CP Women/Dating Discussion Thread #841 & #842

[RougeUnderoos]

Back to the original topic if we can for one moment...

Foolproof Online Dating Tips


There are a lot of guys out there on the internet who desperately want to find a woman to share their life with, and who don't want to have to go outside to do it.

Read more here...

[jammies]

Originally Posted by RougeUnderoos

If I was in the same situation (as the girl) and I had an old female friend of mine coming to stay the night on the couch and a woman I'd been dating for 2 months told me how things were going to be, I'd tell her to get lost.

I can't agree with you there - I'd never make the offer in the first place. 2 months is not long enough to establish that level of trust. If my friend really needed a place to stay, I'd either spring for a hotel for her, or ask my gf if I could stay with her so my friend could use my place. Anything else is showing disrespect for the relationship by assuming I can just act any old way I please towards other women - and ESPECIALLY a woman I already have "fooled around" with.

There is nothing wrong with establishing boundaries by telling someone exactly how your feel. In this case, obviously there is an issue, and the issue needs to be addressed, not just "oh well it really bothers me but I'm just going to give in and hope all is for the best".

[zukes]

Originally Posted by 4X4

There you have it. All you need to know (or ask yourself) is whether she was asking for more than you were giving her. No different that a dude whose wife suddenly stops putting out. They'll get it elsewhere.

Nah dude, I gave it to her every which way, the problem was, her boyfriend was three hours away all the time and they only saw each other when she went home to see her "family" so she needed some closer I guess. As soon as he proposed she found a job back where he and her family lives and moved back.

[rubecube]

Originally Posted by jammies

I can't agree with you there - I'd never make the offer in the first place. 2 months is not long enough to establish that level of trust. If my friend really needed a place to stay,

Yeah, I guess that sums it up for me. That and I've never met this dude and I think their fling was within the last year or so, so not like it was a long time ago.

[RougeUnderoos]

Originally Posted by jammies

In this case, obviously there is an issue, and the issue needs to be addressed, not just "oh well it really bothers me but I'm just going to give in and hope all is for the best".

Is that any worse than "well, I am worried you are going to screw this guy and I don't want you sleeping under the same roof, even though you've told me nothing is going to happen"?

[rubecube]

Originally Posted by RougeUnderoos

Is that any worse than "well, I am worried you are going to screw this guy and I don't want you sleeping under the same roof, even though you've told me nothing is going to happen"?

I think this is different because of the previous history. She has a guy friend from Australia coming to stay with her at some point in the near future and I have no problem with this because she's never fooled around with him.

[J pold]

Sounds to me like you can’t trust this girl if that is the case end it now and save yourself some trouble

[rubecube]

Originally Posted by J pold

Sounds to me like you can’t trust this girl if that is the case end it now and save yourself some trouble

It's not really her fault though. I'm not a very trusting person in general and it's not her who I'm worried about, it's the dude. I don't know him and his reputation sounds shady.

I also have buddies I wouldn't leave her alone with either and yet some of my buddies I wouldn't have a problem with it.

[J pold]

Originally Posted by jammies

Tell her he can stay at her place and she can stay at YOUR place.

Ahh yes telling a woman she can’t stay to her own house after just 2 months of dating…a true sign of a lasting relationship

[rubecube]

Originally Posted by J pold

Ahh yes telling a woman she can’t stay to her own house after just 2 months of dating…a true sign of a lasting relationship

It's a bit extreme but so is saying that you should trust someone completely after two months. My point wasn't that I'm going to make a big deal about it because I'm not. My point was I'm not cool with it and if it's reasonable for me to not be cool with it.

[J pold]

Originally Posted by rubecube

It's not really her fault though. I'm not a very trusting person in general and it's not her who I'm worried about, it's the dude. I don't know him and his reputation sounds shady.

I also have buddies I wouldn't leave her alone with either and yet some of my buddies I wouldn't have a problem with it.

