Thoughts on suicide

[Dion]

Originally Posted by flameswin

Man, what a weird message board CP is, where I feel comfortable talking about something like this with a bunch of people I've never met.

Best part is all the advice is free and you don't get slapped with a fee at the end of the session

[flamesfever]

Originally Posted by flameswin

Wouldn't that be for people who are feeling suicidel? Or is it for the people dealing a friends suicide also?

The service I was thinking about was for bereavment support specific to those experiencing a loss by suicide.

[Dion]

Originally Posted by flamesfever

The service I was thinking about was for bereavment support specific to those experiencing a loss by suicide.

A grief support group might be a better option for flameswin.

[Resolute 14]

Originally Posted by J pold

I often wonder how one can be around a depressed person by choice.

You'd be amazed at how blind people can be to the signs, and how well a depressed person can hide it. I know in my own case, more than one person was completely floored when I told them. Especially the people that I really enjoyed hanging out with, they were the ones who helped me escape my demons for a time, so they always saw me as happy and enjoying myself. The truth usually lurks below where people are usually looking.

[flamesfever]

Originally Posted by Dion

A grief support group might be a better option for flameswin.

Athough I haven't attended the support group, I would be surprised if understanding the suicide grief process was not a part of the program.

[Dion]

Originally Posted by flamesfever

Athough I haven't attended the support group, I would be surprised if understanding the suicide grief process was not a part of the program.

I used a group like that when my father passed away from Colon Cancer in 2000. They help you deal with the loss. It's pretty much a generic type program that reaches out to everyone.

[redforever]

Originally Posted by flamesfever

Athough I haven't attended the support group, I would be surprised if understanding the suicide grief process was not a part of the program.

This is correct. There are various components to the grief support program. I know people who had to come to terms with a suicide who have used it as well as a couple who lost their son tragically in a car accident. Both of those circumstances involved a death but you need different support to deal with each case.

Grief is never easy, in some cases death is expected, but no matter which way death comes, grief associated with death is still hard.

It is the "unexpected" or "shocking" component of death that throws the biggest challenge to those coping with grief.

[gargamel]

I've known a few people who have committed suicide, and I separate them into two groups.

The first are people whose suicidal states develop as a result of something traumatic happening in their lives, like getting fired or losing a loved one or getting in a huge jam financially. For these people, having some support may be enough to get them through the tough time and eventually get their life back on track. Depending on your situation at the time, maybe you can be the one to provide that support or maybe you can't. If you can't, that's not your fault.

The other group, in my mind, would be people with more long-term mental and emotional problems. All the support in the world won't help these people until they get some professional help, and even that might not be enough. It sounds like your friend was in this group, and whether you had jammed with him or not wouldn't have changed the outcome. Like someone else said, all you can do is be thankful that you were able to provide some good times in what sounds like a fairly dark life.

[Daradon]

Wow, I am very sorry for your loss Flameswin.

I will probably respond in depth later when I have time, as I do have some thoughts, but I wanted to express my condolances before I have to take off.

Be well.

[Suzles]

Originally Posted by Resolute 14

You'd be amazed at how blind people can be to the signs, and how well a depressed person can hide it. I know in my own case, more than one person was completely floored when I told them. Especially the people that I really enjoyed hanging out with, they were the ones who helped me escape my demons for a time, so they always saw me as happy and enjoying myself. The truth usually lurks below where people are usually looking.

I know only too well how this goes. People will say I am the happiest most outgoing person you could meet. People turn to me to help them with their emotional issues. If they only knew how many times I have felt that the world would be better off without me. Therefore I can't view suicide as selfish - when I have been at my most raw I have felt that I am not worthy of the oxygen I breathe, that I am a burden to all. If it wasn't for my dog ..............

[Flames_Gimp]

wish one these idiots would have given me their legs before killing themselves.

what a waste of life

[peter12]

Depends on the circumstances, but more and more, I'm losing my sympathy...

DO IT YOURSELF (Drive-by Truckers)
My Daddy called me on a Friday morning, so sad to tell me just what you’d done
You tried so hard to make us all hate you but in the end you was the only one
Sick, tired, pissed and wired, you never thought about anyone else.
You tried in vain to find something to kill you
in the end you had to do it yourself.

