I believe it was Gaskal (?) that made a dubbed over video of Treliving showing up Chiarelli on draft day (McDavid, Hamilton/Reinhart trades). Can't seem to find it on YouTube anymore, though.
Location: A simple man leading a complicated life....
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Well, this one has been long overdue. The Oilers are a team that glorifies its storied past, yet ignores the issues that plague it today. In fact, their solution to these dilemmas are throwing more relics from the past at it. In other words, this team is Al Bundy. The Oilers may as well be a shoe salesman that opines for the glory days of the past. It seems to be all they're good for, anymore.
As for why the Oilers are in this situation, this video will attempt to explain their many, many, many self-inflicted wounds. Even then, it may not be enough.
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Someone needs to compile the ThisIsAnOutrage post game summaries. Those were classic.
2017 Playoff Edition
13 April, 2017
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Originally Posted by ThisIsAnOutrage
Concourse Roars, “McDavid in Five!” as Sharks lead Oilers 1-0 in Series
The atmosphere at Rogers Place was electric last night as a new generation of Oilers’ playoff fans packed the concourse for a mere $80.00 a head; a price even the skinflintiest Connor McDavid supporter could not argue with. Despite that the opposition overcame a two-goal deficit and went on to win in overtime, the McDavid faithful were undeterred in their belief that the Oilers' wunderkind would carry the team to the second round, and chants of, “McDavid in Five! The Dream is alive!™” were still being heard around the arena long after the game had ended. The same optimism was abundant at the Oilers’ head office as Stew MacDonald, Chief Commercial Officer, was absolutely gaga over finally having a little playoff revenue to spread around. “This is fantastic. This absolutely fantastic!” raved MacDonald. Not content with the revenue from a mere one game loss, before the night was out MacDonald had summoned his sales and marketing team for a brain-storming session on how to maximize the opportunity. As of press time “McDavid in Five! The Dream is Alive™” had been trademarked by the Oilers along with, “McDavid in Six, Pay More for our Tix!™” and, “McDavid in Seven! All thanks to Kevin!™” T-shirts bearing the slogans along with the Oilers and Sharks logos are now on sale wherever McDavid merchandise is sold; a solid $45.00 investment. At the next Oilers’ home game McDavid faithful can also look forward to Connor McNacho™ trays featuring exactly 97 chips and a collectable chip and cheese holder for $21.99; family size, 97oz Connor McCola™ collectable buckets for $59.99; premium Connor McParking™ within 970 feet of Rogers Place for $97.00; and, the ultimate accessory for the well-to-do, avant-garde McDavid superfan: a limited edition vial of Connor McStemcells™ for $979,797.97 straight from the Oilers’ First Pick Overall Development Lab (FPOD)™.
19 April, 2017
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Originally Posted by ThisIsAnOutrage
McDavid sends powerful message about Sport, Life as Sharks draw even in Series, 2-2
Perennial Oilers' superstar, Connor McDavid (0g, 0a, 0pts, -1), showed that he is more than the taut and toned physical specimen all know and love and elected to throw around his intellectual weight for a change in a 7 - 0 Sharks victory as the Oilers were back in action after the Easter weekend. The message sent by McDavid was received loud and clear by Oilers fans around the globe: In this mad, mad world of ours, beauty is all too often coupled with tragedy.
