Sure- we all love the Conologue. Here are some recent highlights...
"Some big news; Britney Spears is now married. Of course, we tape early, so this may not be the case when the show airs."
"Earlier today CBS admitted that the documents they aired about President Bush's National Guard duty were forged. As a result, CBS is now planning to drop the 'C.'"
"It's been reported that in his recent speeches, John Kerry has been talking more about religion and God. Apparently, Kerry keeps saying 'Oh God, I'm going to lose.'"
"20,000 Native Americans are in Washington D.C. this week to celebrate the opening of the National Museum of the American Indian. Admission to the American Indian Museum is free as long as you spend $50 at the blackjack tables."
"Over the weekend, Madonna was in Israel spreading the word about Kabbalah and Tom Cruise was in Spain spreading the word about Scientology. Not only that, Christina Aguilera was in Miami to spread a rash."
"US Weekly says they've uncovered documents that show Britney Spears held a fake wedding to confuse the press and keep them away from her real wedding. US says they knew something was fishy when they found out the wedding was performed by Dan Rather."
"President Bush and John Kerry have both agreed to three presidential debates, although their campaigns are still trying to decide on the format. Apparently Kerry wants a town-hall format while Bush wants to do 'Rock, Paper, Scissors.'"
"During a speech today, John Kerry said that Iraq is distracting President Bush and has caused Osama bin Laden to become Osama bin Forgotten. Then Kerry introduced his new speechwriter, 9-year-old Mikey Sullivan."
"According to a new MTV poll, 49% of MTV viewers think the United States did the right thing by going to Iraq. The other 51% said Beyonce's booty is off the hook."
"Today, VH1 announced that at next month's Hip Hop Honors, M.C. Hammer will appear with Public Enemy. Then afterwards, M.C. Hammer will return to public housing."
"Today in Washington, President Bush marked the opening of the American Indian National Museum, and he said 'It will serve as a powerful reminder of the spirit and vitality of American Indians.' And then he said 'so which one of you is Tonto?'"
"TV evangelist Jimmy Swaggert is in trouble for saying that he would kill any gay man who looked at him romantically. In response, a spokesman for gay men said 'Hey, we're gay, we're not blind.'"
"The company that makes Kryptonite bike locks is offering customers free replacements after they learned that their new locks could be picked open with a ballpoint pen. Also, the Bic company has been ordered to drop its new 'buy a pen, get a bike' commercial."
"In a recent interview, Paris Hilton said that when it comes to dating, she doesn't want 'some good-looking idiot with no brain.' Paris said 'I'm already bringing that to the relationship.'"
"According to The New York Post, when Star Jones gets marries she's going to charge the hairstylists and makeup artists $5000 for the privilege of working on her wedding. Which seems like a lot of money, but you should see what she's paying the guy who's marrying her."
"Today is Yom Kippur, the day that Jewish people ask for forgiveness for Barry Manilow."
"CBS has been receiving a lot of emails asking them to fire Dan Rather. In fact, the only people who want to keep Rather on the air are Tom Brokaw and Peter Jennings."
"Yesterday, Britney Spears told reporters that she plans on taking her husband's name. Not only that, in two months she plans on giving it back."
"Yesterday in Washington, Iraq's Prime Minister Ayad Allawi thanked President Bush for liberating his country from Saddam Hussein. Then Allawi said 'Now please don't make me go back there.'"
"Southwest Airlines is being sued because they made a morbidly obese man buy two seats. The airline is being sued by the two seats."
Click here for archived quotables...
http://www.nbc.com/nbc/Late_Night_with_Con...e/archive.shtml
