How Do You Deal With Death?

[Fozzie_DeBear]

My $0.02...I get a bit of angst about the dirt nap too

I have had two dreams where I died (both in a flash of light) and then I realized I was still dreaming...so even though Fozzie was dead...I lived on (and it felt juuust fine). I know it is a subjective experience but it helps me realize that my best guess is that everything is ok after death. Put it this way, I would say it is possible that Proto will die some day but you will live on.

I am not sure if this story will fly with a lot of you but whatever...about 10 years ago I was dating a girl whose mother was terminally ill...at the end the whole family (about 20 people) and I were in the hospital room when she died...of course everyone came apart and started to wail and to grieve...then about 1 min later I felt something (a calming presence) and felt (not heard..but kind of) someone say "its ok". A moment later...all at once...everyone in the room calmed down for a minute or two (like they felt the same thing at a subconscious level).

You may find something interesting from the Buddhist POV of death...not in a religious way more in a philosophical/scientific way

[peter12]

Originally Posted by troutman

No one knows what happens when we die. So, try and enjoy every moment of your life.

Each of us are part of an unbroken chain of ancestors, going back millions of years. Every one of our ancestors survived long enough to have children. We honor their struggle to survive by passing on the torch of life. It is a great gift to be alive.

That's a good post.

[Hack&Lube]

Being young, single, and unattached to anything in terms of investment, career, relationships, etc. I really find that I don't care about death. People might say that I'm morbid but I'm absolutely indifferent to it and have no fear of it...only the fear of pain or suffering that will probably accompany it. If it happens, it happens. I'm only one person in the sea of history of billions of people who have lived and died.

But like Troutman said, your ancestors going back those millions of years have all lived and died - so that you could live. So live your life to your fullest and keep the chain going if you can. Try to get something positive from life and pass it on to those that you meet and your progeny if you are so fortunate. I believe the meaning of life is to find happiness. Try to help others find that as well.

We are here and then we are gone. But there will be someone after you and life will go on. A lot of times the whole fear of death is that all that you were and what made you an conscious sentient individual, a person is gone...but it isn't. It remains in whatever mark you left and whatever people you met...But like I said, a sea of billions and you are only one person. That's either extremely depressing from an egotistical standpoint or extremely liberating. For me, it's the later.

[Dion]

Being that i'm single it isn't death itself that scares me but moreso dying alone. I often have these bad dreams where i'm in a hospital dying of some form of cancer and there is no one to visit me. Then there's the guy in morgue looking at my dead body and saying to himself how sad he felt inside that no one came to show love and support when i was dying. Finally there is no funeral but a buch of guys shoveling dirt on my casket.Then i wake up in a cold sweat shaking all over.

[Hack&Lube]

Originally Posted by Dion

Being that i'm single it isn't death itself that scares me but moreso dying alone. I often have these bad dreams where i'm in a hospital dying of some form of cancer and there is no one to visit me. Then there's the guy in morgue looking at my dead body and saying to himself how sad he felt inside that no one came to show love and support when i was dying. Finally there is no funeral and i wake up in a cold sweat shaking all over.

Yes, I'm okay with quick death when young and single...but I'd hate to waste away for months or years old and alone. That's pretty brutal. Reminds me of that true story of the hospital with the cat that lived in it. He had a very accurate 6th sense about when someone would die soon. The cat would goto that person's room, leap into their beds and lie with them for awhile if that person was alone and was about to pass on.

Here's the article from the New England Journal of Medicine
http://content.nejm.org/cgi/content/full/357/4/328

You have to read that.

[Dion]

Originally Posted by Hack&Lube

Yes, I'm okay with quick death when young and single...but I'd hate to waste away for months or years old and alone. That's pretty brutal. Reminds me of that true story of the hospital with the cat that lived in it. He had a very accurate 6th sense about when someone would die soon. The cat would goto that person's room, leap into their beds and lie with them for awhile if that person was alone and was about to pass on.

Here's the article from the New England Journal of Medicine
http://content.nejm.org/cgi/content/full/357/4/328

You have to read that.

I hope for a quick death also. I've prided myself on being very independant and not needing the company of others to enjoy things in life. It's that independance that may be my downfall. Things that happened in childhood and teens helped to create the independance i both enjoy and sometimes hate.

As for the article, i've read that story before and it gives me the creeps.

[Ford Prefect]

This thread reminds of an old joke ...

When I die, I want to go peacefully in my sleep like grandpa, not screaming for their lives like his passengers.

