Depression advice

[flamesfan1297]

I don't know where to ask this, and I don't want to start a new thread. But I'm looking for some advice: My girlfriend was diagnosed by a doctor today with depression. She's also barely been able to get any sleep at night, due to having alot on her mind and maybe over exhaustion, amongst other things.#

She is in nursing school and hasn't handled the stress very well, on top of the financial stress with not being able to work. Her doctor prescribed anti depressants and Ativan.#Also I should add she has been going to a therapist once a week for a while now. She didn't tell me about it till yesterday however

I'm just wondering if anyone has any advice in general, or tips on what I can do to help or say? If anything. I can help a bit financially, and be there emotionally. Just looking for some advice or tips from people with more experience. Thanks alot guys

Sorry if there are already other threads on this topic.

[Cecil Terwilliger]

No need to apologize for starting a new thread.

However there’s already some great advice in this thread if you’re interested.

https://forum.calgarypuck.com/showthread.php?t=163318


If having an overactive mind, stress, anxiety are issues and she’s open to suggestions for help, there’s an app called Calm that has some really helpful meditation exercises. It costs money for the full app but I think you get a free 30 day trial.

[activeStick]

My ex has depression and she also saw a therapist every week. Do some research on depression and specifically, supporting someone that lives with depression and try some of the things you learn. Considering she's been seeing a therapist for a while now but only just told you, it might be a bit of an embarrassing thing for her, so hopefully you acknowledged to her how much it means to you that she opened up to you and let her know that whenever she wants, she should know that she can talk to you as well. In my experience, my ex was very open and keen on telling me about her sessions with her therapist and told me it helped her when she'd come home and discuss it with me. I refrained from giving advice when she told me about her sessions since I'm not an expert. My role during the chats were to listen. Not sure if that's the right approach.

This is probably obvious, but know that being with someone who has depression brings a very different dynamic to a relationship. Requires extra patience and the ability to cope with unexpected things that will happen. Best of luck to you and your girlfriend!

[flamesfan1297]

Originally Posted by activeStick

My ex has depression and she also saw a therapist every week. Do some research on depression and specifically, supporting someone that lives with depression and try some of the things you learn. Considering she's been seeing a therapist for a while now but only just told you, it might be a bit of an embarrassing thing for her, so hopefully you acknowledged to her how much it means to you that she opened up to you and let her know that whenever she wants, she should know that she can talk to you as well. In my experience, my ex was very open and keen on telling me about her sessions with her therapist and told me it helped her when she'd come home and discuss it with me. I refrained from giving advice when she told me about her sessions since I'm not an expert. My role during the chats were to listen. Not sure if that's the right approach.

This is probably obvious, but know that being with someone who has depression brings a very different dynamic to a relationship. Requires extra patience and the ability to cope with unexpected things that will happen. Best of luck to you and your girlfriend!

Thanks, that's some good advice from someone whose been in this same scenario! She did say she was embarassed about the therapy, but I expressed to her how important I thought it was and thanked her for telling me. I was actually thinking I should suggest it before she told me.

That's interesting, I never thought of discussing the sessions with her, I will see if that's something she'd be interested in. And I would also just listen. Thanks alot for the post!

[flamesfan1297]

Originally Posted by Cecil Terwilliger

No need to apologize for starting a new thread.

However there’s already some great advice in this thread if you’re interested.

https://forum.calgarypuck.com/showthread.php?t=163318


If having an overactive mind, stress, anxiety are issues and she’s open to suggestions for help, there’s an app called Calm that has some really helpful meditation exercises. It costs money for the full app but I think you get a free 30 day trial.

Thanks for the link! I will check out that app and suggest it

[Jiri Hrdina]

The lack of sleep can make things worse. I have personal experience with insomnia and have experienced how serious that can get very fast. If you want some specific advice on that feel free to PM me.

[81MC]

Depression can be an absolute bitch, made even harder due to incredibly variable causes, symptoms and manifestations.

I fee for anyone going through a diagnosis. It’s so hard to know what’s right, so don’t take anything as gospel.

FWIW, my ex was clinically depressed for years. She was on several drugs for a long, long time. I’m not so tight with her now, but she has been off them for a few years now after making lifestyle adjustments. She claims she feels much better and in hindsight the medication was brutal. In my experience with her, I don’t think the meds were a help.

I’m not suggesting she not take prescribed medication - just be cognizant that a MD and mental health are so vastly different. My family doctor has asked me to consider them, which for me is a hard no. I’m sure there are those who require chemical intervention, but I don’t believe that is a decision to take lightly.

Try to avoid blaming her behaviour on depression, and vice versa. Also don’t let depression become an excuse. In the same way we wouldn’t sit back and watch a dear friend with diabetes binge on sugar, or a recovering alcoholic drink, Depression is a complex health issue. Be understanding and compassionate, but not passive. If her medical professionals recommend daily exercise, or meditation, consider that a part of treatment.

Ps, insomnia is in my experience the harder thing to deal with. To the point where it’s even unclear if severe insomnia is the root cause of depressions, or a symptom of. It is, in my opinion, the most negative aspect of an unfortunately huge array of manifestations.

[Jiri Hrdina]

Originally Posted by 81MC

Ps, insomnia is in my experience the harder thing to deal with. To the point where it’s even unclear if severe insomnia is the root cause of depressions, or a symptom of. It is, in my opinion, the most negative aspect of an unfortunately huge array of manifestations.

