I think the reason people are being harder on Kate is her response has mainly been "Well, I never saw it coming, I don't know what I could have done to prevent it" and stuff like that. I think she did say once in the show that maybe she could have been a better communicator, but that was the extent of her acknowledgment of guilt.
John on the other hand has been freely admitting all season that he effed up and knows it. He highlights his downfalls and accepts responsibility.
Not everyone is harder on Kate either, the Mrs (the only reason I know anything about this stupid show) think John is a d-bag. I said years ago to my fiancée that if Kate kept talking down to her husband like that they were going to get divorced.
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