[4X4]

Chalk me up as another one that really has no fear of death. I've never really thought about why I'm not afraid to die, but now that I've opened this thread, my immediate thoughts are similar to Hack&Lube. I've got no big financial commitments that would be a burden to anybody, I have no kids, I'm single... I guess the thing that would freak me out would be if I had a young family and a mortgage and a wife. Sometimes when I hear on the news about a man dying at the age of 30 or something with a couple of young kids and a widow I feel really bad for that family and the woman in particular.

I bet that would change for me if I was in your (OP) situation with the young family. I agree with FireFly. Get your financial affairs in order. Hopefully you have life insurance on your mortgage so that if you were to croak, your wife would at least have the house clear-title. Probably also a good idea to have the immediate costs of burying you covered as well.
Sounds like simple advice, I guess. Not much you can do beyond that except live life to the fullest so that your wife wouldn't feel awful that you never got to do this or that.

[GreenHardHat]

Originally Posted by Hack&Lube

Yes, I'm okay with quick death when young and single...but I'd hate to waste away for months or years old and alone. That's pretty brutal. Reminds me of that true story of the hospital with the cat that lived in it. He had a very accurate 6th sense about when someone would die soon. The cat would goto that person's room, leap into their beds and lie with them for awhile if that person was alone and was about to pass on.

Here's the article from the New England Journal of Medicine
http://content.nejm.org/cgi/content/full/357/4/328

You have to read that.

That was a very interesting article. My Grandma had a stroke a few years ago and the first nursing home she stayed in was not very pleasant and greatly understaffed. My dad and I would usually take her for walks down the halls pushing her wheelchair along. Sometimes in certain hallways, she would freak out and yell at my dad in German. Since I dont speak German, I later asked my dad what she was saying. He said that my Grandma didnt want to go down that hallway today because it smells like death. Its just gave me chills.

[Prototype]

Originally Posted by 4X4

I bet that would change for me if I was in your (OP) situation with the young family. I agree with FireFly. Get your financial affairs in order. Hopefully you have life insurance on your mortgage so that if you were to croak, your wife would at least have the house clear-title. Probably also a good idea to have the immediate costs of burying you covered as well.
Sounds like simple advice, I guess. Not much you can do beyond that except live life to the fullest so that your wife wouldn't feel awful that you never got to do this or that.

I don't think it's a matter of what would happen to my loved ones. It's more a matter of what the hell happens to me? Does it just end? Game over?

I'm actually getting a little creeped out just typing this...

I do appreciate everyone's thoughts and contributions to the thread. It's funny, cause I work at a bank in a mall. Ran down and bough 'Tuesdays With Morrie", as I was kinda familiar with the movie, and have always had it in the back of my head to read it.

And I kinda got a chuckle due to the morbid nature that Reaper posted in this thread. I enjoyed, and took what I needed out of the post, but still, kinda sick, in a funny way.

Please, keep sharing your thoughts. It's nice to know I'm not the only one going through this, and that others have coped with the same thing and moved on.

And for what it's worth Syl, when I think of my dad, and questioning how much time I have left with him, I think and sympathize with your situation. I know dealing with death of loved ones should make someone stronger, but it's deablitatating (is that even a word).

[habernac]

yeah, I think everyone has at least a few passing thoughts about their own mortality. I have more and more since I became a father and a husband. Not much you can do about it, though, so I don't waste too much time on it. Do the best you can, have fun, enjoy your family. We will all eventually find out life's greatest mystery, may as well enjoy the ride on the way there.

[ah123]

Originally Posted by Prottotype

I don't think it's a matter of what would happen to my loved ones. It's more a matter of what the hell happens to me? Does it just end? Game over?

Go to the library and check out "Life after Life" by Dr Moody -- it's basically a book with stories of patients who "came back" after dying (i.e. near death experience). It's not written with any religious/non-religious slant (thankfully) - he just relates the experiences his patients described to him...I will warn you though; the book satisfied my curiosity at one level and left far more questions at another level...

[J pold]

About a year ago I was having the same thoughts about death. I was having a conversation with one of my good friends about death I remember telling him

“I have gone a lot of things in my life and I’ve turned out alright, but I don’t know what I would do if someone closed to me died…I don’t think I could deal with it”

About a week after I told my friend that my Nana passed away. It was expected she had been in a hospice for sometime and the entire family knew the end was near for her.

