Any High School English Teachers Out There? Need a little help with Hamlet essay

[WesternCanadaKing]

If there are any high school english teachers who post here, and have a little bit of time on their hands, I would really really really appreciate if you could just possibly read over this essay and tell me what you think. I need to get a good grade with it and I just need to know if you would give it an 80 or higher. Or just a quick skim would work too.

The play Hamlet, written in 1600 by William Shakespeare, is known as one of the greatest pieces of literature in the English language. In the play, Shakespeare develops the idea that in order to effectively achieve ones goals a balance between planning and action is required, for too much of either could result in a lack of action or unexpected results, respectively. He does this by juxtaposing three characters who are each in similar situations: Hamlet, Laertes, and Fortinbras. While Hamlet is melancholy and thoughtful, Laertes is brash and impulsive. Fortinbras serves as an effective middle ground to represent the balance that is necessary between making plans and putting them into action.

Hamlet’s character is extremely complex and has fascinated people ever since the play was first written. His character is effectively summed up in a quote, from his soliloquy in Act 2 “The spirit that I have seen – May be a devil, and the devil hath power – T’ assume a pleasing shape; yea, and perhaps, – out of my weakness and my melancholy, – As he is very potent with such spirits, – Abuses me to damn me. I’ll have grounds – More relative than this. The plays the thing – Wherein I’ll catch the conscience of the King.”. He starts off by saying that the spirit he had seen might not be the ghost of his father but rather a devil, and thus perhaps it shouldn’t be trusted. This is evidence of the aspect of Hamlet’s character in which he thinks more than perhaps another person would, and that he first must deal with his inner conflicts before he can start to deal with his external ones. He is very adamant in ensuring that it is actually Claudius who killed his father, despite the fact that the visitation of the ghost probably would have been enough proof of Claudius’ guilt for other people who could be in his situation. He is nervous that if he wrongly murders Claudius he would damn himself to Hell. This aspect of Hamlet’s personality is ironic, as he puts so much effort into making sure that he does not wrongfully kill anybody, but then in a brash impulsive action he stabs a person behind a curtain without first seeing who it is. In doing this he kills Polonius, who had nothing to do with his father’s death. As a result Ophelia is driven to madness and drowns while picking flowers by a stream. He then sends Rosencrantz and Guildenstern to their deaths in England, simply because he thinks that they are in cohorts with the King, when they really have no idea what is going on. Throughout the play Hamlet is pondering is situation and in effect wondering why he hasn’t done anything, and along the way through his impulsive actions he hurts those who are not involved. It is not until the end of act 4 does he finally say “O, from this time forth – My thoughts be bloody or be nothing worth!”. It is not up until that point does he decide to take real action against Claudius. In the end he is able to kill Claudius, but not without he himself dying soon after. So although Hamlet has the ability to plan things out and also be impulsive, a balance does not exist because the two are separate. He will plan things but then will act on impulses which deviate from those plans, and as a result he has a lack of action in what he believes needs to be done, and unexpected results that leave others dead.

In stark contrast to Hamlet’s character there is Laertes. Laertes is hot blooded and impulsive; he is desperate to get revenge for the death of his father, Polonius. Upon news of his father’s death he comes raging back to Denmark and he says to Claudius “I dare damnation! To this point I stand – That both the worlds I give to negligence, – Let come what comes, only I’ll be revenged – Most thoroughly for my father!”. This provide insight into Laertes's mind displaying his desire for revenge at any cost. He is not guided by morals or principles as Hamlet is, which is most clearly shown as a direct juxtaposition from his character to Hamlet’s when he says “To cut his throat i’ th’ church”. Hamlet had the chance to kill Claudius in the church, but he refused, for fear of both sending Claudius to heaven for killing him during prayer, and also for doing the murder in such a holy place. This is the fundamental difference between the two characters, as Hamlet spends the entire play resolving his inward conflict before he can even start to carry out his revenge, Laertes lets himself get into a rage and puts no thought into what he is doing. This makes Laertes easily manipulated as without any thought or plan to his revenge Claudius is able to use his anger to his advantage, and devises a ‘fool proof’ plan with which to kill Hamlet. In acting purely on impulse Laertes essentially achieves nothing and ends up killing the wrong person, and he himself dies. This unexpected outcome could probably have been avoided had Laertes not allowed himself to be overcome with his passion and desire for revenge. He did not realize his follies until it was too late when he finally realized what Claudius had done.

