Dealing with heartbreak - put your advice or tips here

[GoinAllTheWay]

Originally Posted by MissKat

If some of you dont mind, could you please fill out this survey? Just want to get some thoughts on extremely pessismitc people. Answer Y or N to each one on whether you agree or disagree. I got it from a site.
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Pessimism starts at home, in the from of self-pity and suchlike. They are dangerous people. Beware! =

Those who seek only sympathy often can't see others happy = y


Pessimists can be just as happy in life as optimists. =

Pessimists are often in denial of living an unhappy life.

Extreme pessimists are highly unlikely to change their behaviour alone = n

Extreme pessimists are highly unlikely to change their behaviour even with support from friends and family = n

Pessimistic behaviour is a sign of in-security =

Pessimistic behaviour is a sign of depression =

Pessimistic behaviour is a sign of loneliness = n

Associating with extremely pessimistic people will most likely be a bad infleunce towards you = yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyx 1000

Pessimistic people act that way because it has been in-grained into them since childhood by family and/or surroundings. To them, pessimism is the only lifestyle they've known = n

Pessimistic people only prepare for the worst case scenario in a situation and just have a bad reputation = have to agree




A BIG THANKS TO ANY OF YOU WHO ARE WILLING TO FILL IT OUT.

Are you feeling a tad pessimistic? that's not surprising all things considered. I put the in places I didn't really agree with. I think the spirit of your survey is if a person can change or not and I say yes, if the really want to, anyone can change themselves. If you want to be optimistic, I really think you need to surround yourself with positive people. Hanging around negative people is a REAL drain.

The thing that sucks the most about losing a relationship is this. There are places all over the world that can teach you to gain things, there are NONE that teach you how to lose things. I think this is why most have a really tough time with break ups. It sucks, it has to be one of the worst feelings ever. Ever wonder why the loss hurts so much? Recently saw a show that found that strong feelings like jealousy (a common emotion during breakups) is processed in the same part of the brain that processes pain so it does actually manifest itself physically, really crappy side affect.

Been down that road many times. Every time I've come out the other side just fine. Takes a while but we all get there. Can't stress enough about the hanging out with positive people though.

[Calgaryborn]

Make plans to go on a trip with a girl friend.

Eat some foods and go some places you would like to have but, your ex wasn't into.

Avoid depressing music and depressing people

Do acts of kindness

Buy some clothes or change your hair style or something else that improves your appearance(In your own eyes).

Plan to laugh everyday.

Rearrange your furniture.

Visit someone you know who is in the hospital or sick.

Buy a note pad and list every person you know who loves you. Keep the list with you at all times and add names you forgot when you think of them.

[enthused]

Everyone's had some really good suggestions so far.

My boyfriend and I broke up a few months ago, so I've been trying to deal with the whole heartbreak thing lately too. I'm nowhere near over it yet, but things definitely do get a bit easier each day.

Things that have helped me are spending lots of time with friends, staying active and going to the gym lots, and mostly trying to keep myself busy. When I am sitting around doing nothing, that's when I start to feel sorry for myself.

Now is a time to make your life all about YOU. Be selfish, and spoil yourself.

The first little while is going to be really tough, but it definitely does start to get easier... eventually. From the sounds of it you already have a good support system (family, friends, etc.) so don't be afraid to rely on them. That's what they're there for right? And definitely just try and stay busy.

Hope things start to look up soon!

[T@T]

Hate to say it but...getting layed by a complete stranger always worked for me

And if the first one didn't work....

[STeeLy]

Originally Posted by MissKat

Pessimism starts at home, in the from of self-pity and suchlike. They are dangerous people. Beware! = N (I don't think it necessarily starts at home, surroundings maybe, but it doesn't have to be home)

Those who seek only sympathy often can't see others happy = N (Just because you're a pessimist doesn't mean they don't care about people, a lot of the time, they will try to make people happy at the expense of their own happiness)

Pessimists can be just as happy in life as optimists. = Y

Pessimists are often in denial of living an unhappy life = N (Just because they're a pessimist to you doesn't mean they don't see the bright/happy side of life)

Extreme pessimists are highly unlikely to change their behaviour alone = Y (Unless triggered by a traumatic event, it's highly unlikely they'll change their behaviour, at least I would think so)

Extreme pessimists are highly unlikely to change their behaviour even with support from friends and family = N

Pessimistic behaviour is a sign of in-security = N

Pessimistic behaviour is a sign of depression = N (A lot of people get this mixed up, just because they appear to have lost hope on the outside doesn't mean they are depressed, it's the way they see things, mostly not the way they feel)

Pessimistic behaviour is a sign of loneliness = Y

Associating with extremely pessimistic people will most likely be a bad infleunce towards you = N (Sometimes, they can really put things in perspective for you)

Pessimistic people act that way because it has been in-grained into them since childhood by family and/or surroundings. To them, pessimism is the only lifestyle they've known = N

Pessimistic people only prepare for the worst case scenario in a situation and just have a bad reputation = N (They may prepare for the worst case sceneario, but they be hoping it would turn out better)

Really sorry to hear your situation MissKat. A lot of good advice in this thread. When I went through my break up long months ago, I was really glad that work about to start for me immediately to take my mind off it. I didn't discuss the situation with my co-workers but they were such great people that just being around them and the kids already makes me feel a lot better.

