help what do i do?

[BuzzardsWife]

First, a baby shower is a favor you are doing for her. She should have 'NO' say in how you decide to present it. You sound like a kind and generous woman. Don't let anyone take advantage of that. Kudos to you for helping someone who is down and out. If only there were more people like you. Only one suggestion there..or question..why is she only working part time?

[ernie]

Originally Posted by Maritime Q-Scout

Not to be a prick, but by dictionary.com definition it's not an actual word.

How about Merriam-Webster?

Main Entry:ir·re·gard·less Pronunciation: \ˌir-i-ˈgärd-ləs\ Function:adverb Etymologyrobably blend of irrespective and regardlessDate:circa 1912 nonstandard : regardless
usage Irregardless originated in dialectal American speech in the early 20th century. Its fairly widespread use in speech called it to the attention of usage commentators as early as 1927. The most frequently repeated remark about it is that “there is no such word.” There is such a word, however. It is still used primarily in speech, although it can be found from time to time in edited prose. Its reputation has not risen over the years, and it is still a long way from general acceptance. Use regardless instead.

It also appears in the Oxford Dictionary.

Soooo....yes there is a word but you shouldn't use it! That should please everybody....or nobody.

[OilersBaby]

Originally Posted by BuzzardsWife

First, a baby shower is a favor you are doing for her. She should have 'NO' say in how you decide to present it. You sound like a kind and generous woman. Don't let anyone take advantage of that. Kudos to you for helping someone who is down and out. If only there were more people like you. Only one suggestion there..or question..why is she only working part time?

Thank you for your kind comments.

She's a massage therapist on a workers comp injury, the doctor said she can only work half time right now....

[comrade]

Originally Posted by OilersBaby

Ok so the baby shower was today and they were really thankful...didnt say anything negative about what I did, and I felt as though my husband and I spent a lot more than we wanted to, but at least they were happy and one day when we will have kids, they will return the favor. I didnt bring anything upto her, just didnt do some of the last min things she asked for.

I was really stressed today cuz of the shower and the DV victim friend called/texted and I was a little fed up so I told her that while I want to help her and will help her manage things, I can't be her everything and that a professional would be able to help her in ways I couldnt. She counts on me for moral, financial/emotional support and I have done everything including letting her stay at my house for over a month, going to the police station with her, listening when she needed help etc...She got really upset and hung up the phone. She hasn't called back since. I feel awful but my husband assured me that I didnt do anything wrong and shouldnt feel guilty.

The only thing that worries me is that her last comment to me was.."what do i have to live for"? How do you convince a friend to seek professional help????? She thinks I'm being a bad friend for even suggesting it! Any advice?

Did you end up buying a baby shower gift? Will you ever bring up how you felt to your friend? I noticed you mention how they'll return the favour, are you going to put the screws to them when it's your turn? Finally, naive question here: if baby showers are considered favours why don't people just throw them for themselves instead of saddling a friend with the work.

[OilersBaby]

Nope didnt get a gift because I figured the approximate 500 I ended up spending by the time everything was over (my husband ended up buying beer and cigars for the guys) was gift enough.

Nah I will never bring it up, it's over...
I'm not going to put the screws to them when it's my turn. I think cuz my friend grew up wealthy and priveledged, she will throw something similar for me when its her turn. If not, then whatever....

She's a nice girl, just crazy demanding when it comes to baby shower time.

Regarding throwing themselves showers....you usually have them later in your pregnancy (after the 5th or 6th month)..you usually cant stand and decorate and do stuff. For example, I was standing on tables to put up streamers..I wouldnt want a pregnant woman to do that. And I was blowing up balloons with helium tanks and then standing on a ladder to put them up..wouldnt want a woman who's about to give birth (in 5 weeks) to do that..what if she fell? So I think its always something your girlfiends/sister/mother/female does.