Sure you can’t trust the guy but what you can do is have enough faith in yourself that you are a better man for her than him

Also its not as if he is going to hold her against her will if he puts on the moves you should trust that she will turn him down in favor of you

[rubecube]

Originally Posted by J pold

Sure you can’t trust the guy but what you can do is have enough faith in yourself that you are a better man for her than him

Also its not as if he is going to hold her against her will if he puts on the moves you should trust that she will turn him down in favor of you

Fair enough, although it's not like people never make mistakes they regret (especially if there's alcohol involved and they both like to drink together).

[J pold]

Originally Posted by rubecube

It's a bit extreme but so is saying that you should trust someone completely after two months. My point wasn't that I'm going to make a big deal about it because I'm not. My point was I'm not cool with it and if it's reasonable for me to not be cool with it.

If you’re not cool with it than your not cool with it, no one here can tell you how too feel

If it was my girlfriend and I (we have been dating for 4 months) I would have no problem

[J pold]

Originally Posted by rubecube

Fair enough, although it's not like people never make mistakes they regret (especially if there's alcohol involved and they both like to drink together).

Yeah people make mistakes but when you break someone’s trust that to me is more than just a mistake

[4X4]

Originally Posted by zukes

Nah dude, I gave it to her every which way, the problem was, her boyfriend was three hours away all the time and they only saw each other when she went home to see her "family" so she needed some closer I guess. As soon as he proposed she found a job back where he and her family lives and moved back.

Thought that might sound like I was speaking directly to your situation... I'm saying that there are situations like this where the ultimate demise of the relationship is that the libidos don't match up. For example, I once started a booty call relationship with a girl that just claimed to be too busy to have a real relationship. It turned out that she was married. Now, I didn't take it personally... She just needed a little extra on the side. Needless to say, when I figured that out, she was history.
Get this: I figured it out because one day she forgot to take off her wedding ring.

[Flames_Gimp]

Originally Posted by Eastern Girl

I hear ya Witty, perpetually single myself. ()

that's just because you won't travel to calgary

[Eastern Girl]

From what I hear, I would have way too much competition in Calgary.

[Finner]

Who trusts somebody after two months? Honestly, i have been with my girlfriend for a couple years, and when we met she had had quite a bit more experience then i did.

You think i felt really comfortable and warm inside when she was going to go get drunk with people i didn't know, and there would be a guy she had fooled around with multiple times? Especially after we had only been dating a couple months?

Anyways, think about any serious relationship you've ever seen in your life(I realize this relationship is only two months in) . Are any people in these relationships having people they fooled around with staying at there place? Even occasionally?

Now two months in can be different. You still have your old habits. She may have already made these plans and can't really back out. But you sure don't have to trust her completely, especially with the situation shes going to be in.

Tell her the truth, and if you get in a fight so be it.

I love all the people saying "don't say anything, if your confident she'll like you more." Yah, as if him saying something will make him appear less attractive to her. If anything it will actually make her think about how this is affecting you. And if it does make you appear less attractive? Then it wasn't worth your time anyways.

[Resolute 14]

Originally Posted by Eastern Girl

From what I hear, I would have way too much competition in Calgary.

If this thread is any indication, there are plenty of us to go around....

[jammies]

Originally Posted by RougeUnderoos

Is that any worse than "well, I am worried you are going to screw this guy and I don't want you sleeping under the same roof, even though you've told me nothing is going to happen"?

Maybe not, but the point you seem to be missing is that it wasn't his choice to get INTO this situation in the first place. So he's in a difficult position - does he roll over and play mr. nice guy even though he really doesn't like what's happening, or does he play mr. mean guy and tell her that he DOES have a problem with it and she needs to address it one way or the other.

Like I said, respect means you don't put people into that kind of dilemma if you can help it. If you do put them in one, and you get pushback, you can cry matyr all you want, and say the other person is being unreasonable but YOU were the one forcing them to decide whether to be unreasonable, or unhappy.