Then, when I got my car, I was interested in learning about how they work and how I could improve it, so I found a new hobby (albeit expensive) and it really helped take my mind off her. Joined a few car clubs and met some great people that share the same hobbie and it really helps. Find something new to do, persue a new hobby.

[Huntingwhale]

Originally Posted by Deelow

Social networking sites can be a constant reminder. You may want to rid your life of facebook for a while..or at least de-friend the ex....and resist all urges to make contact.

Very true. I know waht you went thru and believe me there will be days when you think you just won't make it out. Also, as bad as this sounds, it probably hasn't even really hit you yet. It will get worse before it gets better. What I did, I constantly reminded myself that the feeling of horribleness would pass. I know it may feel like it will never end, but believe me, it will.

And I know I am a hypocrite for saying this, but social networking sites of ANY kind, will only make it worse. Looking back on my situation, if only I had blocked her thru FB, MSN, Shaw phone, etc, sooner....I would have been that much better off. THis is the time to hang onto your friends and family. They kept it real for me, I know they will for you to.

[psycho_demonata]

Sorry to hear that MissKat.

Me having just went through a heartbreak myself, well some of the things that help me are talking to my friends about it and gathering some advice and support, laughing things off, shopping but don't go too crazy, letting lose in my own artwork and heck, even picking up a few good books to take my mind off it, and no not romance novels, that will just make you feel like stuff that comes out of your behind.

[flip]

after like an effing hour of searching threads and the search engine here on CP i just googled it and it was like the 1st response. I even thought it was Men's Health magazine.

Anyway this was a really good article about heartbreak, albeit for men, but still might be helpful for you.

http://www.menshealth.com/cda/article.do?site=MensHealth&channel=sex.relationshi ps&category=couples&conitem=727114e08fe1f110VgnVCM 10000013281eac____&page=1

[Bagor]

All I can suggest is to accept that you're going to feel merde for a while and what you're experiencing is a perfectly normal reaction. There's no quick fix. You just have to let it run its course.

But also remind yourself that time is a great healer and that you will one day look back and remember how crap you felt at this time and congratulate yourself for getting through it.

And yeah, what others said. Take up a new hobby to channel some energy.

[JustAnotherGuy]

I think it is wise to make sure you deal with the issue so it doesn't turn into a black hole inside you. But then there is no rush to deal with things. Push it aside when the emotions are too strong. Let out the thoughts and feelings a little over time.

Live your life and smell the roses. Be honest about everything and listen to your gut. Was it really that good? Was it that bad? Learn from it and move forward with the rest of your life. There are many chapters to our life story.

[jayocal]

All these suggestions add up to one thing.... keep busy. The busier, the better

[Resolute 14]

This is an interesting survey... And, as someone who has been through enough to at least be a cynic, if not something of a pessimist, I thus offer these answers. However, as is true with every survey of this kind, there is no such thing as a black and white answer.

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If some of you dont mind, could you please fill out this survey? Just want to get some thoughts on extremely pessismitc people. Answer Y or N to each one on whether you agree or disagree. I got it from a site.

Pessimism starts at home, in the from of self-pity and suchlike. They are dangerous people. Beware! = Yes and no. I think there are two types of pessimists, the ones that this question describes - those that suffer through self pity, and those that suffer through a lack of faith in others. The first kind, I think, are safer, as self-pity is defeated when they earn the trust and support of the people around them. I find the people who are pessimistic towards others to be more dangerous, as it often runs parallel with narcicism. Such people are less likely to view those around them in positive lights, and thus can act to bring those around them down.

Those who seek only sympathy often can't see others happy = No. In my experience, the people who seek sympathy most do so because they see some form of happiness in that person; be it a happiness that person displays outwardly, or a happiness that such people discover in themselves when they see that person.

Pessimists can be just as happy in life as optimists. = Ironically, yes. An unintended consequence of never expecting much out of life is that it always surpasses expectations.

Pessimists are often in denial of living an unhappy life. As noted above, I once knew a serious narcisist who had a pessimistic view of those around him. For him, happiness was surrounded in the belief that he was better than the people around him. If he felt that way, he was happy. Perhaps for him, that was enough. In retrospect, I look back at the time I called him a friend and cannot fathom how he could be happy. My own opinion is clouded, however, as I no longer call him a friend after he hurt someone I care about pretty deeply. This question forces us to judge others against our own view of what a happy life is, and that is unfair to anyone but ourselves.

Extreme pessimists are highly unlikely to change their behaviour alone = True of any type of dysfunction, I think. I find that the biggest changes we experience in life are rooted in Fate's tugging of the strands of life to force us into new paths. By nature, I find mankind to be very reactionary.