Who’s to blame for the loveless marriage, who’s to blame for the broken band.
You ran from life and all of it’s pleasures, your own teeth marks on your own damned hand.
Thrown out before the date’s expired, you’d rather die than let anyone help,
You’d rather die than take a stab at living.
Nothing would kill you so you do it yourself.

Everyone has those times when the night’s so long
The dead-end life just drags you down
You lean back under the microphone
and turn your demons into walls of goddamned noise and sound.

And it’s a sorry thing to do to your sweet sister
It’s a sorry thing to do to your little boy
It’s a sorry thing to do to the folks who love you
Your Mama and Daddy lost their only boy
Some should say I should cut you slack, but you worked so hard at unhappiness.
Living too hard just couldn’t kill you
In the end you had to do it yourself.

Living too hard just couldn’t kill you
In the end you had to do it yourself.

[jar_e]

Flameswin, not much more to add than what's already been said. If you need anything I have a whole bunch of resources through work I can hook you up with. PM me if you're interested or give me a call.

[jayswin]

Originally Posted by Flames_Gimp

wish one these idiots would have given me their legs before killing themselves.

what a waste of life

Just out of curiosity, why do you believe someone who commits suicide is an idiot?

[Flames_Gimp]

Originally Posted by flameswin

Just out of curiosity, why do you believe someone who commits suicide is an idiot?

you don't think its stupid? its the most cowardly act in existence. anyone who throws away life doesn't deserve it in the first place.

[jayswin]

Originally Posted by Flames_Gimp

you don't think its stupid? its the most cowardly act in existence. anyone who throws away life doesn't deserve it in the first place.

Well I certainly know the affect it has on those around them, but I don't see it as a cowardly act really.

Talking big to someone, and then backing down when they challenge you to a fight is cowardly. A bunch of citizens standing on a bus platform, watching someone get mugged is cowardly. There are a lot of cowardly acts, but suicide, imo, is just too big of an event for it to be cowardly, there has to be more to it.

[redforever]

Originally Posted by flameswin

Well I certainly know the affect it has on those around them, but I don't see it as a cowardly act really.

Talking big to someone, and then backing down when they challenge you to a fight is cowardly. A bunch of citizens standing on a bus platform, watching someone get mugged is cowardly. There are a lot of cowardly acts, but suicide, imo, is just too big of an event for it to be cowardly, there has to be more to it.

You are right. And here is what I do when people make totally uninformed comments like that. I don't even bother wasting my time responding to them because they lack the intelligence to understand the situation and they lack compassion. If they had any compassion, they would see that you are trying to come to terms with a loss.

[Traditional_Ale]

Originally Posted by Flames_Gimp

you don't think its stupid? its the most cowardly act in existence. anyone who throws away life doesn't deserve it in the first place.

I'd put Rape, Murder, and Gluttony well above suicide.

Sorry about your legs, but this comment was way out of line. I could have bitched about having crappy eyes, cancerous skin, oral problems, feet problems, and my second friggin hernia in a year.



To the OP:

Music has nearly killed me exactly as many times as it has saved me. But I didn't cling onto specific people, songs, bands, venues, etc.

I think if music would have truly saved your friend then it wouldn't have mattered if you in particular were drumming or not. I think in this instance, music was his "scapegoat" of sorts.

Strength and courage, bro.

[jayswin]

Originally Posted by redforever

You are right. And here is what I do when people make totally uninformed comments like that. I don't even bother wasting my time responding to them because they lack the intelligence to understand the situation and they lack compassion. If they had any compassion, they would see that you are trying to come to terms with a loss.

Well to be fair, I don't mind having a discussion on it in here, I don't want anyone to think they have to sugarcoat their true feelings, or tip toe around the subject because of my situation. More so, I just wanted to know why he feels the way feels about it.

[Traditional_Ale]

I think Gimp has a unique view of it from the stand of having perfectly healthy body and throwing it away, when he got dealt a crappier hand, but I think the problem is they were either given or grew a fataed up brain and that is something separate. They got the legs Gimp would love but he got the strength, etc, that they could have benefited from.

Fair enough. But Gimp is a very intelligent person and so I was very suprised by his comment.