When will my kid learn to sleep through the night?

[Bend it like Bourgeois]

The two keys for us were/are routine and letting them cry it out in some format.

And at various times we've had to tackle it again - the time change completely threw our 2 year old off for example.

[goaliegirl]

I was pretty lucky with my kids the oldest(8) and the youngest (1) slept throught the night from about 6 weeks or so ,with no help from me or my H .My middle child(6) was 8 months before he started sleeping straight through ,we eventually did the cry it out approach and 2 weeks after we started he was sleeping through .I think with a 2 yr old you might have to resort to cry it out (or a modified cry it out) as well ,they can be very stubborn at that age and very set in their routine .

[Buff]

At one point a few weeks back I was extremely exhausted due to the lack of sleep. Combine that with my work being its busiest that it has ever been, and likely ever will bee (roll out of both of our major systems) and I couldn't tell if I was having an anxiety attack or about ready to have a heart attack.

Thankfully I was given a clean bill of health and told to try, as best as I could, to get more sleep, and work has slowed down extremely since then too, but I'd still like for my son to sleep better.

I'm just hoping to get some tips. Mostly everything mentioned here we've tried, some we've forgotten about and will now try again.

[MacDougalbry]

I believe that the crying it out will work with most kids, but if it isn't working, don't force it (particularly if the child is < 12 months, i.e. before they can talk).

If you are forced to let them sleep with you for periods of the night, then get a big, comfy bed for the child's room and do the sleeping together in there; that way they get accustomed to their own room and don't get used to sleeping in your room.

[MacDougalbry]

Also: cut out the naps. Remove all toys from the child's room. With our son, we even put a lock on the door and use this as leverage against him if he tries to leave his room. We've only had to use it on a few rare occasions, we just have to threaten to lock his door and he will usually comply.

[Traditional_Ale]

Originally Posted by Jagger

I don't subscribe to the 'crying it out' method. I just don't like it. I know many experts say it is the way to go but there is just something about it that really bothers me. We're miserable, the child is miserable, it's just not a happy situation.

Whats wrong with a temporary state of misery? Better than a permanent one from lack of sleep affecting every faucet of your life.

My dad tells me I cried for about a week. All he did was put on some can's and listen to Pink Floyd on vinyl.

[PYroMaNiaC]

You've said that he seems to sleep well during the day. He even looks forward to naps. Could he actually be afraid of the dark? or at the very least, scared of waking up alone in the dark? Install a dimmer switch and when you put him to bed, leave the lights on. Gradually, over the next six months turn the lights down when you head to bed.

Or it could be that hes very sensitive to the fact that he can hear Mom and dad puttering while he naps and therefore knows that Mom and/or Dad will be up and about when he wakes from his snooze. You can try the white noise machine, but it's just as easy to turn the monitor around and put the listening end in his room and keep the noise end with you. If he wakes up in the middle of the night, he'll hear you moving, snoring, breathing and know that you're there.

Finally, kids can need naps until 6 or 7 years old. I used to sleep on the bus ride home from school. All that play and learning makes for tired children. Do not remove the naps. Heck, if he's that over-tired at bedtime, give him two. One about 10:30am until noon and another about 3:30 till 5. It never hurts to try something unusual anyway.

[Stillman16]

Originally Posted by Bend it like Bourgeois

The two keys for us were/are routine and letting them cry it out in some format.

And at various times we've had to tackle it again - the time change completely threw our 2 year old off for example.

Just our trick for time change, we start to move up/back the bed time gradually for a few days prior to the actual change, works great for us.

ie. Normal bed time about 8:15, so for spring, two/three days before start putting kid to bed early like 8, then 7:45, and then 7:30 so when the time change comes, they are already at the new time.

Hope it helps some next time change!

[KootenayFlamesFan]

We're pretty lucky.........our daughter (16 months) sleeps through the night pretty well.......usually from 7:30pm to 7:00am.

We did the crying-it-out thing and it worked, it just wasn't a long process as our kid caught on fairly quickly and it was pretty easy on everyone.

