[CaptainCrunch]

1-10 hah, I'm below zero right now.

After my contract ended in recruiting 6 months ago because the company I had been working for had blown through money and decided to get rid of contractors, and went into a hiring freeze.

I've had some work but very little. In the last 6 months, I've probably sent out 300 resumes with very little response. Even getting other resume professional's reviewing my resume and covers hasn't changed the depressing lack of results. I get it, I'm older, and older people don't get hired. But I'm feeling unwanted and un valued.

I've done work on the contract side but have taken several kicks in the teeth on that side, and don't have much coming through, and took a severe punch to the gut today, on a contract that I was bidding on that looked really good until one of my partners screwed it up and left me ineligible to bid.

Its tough to stay optimistic. After multiple years of straight hell on the family side, now its straight hell on my side.

After using my savings to get me through it that's coming to an end, I'm about to hit rocks, with no where else to turn.

Part of me doesn't want to be here anymore. I'm just tired out.

People tell me to keep my head up, and keep fighting through this. I don't know if I have that in me anymore.

Sorry for the vent.