Got in trouble at work - Did I destroy my reputation or can I recover?

[Chill Cosby]

Originally Posted by ChickenPho

Okay they cant, but its not worth burning bridges by not going. If I said "Im absolutely not going, no ands, ifs or buts" and I wasnt willing to change my decision? I gaurentee you that I just burnt the bridge between my boss and I.



Yes I can do this and I did in Julys event, and got blasted with 29 questions on why not and some head scratching going on from other departments. I even had one person spend 10mins on the phone with me saying how i should go. Want my opinion? No one should ever be asked why they cant make an event cause quite frankly its none of their business. If they cant go, they cant go, end of story. When people tell me they cant make my invites, I dont go asking "why not" because its none of my business.



Exactly! But unfortunately not everyone sees it this way. Once they start asking me questions, I get irritated.

It's natural for people to be inquisitive. Are you just overreacting at the line of questioning that comes after you decline an event?

If it comes up and you're not sure you can make it, say you'll get back to them. If you're sure you don't want to, say "Sorry, that's not my thing." If others ask why you aren't going, you can say "It's not my thing." If they say, "Well you should go for the people." You can simply say "I know, but there will be other events, so I'm not too concerned."

It's simple. Be honest. The way you're acting now is dishonest and less than respectable, and if your prime concern is worrying about burning bridges with your boss and your co-workers, being dishonest and short with them is going to do it much faster than declining an invitation.

Just be honest. If honesty in these scenarios burns bridges or affects your job, then either you're not right for the job, or the job isn't right for you. Based on the way you describe your relationship with your boss and how the two of you interact in these scenarios, I'd guess there is a larger problem at hand.

[Hockeyguy15]

Originally Posted by Chill Cosby

It's natural for people to be inquisitive. Are you just overreacting at the line of questioning that comes after you decline an event?

If it comes up and you're not sure you can make it, say you'll get back to them. If you're sure you don't want to, say "Sorry, that's not my thing." If others ask why you aren't going, you can say "It's not my thing." If they say, "Well you should go for the people." You can simply say "I know, but there will be other events, so I'm not too concerned."

It's simple. Be honest. The way you're acting now is dishonest and less than respectable, and if your prime concern is worrying about burning bridges with your boss and your co-workers, being dishonest and short with them is going to do it much faster than declining an invitation.

Just be honest. If honesty in these scenarios burns bridges or affects your job, then either you're not right for the job, or the job isn't right for you. Based on the way you describe your relationship with your boss and how the two of you interact in these scenarios, I'd guess there is a larger problem at hand.

I would agree, it sounds like the OP and the boss weren't on the best terms to before this thread popped up. OP makes the boss sound a little pushy and uncaring, but the OP also doesn't speak highly of the boss in another thread.

[Table 5]

Originally Posted by MarchHare

I'm not sure I agree that introverts make poor managers or CEOs. If you look at the most successful business executives, many of them are not extroverted. Bill Gates, Warren Buffett, Mark Zuckerberg -- all hugely successful billionaires, all introverts.

There are definitely plenty of successful introvert leaders, managers and team players, and I didn't mean to imply that there weren't. I just think the more people you want to lead, the better off you are if you like the attention. I think introverts tend to inspire/lead more by action, and extroverts tend to inspire/lead more by personality. Both can get you great results.

I have a few people working under me, and I teach as well, and I've had to find my own way to lead despite abhorring being the center of attention. I HATE lecturing in from of all my students in a traditional setting where I talk and 30 people listen…and don't think I do a great job. I much prefer to talk in smaller groups of 2-4 where we can have a more personal discussion where it is more of a conversational tone. I'm much more comfortable, and thus, get better results that way.

And honestly, I too loved going out for beers with my colleagues. But I enjoyed it much more when it was on a random Tuesday night after a hard days work, as opposed to Corporate Buddy-Buddy Fun Day.

