Nice Guys...She's using you!!!

[Sainters7]

Originally Posted by Phanuthier

(I find Gretchen in Prison Break, and Deb Morgan in Dexter hot just cause of their sort of bitchy personality... I've gone out on dates with girls that were hot before, but there were boring enough that they never got a call for a 2nd date... I kind of like a girl to be a little bitchy...)

I notice most guys do. This is one area where I'm totally different. I hate that s***. Maybe its because I grew up around it(I love all the women in my immediate and extended family, but there's some gene that makes em all fiery bitches, I dont get it). I just have no time for it.

For awhile there, I thought I was gonna be a life-bachelor. Because every girl I'd end up dating would turn out like that(I wouldn't notice it until they got comfortable). I was starting to think all girls were like that for awhile there. Of course I dont want a doormat, I want someone that can speak their mind. But give me laid back & chill any day over fiery and bitchy.

[Coach]

Originally Posted by krazycanuck

When I was at the top of my arse getting career, women would just fall onto my lap...I would go to the bar, have a few beers and end up with someone at the end of the night, didn't even have to try. THEN...I had a six month relationship and I lost my game. Don't know what happened...but things don't just happen anymore for me. Maybe I was turned into a nice guy.

I seem to have been the other way around. Before i was in a relationship i had a tough time getting girls (and had been stuck in the "Friend Zone" numerous times). But i've been in a relationship for almost 3 years and in that span have had more girls after me than before. Ive never touched any of them but I always thought it was odd. Maybe it was just the gained confidence or the fact that Im not actually gunning for them that attracts them to me.

[missdpuck]

Savage's advice (above) is real amusing. If a girl was frustrated with being used as a FWB when she really wants more he'd probably say "Oh it's not his fault you're the idiot who lets him bang you".
All " romantic advice" should taken with a grain of salt. You either click with someone or you don't. If some guy wants to be with a woman who treats him like crap because she gives him the hornies, that's his problem. And vice versa. And I've also observed that a loti ofthe people who whine about being treated like crap are incapable of having relationships with the "nice"partners they claim to want so badly.

[Sainters7]

Originally Posted by missdpuck

If some guy wants to be with a woman who treats him like crap because she gives him the hornies, that's his problem. And vice versa. And I've also observed that a loti ofthe people who whine about being treated like crap are incapable of having relationships with the "nice"partners they claim to want so badly.

Oh totally. I find it hard to feel sorry for some people caught in relationships like that. You want the bad boy(or girl), this is what they're really like.

...though I may just not "get it", seeing as I'm not attracted to those qualities at all. Thank God.

[flamesfever]

If you define "nice" as being confident due to a high level of integrity, and at the same time being thoughtful, considerate and upwardly mobile, then being nice is the way to be.

However, if you're all that, and she just wants to be friends, then take it for what it is and move on if you're looking for something more serious.

[4X4]

Originally Posted by Sainters7

I was starting to think all girls were like that for awhile there. Of course I dont want a doormat, I want someone that can speak their mind. But give me laid back & chill any day over fiery and bitchy.

Just plow her properly and then she'll stop being bitchy. And if she does get bitchy, don't care. She'll come back. And be nicer when she does.

[drewboy12]

Originally Posted by malcolmk14

Every guy gets Friend Zone'd at some point. Such is life. You can still be a nice guy and not get put in the friend zone, as long as you make your intentions clear at the beginning.

[Traditional_Ale]

Originally Posted by missdpuck

And I've also observed that a lot of the people who whine about being treated like crap are incapable of having relationships with the "nice" partners they claim to want so badly.

Self-sabotage is a nutty thing. Even if they get that partner and have the relationship they want for a month or two, eventually they will self-sabotage because its like a countdown to the inevitable, so they might as well get it over with. Its easier to maintain a familiar (albeit destructive) pattern than face the possibility that there in fact is no countdown to anything.

Just plow her properly and then she'll stop being bitchy. And if she does get bitchy, don't care. She'll come back. And be nicer when she does.

Yup. She can't be bitchy if she's exhausted and completely enamoured with you.

[Ozy_Flame]

Originally Posted by missdpuck

Savage's advice (above) is real amusing. If a girl was frustrated with being used as a FWB when she really wants more he'd probably say "Oh it's not his fault you're the idiot who lets him bang you".
All " romantic advice" should taken with a grain of salt. You either click with someone or you don't. If some guy wants to be with a woman who treats him like crap because she gives him the hornies, that's his problem. And vice versa. And I've also observed that a loti ofthe people who whine about being treated like crap are incapable of having relationships with the "nice"partners they claim to want so badly.

And this is why nice guys fail a lot of the time...Because they don't provide women the challenge that a 'bad guy' can provide them.

I have a friend like that. She was always complaining about wanting to meet a nice guy and all that contrived borderline religious spiel. Of course when push came to shove, she was dating dim-witted football players, chauvinistic playboys and even asian gangsters.

She LOVED the challenge of trying to change a guy, even though she never admits to it. And there are a lot of women out there like that, which is why this whole thing comes full circle.

Bad dating habits --> Complaining about guys --> finds nice guy --> Nice guy too boring --> goes back to bad dating habits --> Complains she hasn't found the 'right' nice guy.....And so on and on.

[Cowboy89]

Since I've been away and I have a streak of posting in every "Nice Guy finishes last" thread.