I think overall, it's just luck or genetics, or maybe both. My wife goes to bed much earlier than I do.........I can live off 6 hours sleep easily. Thankfully, our daughter seems to have sleeping traits like her mom........go to bed early and get a lot of sleep.

The one thing not mentioned yet here that we use a fan in her room to drown out noise. Our whole family are very light sleepers, so using a small fan seems to soothe her a bit. She can sleep without it as well, so it's not like she depends on it, so it works out nicely.

Not sure if that would work on a 2-year old, though.........might freak the hell out of him. Just thought I'd mention something nobody else has yet.

[photon]

Yup, the gradual change thing works for us too, even now that he's almost 4.

Where we had problems was when we went on a vacation where the schedule would get all messed up; on vacation he was actually really good about it, going to bed pretty flexibly at whatever time was needed (unless he was overstimulated), but when we get back then it takes a few days to get things back to normal.

Make sure there's a schedule and routine, and stick to it.. my nephew has no constant schedule to speak of and he's 4 and still has sleep issues sometimes. We sacrificed some social life for a short while to make sure the 7:30pm bedtime was constant early on, and I think it was a big part of getting good sleep habits down.

[Draug]

Originally Posted by photon

Make sure there's a schedule and routine, and stick to it.. my nephew has no constant schedule to speak of and he's 4 and still has sleep issues sometimes. We sacrificed some social life for a short while to make sure the 7:30pm bedtime was constant early on, and I think it was a big part of getting good sleep habits down.

Like all the good advice in this thread, it all comes down to it being different for every child. Take bits and pieces of everyone's advice and use what works with you and your son.

Photon's subscription to routine is also an example of it being different for every child. I know, many parents are insistant that routine is very, very important. It is for some kids.

But, my daughter, at 2 1/4 yrs, has had very little routine. Actually, none. She sleeps perfectly, and has 2 hour naps in the afternoon. But, she can go without the naps too, if she gets to bed around 8 pm. When she has naps, she can go to bed about 8:30, or as late as 11:30. If she goes to bed between 8-9, she'll sleep right up to 8 am. If she goes to bed after 10 pm, she only sleeps until about 9. Honestly, my wife and I are people that have never had routine, so it just was passed on to our daughter. It is great on vacation to have her sleep schedule so flexible. I just use this example to show that routine isnt needed for every child to learn good sleep habits.

Regarding the crying out, we did do that, slightly. We did it only when it was time for her to stop breast feeding at night. It only took 2 nights. When she woke up for her nightly snack, we comforted her and told her it was time to sleep still (who knows how much she understood, she was 8 months maybe? I'd have to ask my wife exactly when it was). Then we laid her right back down. We let her cry for 15 mins, then would go back in and comfort her without picking her up. She'd cry again, and we would let her cry for 15 mins before comfort. About the 4th increment, she fell asleep again until morning. We never let her cry for more than 15 minutes, because we felt at that point, she was just getting too upset. Night two, it only took 2 comfort trips. By night three, she woke up, squirmed a bit, and went back to sleep in about 5 minutes. She has slept through the night since.

[CrusaderPi]

If a kid isn't sleeping through the night at 2 years it means you did something wrong when he was a baby. Don't worry though, because all you need to solve this problem is a little insensitivity.

You must make it very clear that night time is for sleeping. From 8pm to 7am my kids know they are to be in their rooms and they are to be quiet. My advice is to lock the kid in his room at bedtime and ignore him until morning - I don't care if he's crying, thirsty, or whatever. Do this for as long as it takes for him to get the message and you'll be fine.

[old-fart]

This is Old Fart's wife talking, and he wants you to know he has nothing to do with this post.......
Advice from other guys is not a good choice for you. Every kid is different you did nothing wrong! Perhaps since he doesn't want to sleep at night time he is afraid of the dark. Does he have a night light, a comfort stuffed animal or blanket, or toy? You could try leaving a light on to make his room less scary when it is dark. If this is the only time he screams then something is not right with him. Some insensitivity will not help him. Sure he may stop screaming at some point, but he will no longer see his parents as a place of comfort for him. The next thing you know he is hanging with the wrong crowd doing drugs. Then you can say you did something wrong when he was a child! I do agree with crying it out since they do need to learn to go to sleep, and remember that a 2 year old has a lot more stamina than a baby. Go with your gut, a person can only take so much crying. If there is to be any booze for anyone, I suggest it goes to the mom!!!!! Ciao from Old Fart's wife.

