[ChickenPho]

What is your view on spark and how important it is for both to have right away while still in the early phases of getting to know each other? Obviously chemistry is one thing, but spark takes things to the next level. Do you think a full spark is something that is needed right from the get go? Or do you think its something that can start off slower but can grow as time progresses?

For instance, I've been seeing this girl (we just had our 3rd date) and we have really great chemistry. I knew right from the first date that we had something between us. But I will admit, shes been a challenge simply cause shes really timid and introverted, so Ive had to step it up to another level as far as initiating more to work down her barriers. When we first met, the physical attraction was there for both of us, we had chemistry but it took some time to build from it. Sure it wasnt mindblowing chemistry right out of the gate, but that doesnt mean that we arent compatible. It just means we built our chemistry gradually.

With each time we've talked and hung out, our chemistry has gotten stronger. We enjoy each others company, we are really attracted to each other physically, and we make each other laugh...alot. We can literally talk for hours and hours. But after our last date, she said that shes not sure if she feels enough of a spark and doesnt want to lead me on. She said she likes me a lot, and is really attracted to me physically, and loves spending time with me.

The thing is, her and I have very different views on how to build a relationship and I feel this is the big barrier that will most likely end it right here for the both of us. Which would be REALLY unfortunate for her to just give up on us so soon. Im patient when it comes to building chemistry as I do believe there are many ways to build chemistry and in some relationships it takes longer than others. It is what it is. If chemistry takes more time to grow then I will still persue as long as I feel that connection.

Whereas she said shes all about "love at first sight" simply cause all her past relationships have been this way and this is what she expects. She has her guys on a super short leash and wants them to basically make her fall for them super fast or else gives up and moves onto the next. She wants feelings and emotion to hit her inside real fast. Like unrealistically fast, because her expectations just arent realistic. This is the most daring approach in dating, Ive been down this road when I was young but as you get older you realize that this method will get you hurt fast.

I think "the spark" is over-rated. In my experience, relationships that start with "the spark" have a great beginning. But those relationships tend to burn out quickly. They're short, but intense relationships. Ive had many relationships like this. Its all about lust and your relationship from the get go is 100% based on physical attraction with personality second. Over time, its the personalities that always pull through and carry a relationship. This is just how I see it, but she obviously sees things in a much different way.

Healthier relationships are like a campground fire made of hard woods: they take a while to get burning, but they hold their heat for a much longer time.

Many people (more women, but some guys, too) think a relationship is about constant excitement and thrills, and that anything else is settling. Not true. Relationships have ups and downs. Your feelings change. Their feelings change. You're in a transition phase in your life.

Even though I tell her that love at first sight exists but its rare, not everyone gets to experience it. And that chemistry is built at different paces in every relationship and that it would be a bit too premature to just give up on an oppurtunity or person just because you arent falling head over heals for them in the first 3 dates.

What are your thoughts on spark? Do you think spark can be built over time? Does it fade over time? Many i know always say that spark eventually fades and is only temporary.

And thats what Im the most puzzled about, we both are really physically attracted to each other, sure it hasnt started off all about crazy lust (but thats a good thing trust me), because we both are looking for long term relationships. But again its the personality that I put the most emphasis on as time goes on. And maybe I'm the only one who feels this way, but to me a 3rd date is still in the very early phases of getting to know someone. Sometimes a full spark may not come until the 5th, 6th or 7th date. Its all about patience.