Depression

[Crazy Flamer]

I think you take the advice of not taking medication with great caution. An ex of mine suffered through depression and counselling wasn't helping. She decided to try antidepressants. It did take her a while to find the right one for her. But once she did, it made a world of difference.

[redforever]

Originally Posted by REDVAN

I sent rico a PM, but this is a problem a lot of people go through. I have become all too familiar with this recently, and I don't want to spill the beans because I know some people on this board personally...

BUT.

Don't take the drugs. You need to learn to get through this on your own. There are mental processes you can learn, and completely change the way you think about yourself!

Be the type of person you want your friends to be, and then you will find out who your real friends are. You might find that people who were just casual friends become closer, or people who were really good friends aren't.

Take a couple days off work if you can. Don't do anything. Think. Feel like crap, feel the feelings you need to feel. Think about them, think about why. Get in touch with yourself any way you know how. Don't hide from those who are close to you. It's a hard thing to say, but if you are afraid to share your feelings, because someone won't love you or they won't want to hear it, that might be part of your problem. Find someone who will listen and care. Even on CP you could find someone willing to go for coffee.

Try something new. Start working out if you don't. Try a new sport. Pick up a hobby. FIND AN OLD FRIEND AND MEET UP WITH THEM. (Find someone new you want to be friends with!) Especially someone you were close with- if you just drifted apart they can be a rock that you might need. Go view some scenery somewhere. Spend time with your pet. Don't avoid your feelings, because you can't hide from them forever, and the longer you hide the worse you'll feel in the meantime.

These are some simple things I am suggesting, but sometimes all you need is time. If you want to go through this on your own without drugs, then take the time to sit back and remember who you are. Think about what you want to be. Lots of thinking. Get some new help if you need it. And don't be afraid to post things on a message board, because there are a lot of caring people out there. Sometimes all you have to do is ask for help and I bet people on here would reach out to help, myself included.

Please, that depends on what the cause of the depression is. Please read my post about my niece who is bipolar. If she was not on medication now, she could not function.

I agree, don't just get drugged up with anti depressant stuff right away. But maybe if he is in a very bad way, he needs a bit of something to relax so he can later address the issues.

I do not advocate being drugged into zombie state but please remember, there are so many causes for depression. We are just at the tip of the iceberg when it comes to addressing these type of issues. I do advocate finding the appropriate professionals, and if you can not be your own advocate at this time in finding those professionals, then try and get someone close to you who will fulfill that role for you.

[jammies]

Well, in the hope that this will be of some help, I too used to be really depressed all the time thru the ages of about 16-25 - continually obsessing over the same problems, caught up in my emotions, and unable to see any point to living.

Eventually I got out of that mindset, and it was really just a moment of decision where I said to myself - either I go on the way I've been, or I change. Once I made the decision to change, I further set the goal that I was going to BE happy, and that I wasn't going to let anything stand in the way of that. Now I've beaten that depression for 15 years now, and have never gone back to those ways.

Obviously for many people it isn't as simple as just willing your way out of depression, but there is a very important point here - people can be willing to help, but the key is that YOU have to change before their help will mean anything. Allowing outside influences to drive your recovery just means that other outside influences will be able to set you back again; you must find inner strength to fuel a rage for happiness, a lust for it, a power that masters your soul and transforms it into a happy one.

There is nothing wrong, and much right, with seeking help, but if you do not seek it with the attitude that you are going to do most of the heavy lifting, you are likely to fail. Think of it as learning any other skill - a teacher can do much to help you, but if you are not motivated to put what you learn into practice, you will be an indifferent student at best.

[BlackArcher101]

nm

[flamesfever]

nm

[Jayems]

Anti-depressants worked for me, but fortunately, I was only taking them to quit smoking (which worked).

Hope you feel better Rico!

[Locke]

Originally Posted by fotze

No point needed to be taken, I was just poking at you, I know what you meant and so did others. I am know that we all have "issues" and usually the biggest jokesters have the biggest issues, right Locke?

Oh yeah man. My girlfriend tried to commit me to the Ponoka Mental Health Institute on a bi-weekly basis. They want nothing to do with me and their tapioca is third rate.

Hey fotze, if somehow I do end up there, you want to go halfsies on the rent? I hear its insane.

At the latest psychoanalysis it was determined that I should be the first man sent to mars. And the last. With no tapioca.

Some of the advice on here is great, but there always exists the risk of "too many cooks" syndrome.

Honestly, you gotta find a couple people that you trust explicitly and use them to help you guage the quality of advice, because lets face it, we all have moments when our ability to effectively analyze our situation lets us down and our common sense and good judgement fail us. Thats what friends, family and professionals are for.

Dont do anything I wouldnt do...

Actually, now that I think about it, do lots of things that I wouldnt do, and dont do most things that I do.....

Again, best of luck. Hope this cheers you up a bit.