Sources close to the team report that the revelation that the brightest light must necessarily create the darkest shadow weighed heavily on the Oilers' goaltending tandem of Cam Talbot (19-24, .792 sv%, 32:52) and Laurent Brossoit (2-8, .750 sv%, 27:08). As the night wore on, the pair eventually sought solace in the words of McDavid teammates Milan Lucic (0g, 0a, 0pts, +/-0) and Patrick Maroon (0g, 0a, 0pts, -2) who tried in vain to convince the troubled glove-hands that what appeared to be a crushing 7-0 defeat was but the smallest aspect of the Japanese tradition of Wabi Sabi and as such, the imperfect performance would only render the remainder of the Oilers' playoff run all the more profound and beautiful. As buy-in was not to be had, by 3:30a.m. the Oilers had brought in former enforcer, and known Renaissance Man, Marty McSorley, to address the goaltenders’ discord. Any progress McSorley had made in encouraging the pensive backstops to view the loss through the lens of the Mahayama Zen tradition of enlightenment through suffering and self-denial was lost however when Oilers’ Vice President of Hockey Operations, Craig MacTavish, sent out a team-wide text simply stating, “Don’t worry, failure is the springboard to success!”
None were hit harder by the stark knowledge that pursuit of perfection was not a virtue, but rather a gnawing, dreadful impossibility, though than Oilers' Entertainment Group Vice-Chairman, Kevin Lowe. As of 5:00a.m., beset by migraines, Lowe was utterly unable to reconcile the fact that being tied 2-2 with the Sharks in the Western Conference Quarterfinals meant that while the Oilers were half way to winning, they were also half way to losing and the result could not be known until the outcome of the series was observed by at least one Oilers fan. The conundrum was particularly straining for a man of Lowe's intellectual stature who is well reputed to know a thing or two about winning and a trickle of blood soon seeped from his nose.
Fortunately, as dawn broke, all debate was put to an end as Oilers' General Manager, Peter Chiarelli, announced that he had seen the light and realized that free will was but a delusion crafted by man to account for the pain and misery human beings had endured for the past decade, and that all goodness and glory could be manifested through the simple act of surrendering to the one, true saviour bearing the mark "97." As the light of truth slowly, yet inevitably, spread through the ranks of the Oilers and the Oilers Entertainment Group, it was unanimously agreed that tomorrow's practice would be cancelled.
1 May, 2017
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Originally Posted by ThisIsAnOutrage
Ducks 6, Oilers 3, McDavid still no. 1
Despite that Connor McDavid and the Edmonton Oilers failed to grab a 3-0 stranglehold in their playoff series against the Anaheim Ducks last night, falling 6-3, McDavid devotees were as flush as ever with adoration for the NHL's Millenial Dream. Having won an Edmonton-wide essay contest on "Why Connor McDavid is the best Oiler", on hand with guest press credentials was 18 year old McKayla Mackey, President of the Official Oilers Fan Club at Harry Ainlay School in Edmonton, Alberta."He wears 97 on his back, but we carry him as number one in our hearts," said Mackey.
Also coming to the aide of the Oilers' Top Gun following the game was McDavid's head coach, Todd McLellan. When asked if he thought he could get more out of McDavid (1g, 0a, 1pts, -2), McLellan was quick to provide the hoi polloi with the correct perspective:
"Hey you're talking about a guy who, at the age of 20, sold out Rogers Place 41 times during the regular season and four more and counting in his first playoffs. Garth Brooks toured for 28 years before selling it out nine times and getting his banner raised to the roof!" chided McLellan. But he did not stop there:
"I mean, how many times did Einstein write e=mc3 before getting it right? How many times did the Challenger explode before Lance Armstrong got to the moon? How many times did Oswald fire before finally clipping Kennedy?! Connor McDavid can't win the cup in a single game, damn it!" said the 49 year old McLellan.
The awkward silence that fell over the befuddled and aghast crowd in front of McLellan was thankfully broken by the timely arrival of the NHL's third overall all-time scorer, Mark Messier, who casually quipped with a wry grin, "I've been on hold for so long, I thought I should tell Connor, 'It's Mess!' in person," before exiting to deliver a pep talk to "Conny and the boys.”
Shortly thereafter the crowd fell into its second awkward moment, however, as it dawned on McLellan that the microphones were still live as he had been muttering, "stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid" while dejectedly banging his forehead with a clenched fist gripping the pair of matching orange and blue friendship bracelets he had been carrying around since last September. No relief for the crowd was to be had this time, though, as the ensuing silence was broken only by the sound of Mackey quietly repeating, "Missus McKayla Mackey-McDavid," to which the press corps - and everyone else - silently shuffled out.
