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Originally Posted by Buff
In spite of my dad being able to live in the condo with my mom, my mom isn't able to have him live in the condo with her. She is no longer mentally capable of caring for him so we've initiated the process to have him placed in a dementia cottage. I think she is torn about doing this but she also knows he is the reason why she is having so much anxiety. I'm torn too because in his current state a person with dementia should be able to stay with their spouse, but my mom's mental health is so bad now and it's taking a lot of my time caring for her... she doesn't seem to care that I have a full-time job, a wife and three kids too. Something needs to be done. I hope the dementia cottage helps.
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We had a similar situation where my dad’s dementia drove my mom’s anxiety (and incipient dementia) into crisis. One of the toughest things about dementia is couples who were a support for one another through decades of marriage and into retirement become a source of distress to each another. You wind up having to make difficult and unanticipated decisions about who lives where. Not to mention taking on the work of caring for two aged parents independently.
I recommend reaching out to AHS about Home Care for your mom. And the Alzheimers society for advice on other resources, including counselling for yourself.