Players Tribune - I'm no Connor McWhatever

[FurnaceFace]

Compelling read into the struggles of minor pro leagues and what players go through. The week to week pay cheque was something I wasn't aware of. That would make the most grounded of us anxious.

It’s about a kid who loved hockey so much that he forgot to love himself. And what it feels like to want nothing more than to do all you can to break into the NHL and make your childhood dream come true … while at the same time knowing that you’re not well. That something is very wrong. But that if you tell someone, or let it be known that you’re struggling, you may never play professional hockey again.

https://www.theplayerstribune.com/en...310/a278ba4a40

In short: Minor league hockey is very different from the NHL.

With most professional leagues in North America — everything below the NHL and AHL — your salary is negotiated as a weekly amount that includes health care coverage and housing costs. You make $450 a week, or $1,000, or whatever it is … basically whatever the team that signed you is willing to pay.

For me, that meant earning $500 a week. Pre-tax. Before agent fees and union dues are deducted. So, take-home, it was more like $395.

And, look, that’s not me complaining about the money. People like me … we choose this path. Most of us would play for free because we love this game so much. So we understand. You’re not going to get rich playing minor league hockey. We get that.

What’s more distressing, though, is the week-to-week part of things. Literally everything about your livelihood in the low minors is week-to-week, including your ability to see a doctor and whether you have a place to live. The way contracts are structured means that at any given moment, with no warning, a player can be waived and have nothing. NHL or AHL players report to the team’s lower-level affiliate when they get sent down, but guys in the ECHL and SPHL? We just get cut and … go away

The article is extremely well written and very much worth the time to get through it.

I hope all CPs aren't struggling with some of the things Ben went through. I have no personal experience with it but if you do, please have the strength he did to talk to someone.

[Big Erned Nevergivn]

Great read. Thanks for posting.

[868904]

Tough life, and he's no Connor McWhatever, but at least he and his girlfriend doesn't have to live in Edmonton half the year.

Silver linings.

[Muta]

Originally Posted by 868904

Tough life, and he's no Connor McWhatever, but at least he and his girlfriend doesn't have to live in Edmonton half the year.

Silver linings.

Let's be real.. we'd all live there for half a year if it meant making millions playing a recreational pastime for a living.

[FurnaceFace]

The “salaries” are also surprising to me. He says he took home $375 a week. Assuming that’s paid only during the season he might make 10k. That’s wild. I guess when AHL salaries are 80k the next rung down being a lot less makes sense but man, you gotta really love playing for that. I’d be curious to know more about Euro leagues and what guys would make and if the contracts are seasonal instead of weekly.

Always having that sword of Damocles hanging over your head would be so wearing.

[Itse]

Originally Posted by FurnaceFace

The “salaries” are also surprising to me. He says he took home $375 a week. Assuming that’s paid only during the season he might make 10k. That’s wild. I guess when AHL salaries are 80k the next rung down being a lot less makes sense but man, you gotta really love playing for that. I’d be curious to know more about Euro leagues and what guys would make and if the contracts are seasonal instead of weekly.

I've never heard of weekly contracts in Europe. Seasonal is the norm, sometimes monthly in the lower leagues. I think players in the DEL make something like 50k-300k per season, in euros? Plus often teams pay for things like an apartment and/or car on top of the salary for foreigners. (In part because arranging those can be a massive hassle if you don't know anything about the country and don't know the language.)

Always having that sword of Damocles hanging over your head would be so wearing.

Yeah, lack of financial security for extended periods of time can be murder for mental health, even for people with no previous history. Just getting out of a situation like that can be life-savingly helpful. This is something I know from personal experience.

[transplant99]

I used to be the guy that negotiated contracts with players in low level pro.

He isn't exagerating even a little bit. We had a salary cap and like we see now in the NHL, we had 3 really good players who ate up a big chunk of it, so we filled the rst of the roster with guys who would take waht was offered but could still fill a role.

We had a couple guys who were paid 250 a week. This was over a decade ago, but no question it hasnt changed a whole lot.

One thing that isn't said here though is boosters would often "adopt" a player and shoot him some extra dough that way...along with food/new clothing/etc.

Still not a lot but again, it was for the love of the game they agreed to the terms...and there was NO shortage of guys willing to do so.

[FurnaceFace]

I reached put to a guy I know who played for the lower league in Finland. He was paid a small amount per month and accommodations paid for. His second time he was given transportation and all expenses paid but he didn't get a salary. His comment was once you came to terms you weren't going to be rich you did it for the experience and to make new friends.