My Points:

1. Money: Although the purchasing power of money and the ease of obtaining it by merely dating someone who has a lot of it clearly affects the dating patterns of men and woman, a lack of it does not severly inhibit one's chances of getting with an amazing mate in either a sexual encounter or relationship. I've personally witnessed a 25-year old guy who worked a $10/hour job, lived in his mother's basement, and had two kids from different mothers enter lengthy relationships with what I would consider quality women. Lack of money is a scapegoat people use to avoid examining other aspects of themselves that have far greater impact on their ability to fetch women.

2. People who worry about the "Friend Zone" problem, really and truly put the subjects of their desire on a pedistal that is counterproductive to both their activities with said person and their own mental fortitude to move on. In a large urban centre there are plenty of quality matches for most people. Mentally putting an arbitrary 'friend' above all these other wonderful people prevents the ongoing search and stalls personal development through more experience.

[mikey_the_redneck]

Originally Posted by Traditional_Ale

Self-sabotage is a nutty thing. Even if they get that partner and have the relationship they want for a month or two, eventually they will self-sabotage because its like a countdown to the inevitable, so they might as well get it over with. Its easier to maintain a familiar (albeit destructive) pattern than face the possibility that there in fact is no countdown to anything.



Yup. She can't be bitchy if she's exhausted and completely enamoured with you.

Yup, self-sabotage=low self esteem.......................healthy self esteem is critical for men and women to have happy relationships.

[Muta]

Originally Posted by mikey_the_redneck

Yup, self-sabotage=low self esteem.......................healthy self esteem is critical for men and women to have happy relationships.

Good advice is not to get involved with really needy women, too. This characteristic is likely proportionally related to self-esteem issues. Even better advice is not to fall for them like I did. Puts you into a tailspin that's hard to get out of, and get over.

[Phanuthier]

Originally Posted by Muta

Good advice is not to get involved with really needy women, too. This characteristic is likely proportionally related to self-esteem issues. Even better advice is not to fall for them like I did. Puts you into a tailspin that's hard to get out of, and get over.

truer words never spoken

[Akai-Sesui]

Nice guys being used is a result of guys that think being nice to them will eventually get the girl to like them.
It also has to do with the immature idea that you date people that you get a "spark" with. The spark is just an abstract lie that's been draped over ladies eyes...a lie they themselves do not understand.

The spark is just cover for the biggest piece of bull that people have been regurgitating about relationships over the years; the idea that you need to find someone based on a list of attributes/charactaristics that you are looking for in someone else.

That's complete crap...it's so short sighted to think that a static list is sufficient to determine what you're looking for in a person. If you're going to make a list, make a list of what you absolutely can't take. Tastes will change all the time, but determining what you can't take is different...that's like establishing where you stand morally/ethically. You should strive to figure out what you can't take...and then go from there.

[burn_this_city]

Originally Posted by Muta

Good advice is not to get involved with really needy women, too. This characteristic is likely proportionally related to self-esteem issues. Even better advice is not to fall for them like I did. Puts you into a tailspin that's hard to get out of, and get over.

Define really needy..

[3 Justin 3]

Originally Posted by burn_this_city

Define really needy..

All of them?

[Muta]

Originally Posted by burn_this_city

Define really needy..

Okay, here's an example... I leave Calgary for part of a weekend to go check out a school in San Diego (nothing else), and I get in trouble because I haven't called when I arrive, during when I'm there, or before I am about to come back. Then, she goes through my phone after I'm back to see what happened when I'm there.

....seriously? I've only been gone for a little over 24 hours. Not 24 days. This trip wasn't a big deal, but apparently it was. I don't need that kind of clinginess - that, to me, is needy... for my attention and affection. I'll give it to you... but sheeesh, grow up.

[Sainters7]

Originally Posted by Muta

Okay, here's an example... I leave Calgary for part of a weekend to go check out a school in San Diego (nothing else), and I get in trouble because I haven't called when I arrive, during when I'm there, or before I am about to come back. Then, she goes through my phone after I'm back to see what happened when I'm there.

....seriously? I've only been gone for a little over 24 hours. Not 24 days. This trip wasn't a big deal, but apparently it was. I don't need that kind of clinginess - that, to me, is needy... for my attention and affection. I'll give it to you... but sheeesh, grow up.

Wow! That phone bit is crazy, I'd snap if my girl pulled that. Could you have any less faith in me? Everything else you mentioned falls into the needy category, but that last bit is beyond that. Sounds like she's been through the ringer before, either having been cheated on(and is now paranoid about it), or has cheated before(and now suspects others of doing it).

[Muta]

Originally Posted by Sainters7

Wow! That phone bit is crazy, I'd snap if my girl pulled that. Could you have any less faith in me? Everything else you mentioned falls into the needy category, but that last bit is beyond that. Sounds like she's been through the ringer before, either having been cheated on(and is now paranoid about it), or has cheated before(and now suspects others of doing it).

She hasn't been cheated on before, but I have been. And yet, she's the one that went through my phone, which ended up not being the first time. She did it again a month later.

I've got alot of patience, and fell head over heels for this girl (I did see myself putting a ring on her finger at one point)... but I look back on it, and realize that that kind of insecurity is just something I don't need. Yes, I have friends that are other girls... deal with it. But there's a reason why I'm with her and not those others. Guess one of us couldn't comprehend that.

[flip]

It is weird that so many guys on here think girls are so needy. I think I know just as many guys who are insecure about their relationships and are clingy, as I know girls who are like that.