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Originally Posted by SeeGeeWhy
To work on self... Meditate to get to know yourself (there are several kinds of meditation, find one and find a good teacher - there is a community waiting for you in the right practice); read more fiction as it develops your emotional intelligence and gives you a wider breadth of tools to interact with others. Working wth a life coach or personal development coach is a great tool, it sounds like you have an instinctual desire to try this... Listen to your instinct. You really will never gain true connection by becoming something you are not. But you can teach yourself how to create a vision for yourself that is aligned with your being and bring that aspect of yourself to life. A great and short book to read is "as a man thinketh" by James Allen, on how to create useful mindsets actively instead of letting negative and largely subconscious emotions dictate your outlook on life. It's simple, but if you believe it, you will become it. The mind is a powerful thing. Of course, always exercise and eat well.
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I wouldn't dream of speaking for someone else, but for someone who is in a similar state of loneliness, battles depression all the time and struggles to find a "happy place" sometimes dwelling on yourself is an insurmountable task as you genuinely aren't enamored with the person you view yourself to be.
Best I've found are merely workarounds, but they are usually to dive into something you really like (sports, games, working out) as the escapism provided can sometimes really be needed. Find a long term (not crazy long term, like a month at a time) goal and work towards it focusing on why you want to complete it so much (as long as it isn't "this will fix my loneliness/depression").
And please understand, I'm not really arguing your advice, I believe in similar things...just that I know from both positions in this situation that the giving of advice is easy...acting on the advice given is like climbing a mountain.
I gave up on pursuing a romantic relationship as I don't think I can sell myself to other people when I can't sell myself TO myself. Once I fix that, I'll wade back in.