4 May, 2017
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Originally Posted by ThisIsAnOutrage
McDavid and the Oilers to follow the Sweet Smell of Success back to Anaheim, Series tied 2-2
Having picked up the scent of playoff success, the Edmonton Oilers’ top dog, Connor McDavid (1g, 0a, 0pts, +1), led the hunt for a 3-1 series lead in game four of the Western Conference Semi-Final against the Anaheim Ducks. Despite delivering 110% blood, sweat, and tears, the well-oiled score-machine nevertheless watched as his team fell into a funk as the game wore on and the Ducks tied the series at 2 games a piece with a 4-3 win in overtime.
Realizing that the past two home games in Edmonton had been no bed of roses for his team, Oilers’ forward Jordan Eberle (0g, 0a, 0pts, -1) was brief in a post-game interview, offering a sharp, on-the-nose summary of the game. “Connor gave it his all out there, but aside from that, we stunk tonight,” When asked what the team could do to rally around their effervescent captain, Eberle gave a wink and added, “We have a few good luck traditions that remind us that we are all part of the same team. Like a bunch of us all wear the same cologne. Here, smell.”
While descriptions of the fragrance proved elusive for many, in an official statement from cosmetics behemoth L’Oreal, it was confirmed that the scent consisted of a base of 1985's FiFi award-winning men's fragrance of the year, Drakkar Noir, with a little “je ne sais quoi” added to give it a modern, northern hockey distinction.
So popular was the derivative fragrance, “Dakkar Oiloir No. 97” (for him and her) that Oilers' Season Ticket Holders and Huddled Concourse Masses alike queued up in lines as long as 25 minutes all around Rogers Place just for the sweet relief of finally letting go with their own, personal bottle. While piqued about missing parts of the game fans had little option as the powerful and highly sought-after elixir is available only in Edmonton's Ice District during Oilers’ home games.
Also getting in on the action and, positively oozing savoir-faire, was Oilers’ Assistant General Manager and fragrant man about town, Keith Gretzky, who was eager to weigh in on what the fragrance had done for team spirit in the locker room. “The guys love this stuff! They know it’s theirs and they make it theirs!” beamed Gretzky. “How can I describe it? It has all of the traditional top notes you love from Drakkar Noir; the bergamot, the rosemary, the lavender; but underneath it is a certain heady, steamy aroma that reminds you of the streets of Edmonton surrounding Rogers Place itself. It is the smell of playoff excitement in Edmonton!”
When asked of his thoughts on Drakkar Oiloir No. 97, former Oilers’ 2005 first round pick turned Anaheim Duck, Andrew Cogliano (0g, 0a, 0pts, -1), declined even the politest whiff. Stated Cogliano, “They’ve been working on something like this for about a decade now and I can tell you, once it gets on you, it takes a long, long time to wash off.”
While the cloud enveloping the Oilers’ team bus as it departed for Edmonton International Airport after the game left no doubt that Oilers players approved of the aroma, inside sources revealed that the fragrance had been the cause of a little consternation as Oilers’ players David Desharnais, Benoit Pouliot, and back-up goaltender Laurent Brossoit simply could not agree on how to pronounce “Oiloir.”
6 May, 2017
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Originally Posted by ThisIsAnOutrage
McDavid and the Oilers take it right to the edge as Anaheim grabs 3-2 series lead
"When the Abyss stares into Connor McDavid (1g, 1a, 2pts, -1), Connor McDavid stares back."
Such were the words of the Edmonton Oilers' General Manager, Peter Chiarelli, upon arriving back at Edmonton International the morning after an aching 4-3, double-overtime plundering by the Anaheim Ducks on Friday night. "He's still getting his first taste of the playoffs and the injuries, tough calls, and hard stretches that a team has to play through to win. You can't ask more from your Captain at 20," added Chiarelli.
