she would be..i

I would tell her that you really want to give her an amazing shower, but with everything that's going on with you right now (explain about your other friend living with you & your dad), tell her that you're finding everything really overwhelming. Tell her you understand that she wants everything to be perfect but to trust you, that you'll make it as perfect as she wants, she just needs to give you some space to do it. If she's a real friend, she'll realize how overbearing she's being and back off a little bit.

Rant #2:
One of my friends is going through hard times...long story but she was the victim of domestic violence, and her family lives across the country in South Dakota. To make sure she was okay, my husband and I offered her our extra room for a few months, until she was able to get on her own feet (her ex boyfriend cleared out their bank account, left her with nothing, and at the time she only had a part time job because he was the breadwinner..they lived together). My husband is very generous and warm hearted and when we'd go out to eat, he wouldnt let her pay cuz he thought she would need her money....but now every time we go out, she claims to have forgotten her wallet or says she only has 3 bucks and I feel bad and offer to pay the rest. Mind you, the rest is only a couple of dollars (we usually eat at like Subway or Taco Bell or somewhere for lunch), but its getting to be too much. I dont want her to feel bad cuz I know she only makes 16 dollars an hour and works part time and saved that extra money to get her own apartment so she wouldnt have to move back to South Dakota with her parents. How do I tell her nicely without making her feel REALLY bad? This guy abused her physically, emoitonally, sexually, mentally so she's pretty fragile. I've referred her to several places for help (DV outreach and advocate places, counsellors etc), but she refuses to go. Her family doesnt help her much (they're very low income and she only has a mother who is on welfare and a sister who's underage so she cant do much). So Im pretty much her only source of support..emotional and financial.

First and foremost, I would stop eating out with her. If you and your husband want to go out for something to eat then go alone. Use the "couple time" as an excuse. Say you guys need some time to be alone, or that he's taking you out on a date or something like that that'll make it clear that it's just for you and him and she's not invited to come along. If she expresses the want to go out and get something to eat, then try telling her that you guys can't afford it right at that moment. There are lots of legit reasons you can give her, bills due, whatever, and if she wants to go out to eat then she'll go and pay for herself.

She needs to get help professionally though, it's not fair on you to be her sole support, it's draining on you (obviously), and she needs to try to find someone else that she can talk to. I'm not sure how long she's been staying with you guys, but she has to realize that she can't stay with you forever, she has to learn to be self-sufficient again. Sit down with her and kindly talk to her about her situation and how you think she needs to talk to someone who can help her in a professional way, a way you can't. If she finally listens to you then that person will definately tell her she needs to start helping herself.

Good luck to you, I hope everything works out for the best for you, your friends and your father.

[Devils'Advocate]

Originally Posted by Traditional_Ale

Its always good to help people, but it sounds like what this is costing in money and emotional energy would have been better dealt with another way.

Okay. I see where you are coming from. I read it differently than what you meant.

And I am very supportive of your campaign. Have we tried bribing Dion to change his avatar? I might be willing to pitch in....

[comrade]

Who pays for the baby shower? I would assume the pregnant woman does (or her husband and/or family), right?

[Flash]

Originally Posted by comrade

Who pays for the baby shower? I would assume the pregnant woman does (or her husband and/or family), right?

Nope...usually the person who is throwing it pays for it, as far as I know.

[Traditional_Ale]

Originally Posted by Devils'Advocate

Okay. I see where you are coming from. I read it differently than what you meant.

Happens all the time.

And I am very supportive of your campaign. Have we tried bribing Dion to change his avatar? I might be willing to pitch in....

If enough people put it in their signatures....

[comrade]

Originally Posted by Flash

Nope...usually the person who is throwing it pays for it, as far as I know.

Seriously? If you ask someone else to plan and pay for a party for you, how can you possibly justify demanding that it conform to what you want?

[Flash]

Originally Posted by comrade

Seriously? If you ask someone else to plan and pay for a party for you, how can you possibly justify demanding that it conform to what you want?

That's exactly the point...her friend isn't being much of a "friend" right now.

[comrade]

Originally Posted by Flash

That's exactly the point...her friend isn't being much of a "friend" right now.

I have to be honest: If I was Oilersbabys husband I would have put the kibosh on this baby shower by now (assuming they share their money).

[OilersBaby]

Originally Posted by comrade

I have to be honest: If I was Oilersbabys husband I would have put the kibosh on this baby shower by now (assuming they share their money).

well my friend's husband is also one of his best friends...and she decided she wanted a couple's shower...so he didnt want to mess up a friendship over a baby shower, so he put a cap on it, but she is being soooooo demanding, some of it isnt even about money, its about how we do things.

And yes, the thrower of the shower pays for it...except when she decided (actually demanded) that she wanted to have Meditarranean food from this fancy restaurant in SF (50ish people are coming to this shower) and the bill was going to be 670 for food, we told her we couldnt afford that part, because we've already spent like 400 on cake, decorations, invites, etc. So they are paying for the food, we paid for everything else.

This shower is Sunday and I still get daily emails like "did you get the guestbook, i want to make sure my guests are able to sign in".