[redforever]

Originally Posted by CrusaderPi

If a kid isn't sleeping through the night at 2 years it means you did something wrong when he was a baby. Don't worry though, because all you need to solve this problem is a little insensitivity.

You must make it very clear that night time is for sleeping. From 8pm to 7am my kids know they are to be in their rooms and they are to be quiet. My advice is to lock the kid in his room at bedtime and ignore him until morning - I don't care if he's crying, thirsty, or whatever. Do this for as long as it takes for him to get the message and you'll be fine.

BALONEY, that is just an excuse to give the parent a guilt trip. And they have come here for recommendations, not to get a guilt trip.

Our son never required much sleep as a child. I talked to my pediatrician and he basically said, we all have different sleep patterns and require different amounts of sleep. And usually they figure it out by themselves, how much is necessary. So I never insisted on afternoon naps, bed by 7 pm, etc. Now on the other hand, he was not up until 1 am either.

But really, is going to bed at 7 pm more important for the health and welfare of the child or for peace and quiet for the parent. Sure, parents work hard, they need down time too. But little down time is part and parcel of being a parent.

I can pretty well guarantee you that by the time they are into the teenage years, they will sleep and you will wish they were awake more.

In the meantime, you have also mentioned that if he goes to either set of grandparents, your child does not have a sleeping problem. So he has programmed you to come if he happens to stir and wake up. There are various modifications suggested here that I would give a try. Let them fuss for 10 or 15 minutes, give a quick comfort, repeat. I would certainly try and persevere with that and see how that works out.

And have you asked either of your parents how they settle him down? Why not try what they are doing since they seem to have great success.

[photon]

I don't think old-fart was trying to lay on a guilt trip; the reality is no parent is perfect and there's lots of things you learn as you go along. Saying someone made a mistake when the kid was a baby isn't an attack, it's just reality; I can think of a few things I could have done better earlier to improve things now; that's just reality.

Originally Posted by Draug

Regarding the crying out, we did do that, slightly. We did it only when it was time for her to stop breast feeding at night. It only took 2 nights. When she woke up for her nightly snack, we comforted her and told her it was time to sleep still (who knows how much she understood, she was 8 months maybe? I'd have to ask my wife exactly when it was). Then we laid her right back down. We let her cry for 15 mins, then would go back in and comfort her without picking her up. She'd cry again, and we would let her cry for 15 mins before comfort. About the 4th increment, she fell asleep again until morning. We never let her cry for more than 15 minutes, because we felt at that point, she was just getting too upset. Night two, it only took 2 comfort trips. By night three, she woke up, squirmed a bit, and went back to sleep in about 5 minutes. She has slept through the night since.

That's a good description of how it pretty much went with us too; I couldn't get past 10-15 minutes, plus if we left him longer than that he seemed to get a lot more worked up.

And I agree, every kid is different and any book I've read or thread I've read the best thing is it gives me ideas and tactics to try, as you say you still have to find out what works for your kid and yourself.

[Bend it like Bourgeois]

The insensitivity stuff is bunk. If your kid cries whern you go to work, are you being insensitive? If he wants to play with a knife and cries when you take it away, is that insensitive?

Kids need sleep. If they can get it on their own then great. If they can't, its a parent's job to help them figure it out.

[CrusaderPi]

Originally Posted by redforever

BALONEY, that is just an excuse to give the parent a guilt trip. And they have come here for recommendations, not to get a guilt trip.

Our son never required much sleep as a child. I talked to my pediatrician and he basically said, we all have different sleep patterns and require different amounts of sleep. And usually they figure it out by themselves, how much is necessary. So I never insisted on afternoon naps, bed by 7 pm, etc. Now on the other hand, he was not up until 1 am either.

