On your knees - A new religion!!!!

[Cheese]

We need converts...we want you to follow....
(apologies to those who might be offended)

Name of new Religion:

Kiprusoffarians (Taken from the Rastafarian culture due to Mikka’s laid back personality)


Leaders of the Church:
Those who wear a Flames style sweater with #34 on the back and sleeves, and Kiprusoff emblazoned in letters along the rear shoulder. These people are enabled and are entitled to become “Beacons of the Flame” within the Church of Kiprusoff. Beacons hold a higher standing and can lead silent prayer groups either within their homes or the Great Arenas where our Prophet and God Kiprusoff holds mass. Beacons assist those who wish to become Kiprusoffarian by leading a raucous and sometimes all encompassing hymn while in front of the Television, or better while in the great Arena of Kiprusoff. The sing along can take different forms dependant on the Beacon in charge, however every group must join together en-masse and stand facing the great Kiprusoff with arms straight in front, as if to focus all positive energy upon our lord and savior. The hymn can include variations of these words, (Kipper, Kipper, Kipper). A waving motion with both arms extended straight must be continued for a period no less than 30 seconds OR until the great Prophet Kiprusoff notices and responds with a slight nod of his skull laden mask. Those who do not wish to become a Beacon of the Flame, or a leader within the Kiprusoffarian’s, are free to join the Hymns and Prayer groups as long as decorum is followed and there is a belief that the great Kipper will lead them to the hallowed place known as Stanley’s Cupland. Those who wish to disrupt this practice or who use it as a type of hex will be banished from the group and banished to a Hell immersed in Oil for all eternity.

The Revelation:
The Prophet Kiprusoff was once a lost soul in the land of Sharks, third in a series of demi-gods, word has it the great God of Ice, (Sutterite), knew of the great Kipper and saved him from these Sharks and a group of Vancouverites by freezing the Oceans and the Sharks nearby and plucking him from the depths of despair.



Dogmas, rites, rituals, odd beliefs:
·The great Kiprusoff is sacred.
·You will not bear false witness to any other demi-god.
·The great Kiprusoff is the face of the Flame…all should honor the Skulls upon his mask. Those who adorn themselves with tattoos or piercings of the great Kipper shall be held in high esteem and live-forever in StanleyCupland with Angels and past Flames upon your wings.
·In honor of all victorys, Beacons and followers should drink of the heroin beer or sacred wine. Quantities are not measured as long as Beacons and followers are able to to continue with Mass when the Kipper once again takes to the great ice created by the God Sutterite.
·The Day before the Kiprusoff takes to the ice in battle will forever be known as Yom-Kipper. Beacons and followers must adorn themselves in the color of the Kipper and feast mightily to gain strength for the fight against the next great enemy. It is recommended that followers indulge in foods of the Finnish variety such as meatballs, chicken or salmon. The kalakukko fish pie is known to have special powers and if all Beacons partake of this meal it is a guarantee that the great Kipper will be victorious in the following days battle.
·After all great Victories female Beacons must prove their faith to the great Kiprusoff by showing their breasts to jubilant crowds.

Miracles:



It was once known that the Flame was nearly extinguished. Once the great Sutterite plucked the Kiprusoff from the murky waters near the new city of San Jose a great Flame was born. The followers were skeptical at first, however as time elapsed and the great Kipper led us to many victorys one could sense a growing surge amongst the once downtrodden. A rebirth followed and the Flame entered the hallowed hall of the playoffs for the first time in many moons.

It shall forever be known that the great Kipper led the Flames into a great first battle against the Vancouverites. Many thought the Red color of the Flame would be the bloodshed wrought by those known as Nucks or Nuckleheads. Led by a bloodthirsty group who were thought to be almighty, the great Kipper followed by his troops surprised this group with an attack that never seemed to stop. When the Vancouverites managed to break through a line of defence the great Kipper seemed to stand in the way as a great wall of iron…impenetrable buy any force the Nucks could manage. The great Kipper held the battle close and after 7 glorious battles the Nucks were defeated, with nothing but the sour stench of Flame engulfing their rotting corpses. The people rejoiced and it is told the first Beacons of the Flame were born.

The Beacons looked beyond the hill towards the next great battle and were wide eyed in horror as they saw Wings of Detroit ascending from the heavens. It was told by many that the great Wings were warriors of great renown and had been to StanleyCup land on many occasions. The people shivered, but a new feeling of hope had emerged within the collective. All pundits of the great game on ice held no hope for the Flame, and once again a new battle was born. The Flame of the highlands came out fast and strong in the first battle and the Kipper was to strong as the Knight Nilsson from the Swedish mainland sliced Detroit in an overtime battle that saw the Wings covered with their own red blood….now known as the Red Wings. The Red Wings fought hard in ensuing battles, however the scars from that first battle gave additional light to the feet of the Flame foot soldiers and the great Kipper once again led the highlanders to a resounding victory. The Highlands erupted with joy and one could view a sea of red for a mile within the confines of the city known as Calgary (Kal-gry).