Im like dude...its not a wedding reception! Frustrating.

[Flash]

Originally Posted by OilersBaby

well my friend's husband is also one of his best friends...and she decided she wanted a couple's shower...so he didnt want to mess up a friendship over a baby shower, so he put a cap on it, but she is being soooooo demanding, some of it isnt even about money, its about how we do things.

And yes, the thrower of the shower pays for it...except when she decided (actually demanded) that she wanted to have Meditarranean food from this fancy restaurant in SF (50ish people are coming to this shower) and the bill was going to be 670 for food, we told her we couldnt afford that part, because we've already spent like 400 on cake, decorations, invites, etc. So they are paying for the food, we paid for everything else.

This shower is Sunday and I still get daily emails like "did you get the guestbook, i want to make sure my guests are able to sign in".

Im like dude...its not a wedding reception! Frustrating.

$670 for food seems a bit excessive. Maybe she's hoping that the more that is spent for the party the more expensive the baby gifts! Incredible.

[OilersBaby]

Originally Posted by Flash

$670 for food seems a bit excessive. Maybe she's hoping that the more that is spent for the party the more expensive the baby gifts! Incredible.

they registered for their baby gifts...some of them are soo expensive, but they have reasonable ones too.

hey new question for you all...since im throwing her shower and spending at least 400 on it, i dont have to get her a gift, do i????? or is that rude and im expected to get a gift?

[Kjesse]

After reading all this stuff about your 'friend' and her baby shower, she sounds spoiled, prissy and petty. I'd give her a golden shower, but not much more. She should simply be happy she has friends who seem to care about her, because that she does is surprising given the description of her.

[Bagor]

Originally Posted by OilersBaby

hey new question for you all...since im throwing her shower and spending at least 400 on it, i dont have to get her a gift, do i????? or is that rude and im expected to get a gift?

Just a random guess, but I've got a hunch that she'll be expecting a gift.

[Bagor]

Originally Posted by OilersBaby

hey new question for you all...since im throwing her shower and spending at least 400 on it, i dont have to get her a gift, do i????? or is that rude and im expected to get a gift?

In all seriousness though. Estimate/guess how much you think she'd expect you to spend on a gift.

Donate said amount on her behalf to UNICEF and present it to her at the shower.

[Flash]

I don't know what the protocol is for baby shower gifts, but I'm going to agree with Bagor...she seems like the type that will be expecting a gift from you, despite the fact that you've paid for the party.

[Maritime Q-Scout]

Originally Posted by Rathji

ir⋅re⋅gard⋅less [ir-i-gahrd-lis] Show IPA Pronunciation
–adverb Nonstandard. regardless.

non⋅stand⋅ard [ non-stan-derd]Show - adjective

1.not standard
2.not conforming in pronunciation, grammar, vocabulary, etc., to the usage characteristic of and considered acceptable by most educated native speakers; lacking in social prestige or regionally or socially limited in use: a nonstandard dialect; nonstandard English. Compare standard (def. 27).

Not to be a prick, but by dictionary.com definition it's not an actual word.

[Phanuthier]

Originally Posted by OilersBaby

they registered for their baby gifts...some of them are soo expensive, but they have reasonable ones too.

hey new question for you all...since im throwing her shower and spending at least 400 on it, i dont have to get her a gift, do i????? or is that rude and im expected to get a gift?

If you are worried about image, just get something cheap but thoughtful. The majority of your "cost" is going to be the shower anyways. At least you get your name in the hat.

[OilersBaby]

Ok so the baby shower was today and they were really thankful...didnt say anything negative about what I did, and I felt as though my husband and I spent a lot more than we wanted to, but at least they were happy and one day when we will have kids, they will return the favor. I didnt bring anything upto her, just didnt do some of the last min things she asked for.

I was really stressed today cuz of the shower and the DV victim friend called/texted and I was a little fed up so I told her that while I want to help her and will help her manage things, I can't be her everything and that a professional would be able to help her in ways I couldnt. She counts on me for moral, financial/emotional support and I have done everything including letting her stay at my house for over a month, going to the police station with her, listening when she needed help etc...She got really upset and hung up the phone. She hasn't called back since. I feel awful but my husband assured me that I didnt do anything wrong and shouldnt feel guilty.

The only thing that worries me is that her last comment to me was.."what do i have to live for"? How do you convince a friend to seek professional help????? She thinks I'm being a bad friend for even suggesting it! Any advice?

[Phanuthier]

Originally Posted by OilersBaby

I feel awful but my husband assured me that I didnt do anything wrong and shouldnt feel guilty.

The only thing that worries me is that her last comment to me was.."what do i have to live for"? How do you convince a friend to seek professional help????? She thinks I'm being a bad friend for even suggesting it! Any advice?

Bolded for emphasis, sometimes you have to just have to be able to accept that you made the right logical decision and thats that.

From my own experiences- and I could be wrong - its really hard to "convince" someone to need help. All you can do is offer then support (which I guess you did, but I mean non-resource). It will probably take someone other then you to suggest support.