The final character who in the main character foils of the play is Fortinbras, the young prince from Norway. Fortinbras is the epitome of the balanced and well thought out actions in the play. Two quotes effectively describe his character, such as when Horatio says of him “Now sir, young Fortinbras – of unimprovèd mettle hot and full”. This shows how Fortinbras is not unlike Hamlet and Laertes in that he is very hot blooded and thirsty to revenge the death of his father at the hands of King Hamlet. He is very determined in getting his revenge, in that he even assembles an army of 20,000 soldiers to march into Denmark and take over the throne. However, there appears to be another side of Fortinbras when Hamlet says “Witness this army of such mass and charge – Led by a delicate and tender prince – Whose spirit with divine ambition puffed” which shows that Fortinbras is not an impulsive or a man who is easily overtaken by his emotions. He made his plan to overtake Denmark and put it into to action. In fact, he waited nearly 30 years until he was finally able to take his army and take over Elsinore by force, which is clear in the quote “Of all the days i’ th’ year, I came to ‘t – that day that our last King Hamlet overcame – Fortinbras... that very day that young Hamlet was born”. As Fortinbras’ father was killed 30 years ago and he is only now taking action most distinctly shows how much control he has over his emotions and actions, and that he is able to both plan and put those plans into action to get the desired result. He knows what he has to do, like Laertes, so he puts morals aside in his plan to trick the King into letting his army walk freely into Denmark. However, unlike Laertes, this is not a result of pure frustration and rage, but rather a part of his plan. This can also be juxtaposed against Hamlet, who finds himself constrained and controlled by his virtues. So in effect, both Hamlet and Laertes are not in control of their actions and plans, as they allow their emotions, and in Hamlet’s case his virtues, to take over them. For Fortinbras, his actions are a direct result of his planning, so he is able to carry out his plans without his emotions taking over and leading to impulsive action. He is able to succeed in his revenge, and become the King, while both Hamlet and Laertes die.

Hamlet and Laertes both occupy opposite ends of the spectrum. For Hamlet, it is the end that is melancholy and thoughtful, while for Laertes it is the end that is brash and impulsive. They both allow their emotions to rule them, and are ‘slaves to their passion’. As Hamlet says in Act 3 “...blessed are those – Whose blood and judgement are so well – comeddled”, although this quote is not referring directly to Fortinbras, it represents exactly who Fortinbras is. He is able to find the balance between his actions and his planning and therefor he is able to achieve his goal without any unexpected results.

[jolinar of malkshor]

Sweet I dont have to do my essay now.

[Flames2007FIRE IT UP]

Way OT and not at all helpful but this essay brings back memories of english class, boy I hated english class.

Good-luck.

[Jayems]

Take this with a grain of salt as I am not an English teacher.

Originally Posted by WesternCanadaKing

If there are any high school english teachers who post here, and have a little bit of time on their hands, I would really really really appreciate if you could just possibly read over this essay and tell me what you think. I need to get a good grade with it and I just need to know if you would give it an 80 or higher. Or just a quick skim would work too.

The play Hamlet, written in 1600 by William Shakespeare, is known as one of the greatest pieces of literature in the English language. In the play, Shakespeare develops the idea that in order to effectively achieve ones goals, a balance between planning and action is required; too much of either could result in a lack of action or unexpected results.

He does this by juxtaposing three characters who are each in similar situations: Hamlet, Laertes, and Fortinbras.

Here, you are using the colon to describe the situation. Where the colon is used somewhat correctly, you should re-word it to reflect that you are going to list the three characters, because it implies that the following should be the situations. Know what i mean?


Shakespere juxtaposes characters who are in similar situations, and focuses on three main ones: Hamlet, Laertes, and Fortinbras.

Something along those lines.

[ricoFlame]

dude, whether this is good or not, people are going to plagiarize it now. don't pass your work around on the internet, what if somebody copies it from here and submit's it before you? i'd get it off of here asap, just some advice...

[WesternCanadaKing]

Originally Posted by ricoFlame

dude, whether this is good or not, people are going to plagiarize it now. don't pass your work around on the internet, what if somebody copies it from here and submit's it before you? i'd get it off of here asap, just some advice...

I'd be able to prove in a second that its mine, it'd be pretty obvious if someone took it off me. We had to turn in a thing saying what our exact thesis and stuff would be beforehand.

[Flashpoint]

Originally Posted by ricoFlame

dude, whether this is good or not, people are going to plagiarize it now. don't pass your work around on the internet, what if somebody copies it from here and submit's it before you? i'd get it off of here asap, just some advice...

