how to motivate and inspire your kids! - Calgarypuck Forums - The Unofficial Calgary Flames Fan Community

Sample00 · 10-09-2007, 07:58 PM

so, I have a question for the Calgarypucksters!
how do you motivate and instill desire in your children.
whether its for homework, or sports or whatever.
how can you motivate your children and get that feeling of desire burning in their bellies?
My kids are 12 and 10, and as most kids, seem to do what is required, but rarely more. I have great kids and I am not worried about right and wrong, but what does it take to get them going? whats the trick?
thoughts?
discussion?

Displaced Flames fan · 10-09-2007, 08:01 PM

Yeah, what he said! I think we have the same kids Ax! Mine are 12 & 15...I trust them completely with right and wrong. They treat other people with respect! Trust me, that's not that common anymore. But....man...they just don't have any drive whatsoever. I feel your pain.

Maritime Q-Scout · 10-09-2007, 08:04 PM

cookies,

I like cookies

Seriously, not really sure what my parents did to motivate me. It's something that everyone struggles with from time to time. Heck right now I'm looking for the motivation to go to bed.

Ye ole pep talk about goals and objectives. See what they want and show them how getting them to do what you want them to, will help achieve said goals. I would think (though I don't have any kids, far from it) that would be the best way.

If not,

cookies

I like cookies

Dion · 10-09-2007, 08:05 PM

Growing up there was a reward system in our family. If i did chores that was above and beyond what was required of me I got hockey tickets or an afternoon matinee at the cinema. The goal of my parents was to install some work ethics in us 3 kids. You wanted something you had to work for it. We learned quickly the value of a dollar and how to work for things.

Reggie Dunlop · 10-09-2007, 08:05 PM

Military school.

FireFly · 10-09-2007, 08:06 PM

embarassment. You tell them if they don't do something, you're going to pants them in a public place when they least expect it. That'll work. No kid wants to be pants'd.

Vulcan · 10-09-2007, 08:08 PM

I'd try and encourage some competition, even between each other and against their previous results. If you're enthusiastic about what they are doing, it might rub off although it can be hard competing against their friends ideas of what's cool.

JiriHrdina · 10-09-2007, 08:09 PM

To be honest I was never motivated by my parents. I wouldn't even tell them my grades and what not until report cards had to be signed. And I was a good student - but for some reason I didn't need to be motivated by them.

And I would add (and this may sound wrong) but is there anything too wrong with doing what is required. I think kids are sometimes in too much of a hurry to group up. I put a lot of pressure on myself in school in junior high and high school and looking back now I'm not sure how much good it did me in the long-term.

Sorry not much help.

FireFly · 10-09-2007, 08:10 PM

Hookers and blow.

Okay, I'm done now.

But seriously, rewards for going above and beyond. Whatever they like to do, reward them with something that develops their interests.

Dion · 10-09-2007, 08:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fotze

and this turned you into the independantly wealthy wildly successful individual that you are today?

I think some of it is that people don't realize how unnatural it is to become one of the ultra-successful, like Keenan says. Also, to be one of them certainly does not make them more happy.

Not wealthy, but very financialy secure

Ford Prefect · 10-09-2007, 08:33 PM

We have two kids ... a 16 year old girl and a 14 year old boy. Like others have said, I have no problem with their morals and ability to choose right and wrong, but I've encountered the same motivation/ambition problems. What I've done is make them earn their new privileges and freedoms. If they want a later curfew, fine, but what are you going to do to earn it? Need more spending money? Also fine, but what are you going to do to earn it? It seems to work ... they seem to accept that if they want to be given more "adult" freedoms and privileges, they have to earn them, just like an adult. Of course there's limits that I'll allow, but they know and accept that.

CaptainCrunch · 10-09-2007, 08:40 PM

One statement always motivated me and my sisters when we were growing up

"If I have to pull this damn car over, its spankings all around"

TheyCallMeBruce · 10-09-2007, 08:41 PM

with a chinese feather duster.

SoCalFlamesFan · 10-09-2007, 08:44 PM

I think the lack of drive is common all across the wealthy countries of the world. It's hard to instill drive in kids who've had it all. And by that I don't mean that they had every toy in the world - but they've had good parenting, education, no lack or want of anything. They've also not had to work very hard or at all to get things in life. Add that all up and most often you get apathy and the opinion that things will be as easy for them as adults.

The solution... man... that one is more complicated... you just hope that it naturally kicks in... or that life will eventually rear its' head and they'll get it. Of course, when adulthood comes it never as easy as it looks - for me personally my real drive didn't kick in until my early 30's - and suddenly there it was.

Phanuthier · 10-09-2007, 08:44 PM

Get them to read "Rich dad poor dad"

J pold · 10-09-2007, 08:45 PM

Candy or Violence

They are interchangeabe

Dion · 10-09-2007, 08:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NickYoung

I think the lack of drive is common all across the wealthy countries of the world. It's hard to instill drive in kids who've had it all. And by that I don't mean that they had every toy in the world - but they've had good parenting, education, no lack or want of anything. They've also not had to work very hard or at all to get things in life. Add that all up and most often you get apathy and the opinion that things will be as easy for them as adults.