And this girl had THREE different showers..one her coworkers threw at work, one her mom did with all their relatives and family friends, and the one I threw where we invited men and women and all their friends...while the girls played games in the clubhouse, the guys smoked cigars an dhad beed out on the pool deck

[Table 5]

So I assume you are the girl who posted a few months ago about the idea of inviting men to a baby shower? I remember virtually every member of the board saying it was a horrible and torturous idea. How did it go with the men? I assume a few came down with last minute colds?

[OilersBaby]

Originally Posted by Table 5

So I assume you are the girl who posted a few months ago about the idea of inviting men to a baby shower? I remember virtually every member of the board saying it was a horrible and torturous idea. How did it go with the men? I assume a few came down with last minute colds?

Yes thats me and it turned out AWESOME because my husband helped with the planning. The party was at the clubhouse of a condo/townhouse complex and we had amazing weather (80 degrees Farenheit even though it's the end of October). So at the beginning, for the first 45 mins or so, people just had beer/wine/punch/water and appetizers and mingled with each other since people didnt know each other. Then the guys went outside and had more beer, smoked cigars etc while we (the girls) played games and did girly things.

Then the guys came inside and we all had lunch...and then we made the guys play a game while we all watched. The game the guys had to play was this: we gave them all sippy cups filled with beer, and whomever drank the beer the quickest won a prize (a 6 pack). We weren't sure at their sippy cup skills, but it was quite comical.

Then we just had dessert...and the couple opened presents, most of the guys didnt even pay attention to this part but just drank some more.

The reason my husband is a genious is because there are 2 plasma's in the clubhouse and when we first got there, they weren't working. He eventually got them working, and by the time they were opening presents, the football game (without the volume so the girls didnt get annoyed but with captions on) was on, and then eventually the World Series game.

I asked the men if they were dragged to this shower and they said yes, but the reason they actually had a good time is that we did things specifically for the guys and didnt make them participate in girl games like "guess the size of her belly by cutting a piece of string" etc etc. They could always go outside to the pool deck, sit on the chairs, have a beer etc since the weather was amazing. So all in all, it was a success cuz they didnt really feel as though there was a baby shower going on

The favors for this shower were chocolate cigars for the men and customized chocolate bars for the girls.

I would post pics if i knew how..haha.

[OilersBaby]

Ok so I was at work and my friend kept asking me for advice about this guy and going on about him. Yesterday we found out my dad's cancer has spread and he only has a 20% chance of the salvage chemo working. I ended up crying and spazzing in front of my friend, telling her I couldnt help her when all I could do about my dad dying. That made her stop talking about her ex boyfriend problems.

I didnt want it to be that way..I wanted to help her a little bit, but I guess it just came out.

Hey if any of you are friends with my brother, please be there for him. He's having a really hard time with all of this (we all are), but he's my brother, my dad's his role model in a way...and I worry about him. Thanks guys. OILFAN81 if you're reading this, remmember to take care of yourself too and thanks for taking care of mom/dad. I will be there very soon.

And my dad...he's so strong and brave, when he realized he might not make it, he started worrying about my mom and my sister, brother and I rather than worrying about himself. Dad's are selfless, dad's are so kind and protective...props to everyone out there who is a daddy.

[First Lady]

Originally Posted by OilersBaby

Ok so I was at work and my friend kept asking me for advice about this guy and going on about him. Yesterday we found out my dad's cancer has spread and he only has a 20% chance of the salvage chemo working. I ended up crying and spazzing in front of my friend, telling her I couldnt help her when all I could do about my dad dying. That made her stop talking about her ex boyfriend problems.

I didnt want it to be that way..I wanted to help her a little bit, but I guess it just came out.

Hey if any of you are friends with my brother, please be there for him. He's having a really hard time with all of this (we all are), but he's my brother, my dad's his role model in a way...and I worry about him. Thanks guys. OILFAN81 if you're reading this, remmember to take care of yourself too and thanks for taking care of mom/dad. I will be there very soon.

You did the right thing (a natural reaction); at this time you need to keep yourself and family first and foremost in your mind.

I know it is hard, but sometimes you do need to be selfish and look out for yourself, even though you want to help friends.

My thoughts go out to you and your family and wish your father wellness.