Yup.
One of my interactions with my doctor was basically

Dr: What are you so worried about such that you can't sleep?
Me: I'M WORRIED ABOUT NOT F'N SLEEPING

[BigBrodieFan]

sorry wrong thread

[skudr248]

Physical activity and diet are huge. Running outside works for me with music on, clears my head, feel accomplished after running x amount etc. Avoid alcohol, take vitamin d pills, multi vitamins etc. Encourage to go outside more, whether be for a walk, getting hot chocolate and going skating at a nearby rink. All these things help. Try changing your guys daily routine, change is good. Everyone is a bit different, so what works for me, may not for her. Probably a lot of what she is experiencing is burn out.

People going all out, whether be from work or school, for a long time running at 100% and stressed out all the time, eventually you hit a breaking point. Same feeling as depression I find, you just don't really care much for anything really anymore, you distance yourself from everything/everyone... It SUCKS. Everyone just needs some time to get away from the daily grind and sit back and enjoy what's around them to snap them back.

[GirlySports]

My only advice is to be there for her so that she is at least happy when around you. Is there anything you can do to reduce her stress for the time being? Can you help her with any of her studies. Can you help her schedule things such as appointments? Can you pick drive her or pick her up from school? Can you buy her little gifts or take her out to cheer her up? Exercise was mentioned, can you take walks with her? Do either of your have a dog to walk?

Any little thing to reduce the weight off her shoulders.

I've been there.

My interaction was

Doctor: How are you feeling today?
Me: If I felt any better I'd kill myself.

At least he found it funny.

[calumniate]

I haven't dealt with depression directly, but have suffered through some pretty chronic medical issues. One of the best comments I ever had was 'one day you're going to be fine, and look back on things and think "what the heck was that?'"

Didn't give the comment much thought at the time but I keep circling back to it. A little positive spin on the future given to me by an outsider. It's a good outlook.. times can indeed change!

[TheScorpion]

Depression is horrible. I've been suffering through a severe case for the last three months and it's the worst thing I've ever felt in my life. Medication is a huge thing that has only somewhat helped me but the biggest thing that helps is support.

Therapy, at least from my experience, can be hit-or-miss, but if you have a great therapist, that can be a huge boon. Honestly, the biggest thing that helps is compassion and support. People go through struggles and periods of self-doubt and obsessive negative self-reflection -- take this from experience -- and they just need reassurance that, yeah, everything is going to be okay and that everybody can get better. What makes people have the ability to grow is just reiterating the belief that, with the right mindset, change is possible. And for people who are worried about mistakes that they've made or problems with themselves, well, today can be the first day of the rest of your life. Anybody can commit to a new routine of healthy eating or good behaviour or anything if they have the right mindset. Still trying to figure that all out for myself, but it's getting there.

For me, it's been a long and tumultuous road to recovery, and I've basically had to shut down for long stretches of time. I'm only just starting to get better and I still have a long way to go. Support is easily the biggest thing -- just always be able to be there when she mentions she's feeling down. But also, pressuring people to "just feel better" -- that usually doesn't work. Delicate messages of support are better.

If you need somebody to talk to about this, my PMs are open. I hope everything starts going your guys' way soon.

[AltaGuy]

On the issue of meds - remember that the actual effects can rarely be noted until about a month in for antidepressants. Most will make you feel really strange at first though as you get used to them. Encourage your gf to keep trying different meds (after the 2 month adjustment period) until she finds the one that works for her. When she does find the right AD, she'll know it. All of a sudden that weight holding her down will be gone one day, and she'll feel energized and normal like she was before.

I've got clinical and chronic depression. Every time I think I've figured it out for good, it comes waltzing back into my life to destroy things.

The holy trinity: therapy, meds, exercise. Some people say eating right as well.

Anyway - pharmaceuticals are a godsend for many of us out there. So it's great that OP's gf is on her way.

[Dion]

I'd be concerned with her being on Ativan. It's a highly addictiive drug that develops a tolerance where one needs to a higher dosage to get the affect. Hopefully she's on it for a very short period of time.

Ativan is one of the most potent benzodiazepines available, and it carries a substantial addiction risk.

Taking Ativan for longer than the prescribed period of time and/or more than the recommended dose increases the likelihood of developing a dependence.

However, some people have become dependent on Ativan even after following a prescription. A person physically dependent on Ativan has developed a tolerance to it and needs it in order to function normally. A dependent user who suddenly stops taking Ativan will begin experiencing physical and emotional discomfort. These symptoms are the first signs of withdrawal.

https://www.addictioncenter.com/benz...ymptoms-signs/

[flamesfan1297]

Originally Posted by GirlySports

My only advice is to be there for her so that she is at least happy when around you. Is there anything you can do to reduce her stress for the time being? Can you help her with any of her studies. Can you help her schedule things such as appointments? Can you pick drive her or pick her up from school? Can you buy her little gifts or take her out to cheer her up? Exercise was mentioned, can you take walks with her? Do either of your have a dog to walk?

Any little thing to reduce the weight off her shoulders.

I've been there.

My interaction was

Doctor: How are you feeling today?
Me: If I felt any better I'd kill myself.

At least he found it funny.

This is all great advice, she does have a dog so I'm going to start encouraging her to come for a walk, plus it would be a good way to spend time together.

[flamesfan1297]

Thanks for the advice everyone, lots of knowledge people in this thread. And it also helps me knowing so many other people have gone through this.

[TheScorpion]

Taking walks is such a calming thing to do. I find it always helps me, even if I don't necessarily realize it right away. Highly recommend doing that.

[Hockeyguy15]

My wife is a restless sleeper, she found that a weighted blanket has helped. Apparently it can help calm people, might be worth a look?

https://www.ptsdjournal.com/posts/sl...y-study-finds/

[GirlySports]

A weighted blanket and a therapeutic curved pillow