[DuffMan]

Originally Posted by ChickenPho

Yes I can do this and I did in Julys event, and got blasted with 29 questions on why not and some head scratching going on from other departments. I even had one person spend 10mins on the phone with me saying how i should go and kept drilling me with questions. Want my opinion? No one should ever be asked why they cant make an event cause quite frankly its none of their business. If they cant go, they cant go, end of story. When people tell me they cant make my invites, I dont go asking "why not" because its none of my business. Its a breach of privacy and im not nosey enough in wanting to find out.

Are these events during work hours, or outside of work hours?
and how may people work at your company?

[DuffMan]

Originally Posted by ChickenPho

Because if I said i wasnt going to go in the first place, I would be questioned on why not and be forced to go. After yesterday, now I know that this golf tourney is mandatory. Theres no way out of it, I have to go. When I first got the invite, I wanted to decline but my gut feeling kept telling me its wrong because a voice was telling me i have to be there.

Wait, you have voices in your head? You might have bigger issues than being an introvert.

[Locke]

Okay, so you're not a big work-event kind of guy. Thats cool. Nothing wrong with that.

As I see it though, you committed to an event where knowing the attendees is very important for the host, both financially and logistically and then you tried to bail at the last minute offering a flimsy 'family' excuse that may or may not have been fabricated.

Thats not cool.

You shouldnt have to get grilled every time you dont want to go, but it doesnt seem that your general distaste for work functions has been made explicitly clear to your employer or co-workers.

Maybe your boss was a bit pushy, but maybe there are reasons for that too. Obviously company functions are important to your organization, or, at the very least the people within it.

If you dont want to go, dont go. This isnt Soviet Russia. But it will affect your prospects of advancement and how others see you.

Then again, sometimes its better to keep your mouth shut and be presumed a fool rather than speak and remove all doubt.

What I'm saying is, if you really hate the events that much maybe abstaining, up front and honestly, is better than attending and trying to pretend that you dont hate being there.

[surferguy]

Has anybody asked if the OP works at a golf course? That could change everything

[old-fart]

All the whiney "boo hoo don't make me/you can't make me" babies in this thread talking about "outside work hours" events that are put on and paid for by the company amuse me. Invariably in my experience these are the exact same people that have no issues being late for work when it is snowy out, or will take time for a dentist appointment during work hours, or will take an extended lunch if their friend/family member is in town.

You can't have it both ways - which is what I tell my staff. If you are going to watch the clock like a hawk, so am I. Team building events are meant to do exactly that... help build the team. People who know and understand each other better will be more likely to help one another in times of high stress or crisis. You don't have to like everyone you work with, I dare say you won't ever like EVERYONE, but if you care even a little you should put some effort into getting to know them as people.

I guess it is the difference between a "job" and a "career". There are lots of jobs where people don't give a crap about each other. If you want a 9-5 M-F job that you can put aside as soon as you leave and have zero investment in, then there are many options. Don't be one of those complainers afterwards though that you never get a promotion and your company treats you like a number not a person.

[Dan02]

Haha opened this thread expecting to see something like they lost a big client or missed work without a excuse, not not wanting to attend a corporate function.

Next time you need a excuse tell them you have a colonoscopy scheduled for that day, most of the time people aren't going to be asking followup questions.

[troutman]

In my experience, it is the "like to party people" that are late or cut corners. The quiet people are punctual and work hard all day, instead of hanging around the water cooler.

[old-fart]

Originally Posted by troutman

In my experience, it is the "like to party people" that are late or cut corners. The quiet people are punctual and work hard all day, instead of hanging around the water cooler.

Oh, I agree... the "lets get hammered again tonight" crowd are also not in my allstar list generally speaking.

I was referring specifically to the "this is scheduled outside work hours so I'm not going to go because you aren't paying me to go" crowd, not people who are just naturally quiet/introverted. The first group could include introverted and extroverted people - it is more about a sense of entitlement than personality traits. That is the sense I got from the OP's original "schedule it during work hours" and some other comments in this thread.

