Funniest quotes from kids!

[Frank the Tank]

So I was playing the Wii with my son (6 years old) and my daughter (3 years old) when my son busted out the funniest quote ever from his short life. And I don't say this lightly, because this little nut-job has said some funny stuff!

He is obsessed with Sports Resort, so we are playing bowling. Everyone in the family has a Mii, so Jilly wants to bowl. I am helping her, because her hands are so small, she can't reach the buttons while holding the controller. Subsequently, I (Jilly), nails a couple of strikes. I'm trying to let Ethan win, but sometimes on Wii bowling, you just bust out a few strikes no matter how slow the ball is going.

Without missing a beat, he turns to me and says "Dad, if she wins, you're going to get a kick in the nuts!"

Six years old and I am threatened with a kick in the nuts? Awesome! I laughed so hard I almost threw up.

How about you guys/girls? Any funny kid quotes?

[Papi34]

My buddies kid (4 years old) loves UFC we were sitting watching football he stood up and cracked my buddy in the face then went on to say "One punch sucka" pretty awesome and random

[dissentowner]

When my eldest boy was 5 we were talking about an invisible friend named Chucky the Vampire he would talk to. When I asked him when he first saw Chucky he gave me this look like I was the stupidest person ever and said "He is invisible, you never see him."

[Rathji]

"Sometimes, I walk to the van, sometimes, not so much", from my 3 year old while being carried through some deep snow to the van this winter.

The other day I was changing my 2.5 year old.

When she was naked, she reached down and grabbed her privates and said, "My turkey".

I laughed and said, "no, thats your vagina".

My four your old then chimed in with, "Dad, you're a vagina".

Take out all the non-quoted stuff and it sounds like:

"My turkey!"
"No, thats your vagina."
"Dad, your a vagina."

I laughed till I cried.

[albertGQ]

I was picking my nose while driving and my 30 month old son says to me "that's not a toy daddy, that's a booger!"

[Bagor]

They're too frickin logical.

Note in 6 year olds daily report book about not listening in school so decided to ask him about it.

What happened today in school when you weren't listening?
I don't remember.
What do you mean you don't remember?
(Looks at me with a confused look) How can I remember if I wasn't listening?

[Young-Sneezy]

Originally Posted by Papi34

My buddies kid (4 years old) loves UFC we were sitting watching football he stood up and cracked my buddy in the face then went on to say "One punch sucka" pretty awesome and random

ummm...i really dont know if i would be overly joyed by my 4 year old thinking its funny to smoke someone in the face...

[Devils'Advocate]

My mother was explaining to my 4 year old niece that after getting her hair done she had her ears re-pierced and bought new earrings, as a special treat to herself.

"I bet you got a treat because you sat real still and didn't make a fuss while getting your hair done!!"

[CaptainCrunch]

I remember at a family BBQ, my cousins boy who I think was 5 walked up to one of the guest wives and blurted out "Nice Titties" in his not for church voice.

[onetwo_threefour]

When my wife was pregnant with our second kid one of the receptionists at my office asked my then 5 year old son, "Do you know wha's in your mommy's tummy?" He gave her the strangest look and didn't answer for a second, so she repeated herself. He then gets this look of comprehension on his face and says, "Well, I don't know what she had for breakfast, but if you're talking about her uterus there's a baby in there."

My one assistant in her late thirties often says that my older son makes her feel dumb though, so this is actually pretty typical for him, but it's an office legend now.

[Rathji]

My 2 year old said something yesterday that made me think of this thread. He walked up to me after going to the wash room (of course his pants are no where to be seen) and he is lifting his penis up as high as he can and pointing underneath, saying "Mine testicles"

[undercoverbrother]

I bought a new pair of runners, Muzuno Wave 15, they are red.

The boy (6) walks up, picks one up, thump the heel on the floor, looks at me says "what a rip they don't even light up". Drops the shoe and walks away.

[Northendzone]

as a bit of background we have been going to church more regularly on sundays since minor hockey season ended.

about two weeks ago i was putting lauren to sleepand i gave her a kiss and said good night, she then asked for a butterfly kiss (eyelashes brushing he r cheek) and she then asked for a jueses kiss and i asked her what that was and she asked me to put my palms up and she then took her index finger and proceeded to stick it into the middle of my hand.....

[Rjcsjc62]

When the playoffs first started a couple of weeks ago I was watching the Penguins/Flyers game 1.

My 5 year old wanted to know more about so to be as simple as possible I explained that the best 16 teams makes the playoffs, then they all play each for 2 months until there is only 1 team left. That team is the Champion.

My 7 year old then pointed out to the younger one, that "the Flames were fired from the playoffs".

I asked him " what do you mean fired?"

He simply replied, " you know.. like when you fail at your job"

What else could I do but laugh/cry. He was right.

[Street Pharmacist]

I took my son who was 5 at the time to McDonalds for a lunch. I had just seen the family guy episode where Peter orders 500 chicken fajitas, but calls them fa-jite-a's (similar in sound to a vagina). He was a fairly picky water them, so I wanted him to try my fajita. So anyways, I order a fajita, and while we are sitting down and eating I blurt out
"mmmm fajitas. They're great (in the wrong way to pronounce them still thinking it's over his head)"
"Dad.....what is a vagina?"
"umm...uhhh...you know how you have a penis and your sister doesn't?"
"ya"
"that is a vagina"
"oh........."
Now he looks perplexed
"why do you like to eat vaginas?"
"that's enough for today son. Moving on"

[zukes]

My almost 5 year old son was in the bath a few months ago. Out of blue, he says, "look at how big my weiner is?" in this deep man like voice. He was so proud, as was I, LOL.

Fast forward to the other day, again in the bath and he must have noticed again and said again, "look at how big my weiner is, it's like a long rope"

I try not to laugh at the time, but when I tell my wife later we both just kill ourselves. My son is very proud of his junk!

[undercoverbrother]

Originally Posted by zukes

My almost 5 year old son was in the bath a few months ago. Out of blue, he says, "look at how big my weiner is?" in this deep man like voice. He was so proud, as was I, LOL.

Fast forward to the other day, again in the bath and he must have noticed again and said again, "look at how big my weiner is, it's like a long rope"

I try not to laugh at the time, but when I tell my wife later we both just kill ourselves. My son is very proud of his junk!

haha boys,

My son and I were taking a piss a urinals at the mall. We were standing next to each other and he looks over at my junk and says at the top of his lung "wow you penis is really big dad".

He also introduced me to his teach as "the other half of team penis"

[CaptainCrunch]

Shouldn't you have your kids out working in the backyard, and hauling garbage out to the dump, it sounds like they have way too much time on their hands if they're thinking up these clever quips.

the sooner that you people get around to breaking their resolve the better our future labor pool looks.

Ryley got her "report card" from her daycarre last week. It said that she didn't know the difference between male and female.

So I asked her "What's the difference between boys and girls?"
She replied "Bananas"

Pretty smart for a 2 and a half year old.