Married Money

[Cowperson]

Originally Posted by alltherage

Just a quick question. When you got married, did you share all accounts, keep money totally seperate, or make some hybrid of the two? How did it work?

You will have a longer, happier marriage if you eliminate as many secrets as possible.

That's one thing.

The most common stress in a marriage is often money.

One partner is spendthrift while the other cannot hold onto a nickel if their life depended on it. That kind of difference, unless you can build a bridge of compromise, can kill a marriage.

I do see, in my business, marriages where investments and some accounts are kept separate . . . . . and they seem to work on that basis because that is the compromise they eventually arranged for themselves.

I guess the lesson here is that you do need to find something that works for the money because money, for many people, can be more important than family as it goes to security and a feeling of safety. If you are moving them out of that safety zone, then you are threatening them and that doesn't go well in sustaining that long term relationship. Money can be a killer of relationships.

Whatever works . . . . . but neither of you should think the topic is unimportant or a sidebar discussion. In most cases, it is a core discussion and there is no formulaic answer.

To me, separate bank accounts can imply secrets.

Cowperson

[fredr123]

Originally Posted by fotze

I think it can work both ways, especially if bot earn similar cake, I am in the make she spends it mold, works good, because she doesn't spend like sylvanfan's wife and neither do I. I we had differening opinions on saving and stuff I would imagine it could get ugly.

Ya the gift thing has always been odd, use a credit card and buy before the statement.

That's how my wife and I roll too. Frankly, given her organizational skills with bill payments and expenses, it makes too much sense to just hand over my pay checks to her. She kind of gets on me for some of my spending habits and with only the one account, it's really easy for her to figure out where I spend my money. It would be nice to have even a small amount of scratch that I could blow as I see fit. Or the balls to stand up to her.

Buying gifts is weird now, for sure. "Here's something awesome I bought you with our money that you already knew about since you pay the bills and have access to our account. Happy birthday!" That's where credit cards help.

[fredr123]

http://forum.calgarypuck.com/showthread.php?t=26875

Other tips in there.

[yads]

We combined our accounts right after we were married. We have some separate savings accounts, but they're pretty specialized and our spending really comes from our joint account.

[Table 5]

What happens if you have way more money/assets going into a marriage then your partner (or vice versa)?

Or say you own something like a house from a time when you were single? When you enter marriage, is that now considered equal property (ie, if the marriage goes south, do you claim that initial money/house as yours?)

[habernac]

correct me if I'm wrong, but unless there's a prenup...

[Russic]

My wife and I have one main account that our money gets deposited into, and then we each have our own personal account. Every two weeks we dump some money into the personal accounts from the main one. That way there is no annoyance when one comes home to find the other has purchased a pair of shoes or an unnecessarily large hard drive that is totally awesome despite her lack of understanding.

[MarchHare]

Originally Posted by Russic

My wife and I have one main account that our money gets deposited into, and then we each have our own personal account. Every two weeks we dump some money into the personal accounts from the main one. That way there is no annoyance when one comes home to find the other has purchased a pair of shoes or an unnecessarily large hard drive that is totally awesome despite her lack of understanding.

That's basicly the opposite of what my wife and I (and many other posters in this thread) do.

I guess there's two ways you can approach this:

1) All household money is shared. Each spouse receives a weekly "allowance" to spend on personal things like shoes and hard drives.

2) The money each of you earn is your own to spend however you see fit. Each spouse is responsible for depositing a pre-determined amount from every paycheque into a joint account to cover shared household expenses.

The most important thing to do is sit down together and actually calculate your monthly budget and determine how much of it each spouse has to cover. However you decide to divide your money after that is less important -- just find something you both agree works for you.

I've heard that the two most common sources of marital strife are money and children. With a little bit of planning and discussion, arguing over money should never be an issue.

[Ethaniel]

Originally Posted by V

I make it, she spends it. After 9 years we've got it down pat.