But really, is going to bed at 7 pm more important for the health and welfare of the child or for peace and quiet for the parent. Sure, parents work hard, they need down time too. But little down time is part and parcel of being a parent.

I can pretty well guarantee you that by the time they are into the teenage years, they will sleep and you will wish they were awake more.

In the meantime, you have also mentioned that if he goes to either set of grandparents, your child does not have a sleeping problem. So he has programmed you to come if he happens to stir and wake up. There are various modifications suggested here that I would give a try. Let them fuss for 10 or 15 minutes, give a quick comfort, repeat. I would certainly try and persevere with that and see how that works out.

And have you asked either of your parents how they settle him down? Why not try what they are doing since they seem to have great success.

I'm not giving anyone a guilt trip. A two year old kid should sleep through the night, unless there is some medical reason. If a two year old is not sleeping a mistake was made. It happens to every parent. I think the key would be to acknowledge that parents make mistakes (yes, even well meaning mistakes) and move to fix them.

Also, if a kid knows that he needs to cry for 15 minutes before someone will give comfort, then he'll cry for 15 minutes.

[Locke]

Originally Posted by old-fart

This is Old Fart's wife talking, and he wants you to know he has nothing to do with this post.......
Advice from other guys is not a good choice for you. Every kid is different you did nothing wrong! Perhaps since he doesn't want to sleep at night time he is afraid of the dark. Does he have a night light, a comfort stuffed animal or blanket, or toy? You could try leaving a light on to make his room less scary when it is dark. If this is the only time he screams then something is not right with him. Some insensitivity will not help him. Sure he may stop screaming at some point, but he will no longer see his parents as a place of comfort for him. The next thing you know he is hanging with the wrong crowd doing drugs. Then you can say you did something wrong when he was a child! I do agree with crying it out since they do need to learn to go to sleep, and remember that a 2 year old has a lot more stamina than a baby. Go with your gut, a person can only take so much crying. If there is to be any booze for anyone, I suggest it goes to the mom!!!!! Ciao from Old Fart's wife.

I always think its hilarious when someone's wife logs on for these type of threads, its almost like Old-Fart just says:

"They're not listening to me, here, you talk to them!"

Like a married couple would!

And a mother against alcoholically sedating their kid? Who'd have thunk it?

I vote for splitting the booze 50/50.

Thanks for the input Mrs. Old-fart.

[Slava]

I know there is no magic bullet, but my kids are 2 1/2 and about 4 months and they both sleep through the night. We attended a seminar put on by www.raymondparenting.com and used that system. As a lot of you know I don't work for them and have no connection or anything like that.

This basically involves letting them cry it out though....and really it takes you 3 hard nights and then everything is good. My son woke-up and screamed more than he slept between 12am and 6am on night #1...but two nights later he slept through.

I should say that when I say slept through I mean from 7pm to 7am....so its a pretty sweet deal once you use the system! Feel free to PM me if you want other info...but consider going to the clinic as well.

[Buff]

Originally Posted by CrusaderPi

If a kid isn't sleeping through the night at 2 years it means you did something wrong when he was a baby. Don't worry though, because all you need to solve this problem is a little insensitivity.

You must make it very clear that night time is for sleeping. From 8pm to 7am my kids know they are to be in their rooms and they are to be quiet. My advice is to lock the kid in his room at bedtime and ignore him until morning - I don't care if he's crying, thirsty, or whatever. Do this for as long as it takes for him to get the message and you'll be fine.

Just because your kids slept through the night, doesn't mean that all kids should be sleeping through the night. Kids not sleeping through the night is a very common thing, just because they are a certain age doesn't mean that they shouldn't have problems. All I wanted was some advice to help my kid, not to be informed that I'm doing things wrong. Maybe I have maybe I haven't, all I want is to help my kid get some sleep so my wife and I can also get some sleep.

Its not like he has never slept through the night, he goes through stretches were he does and stretches when he doesn't. Right now frustration with his lack of sleep is high because we have a 7 week old who also keeps us up at night.