Than about two weeks after my Nana passed, I came home to my condo on Friday night greeted by a police officer. He told that my roommate and long time best friend was dead. The paramedics had just taken his body away and the police officers were on there way to his mother’s house to notify her of what had happened. They had asked me not to call anyone until they had notified next of kin. So they left and I was alone in the place were my friend has just died. I walked into his room, his computer was on, and the clothes he had worn the day before were sprawled out on the floor. I was so lost; I didn’t know what to do. So I grabbed a picture of him and I that he had on his dresser and laid down on floor of his bedroom. That was the worst moment of my life.

Since that day a lot has gone through my head about death. When something like that happens it makes it much more real. What I’ve realized is that death is a part of life, everyone dies, everyone you know will die. I don’t think that my friend is in some other place beyond the grave. I think he is still here with me and my friends. He lives on through the stories we have about him. Through the memories we share. Death doesn’t scare me. What scares me is leaving behind the people I love. How they will deal with me being gone.

[Cowboy89]

Originally Posted by Prottotype

I don't think it's a matter of what would happen to my loved ones. It's more a matter of what the hell happens to me? Does it just end? Game over?

I'm actually getting a little creeped out just typing this...

This might come off as a "If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around, does it make a sound" comment, but If it does just end and it's Game over, Would you even have a level of consciousness or sense of being to even comprehend that it is in fact "Game Over" as you put it?

[Prototype]

Originally Posted by Cowboy89

This might come off as a "If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around, does it make a sound" comment, but If it does just end and it's Game over, Would you even have a level of consciousness or sense of being to even comprehend that it is in fact "Game Over" as you put it?

I think that's the point. Maybe I want to comprehend. I do want to live forever. I do want to go to some other place. I don't want it all to end. Then again, this is coming from a 28 year old, not a 88 year old.

And that goes along with my thoughts on religion. I need proof, not a book. I don't discount anyone's beliefs, they just aren't mine until someone can show me that this is absolutely the truth. PS - I also hate being wrong, and I don't want to waste my time thinking one way just to get by, and have something, or nothing else happen.

[Tron_fdc]

The best advice I've heard was from an old Italian guy I worked with when we talking about this. He asked if I remembered what it was like before I was born, to which I said "no". He then said that if I don't remember what it was like before I was born, then why would I care what it's like after I die?

I've remembered that ever since.

[jayswin]

Death is always a tough issue to give out advice on. Everyone's different, especially when it comes to post mortem beliefs.

I've had enough friends/relatives die to handle it pretty well now a days. But even still, some deaths will still shock me to the bone because of their nature.

Last week, the cop on my hockey team was telling me about the guy who died riding his motorcycle on crowchild. He told me how he was going 220km/hr, lost control and hit the gaurdrail, ripping his body in half instantly. With the internet and the people I hang around with, I've heard enough gross stories like that to be able to just say "oh man that's gross!" and then not really think about it again.

Until today when I glanced over the obituaries and saw someone I went to high school with, and it said he passed away riding his motorbike last week. My mind immediatly produced images of the brief times i interacted with him, which then immediatly turned to horrific images of his body being ripped in half, and seeing his upper body laying on the road with his face looking back at me. i honetly don't even know if this was the guy that the cop was talking about, but my mind just put two and two together. I've never had my brain produce such startling, graphic and clear images of anything.

[habernac]

Originally Posted by Prottotype

I think that's the point. Maybe I want to comprehend. I do want to live forever. I do want to go to some other place. I don't want it all to end. Then again, this is coming from a 28 year old, not a 88 year old.

And that goes along with my thoughts on religion. I need proof, not a book. I don't discount anyone's beliefs, they just aren't mine until someone can show me that this is absolutely the truth. PS - I also hate being wrong, and I don't want to waste my time thinking one way just to get by, and have something, or nothing else happen.

and that's a big thing. My almost 90 year old grandfather told me a few months before he died that he was ready to go. His body and mind were just plain tired. We all should be so lucky to live as full a life as he did.

[Fozzie_DeBear]

Originally Posted by Tron_fdc

The best advice I've heard was from an old Italian guy I worked with when we talking about this. He asked if I remembered what it was like before I was born, to which I said "no". He then said that if I don't remember what it was like before I was born, then why would I care what it's like after I die?

I've remembered that ever since.

Great point

[Ozy_Flame]

Originally Posted by habernac

and that's a big thing. My almost 90 year old grandfather told me a few months before he died that he was ready to go. His body and mind were just plain tired. We all should be so lucky to live as full a life as he did.

My grandpa was like that too. The last couple of years of his life, he was always mention how he was "ready to go." Somehow I think at that age, once you lose your will to live, the body just follows suit.

Similar situation with long-time couples. Often is the case where one of them passes away, and the other follows suit a short time after. Not all couples, but a fair number, and usually when they're elderly.