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Old 04-09-2017, 10:26 AM   #21
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Make time for yourself. Don't sacrifice everything you like to do because your "supposed to". Make sure your wife takes time for herself as well. Don't feel guilty about any decisions you need to make as a parent.

Your mom and mother in law mean well but will be filled with horrible ideas that make you cringe. Don't listen to them but they do mean well.

Also and this will be impossible for you to do right now but don't worry about stuff. As delicate as a baby looks their tough and it's pretty hard to screw up. You realize when you have the second one that the baby stage is pretty easy. So enjoy it and try not to stress yourself out if you are doing everything right.
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Old 04-09-2017, 10:28 AM   #22
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Epidurals are a good thing.

You are irrelevant during the rest of the day. Be seen, not heard. Your wife is in charge. If you want to cut the cord your wife will let them know. (I did not want to cut the cord)

Best of luck and once the baby hatches, everything changes - in a good way.
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Old 04-09-2017, 10:32 AM   #23
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The only advice my Dad really gave me when I become a father was "Let it change you"

It will - embrace it.
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Old 04-09-2017, 10:36 AM   #24
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You will probably lose a couple of friends. They won't understand or will just stop talking to you after kids, or maybe they resent you not coming out more often. But family is important. You're a support structure for the first year minimum, so if it doesn't seem like you have much direct work to do, that's pretty normal.

Kids are awesome little creatures who are terrible a lot of the time and will test the limits of your patience and the limit you thought you had for love.

It's a weird thing.. also, if you hate yourself sometimes, that's also normal. We don't talk that much about the negative things that can happen to you as a new parent, and sometimes you feel shamed for not cherishing every moment. I think that's normal thinking.
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Old 04-09-2017, 10:50 AM   #25
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Quote:
Originally Posted by killer_carlson View Post
Best of luck and once the baby hatches, everything changes - in a good way.
This is true but TBH means very little when you're "in it". Life with a newborn (and kids in general) can be miserable during the tough times but there is always light at the end of the tunnel. Don't sweat the small stuff and you'll figure out the rest.

PS Postpartum depression/anxiety is real and can be a mother. Make sure mom (and dad) are doing okay.

Good luck and congrats!
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Old 04-09-2017, 10:55 AM   #26
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Congratulations, woooooooohoooooooooo!
If you're feeling queasy or need to faint during delivery, just get the hell out of the way.
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Old 04-09-2017, 11:02 AM   #27
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-dont watch
-Kids are annoying
-kids are needy
-Sometimes it's fun, many times it's not
-I don't feel "enriched" or "complete" or anything like that

Good luck!
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Old 04-09-2017, 11:07 AM   #28
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Quote:
Originally Posted by oilers_fan View Post
-dont watch
-Kids are annoying
-kids are needy
-Sometimes it's fun, many times it's not
-I don't feel "enriched" or "complete" or anything like that

Good luck!
This thread is about being a father, not being an Oilers fan.
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Old 04-09-2017, 11:08 AM   #29
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Quote:
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This thread is about being a father, not being an Oilers fan.
Then delete your post and don't make it about that.
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Old 04-09-2017, 11:14 AM   #30
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Then delete your post and don't make it about that.
I can't, too good of a burn. Burn! Haha.
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Old 04-09-2017, 11:14 AM   #31
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I think it was mentioned above, but I can not encourage you enough to watch for signs of postpartum in both yourself and your wife. My wife struggled for almost a year after our son was born before we were able to get her the help she needed. There is a great program called Families Matter set up by Alberta Health Care and it was a life saver (maybe literally). Everyone is going to be fawning over the new baby, your job should be to take care of your wife. She will need you to be there for her.
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Old 04-09-2017, 11:15 AM   #32
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For the first few months I felt pretty useless. Until they're about 6 months old babies are almost non-sentient beings that just eat, poop, cry and sleep (rinse and repeat). As men, we just don't have the requisite parts unless you're bottle feeding. So, for the first little while I'd suggest that it's important for you to be there for your partner moreso than your child.

But...and I know this is cliche, time goes so fast and they grow so quickly. I was quite young when I had my first kids (twins) so I probably wasn't mature enough to deal with it well. I wish I was less concerned about always being tired, or cleaning constantly, or any of the other little things. I wish I was more patient and just appreciated them during their incredible and ridiculous moments.

Being a dad is ultimately what you make of it. If you focus on the negatives it will probably be a negative experience. If you take a step back and keep an eye on the big picture being a dad is, IMO, the most rewarding experience that a man can have.

Enjoy it, don't sweat the little things and try to appreciate every moment you can.
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Old 04-09-2017, 11:17 AM   #33
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dissentowner View Post
This thread is about being a father, not being an Oilers fan.
Quote:
Originally Posted by dissentowner View Post
I can't, too good of a burn. Burn! Haha.
What? No.