It took you 9 years to get it down pat?
wow we must be good it took about half a day.

[albertGQ]

I make all the money as my fiancee is currently on maternity leave. Everytime she needs some cash, we have sex. *mod edit, over the line*.

Its a pretty good setup. I have sex whenever I want and she gets money to spend on clothes and shoes. Totally kidding. I didn't need to use white text did I?

[KTrain]

Originally Posted by albertGQ

I make all the money as my fiancee is currently on maternity leave. *mod edit*
Its a pretty good setup. I have sex whenever I want and she gets money to spend on clothes and shoes. Totally kidding. I didn't need to use white text did I?

Yikes.

Quoted before you can second guess yourself.

[Draug]

Originally Posted by alltherage

Just a quick question. When you got married, did you share all accounts, keep money totally seperate, or make some hybrid of the two? How did it work?

We combined all of accounts, debts, and savings. All revenue and expenses go through a joint account. It has worked well for us for 7 years now.

For gifts to each other, we each have one small credit card that we use for such occasions. But, the bill payment still comes out of our joint account so there are no long term secrets. For really big gifts, like say a vacation, we talk about them first.

For day to day spending (wasting) any small amounts are generally left up to each of individually. When they start to add up, we talk about it. Once in a while, we can each get away with spending a couple hundred bucks on a luxury item, but more than that we talk about it first.

As you can see, communication is key when it come to money. It is also key in almost every aspect of the relationship.

[Rerun]

Both my wife's cheque and my cheque go into the same account. My wife makes about $10,000 per year less than I do but so what. We're married. When you are married you share everything equally. My wife pays all the bills. She is awesome at that sort of stuff. She is also very conscious about spending money foolishly or extravagently.
We have an agreement to discuss purchases $100 or over, before we make them.

I hate paying bills and stuff like that. My wife is way better at keeping track of our finances than I am. Since I got married my credit rating has improved dramatically... all due to my wife paying my bills on time (I always had the $$... I would just forget to make the payment on time).

Frankly, I wouldn't do it any other way. I have no money secrets that I want to keep for my wife. If I need to buy a present I just take cash out of the account and tell her I took x amount out in order to shop for a present. Works good.

[TurnedTheCorner]

We have a joint chequing account that we opened when we started living together. Both pay cheques get deposited there. We each get an agreed upon amount from the pay cheque that we move to our separate savings accounts to do with whatever either of us want. We also have separate credit cards.

[Rerun]

Originally Posted by albertGQ

I make all the money as my fiancee is currently on maternity leave. Everytime she needs some cash, we have sex. *mod edit*.

Its a pretty good setup. I have sex whenever I want and she gets money to spend on clothes and shoes. Totally kidding. I didn't need to use white text did I?

So... in other words.... you're marrying a hooker?

[alltherage]

Originally Posted by Rerun

So... in other words.... you're marrying a hooker?

Don't be silly. He married a hooker.

Thanks everyone for your answers. My fiance and I come from different philosophies as far as money is concerned. Her parents both work, and share one account. My dad's always been the breadwinner, and he gives my mom a monthly "paycheck" for herself, house renos, etc, and then handles all the bills mortgage etc.

I think I want a hybrid where we still have our own money, but she sounds like she'd like to share it. Ultimately, our relationship is #1 so I know we'll come up with a compromise that works for us.

[red sky]

Originally Posted by alltherage

Ultimately, our relationship is #1 so I know we'll come up with a compromise that works for her.

Fixed

[alltherage]

Originally Posted by red sky

Fixed

Hey, baby gets what baby wants, know what im sayin?

[Icon]

Combined Bank/debit & Credit Cards.

imo unless you're not 100% comfortable with the person (if so why are you getting married?), there's no reason not to have it that way.

[yads]

I understand different strokes for different folks and all that, but if you're treating your wife as some sort of business partner by splitting your finances, that really just seems cold to me.