Also since posting this thread I have learned there are members who have had similar struggles and come out the other side. I'm honoured you shared this with me. Expressing this even quietly and not publicly on this board is courage enough in my books. I'm extremely proud of you for coming out of your dark place. If there are others who are still struggling know there is hope.

[MrMike]

This is what I want to read full books on. Sean Prongers was closest one to bouncing in and out compared to say Proberts or Chelios or Roeneck. But I imagine these are the people that don't come into the means to be able to tell their stories in such a way.

As much as we dislike the guy, I'd really like to read a book on Burrows. I really enjoy the peak into the real life and what goes on, and what it takes. It humanises it.

[Jiri Hrdina]

If you are looking for books like that I would recommend
They don’t play hockey in heaven
Zamboni Rodeo

[MrMike]

The first one sound really depressing Edit* read the summary actually sounds very endearing. couldn't even start Fleurys because I know what it is about. It's tough to get emotionally ready for what you know is coming.

[Dion]

Originally Posted by FurnaceFace

Also since posting this thread I have learned there are members who have had similar struggles and come out the other side. I'm honoured you shared this with me. Expressing this even quietly and not publicly on this board is courage enough in my books. I'm extremely proud of you for coming out of your dark place. If there are others who are still struggling know there is hope.

There is something I need to share with all of you.

Why am I sharing this with you?

It's because of what FurnaceFace said in the above bolded posting.

I am that person he was talking about and somehow I somehow found the courage to publicly share this with all of you. I also felt it was important that I did. We can't continue with the attitude that if it doesn't affect me, I don't want to hear about it. We need to create an atmosphere where those struggling can feel comfortable coming forward and talk about what troubles them.

I short, I didn't play hockey or have to deal with the issues associated with it. What I shared in common with this goaltender was the constant anxiety, fear of people, OCD, relentless bullying and the feeling that I didn't fit in. My choice in my early 20's wasn't a piece of rope but a bottle of pills.

Imagine being in a psych ward with bars on the window and having strict rules governing when you, got to sleep and the loss of personal freedom. Most of all a doctor saying you can leave until we feel you are no longer a threat to yourself.

Thanks but no thanks, I have zero desire to go back to that place again.

Dan buying that rope with the intent of hanging himself wasn't something where he woke up one morning and decided to kill himself. Think of a boxing match where you're battling your personal demons. As each round comes and goes you get worn down from the never ending battle. If it goes on long enough you reach a point where you literally throw in the towel as you no longer have the emotional strength and ability to battle your demons. Your ability to cope is gone and you just want out.

There's a phrase from the Shawshank Redemption movie that I really like where Andy says to Red, "Get busy living or get busy dying." You reach a point in your battle where you realise that if you don't reach out for help, you won't be around for very much longer and in reality it's true. When all hope is gone your zest for life goes with it.

I have to tell you that talk therapy is interesting in that it helps you come to an understanding of who you are as a person and why you act they way that you do. Knowing those two things takes away the scary I don't understand what is happening to me and sets you on the road to recovery. It's simlar to the phrase of; "How do you know where you're going if you don't know where you're coming from." You have to have a base of understanding from which to work from.

You also come to realise that you're not different, weird, odd or any other thoughts that make you think that you don't fit into this world. You are your own unique and special person and it might surprise you to know that there are others out there just like you.. We all have our own quirks and oddities.

Near the end of the article you see a huge change in Ben's attitude towards life. He goes from negative and pessimistic to being positive and hopeful. He now has a plan and the tools to effectively to deal with his demons. While the road ahead will be met with many potholes and detours along the way and that the journey won't be easy, he's confident he can handle with whatever life throws at him. I know because I have my own.

Issues like this make people uncomfortable.

Why?

Because people can't fathom how a bright intelligent young man would ever get to the point where he would want to kill himself. People in general like to pretend that it doesn't exist and if it doesn't impact me, I don't want to hear about it.

Society also makes you feel that way because they don't want you to talk about it. They want you to put a smile on your face and pull up your boot straps. When someone asks how you're doing you're supposed to say everything is fine and life is great. That was my late father to a tee and the society that I grew up in as a teen and young adult.

Slowly but surely this attitude is changing and to be honest we have a long ways to go before every troubled individual feels comfortable sharing. Too many people are committing suicide and that needs to stop!

Don't judge, mock or ridicule me or Ben for that matter, but try to understand and if you can't, find someone who will help you.

Finally, if you're struggling like I did reach out for help. I wouldn't be here talking to all of you if I didn't

Thank you for listening.

Dion

[FurnaceFace]

Courage. See: Dion.