That sounds like my niece and nephew. Spolied rotten and never having a need for anything. They want something it's given to them on a silver platter. Trouble will follow when they reach adulthood.

madisonbtb · 10-09-2007, 09:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sample00

so, I have a question for the Calgarypucksters!
how do you motivate and instill desire in your children.
whether its for homework, or sports or whatever.
how can you motivate your children and get that feeling of desire burning in their bellies?
My kids are 12 and 10, and as most kids, seem to do what is required, but rarely more. I have great kids and I am not worried about right and wrong, but what does it take to get them going? whats the trick?
thoughts?
discussion?

holy cow!!! if you find the answer -- please tell me. my son is 13 and has never learned motivation, pride or compitition. we reluctantly let him give up hockey, but only because they have to try out and he would have never made the team. he has no desire to do anything but watch tv and play video games. he has no interests. we have tried every sort of reward/punishment combination imaginable. we have been trying to seperate what is orphanage/adoption issues and what is typical 13 year old boy issues. i hate to hear someone else is having that problem, but i'm glad i'm not alone. i've been pulling my hair out. completely at wits end. my son goes to a special school, not a catholic or public school, but a private school to deal with his language issues (english is not 1st language) and learning issues. the problem we have been running into is that during assessment tests, he does purposely bad on them so they drop him down grade levels. for example he is capable of doing 7th grade math, but will get concepts wrong on purpose so that maybe he tests out at a 3rd or 4th grade level. he figures less work that way. so we can't tell what he really knows and what he doesn't know. he made the mistake of telling us once that his orphanage found out how smart he was and sent him on a train from siberia to moscow so he could be in a special orphanage for gifted kids. so he spends something like 4 days on this train and gets there and plays stupid so they would send him home. well, the school finally gets fed up and sends him back. problem solved. well he has been pulling similar stunts here with school. some days he can do algebra and the next he can't do simple adding and subtracting. just completely shuts down. the kid is smart enough to manipulate the system and do whatever it takes to get by for that very moment. no regard for anything beyond RIGHT NOW. he spent the first 10 years of his life just trying to survive and we have been working every day of the last 3 trying to undo everything. we know he knows how to do the school work, b/c as soon as he starts going into lockdown, his grades start to improve, but it is never a lasting effect. we had some huge problems in the first month of school, so right now he has a bed and a pillow in his room. everything down to his last lego has been removed. no tv, no radio, no psp, nothing but sleep and school books. we've been on this program for about 2 weeks and it has been working great. His grades have improved significantly. Only trouble is weekends b/c he is so bored. He paces the house back and forth driving me crazy. i don't want people to get the wrong idea. he is as sweet as can be, very lovable and funny, but he lacks motivation. no drive to do something better. just happy with status quo (or below). he is too smart to be working at burger king for the rest of his life. this is the only way i know how to get his attention. we use to have the knights hockey games that we could hold as punishment, but since they aren't here, we have little left to threaten him with. so if you do find the answer...i'd love to know!!!!!!

madisonbtb · 10-09-2007, 09:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dion

Growing up there was a reward system in our family. If i did chores that was above and beyond what was required of me I got hockey tickets or an afternoon matinee at the cinema. The goal of my parents was to install some work ethics in us 3 kids. You wanted something you had to work for it. We learned quickly the value of a dollar and how to work for things.

i grew up with the very same thing. i've had a job since i was 14. i worked for what i wanted. but i think both of us have that sense of pride and work ethic already instilled in us. i know my son for one is spoiled (not by us) and i would suspect most kids are today. instead of pride, they just feel entitlement. we've tried the extra work thing. pffft lasted a whole afternoon. he flat out doesn't care.

redforever · 10-09-2007, 09:30 PM

I dont think rewards as a whole work very well. Main problem I feel is the rewards have to keep increasing, changing or getting better to hold the motivation. And they only work to a certain age. Then as most have mentioned above, you have the preteen or teen years and they just dont seem to want to do anything or they do only the minimal amount. I think that is quite natural for that time period in their lives.

Then, I think there are some things in life you just have to do, you should not be rewarded for doing so. Example, taking care of your own personal space, helping out around the house. There might be some things over and above the norm that you can reward them for, in other words, for doing more than is their normal responsibility. I think the main concept to teach kids should be no play till your responsibilities have been met and there should be consequences for not fulfilling your responsibilities.

You know your children better than anyone else and you know your parenting style. It is hard for others to say what to do because they can only perhaps say what did or did not work for them. And there is no one answer meets all, since each of us and each of your children are different. What works for one might not work for the other.

If you are teaching your children morals and manners, and if you are showing by example what a good work ethic is, that will take them a long way in life. I think motivation by and large comes from within. You can only teach and show your children so much, the rest is up to them. I know, we want so much for our children, but until they want it too and until they figure out what they have to do to get it, it simply wont happen.