Quote:
Originally Posted by BBQorMILDEW
I am having a hard time letting go of my single life, I have been with this current girl for the past 4 and a half years.
Don't get me wrong I love the girl and I really can't picture life without her.. But somedays I just want to run to the hills and get away from her.. I don't want her to waste her time with me if i am not going to commit to her fully..
Should i be having these thoughts??
I see my single friends out there with no "schedule" no responsiblity. Doing whatever with whomever and its hard to not get a little bit jealous.
I just wanted to know what you guys or girls have done to either decide to stay with someone or not.. I want to marry this one but i am having doubts as to whether she is the one..
How do you know if the woman you are with is truly "THE ONE"??
your response is appreciated..
thanks.
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(Quote has been Edited for length/relevance to my response)
An opinion from one of the few weiner free members here....I'm warning you, this is long.
If you wonder if she's the one, she's not the one.
If, after four and a half years, you're "having trouble letting go of the single life", she's not the one.
If you want to run for the hills to get away from her (assuming you haven't just had a fight, of course), she's not the one.
And, don't be so quick to assume your buds who can do "whatever, whenever" have the perfect life. They may be looking at you and going "dayum, when am I going to find a girl like that!"
All that being said, this may just be an itchy stage. The Mister and I have been married for several years, and together for several years before that, and I'd be lying if I didn't say that, upon occasion, I've wondered if the grass was greener on the other side. Do I think we're soulmates? No, not at all. I think we're two people who have a lot in common, who are committed to each other, and who are willing to work through any glitches that come up. I know that we're infintely better together than apart, b/c one person's strengths cover the other's weaknesses. But I don't think that he's the only person who would have worked for me, or I'm the only one who would have worked for him. With over 6 billion people on the planet, that's very naive. We made a choice to commit to each other, regardless of whether or not we meet someone at some point down the road who would have/could have been better for us.
I think you're really confused. YOu say you want to marry her, but you want to run for the hills (and there's NOTHING a gal loves more than having her husband hightail it out of there!). I'm really not a hopeless romantic- if you're waiting for a bolt from the blue to tell you whether or not she's the one, you're going to be waiting a long time.
Your gut is telling you something. It's telling you that for a reason. You owe it to her and to you to follow that feeling, no matter where it takes you. If you want to marry her, then do it, and you'll make it work. If you want to go back to the single life, then do it, and you'll make that work too. And, FYI, women are intuitive. If you're having these issues, she may already have an inkling something is up.
So, this is getting kind of rambly, but here's the take home message: If she's the one you're supposed to marry, you'll know. Having all these second thoughts isn't a good thing, necessarily, but isn't a death knell either.
One last piece of advice (assuming you don't do this already, of course)- if you're going to get married, live together first, unless you're morally opposed to it. It's a great way to see if you really can tolerate EVERYTHING about a person.
And, no, don't ever get married b/c you "owe" it to her. What you "owe" her is a solid commitment made with a clean conscience and an open heart- and a willingness to stick it out, regardless of who you meet in the future. If you can't give that to her, then don't marry her.
Sorry for the rambling.
When it's time...
