Quote:
Originally Posted by Hemi-Cuda
I'm probably going to be fighting with this later on. My wife is Vietnamese and we have 2 young daughters, and the discussion about them dating in high school has already come up. She flat out said she doesn't want them dating black guys, which threw me back quite a bit when it first came up. She isn't super racist, has black friends, blah blah blah, but there is some deep cultural #### in Asian families about dating/marrying anyone with dark skin. It irritates the hell out of me and if/when it comes down to it I will side with my daughters 100% on who they want to see and will fight that battle for them, but that's not for another 15 years or so, so hopefully I can undo some of those deep set prejudices
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I'm not trying to be a jerk or anything, but statements like this are exactly the problem people are trying to shed light on right now.
You're wife saying your daughters can't date Black guys is in fact 100% super racist.
Her reasoning behind it may be cultural, and she may have Black friends, but the fact of the matter is she thinks there are reasons why it's okay to be friends with Black people, but it's not acceptable for your kids to date Black people.
Defending something that is clearly racist by saying "XXX isn't racist" (whether it's yourself or someone else), is burying the problem, it's justifying a racist behavior and allowing it to continue.
If you add a "But", or "I just don't think", or some other qualifier to the statement "I'm not racist", then guess what, you are, at least a little.
Again, not to be a dick, but try adding it in your situation.
"My wife isn't racist, she just doesn't want our daughters to date Black kids"
It has a pretty different ring to it when it's stated so plainly.
We aren't all perfect, there are times I catch myself thinking or doing things that I know are the result of racial bias...ie being racist.
When it happens, if I/we want to get better, we can't think or say "I'm not racist", and list all the reasons why (Black friends etc).
We have to ask ourselves why we said, thought, or did that thing, and what can I do to make sure I don't do it again.
Good for you for deciding to stand up for your daughters if it ever comes up, but what we are seeing right now, is that more of us have to make a point of calling these things out before they come up.
One more time, I'm not trying to be a jerk, but your post stood out as a good example of the type of thing we need to recognize, now more than ever, and the language we use to absolve ourselves of what we know is true, mainly that we probably all need to do a better job of recognizing our own racist tendencies, and working on them.