Extreme pessimists are highly unlikely to change their behaviour even with support from friends and family = In the end, to change one's nature requires a fairly strong determination of will. The support of friends and family can make a critical difference in the success of any attempt, however the answer to this question truly lies in your view of the individual.

Pessimistic behaviour is a sign of in-security = I would tend to agree. Be it insecurity in ones self, in others, or in what Fate intends to throw at them next.

Pessimistic behaviour is a sign of depression = Possible but not assumed. Again, the narcicist I reference would be a good example. Hardly depressed, as being better than those he was pessimistic about was where he found satisfaction and a level of happiness.

Pessimistic behaviour is a sign of loneliness = Again, possible but not assumed.

Associating with extremely pessimistic people will most likely be a bad infleunce towards you = Looking at it the wrong way, I think. You could just as easily be a positive influence on them, and help change their outlook. Ultimately, we are responsible for our own actions, and this question strikes me as an attempt to transfer blame to others.

Pessimistic people act that way because it has been in-grained into them since childhood by family and/or surroundings. To them, pessimism is the only lifestyle they've known = Again, possible but not assumed. From my own experience, some of the things I went through as a child had become so seriously ingrained such that it took well over a year of therapy as an adult to even begin to break free. However, look at the next drunk you pass on the street... he did not become an alcoholic as a child, and the pessimism that twins such addictions could well have been borne of the bottle. You cannot answer this question with a generalization. It has to be examined for each individual, and requires an understanding of their history.

Pessimistic people only prepare for the worst case scenario in a situation and just have a bad reputation = I'd say pessimistic people often prepare for the worst case, but not always. Being a pessimist does not automatically equate to having a bad reputation.

A BIG THANKS TO ANY OF YOU WHO ARE WILLING TO FILL IT OUT.

[rubecube]

Get really strung out on drugs and alcohol.

[alan21]

Hang out with me! Not only will I make you not miss your ex anymore, I'll have you hating on all males. You will have the urge to kick a male puppy.

[ShaolinFlame]

In the past 6 months I have:

1-Had to take a year off of University because of bad grades.
2-Had a horrible surgical mistake at the hospital where I almost died.
3-Had my GF of 2 years (who lived with me/split rent) leave me 2 weeks after being discharged.
4-Got laid off from work.

So yeah, I had a lot of horrible things happen in rather quick succession to say the least.

Advice:
Every day is a new day.
Be social, best advice anyone has given so far. Being alone is when it gets the worst.
Family is important.
The little green bag helps me, but to each his or her own.
Know that you will meet someone new.
Hope that this makes you a better person in the end, or teaches you a lesson.
Life has duality; you will appreciate the good more after experiencing the worst.
Get away from where your at for a while if you can. Even just getting out to the mountains for a day can really help.

In the end, the single thing that always helps me most is a quote from the Trailer Park Boys (Ricky's father if anyone cares); That's the way she goes. Bad things happen. Always persevere. Don't be a quitter on life. And besides, if nothing bad ever happened to you, you would probably be a pretty dull, stupid, and gullible person.

[Phanuthier]

^ you win

I probably would have wish the surgery just finished me off.

[T@T]

Originally Posted by ShaolinFlame

In the past 6 months I have:

1-Had to take a year off of University because of bad grades.
2-Had a horrible surgical mistake at the hospital where I almost died.
3-Had my GF of 2 years (who lived with me/split rent) leave me 2 weeks after being discharged.
4-Got laid off from work.

So yeah, I had a lot of horrible things happen in rather quick succession to say the least.

Advice:
Every day is a new day.
Be social, best advice anyone has given so far. Being alone is when it gets the worst.
Family is important.
The little green bag helps me, but to each his or her own.
Know that you will meet someone new.
Hope that this makes you a better person in the end, or teaches you a lesson.
Life has duality; you will appreciate the good more after experiencing the worst.
Get away from where your at for a while if you can. Even just getting out to the mountains for a day can really help.

In the end, the single thing that always helps me most is a quote from the Trailer Park Boys (Ricky's father if anyone cares); That's the way she goes. Bad things happen. Always persevere. Don't be a quitter on life. And besides, if nothing bad ever happened to you, you would probably be a pretty dull, stupid, and gullible person.

Ever think of getting into politics? You should be the next leader of the country with the crap you went threw..you would be a "real" leader dude.

Hats off.

[TheyCallMeBruce]

Transform and Roll Out

[Bill Bumface]

I think it's pretty simple. Wait approximately one year and you'll be totally fine again.

Kind of crappy to hear when you're fresh out of something but it's pretty true. A year goes by pretty quick and every month is better than the last. The year after I came out of a serious relationship I spent a total of 7 weeks out of the country and bought a new car and a lot of parts for it. It ended up being one of the best years of my life.

[Five-hole]

Well I'd say don't expect to get over it within a certain amount of time. Don't expect to be better tomorrow, or next month, or in a year. You'll get better as a result of your experiences not because you're "trying to get better". The best suggestions I've seen are to try new things and get involved with your life. Video games are alright but more fulfilling social contact will probably be more fulfilling long-term.