Leave it up for 24 hours and then delete it. Odds are you'll be ok.

[Locke]

Pfft. He'll have like a ton of witnesses who have seen it posted on here.

Unless this is a very elaborate scheme I wouldnt worry about it, besides....its High School. Its not a University paper or anything.

Decent essay, a bit short though dont you think?

I'd love to help, but my Hamlet is a bit rusty.

[wpgflamesfan]

it's 1500 words which is probably what he needed. your lucky i had to write a 2500 word essay on hamlet earlier this year.

[Flashpoint]

Originally Posted by WesternCanadaKing

If there are any high school english teachers who post here, and have a little bit of time on their hands, I would really really really appreciate if you could just possibly read over this essay and tell me what you think. I need to get a good grade with it and I just need to know if you would give it an 80 or higher. Or just a quick skim would work

Here are my thoughts. Take it on face value, and don't feel the need to make changes soley on my advice. I am just a guy who likes to read. I'm not making the changes in the text for you because I want you to have to do some work for it.


The play Hamlet,
Put Hamlet in quotes. It's a proper name of a work of literature.

written in 1600 by William Shakespeare, is known as one of the greatest pieces of literature in the English language.

It isn't literature as much as it is a work of theatre. Not sure when it was first published, but the earliest versions were simply acted, not written in a book like today.

In the play, Shakespeare develops the idea that in order to effectively achieve ones goals

"ones" needs to be put in it's possessive form.

a balance between planning and action is required, for too much of either could result in a lack of action or unexpected results, respectively.

You don't need the word respectively. A good clear thesis statement though, you have started well.

He does this by juxtaposing three characters who are each in similar situations: Hamlet, Laertes, and Fortinbras. While Hamlet is melancholy and thoughtful, Laertes is brash and impulsive. Fortinbras serves as an effective middle ground to represent the balance that is necessary between making plans and putting them into action.

Good, but you haven't explained how the three characters are in similar situations.

Hamlet’s character is extremely complex and has fascinated people ever since the play was first written.

I would go with performed instead of written. It's a play, not a book.

His character is effectively summed up in a quote, from his soliloquy in Act 2 “The spirit that I have seen – May be a devil, and the devil hath power – T’ assume a pleasing shape; yea, and perhaps, – out of my weakness and my melancholy, – As he is very potent with such spirits, – Abuses me to damn me. I’ll have grounds – More relative than this. The plays the thing – Wherein I’ll catch the conscience of the King.”.

He starts off by saying that the spirit he had seen might not be the ghost of his father but rather a devil, and thus perhaps it shouldn’t be trusted.

I would switch he to Hamlet, just to be clear who you are talking about after the quote.

This is evidence of the aspect of Hamlet’s character in which he thinks more than perhaps another person would, and that he first must deal with his inner conflicts before he can start to deal with his external ones.

This is a run on sentence. Break it up. You don't need the word "perhaps".

He is very adamant in ensuring that it is actually Claudius who killed his father, despite the fact that the visitation of the ghost probably would have been enough proof of Claudius’ guilt for other people who could be in his situation.

He is nervous that if he wrongly murders Claudius he would damn himself to Hell.

You have moved on to another example, so stick the word "also" in there.

This aspect of Hamlet’s personality is ironic, as he puts so much effort into making sure that he does not wrongfully kill anybody, but then in a brash impulsive action he stabs a person behind a curtain without first seeing who it is. In doing this he kills Polonius, who had nothing to do with his father’s death.

Take out the word "so". I like the irony example.

As a result Ophelia is driven to madness and drowns while picking flowers by a stream.

It doesn't really matter that she was picking flowers. Take it out to streamline your argument.

He then sends Rosencrantz and Guildenstern to their deaths in England, simply because he thinks that they are in cohorts with the King,

Cohorts isn't really the right word. I would go with conspiring.

when they really have no idea what is going on. Throughout the play Hamlet is pondering is situation and in effect wondering why he hasn’t done anything, and along the way through his impulsive actions he hurts those who are not involved.

Another run on sentence. Break it up, and get rid of the multiple uses of "and". You have a typo in the first sentence too. Change "is" to "his".


It is not until the end of act 4 does he finally say

This is cumbersome. Keep it simple. It is not until the end of act four that Hamlet says.

“O, from this time forth – My thoughts be bloody or be nothing worth!”. It is not up until that point does he decide to take real action against Claudius.

