The age old question: your good friends ex-girl - Calgarypuck Forums - The Unofficial Calgary Flames Fan Community

Iggy's Forehead · 05-05-2008, 03:32 PM

So, this weekend I found out my good friend's ex girlfriend wants to make some sort of relations

with me. I knew her back then when they were going out quite well. I've always thought she was hot but never really thought of her in "that" way. What should the etiquette be in this situation? I mean talk to him of course, but even with his blessing is that enough to go full steam ahead?

Help, my CP brethren.

Cowboy89 · 05-05-2008, 03:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Iggy's Forehead

So, this weekend I found out my good friend's ex girlfriend wants to make some sort of relations

with me. I knew her back then when they were going out quite well. I've always thought she was hot but never really thought of her in "that" way. What should the etiquette be in this situation? I mean talk to him of course, but even with his blessing is that enough to go full steam ahead?

Help, my CP brethren.

Since this is a good friend of yours I would stay away. Even with his blessing, he could be hiding some resentment towards you or her and your friendship would certainly suffer. Proceed only with his blessing and even then only proceed if you're comfortable losing your friend over it.

SportsJunky · 05-05-2008, 03:36 PM

Personally, I stay away even if you do get his blessing. Tough to un-cross a line once it's been crossed.

Flames_Gimp · 05-05-2008, 03:37 PM

Atm

Thunderball · 05-05-2008, 03:37 PM

Its seemingly guy code for your buddy to say go for it.... but then there's bros before hoes. You have to ascertain if its actually okay. Time, his status, length of relationship and depth of their relationship are good barometers if okay is truly okay. If its been years, you're probably okay. Weeks, not at all. Months... refer to the other indicators.

Personally, I'd say she's tainted and back away.

MissTeeks · 05-05-2008, 03:38 PM

I thought the code was always "Bros before Hoes"?

Tron_fdc · 05-05-2008, 03:38 PM

How serious were they? I'd say any dating over 6 months is off limits, unless you want to lose a friend. Anything under that falls into the fling category, and is open game IMO.

I'd have a spit roast. That way you get to tap it, and he's not mad because he's still involved. Plus you get to practise high fives....

ken0042 · 05-05-2008, 03:38 PM

There's a multiplier in there somewhere; something like they have to be broken up 5X longer than they were together. So if they were together for 1 year; wait 5 years. Dating 2 weeks, a few months and you are good.

Odds are this girl is looking to get back at your buddy. Women come and go, but true friends can be with you a lifetime.

Iggy's Forehead · 05-05-2008, 03:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Thunderball

Its seemingly guy code for the ex to say go for it.... but then there's bros before hoes. You have to ascertain if its actually okay. Time, his status, length of relationship and depth of their relationship are good barometers if okay is truly okay. If its been years, you're probably okay. Weeks, not at all. Months... refer to the other indicators.

It's been months. They had quite a (rocky) history, but at this point it seems like he has no interest in her at all. He dumped her, but I could see it still being a sore point down the road when we're drunk together or something.

One head says "Dude, you gotta be that loyal bro you've always been", while the other head says "Are you nucking futs??? What's taking so long??"

Gozer · 05-05-2008, 03:40 PM

Hit on your buddy, it'll work itself out.

liamenator · 05-05-2008, 03:42 PM

It won't be worth it, stay away. Your friend is your friend, and it's highly unlikely you're going to marry this chick, so don't sour the friendship... Because this kind of thing always does exactly that.

PowerPlayoffs06 · 05-05-2008, 03:42 PM

How confident are you that you'll be better in the sack than he was? Cuz you know that comparison is gonna be there...

Iggy's Forehead · 05-05-2008, 03:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ken0042

Odds are this girl is looking to get back at your buddy. Women come and go, but true friends can be with you a lifetime.

That's another thing I'm worried about. I'll be damned if I'm used as a toy in a women's sick plot, only to lose my boy in the process.

I think this would be more of a hit and run, and rule 71b in the bro code is to encourage any and all quick hits. Dating would just be waaaaay too awkward and like you guys have said, create tension.

Bring_Back_Shantz · 05-05-2008, 03:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tron_fdc

How serious were they? I'd say any dating over 6 months is off limits, unless you want to lose a friend. Anything under that falls into the fling category, and is open game IMO.

I'd have a spit roast. That way you get to tap it, and he's not mad because he's still involved. Plus you get to practise high fives....

Ah, if you're high fiving durring the spit roast, it officially ceases to be a spit roast.
Once a high five (a high 10 is prefered, but 5 as adequate) has taken place, it officially becomes an "Eifel Tower".

Maritime Q-Scout · 05-05-2008, 03:47 PM

I've seen this situation come up twice among close friends of mine. What I would do is talk to your friend about the possibility. Get his blessing, if you don't then I wouldn't go through with it (not by the sounds of it, if you've never thought of her in that way). In both cases I'm thinking of it left a foul mouth in the ex-boyfriend's mouth toward one of the other two.

Talk to your buddy, get his ok, and then wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am

Bring_Back_Shantz · 05-05-2008, 03:47 PM

Only one true way to figure it out.

Did the break up end badly?

If they hate each other, don't under any circumstances get with that chick, because you're buddy will have to be around some chick he can't stand and he won't want to hang out with you and your new girl. Then you're gonna have to make a difficult decision regarding the order of "Bros" and "Hoes".

If their breakup went well and they still get along and hang out with the same crowd, then have at 'er. If he can be around her and he says it's cool (you've gotta believe him), then it souldn't be a problem.

DuffMan · 05-05-2008, 03:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Iggy's Forehead

. I've always thought she was hot but never really thought of her in "that" way.

You might want to really think about this and see if girls is what you really want.

I think of pretty much any girl in "that" way, as long as they are moderately attractive, legal age, and not related

do her

Russic · 05-05-2008, 03:50 PM

I would say if the loss of the friendship would be acceptable, then go for it. If the loss of the friendship is unacceptable, best to just walk away from this one. I had permission once to do just what you are describing and like somebody mentioned above, ill feelings were lurking. Destroyed the friendship. Luckily the friendship wasn't something I really valued all that much and it actually all worked out to be quite positive.

Bottom line, from what you've described I wouldn't go through with this.

Matata · 05-05-2008, 03:51 PM

I just recently dealt with the exact same problem, I backed off.I wasn't worried about her playing any games, and its been almost a year since they broke up, but I just couldn't see my buddy being the kind of guy that would ever be 100% ok with it.

Iggy's Forehead · 05-05-2008, 03:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DuffMan

You might want to really think about this and see if girls is what you really want.

I think of pretty much any girl in "that" way, as long as they are moderately attractive, legal age, and not related.

I should rephrase that. I never really thought of her as girlfriend material. Did I want to hit that? That's a huge helllllllllllllllllllllllllll yessssssssssssssss.