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Old 04-09-2017, 11:21 AM   #34
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What? No.

Ya, my post was much worse than that giant ball of negativity about being a dad that the Oiler fan posted. Being a dad is amazing, don't listen to the Oiler troll
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Old 04-09-2017, 11:27 AM   #35
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Ya, my post was much worse than that giant ball of negativity about being a dad that the Oiler fan posted. Being a dad is amazing, don't listen to the Oiler troll
The 'Oiler Troll?'

This is Off-Topic. He gave genuine, practical advice. And hes been here longer than me and you. Somehow I harbor genuine doubts in regards to his trolling 'long-game.'

And he never said being a dad 'isnt amazing' but that theres going to be crap along the way so be prepared. It isnt all Unicorns and Rainbows. I dont think anyone is going to disagree with that.

Honestly, I dont think most people are properly prepared for the crap that happens.
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Old 04-09-2017, 11:28 AM   #36
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I'll give you my first time father, colic daughter survival kit:

#1 Miracle Blanket - For the love of gawd go and buy 3 of these. Now. Like right now. NOW!!! You will be so tired and exhausted that the last thing you need to do is worry about how to properly swaddle your child.

#2 Halo Bassinest - Just freakin' brilliant. This thing saved us!! Worth every penny!!

#3 Get a good baby monitor.

#4 Don't be afraid to talk to a sleep consultant for nap times. I cannot stress this enough. Sleep deprived infants are no fun at all.

#5 Rely on your family as much as you can. The two of you will need breaks. Get the grandmas involved.

#6 Expect a fog of war/survival mode phase. The best friends are the ones who bring food when they visit your child. This should be a social norm in my opinion. You want to see our baby? Great! You bring food. We had neighbours drop off a survival pack of delicious soups and cookies - I can never thank them enough.
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Old 04-09-2017, 11:35 AM   #37
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The 'Oiler Troll?'

This is Off-Topic. He gave genuine, practical advice. And hes been here longer than me and you. Somehow I harbor genuine doubts in regards to his trolling 'long-game.'

And he never said being a dad 'isnt amazing' but that theres going to be crap along the way so be prepared. It isnt all Unicorns and Rainbows. I dont think anyone is going to disagree with that.

Honestly, I dont think most people are properly prepared for the crap that happens.
What? His whole post was about how the majority of the time being a dad sucks. I simply pointed out his post better described being an Oilers fan than being a dad. It described the Oilers players much better than being a father. Anyhow I don't want to keep derailing the thread. If you agree with his description of being a father I am sorry it has been such a downer for both of you.
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Old 04-09-2017, 11:40 AM   #38
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#4 Don't be afraid to talk to a sleep consultant for nap times. I cannot stress this enough. Sleep deprived infants are no fun at all.
Sleep is by far the most important thing to "try" and figure out once they get some months on them... for us, we were not doing nearly enough naps, putting to bed too late etc.. Put simply, the more they naps they have in the day, the better they sleep at night. And she would not fall asleep unless held.

And while this is fighting words for a lot of people out there and some will start frothing at the mouth at the suggestion, I can say with certainly that "sleep training" saved our sanity. Our baby consistently sleeps from 7pm-7am now, waking up for a feeding twice in that time and going back to sleep almost immediately. Of course you need to be on call for the first several months and attend to virtually every cry, but once they get close to six months and will not sleep unless held, I personally believe that teaching them to cry it out, for short bursts, works. It really only takes a week or so for them to learn and fall asleep on their own. And as mentioned, this isn't really newborn stuff- closer to six months or so.

Every baby is different though and some are natually better sleepers than others. Everyone will have different methods and opinions. Do what works and feels right for you.
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Old 04-09-2017, 11:46 AM   #39
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Originally Posted by GGG View Post
Make time for yourself. Don't sacrifice everything you like to do because your "supposed to". Make sure your wife takes time for herself as well. Don't feel guilty about any decisions you need to make as a parent.

Your mom and mother in law mean well but will be filled with horrible ideas that make you cringe. Don't listen to them but they do mean well.

Also and this will be impossible for you to do right now but don't worry about stuff. As delicate as a baby looks their tough and it's pretty hard to screw up. You realize when you have the second
With tons of advice from how things were done back in the 70's and 80's not realizing the nurses and doctors probably know best.
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Old 04-09-2017, 11:53 AM   #40
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Originally Posted by oilers_fan View Post
-dont watch
-Kids are annoying
-kids are needy
-Sometimes it's fun, many times it's not
-I don't feel "enriched" or "complete" or anything like that

Good luck!
Kids just amplify the best and worst in a personality or marriage. They bring everything to the surface. Any kinds of hardships or challenges in life do that.
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