Again, I want to thank those that dropped me a PM. There have been so many there is no way that I can reply to them all right now, but rest assured that I appreciated all of them.
I did go to my "first" meeting last night. Like I said, I had gone before and didn't feel I fit in, but I gave it another go. I have mixed feelings about the experience.
First, I spoke to the leader regarding my reservations regarding the religious overtones. She gave me a pamphlet called "What if I don't believe in God" which was along these lines from the group's website:
Quote:
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You do not have to believe in God to begin this journey. All you have to understand is that there are forces beyond yourself that are more powerful than you. Your addiction to drugs and, or, alcohol brought you to your knees. It turned out to be much more powerful than you. The elements of nature, wind, water, earth and fire are all potentially more powerful than you when provoked. Two people are more powerful than one and a group of people is a powerful force. The point is all you need to acknowledge is that a power greater than yourself exists. You already know that the power behind the disease of addiction is not loving, kind or compassionate. It is a powerful force that wants you dead. When we begin our recovery we need to begin the process of switching teams. One team leads to death and the other to life. You have already chosen life by staying clean and sober one day at a time. The next step is to enlist the powerful force of a loving, kind and compassionate "Higher Power". For the die-hard atheist or agnostic, and our society has many, it is suggested that you make a group of recovering addicts your higher power. Speak openly with them about your disbelief. Rely on their experience strength and hope. Follow their suggestions. This is a simple, spiritual, non-religious program designed especially for you.
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The downside was that I so wanted to share, let loose, talk about my problems and feelings and issues that have consumed me. But everyone else in the room was at that same place, so before we got to me, we were told that we were out of time for the evening. It was definitely good to hear others with similar issues and experiences and lose that feeling of loneliness that Superfraggle just referred to. And I have lots of literature to read to get me started. I think I might do what others in my situation have done and start blogging about where I am at. Even if I am the only one that reads it, journalling your thoughts and experiences is often as cathartic as saying them out loud. And someone pointed out to me in the past that the journals are there to refer back to so you can see what you did on the good days and what happened on the bad to find out what truly makes you happy. And most times it is the days that you eschewed your particular weakness rather than gave in.