[Locke]

I'm actually a little jealous. Being self-employed I dont get any of these things.

[FireFly]

Originally Posted by ChickenPho

Easier said than done, much easier said than done. But the next time i get an invite for an event and the actitivity doesnt interest me, ill say no and see what happens. See how things unfold compared to this time around.

i can almost assure you, had I said no in the first place...I would still be questioned and forced to go.

Actually, I think it was just as easy to click on 'yes, I will attend' as it was to click on 'no, I will not attend'.

[FireFly]

Originally Posted by Locke

I'm actually a little jealous. Being self-employed I dont get any of these things.

Throw a golf tournament and write it off as an expense! Or something.

[Locke]

Originally Posted by fotze

You took me on a scotch tasting journey once.

It was a waste, you were still hammered from the night before! I was just giving you some hair of the dog to make you coherent.

[Locke]

Originally Posted by FireFly

Throw a golf tournament and write it off as an expense! Or something.

In good time...

[IgiTang]

You could join the military... A work event for us is going to some foreign country to get shot at or sail around the water waiting for our ship to catch fire so we can all bust out the hoses and have a big ol' 300+degree water fight...

As for the birthday excuse... damn bud... you couldnt have thought of anything better? I mean a family members birthday happens every year.. You should know thats its right around the corner or that person isnt very important to you in the first place...

And cancelling on golf? I have cancelled on going to a MLB game, paid for the ticket, someone else used it, no biggie. Same thing with a NFL game.. But Golf.. You do not agree to golf and then cancel shortly before.. You ###### the 4 some. Period.

Also, worrying about getting fired? You clearly have not made yourself invaluble to the company and are easily replacable if it takes that to screw your career. In that case, you should be going to every damn event your company puts on and be the damn life of the party cause it sounds like you aint got much going for you..

[BigNumbers]

Originally Posted by ChickenPho

Well said, thank you.

Dont assume someone isnt a team player just because they dont go to every single event. I just dont believe in the overly common mentality of living and breathing your job 24/7, 365 days a year.

It appears you started this thread to look specifically for the few posts that agree with you, thank them, and quote them.

I don't see much value in this thread, so I won't post much other than this.

[BurningSteel]

[pylon]

I love this assumption being made by some that every extrovert in the workplace is a coke snorting, booze swilling party animal. I am a major extrovert, but I might drink once a month, and hardly ever go out and 'party'. I show up for work an hour early almost every day, and stay as late as I have to to make sure the work gets done. While the introvert guy is at home doing his introverted things, I am sometimes still sitting here at 11pm, making my company money. That is why I am a manager at my company, and he is not.

If you think punching in at 8:59 and punching out at 5:01 and doing your job well makes you an all-star employee there is way more to it than that. And that includes attending charity functions, volunteering in the company name, and being a social leader in the work place. Leaders usually have a total package. Being a social outcast gives you a massive handicap of ever becoming an executive or manager. If you cannot communicate with people properly, and are shy, you will not get respect. Maybe in IT or engineering. But any company that has a public face in the community, you are never going to lead it.

This is my problem with all the introverts in this thread. They are all saying that as long as the activity is on their terms, they are OK with attending it. If it is not on their terms, makes them slightly uncomfortable or they don't like it, they shouldn't have to go. Full Stop.

Yet as an extrovert, I'll go if I don't like it, because it is designed as a team exercise, and the point isn't the activity, it is the team building aspect of it. You may think it is hogwash, but it isn't. I have worked shoulder to shoulder with two other guys for 8 years, simply because we can work incredibly well as a team, not because any one guy is a superstar. On our own we are mediocre at best. As a team, we are the best in the business at what we do by a large margin.

By participating in these functions, you are showing a team commitment, not a me commitment. Do you not see why that makes you look selfish, and a poor leader? True leaders will do things they don't necessarily want to, or like to, to benefit the good of their company. By refusing to join in you are putting yourself first.