[flamesfever]

Major depression is a serious condition and quite often requires the help of specialists i.e. psychiatrists to find the right medication and/or a psychologist to use various forms of psychotherapy. It can be treated quite successfully.

A good book to read is "Feeling Good" by David Burns.

Some other ideas that come to mind are:
1. Look after yourself - lots of good food, sleep and exercise.
2. Try to think of thoughts that make you feel good.
3. Write down all the things that are bothering you.
4. Listen to music.
5. Educate yourself as much as possible on the subject.
6. Have faith that there are a lot of good caring people out there.
7. Join a support group.
8. If you are religious, pray and ask for help.

I really appreciate your input on this forum, and hope you feel better soon.

[REDVAN]

Originally Posted by REDVAN

Don't take the drugs.

In many cases, the simple fact of calming down from the situation and getting some help with your thoughts is enough, and that is why I suggested no to the drugs.

MY OPINION (personal, and I have nothing to do with actual help...) is that you should try to get through it without drugs first. I realize that there are anti-depressants, but I know enough about them to understand in the majority of cases they are improperly prescribed. Don't get me wrong, there are biological reasons and lots of people actually need them, but I don't think it should be someone's first avenue of trying to break out of the funk.

I guess I should have been more clear.

[Igottago]

Originally Posted by REDVAN

In many cases, the simple fact of calming down from the situation and getting some help with your thoughts is enough, and that is why I suggested no to the drugs.

MY OPINION (personal, and I have nothing to do with actual help...) is that you should try to get through it without drugs first. I realize that there are anti-depressants, but I know enough about them to understand in the majority of cases they are improperly prescribed. Don't get me wrong, there are biological reasons and lots of people actually need them, but I don't think it should be someone's first avenue of trying to break out of the funk.

I guess I should have been more clear.

I was diagnosed with anxiety in March. The several doctors I initially saw seemed to think giving me a small dose of ativan would solve the problems. They did numb me to some of the symptoms, but didnt resolve anything. The anxiety and the following depression actually got worse. Since then I have refused to go on a prescription because the doctors are so quick to recommend a drug without getting the details of my disorder. The thing that has been working for me is CBT - cognitive behavioural therapy..its basically being able to use thought replacement techniques to give less power to the negative thoughts i was having. I definitely feel like I am recovering now. Sometimes I even feel like myself again. I think drugs have their place in some cases, but should'nt be seen as a definite cure or a magic pill. Like others have stated, its usually a combination of drugs or therapy that are needed, depending on the factors of your depression. There are so many resources out there on the subject, so just do some homework before you make any decisions to go on long term medication. That would be my advice.

[bigtmac19]

Some people are really slamming medication on here. I don't think you should just go to your family doctor and have him give you something and that's the end of it. I don't think you should take the medication without counselling as well. I went for counselling for about six weeks before I decided with the help of my counsellor that medication may help me. I continued with the counselling while on the medication and after about a year of both, I decided that I was doing well enough to stop taking it. It doesn't help in every situation and I don't think the family doctors should be handing them out as quickly as they do, with no other supports in place, but I still think it is a viable alternative in a lot of situations.

[Resolute 14]

Originally Posted by jammies

Obviously for many people it isn't as simple as just willing your way out of depression, but there is a very important point here - people can be willing to help, but the key is that YOU have to change before their help will mean anything. Allowing outside influences to drive your recovery just means that other outside influences will be able to set you back again; you must find inner strength to fuel a rage for happiness, a lust for it, a power that masters your soul and transforms it into a happy one.

There is nothing wrong, and much right, with seeking help, but if you do not seek it with the attitude that you are going to do most of the heavy lifting, you are likely to fail. Think of it as learning any other skill - a teacher can do much to help you, but if you are not motivated to put what you learn into practice, you will be an indifferent student at best.

I can definitely relate to this advice, having seen it so perfectly displayed in front of me in the past few months.

I've told the story of my friend's breakup with her husband, and one of the biggest reasons why that relationship fell apart was the demons both were carrying. Both were co-dependant, but he had a rough childhood - very domineering father, unsure of any physical abuse, but I wouldn't doubt it - and ran from it constantly. Getting mad if anyone even threatened to talk about it. He's closed his mind to it, and therefore spends all of his time running. As a result, he simply can't function as an individual. He *needs* someone to make his life work for him. So much so that he still won't completely leave my friend alone, even though some of the ways she has told him to go to hell have shocked her therapist by the fact he keeps coming back.

He just cannot change because his mind is closed. He believes the world around him should change to suit him. As such, without that desire to change himself, no amount of effort - and my friend certainly did try - will ever register.

My own childhood was marked by the complete opposite problem - isolation and abandonment. As a result, I find it hard to function around people. A rather ugly catch-22, given the only two things I fear on this earth are being around people... and being alone. Like him, I spent most of my time running. Barely dodging suicide in high school, with only the murder of my aunt snapping me out of the belief that people around me would be better off if I was gone.

