Quote:
Originally Posted by Duruss
I have done EMDR and it's powerful stuff, however it's not as effective as psychedelic assisted therapy. It was that therapy that let me develop a sense of separation from the trauma.
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Yeah, I was wondering about psychedelics. I feel like I need to attach to a different reality, if that makes any sense. And now that I’m journaling about it, I fear the memories I’m bringing up may throw me into a black hole.
I don’t have one of those memories where I can pull up events by date or whatever, but I feel like I relive most of my life events every day. I briefly tried an antipsychotic to deal with that. The doctor said it wouldn’t work, but I just wanted something to shut my brain off for a while. But I will never tell anyone that again. I had an incident where I jokingly said, “Yeah, I once took meds that they give to schizophrenics!” Due to the situation, that did not end well. Of course if you say you are not schizophrenic, you are assumed to be a schizophrenic who doesnt want to take meds.
Uneducated deputy in somewhat of a police state doesn’t help.
What I do know is that I carry an intense amount of shame. Sometimes I wish I could just climb into the roof and yell out that I’m sorry for everything I’ve ever done or didn’t do; I just want out of the dark spiral.
I recently read “The Melting” and identified with that character, except I don’t want to hurt myself as an act of vengeance. For all the criticism it gets, I thought it was a good read.
The character is Eva; the book was written by Flemish author Lize Spitz.