It is told that the next battle was one, which was savored, by the great Kiprusoff and the Beacons that followed his path. The SanJoseians were a great and skilled army that had let the God Sutterite steal Kiprusoff from their ranks. It was told that the Sharks of San Jose had Gods of their own with one in particular known as the great Nabakov, a Russian master who had single handedly defeated two groups of soldiers to advance toward this meeting of the Flame. A young foot soldier named “Montador” struck fear into the Sharks in the first battle with a spear so accurate that the salt lunged could not recuperate. The second battle was over early and the Sharks were engulfed in the same Flame that the Vancouverites and Red Wings had found earlier in the wars. The sea of red parted and the faithful once again were seen for miles.

The Final Battle. It is told that Lightning erupted from the sky. The story is murky and history has it that some believe the Flame defeated these Bolts from the sky in 6 great matches. Heretics have recorded that Lightning struck the Flame and put out the fire that burned so bright within the spring of the year Two Thousand and Four. It is for those who followed to determine in their hearts who was victorious, but for followers and Beacons of the great Kiprusoff the light shines brightly.



As the Flame nears the new and greatest battle, followers of the Kiprusoff we harken. Stand and honor the man in front of your Picture tubes. When in the personal company of the Kiprusoff stand en-masse and sing the hymn while moving your arms in an up and down fashion. Get others to join your cause as it is a just cause. Let people from the rest of the world know who you are…revel in the majesty of the great Kiprusoff and ensure you are seen on broadcasts of a National variety adorning yourselves in his color, his number, and most importantly his NAME.

On your knees!


All who wish to join say I am a Kiprusoffarian!

I most definately am a Kiprusoffarian!

[Flashpoint]

Best.

Post.

Ever.

[silverstick]

Wow

[TheyCallMeBruce]

Whatever.



I am a Dionite. All who fear and worship "The Eternal Lord Dion" shall bow and praise his name 3 x 3 x 3. For it is written...The Dion shall set you free with a Double Dion and a booming slapshot.

[transplant99]

Beauty cheese.

Har

[ken0042]

Originally Posted by Cheese

The Day before the Kiprusoff takes to the ice in battle will forever be known as Yom-Kipper.

What should we do in the event that Yom-Kipper falls on the same day as an Ice Battle? As in back to back Ice Battles?

[Cheese]

Originally Posted by ken0042

What should we do in the event that Yom-Kipper falls on the same day as an Ice Battle? As in back to back Ice Battles?

This is known as the Feast of King. The great leader who helped assist the God Sutterite by keeping the masses well fed prior to the Prophet Kiprusoff's arrival.
It is generally accepted that Nachos and Cheese at the great Arena of Kipper is an accepted substitute.

[liamenator]

See, I knew deep down there was religion in the heart of the Cheese-man.

[Nehkara]

I am a Kiprusoffarian!

I concur, BEST POST EVER!

[Cheese]

Originally Posted by TheyCallMeBruce

Whatever.



I am a Dionite. All who fear and worship "The Eternal Lord Dion" shall bow and praise his name 3 x 3 x 3. For it is written...The Dion shall set you free with a Double Dion and a booming slapshot.

It is ok within the legions of Kiprusoffarians to hold releigious allegiances with those of the Dionites, Iginlanians, Nilssonites, Hamrlickers, Mushers, the Yips or Yelles and of course the Kristians!

[Metro Gnome]

I accepted Kipper into my heart and was saved!

[jonesy]

Just to give Cheevers something to rail about, I am going to say I find this sacriligeous, non-funny, hurtful and sad.

That being said, I will not try to harm him or anyone who finds it amusing.

[spiteface]

easy

[A_3]

Amen Brother! Amen

[Shazam]

Hamrlickers

Only women can belong to the covenant of the Hamrlickers.

[MJK]

The Day before the Kiprusoff takes to the ice in battle will forever be known as Yom-Kipper.

Yom-Kipper

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH

CLASSIC!

[Azure]

Nice Cheese!!!

[kermitology]

There are just so many to choose from...Dionism, Kiprusoffarian, Sutterite. I don't know which one to choose! Can I believe in all of them?

[Cheese]

Originally Posted by Shazam

Only women can belong to the covenant of the Hamrlickers.

I think I just about larfed my arse off...LOL..you are bad!

[MaherFan]

Kipper saved my soul too!

I shall begin fermenting the Holy Wine blessed by Kipper himself!