It wasn't until their breakup though - and watching someone who threw away what I viewed to be a perfect life, everything I ever dreamed of having, but have been completely denied, because he couldn't control his own demons - that I finally stopped running from my own. It's not an easy battle, but in just four sessions with a therapist, I can already see a lot of things changing. Got a long way to go, but once you accept that you need professional help, if you go in with an open mind, you will see change.

For anyone fighting a similar battle, this is the only advice I can give thus far: listen. Listen to your friends, even if it feels easy to dismiss the support they offer as undeserved. Listen to the professionals you seek. Be willing to trust them, and to work through whatever exercises they give you.

Most importantly, listen to yourself. If your mind is screaming that you need a change, and that you want a change, then fight to change. One of my personal mantras right now is: nothing changes if nothing changes. I wasted half my life because of the fear of change, even though there was no possible way things could have gotten worse.

If anyone wants a recommendation for a good group of psychologists, let me know. I would definitely suggest seeing a therapist before a general practitioner. Drugs are the solution for some problems, but I don't believe it is the first solution for most.

[Flashpoint]

This is a 5 star thread.

Good work Rico. You have done the hardest part and recognized and admitted that you have a problem. Everything from here on out will be easier, I promise you. Depression is a MEDICAL condition and can be managed like any other illness. Medication, psychological treatment, and lifestyle changes can make a difference beyond your wildest dreams. There is a lot of help out there, and a great first step can be going to see a doctor or counselor who will point you in the right direction.

[foofighter15]

I haven't read the whole thread because as I am at work I don't really have a chance to right now, so Im just going to respond to the initial post.
Rico,
I could all spout off the standard lines of, it will get better or I feel your pain or you can come to me if you need to chat (as true as those all are).
But the fact is, you have a three page thread in just over 12 hours of people who obviously care about you (even with the many of us who don't know you) and we obviously can't cure the problems that have been bringing you down, but it to know that there is a group of people that are willing to support you should put a smile on all of our faces.
I wish you nothing but luck in your recovery, I will pray for you, and you can talk to me if you want to. We've got your back.

[ricosuave]

thank you all for the kind words and advice, both in the thread and in pm.

its wonderful to know that this community volunteers that level of support.

im kind of at a loss as to what to say for all of this, but for now, thank you.

[Maritime Q-Scout]

Originally Posted by ricosuave

thank you all for the kind words and advice, both in the thread and in pm.

its wonderful to know that this community volunteer that level of support.

im kind of at a loss as to what to say for all of this, but for now, thank you.

hey man, you have my MSN if you need it. I've had folks here do lend an ear when I needed it in the past. I actually found it helpful to talk to someone whom I've never met, as it's not like I have to impress them, or put on a facade of my normal everyday self. Worked out that one of the people I talk to most on MSN is from here, and never about personal situations that got us talking to begin with.

Wishing you all the best from the east coast, and if you do have a beer make it a Keith's.

~ MQS

[Iowa_Flames_Fan]

Originally Posted by ricosuave

thank you all for the kind words and advice, both in the thread and in pm.

its wonderful to know that this community volunteer that level of support.

im kind of at a loss as to what to say for all of this, but for now, thank you.

Rico--I know a little about this issue--I'll send a PM with a more detailed explanation. In the meantime, remember to approach this problem from two fronts--medication can be a very helpful thing, and though people react differently to different meds, depression is a brain illness, and if you have it then it may well be the case that you literally can't feel better without them. There's nothing wrong with that, and there's no shame in admitting that you need the help, both from medication, and from friends and family.

[Ford Prefect]

I wish you all the best Rico and you know you have a support group here at CP.

Some of what you said sounds very similar to some problems I've dealt with in the past, particularly about coming from a family background that is short on love and long on politics. What I did was talk to my family members and I told them I was tired of the family politics and BS. I told them I still cared from them and wanted them in my life, but only if they checked the politics, lies and mind games at the door.

Aside from that, trust in your wife. That may be the most important thing. It was for me.

Just my 2 cents worth in case any of it sounds useful to you.

[WesternCanadaKing]

I know someone who's also going through some extremely intense depression issues right now, she actually needs to be hospitalised, and has been in and out of Foothills and Childrens for about 5 months now. From what I've seen its a really tough battle, but getting it all out is the best thing to start out with, which is something the person I just mentioned has yet to do.

[ricosuave]

well, i wanted to bring back this old thread so that others this time of year might see it

unfortunately, im still not great, been through a couple of therapists without much happening.

this time of year, and my current work situation is making things tough. as is the flames current slump

im pretty good at putting on a brave face, both in person and in message boards, so if you have read any of my stuff, you may think that things are better, but really theyre not.

i think the next step is back to the doctor and i think ill see what he says about some of the pharmacuetical options that are available...