You just used the phrase "it is not until", so use something else.

In the end he is able to kill Claudius, but not without he himself dying soon after. So although Hamlet has the ability to plan things out and also be impulsive, a balance does not exist because the two are separate.

Good - I like your argument.

He will plan things but then will act on impulses which deviate from those plans, and as a result he has a lack of action in what he believes needs to be done, and unexpected results that leave others dead.

Again, you have a run on sentence. The indication of this is how many time you use the word "and". Break it up into shorter phrasing.


In stark contrast to Hamlet’s character there is Laertes.

You don't need the word "there".

[Flashpoint]

Laertes is hot blooded and impulsive; he is desperate to get revenge for the death of his father, Polonius. Upon news of his father’s death he comes raging back to Denmark and he says to Claudius

You don't need the word "he" in "he says to Claudius". In the second sentence change the first "he" to "Laertes", so we know who you are talking about.

“I dare damnation! To this point I stand – That both the worlds I give to negligence, – Let come what comes, only I’ll be revenged – Most thoroughly for my father!”. This provide insight

"provides" insight.

into Laertes's mind displaying his desire for revenge at any cost. He is not guided by morals or principles as Hamlet is, which is most clearly shown as a direct juxtaposition from his character to Hamlet’s when he says “To cut his throat i’ th’ church”.

He is displaying his desire for revenge, but your thesis statement is that you must have a balance between action and planning. How does this desire for revenge tie into that?


Hamlet had the chance to kill Claudius in the church, but he refused, for fear of both sending Claudius to heaven for killing him during prayer, and also for doing the murder in such a holy place.

You don't need anything after the comma. Hamlet only needs 1 reason not to kill Claudius for the purpose of your essay.

This is the fundamental difference between the two characters, as Hamlet spends the entire play resolving his inward conflict before he can even start to carry out his revenge,

Period.


Laertes lets himself get into a rage and puts no thought into what he is doing.

Stick in "by contrast", or "on the other hand" after Laertes.

This makes Laertes easily manipulated as without any thought or plan to his revenge Claudius is able to use his anger to his advantage, and devises a ‘fool proof’ plan with which to kill Hamlet.

Too long. Put periods where you have commas, and make shorter sentences.


In acting purely on impulse Laertes essentially achieves nothing and ends up killing the wrong person, and he himself dies.

Too many uses of "and"

This unexpected outcome could probably have been avoided had Laertes not allowed himself to be overcome with his passion and desire for revenge. He did not realize his follies until it was too late when he finally realized what Claudius had done.

You used "realize" twice in the same sentence. Use a different word. You also want to summarize the Laertes portion of your thesis statement by indicating to the reader WHY Laertes failed (poor planning, all action).


The final character who in the main character foils of the play is Fortinbras, the young prince from Norway.

This is not a sentence.


Fortinbras is the epitome of the balanced and well thought out actions in the play. Two quotes effectively describe his character, such as when Horatio says of him “Now sir, young Fortinbras – of unimprovèd mettle hot and full”. This shows how Fortinbras is not unlike Hamlet and Laertes in that he is very hot blooded and thirsty to revenge the death of his father at the hands of King Hamlet. He is very determined in getting his revenge, in that he even assembles an army of 20,000 soldiers to march into Denmark and take over the throne. However, there appears to be another side of Fortinbras when Hamlet says “Witness this army of such mass and charge – Led by a delicate and tender prince – Whose spirit with divine ambition puffed” which shows that Fortinbras is not an impulsive or a man who is easily overtaken by his emotions.

Very good!

He made his plan to overtake Denmark and put it into to action.

Into to? Who made his plan? This is a terrible sentence. Rewrite it so it makes sense on it's own.

In fact, he waited nearly 30 years until he was finally able to take his army and take over Elsinore by force, which is clear in the quote “Of all the days i’ th’ year, I came to ‘t – that day that our last King Hamlet overcame – Fortinbras... that very day that young Hamlet was born”.

You don't need "in fact".

As Fortinbras’ father was killed 30 years ago and he is only now taking action most distinctly shows how much control he has over his emotions and actions, and that he is able to both plan and put those plans into action to get the desired result.

Excellent argument!

He knows what he has to do, like Laertes, so he puts morals aside in his plan to trick the King into letting his army walk freely into Denmark. However, unlike Laertes, this is not a result of pure frustration and rage, but rather a part of his plan. This can also be juxtaposed against Hamlet,

Juxtaposed is a great word, but you are using it way too often. Use contrasted or compared instead. No need to use a shotgun to kill a fly.


who finds himself constrained and controlled by his virtues. So in effect, both Hamlet and Laertes are not in control of their actions and plans, as they allow their emotions, and in Hamlet’s case his virtues, to take over them.