Before fielding any further questions about the game, which saw the Oilers' squander a 3-0 lead with less than four minutes to go, Chiarelli was addressed by unabashed, 4-and-a-half year old Tabitha DeMarquez. "Mister Chiarelli, why won't Collie McDoggy wake up this morning?" asked the littlest McDavid fan, her tiny arms overloaded with an eerily silent puppy-sized pet carrier.
Unable to break away from the gaze of the child, Chiarelli gently lifted the carrier from her arms, and just once reached in to stroke the still, furry form wearing a hand-knit, blue and orange #97 sweater. "Oh, I think he's just tired from cheering his little heart out, sweetie. Everything will be fine...just fine... You'll see," stated Chiarelli before locking eyes with the girl's father and wordlessly handing the carrier back. "Did you hear that, daddy? Collie McDoggy is going to be okay now!" said Tabitha.
Further questions about how the Oilers were planning on handling Ducks' forward Ryan Getzlaf, who has posted ten points in the five game series so far, were cut off by Chiarelli, who, after searching the crowd for a friendly face, stated only, "Hold me, Gene."
11 May, 2017
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Originally Posted by ThisIsAnOutrage
McDavid: Aplomb, Oilers: Bomb. Ducks head to Western Conference Championship
Summer is just around the corner, but there was nothing but cold, golf-filled Winter in the hearts of the Connor McDavid faithful on Wednesday night as the Oilers were eliminated from the Stanley Cup playoffs when the Anaheim Ducks won game 7 of the Western Conference Semi-final 2-1. Hit particularly hard by the loss were local watering holes who suffered the triple-whammy of watching McDavid - Hockey's Mightiest Avatar - inexplicably fail to save the franchise that drafted him, the end of Edmonton playoff crowds, and also being left to stare down the barrel of what will surely be the lowest draft day turnouts in a decade come June. "Who f***ing cares when you're picking 18th or whatever?" said local bar-owner and Oilers Fanatic, Blake Timmins.
Strangely silent on the end of the Oilers' playoff run was everyone from the Oilers team or Oilers Entertainment Group as no comment was to be had. Even the official website of the Edmonton Oilers was cloaked in mystery as shortly after 11:00pm PST, the site's regular content was replaced with nothing but looped footage of an open Skype window revealing the last man to play in the NHL without a helmet, and Vice-President of Hockey Operations for the Oilers, Craig MacTavish, as he sat slumped in a folding chair wistfully flicking the last of his rookie cards into a burning wastepaper basket wondering when it was, exactly, that the innocence of his youth had been stripped from him. The keen of ear could also pick up “Mad World” playing on repeat one in the background.
Despite that the loop ran for over an hour, MacTavish's mournful solitude was interrupted only once as Oilers Entertainment Group Vice-Chairman, Wayne Gretzky, a.k.a “The Great One,” entered the frame with a purposeful gait, flanked by Oilers Owner Darryl Katz on his left and Katz Jr. on his right. "City of Champions, Craig?" sneered Gretzky. "You haven't won anything other than draft lotteries."
After looking down on MacTavish in silence and seeing that he had nothing to offer in reply, Gretzky then gruffly took him by the arm and shoved a revolver into the palm of his hand. "Next time I'll bring you the bullet," he spat, before turning on his heel to leave; the echoes of good shoes on cold stone lingering in the air just so after he had gone
As of press time this morning, McDavid and Oilers fans alike were locked in a heated debate about whether the version of “Mad World” to which MacTavish was listening was the 2003 release by Gary Jules or the original, and much more apropos of MacTavish, 1982 version by Tears for Fears.
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Dealing with Everything from Dead Sea Scrolls to Red C Trolls
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Originally Posted by woob
"...harem warfare? like all your wives dressup and go paintballing?"
<----- no good