You don't need "So in effect". I would also use overtake instead of take over.


For Fortinbras, his actions are a direct result of his planning, so he is able to carry out his plans without his emotions taking over and leading to impulsive action. He is able to succeed in his revenge, and become the King, while both Hamlet and Laertes die.

You don't need "taking over and".

Stick on "in vain" at the end of that to show the futility of H and L's actions.

Hamlet and Laertes both occupy opposite ends of the spectrum. For Hamlet, it is the end that is melancholy and thoughtful, while for Laertes it is the end that is brash and impulsive.

They both allow their emotions to rule them, and are ‘slaves to their passion’. As Hamlet says in Act 3 “...blessed are those – Whose blood and judgement are so well – comeddled”, although this quote is not referring directly to Fortinbras, it represents exactly who Fortinbras is.

After the quote, start a new sentence.

He is able to find the balance between his actions and his planning and therefor he is able to achieve his goal without any unexpected results.Therefor is spelled wrong. You don't need any words after goal. You are contrasting Fortinbras with H and L, and neither of them achieve their goals (which is implied when you suggest unexpected results).


God I love Hamlet.

Good essay, perhaps a little short. Great thesis for being in high school.

Be sure to post what mark we got.

[Locke]

Holy crap Flashpoint.....

Good posts.

[urban1]

Id delete the original post.

Great way for someone to plagerize you and end up with you getting in trouble.

[MassFlames]

I'm not a teacher, but I was an English major in college and I can say that much of this is full of grammatical and syntactical errors. A lot of it, too, comes off as trying to fill out the page and using words that you wouldn't use in normal speech to sound like you know what you're talking about ("for" instead of "because" in the first paragraph).

You present your argument fairly convincingly, though if I were grading it, I'd have wanted to see a few more examples using quotes, I think. Also, I don't know what the thesis of the paper was supposed to have been (was this a dictated topic?) but this is a little simplistic for a play as complex as Hamlet.

Also, I'm American, so I don't know what paper style (Chicago, MLA, etc) is used north of the border, but one certainly needs to be applied here.

[iggypop]

Oh the good old 5 paragrapgh paper. I havent read your paper and don't plan to, but i copied and pasted your 2rd paragragh (1st body paragraph) into word, its 2 pages long double spaced! Thats ridiculous man. No paragragh sould be longer than 3/4 of a page. Period. Split your body paragraphs into at least 2 each. Not only will it read a lot better, but your teacher will be happy that your not using the cookie cutter 5 paragraph model.

[REDVAN]

Originally Posted by jolinar of malkshor

Sweet I dont have to do my essay now.

Me neither, hope we aren't in the same class.

[wpgflamesfan]

Originally Posted by iggypop

Oh the good old 5 paragrapgh paper. I havent read your paper and don't plan to, but i copied and pasted your 2rd paragragh (1st body paragraph) into word, its 2 pages long double spaced! Thats ridiculous man. No paragragh sould be longer than 3/4 of a page. Period. Split your body paragraphs into at least 2 each. Not only will it read a lot better, but your teacher will be happy that your not using the cookie cutter 5 paragraph model.

haha man the good old 5 paragraph paper runs show in highschool. Generally people don't know who to use other formats and it just comes out looking plain stupid.

[Kipper is King]

It should be MLA style, but often that isn't enforced in high school. Also, you are actually committing plagarism if you make extensive changes based on these suggestions.

[ricoFlame]

for the second time, this kid NEEDS to get this essay off of the internet . . . playing with fire. oh well, can't say he wasn't warned.

[Flashpoint]

Originally Posted by Kipper is King

It should be MLA style, but often that isn't enforced in high school. Also, you are actually committing plagarism if you make extensive changes based on these suggestions.

No he isn't. If he was copying someone else's work without attribution he would be. But all that is in this thread is suggestions and proof reading.

WesternCanadianKing, if you want to be 100% sure you won't get in trouble, talk to your teacher about this thread. Indicate that you were looking for someone to read it over - no different than if you asked a family member or schoolmate. You might even want to give him a link to make it perfectly clear you aren't hiding anything.

The ideas are all yours, and the words are all yours. I can't imagine your teacher would have a problem with it.