How do you do it?

[PepsiFree]

Originally Posted by Matata

I have every intention of doing psychedelics a few times in my 40s, there's even a decent chance I'll go to burning man and I feel bad for people that think that age has to limit their options in this way. The greatest tragedy people inflict upon themselves as they get older is they think they're not allowed to indulge in silly fun anymore and that all that's left for them to do is to grump their way into a grave.

That's cool. I doubt anyone thinks doing mushrooms and going to burning man or doing yoga are old-age-restricted activities, simply that viewing them as legitimate health cures for undefined maladies is juvenile.

"You just got to get in touch with your aura and trip for a few days at Joshua Tree brother. It'll totally change your life!"

It sounds like it's coming from a guy who is one small shove in the right direction away from drinking his own piss for it's healing properties. Like... cool, do you, but that's not real advice real adults give to each other.

In actual practice, yoga is legitimately good for your physical health and all exercise is good for your mental health, while mushrooms have some legitimate medical benefits, just randomly taking a psychedelic because maybe it'll have a positive impact on whatever undefined thing you're dealing with is probably not a smart move, especially when studies have shown that particularly bad trips can increase the risk of suicide or self harm. So, for someone who is saying "hey, I might welcome death," saying "take psilocybin!" could be incredibly bad advice.

The best advice is, of course, to talk to your doctor and go after any affordable treatments recommended after evaluation. I've spent very, very little money on mental health care and feel as though I have reaped significant benefits from it with the help of my doctor. For some people it is endlessly time consuming and expensive just to feel good, but like your physical health that is not always the case so it's worth exploring.

[Muta]

Nothing wrong with psychedelics. They're being used in the medical world for PTSD, depression and anxiety treatments, and psilocybin will likely be legalized in Canada in the near future; you can already legally buy stocks in Canadian psychedelic startups. Don't knock them until you've tried them, they can really help assist your mental state when used responsibly. Watch How To Change Your Mind (2022) on Netflix if you'd like to know more on what they do and the history behind them.

[PepsiFree]

Originally Posted by Muta

Nothing wrong with psychedelics. They're being used in the medical world for PTSD, depression and anxiety treatments, and psilocybin will likely be legalized in Canada in the near future; you can already legally buy stocks in Canadian psychedelic startups. Don't knock them until you've tried them, they can really help assist your mental state when used responsibly. Watch How To Change Your Mind (2022) on Netflix if you'd like to know more on what they do and the history behind them.

Who said there was something wrong with them? I take them.

There's nothing wrong with chemotherapy, but I would think it's incredibly bad advice to tell someone to undergo it without any actual understanding of what's ailing them.

Self medicating without an even baseline medical-based opinion on what you're trying to medicate for is idiotic. Visits to the doctor are free in Canada, use them. The most annoying part about less-conventional medicines and treatments is that they turn every bozo into a medical expert. Yes, psychedelics are great and I truly think there is untapped medical uses there that will become mainstream within the next 15 years. NO, I do not think you should advocate for someone who is struggling with an undefined, potentially serious ailment that could be a terrible match for that treatment, to just start taking them. It's irresponsible on a basic, human level.

[tvp2003]

I don't have much to contribute other than to say that I sympathize with those going through tough times -- you're definitely not alone. Hopefully its a good sign that the CP community can be a safe place to share how you're feeling (and apparently get the latest advice on the local yoga and mushroom scene).

I will say that as I've been getting older (similar ages to some that have posted above), I've found recently that I've become less interested in a lot of the hobbies and things that used to occupy my time (including during the pandemic). Maybe it's because I'm getting older and more crotchety but I'm okay with that -- it actually feels like a bit of a relief (especially when it comes to chasing and accumulating "stuff" as Photon noted).

[Muta]

Originally Posted by PepsiFree

Who said there was something wrong with them? I take them.

Nobody did. It's a figure of speech, dude.

Originally Posted by PepsiFree

There's nothing wrong with chemotherapy, but I would think it's incredibly bad advice to tell someone to undergo it without any actual understanding of what's ailing them.

Self medicating without an even baseline medical-based opinion on what you're trying to medicate for is idiotic. Visits to the doctor are free in Canada, use them. The most annoying part about less-conventional medicines and treatments is that they turn every bozo into a medical expert. Yes, psychedelics are great and I truly think there is untapped medical uses there that will become mainstream within the next 15 years. NO, I do not think you should advocate for someone who is struggling with an undefined, potentially serious ailment that could be a terrible match for that treatment, to just start taking them. It's irresponsible on a basic, human level.

Okay? Go the medical route. I didn't suggest otherwise; you seem to have come to that conclusion yourself for some bizarre reason.

[8sPOT]

I personally think a lack of hobbies can have a pretty big negative impact. My ex had zero hobbies, and she was very much not enjoying life, ever. I'm not saying a+b=c but there is a certain trend there.

I've played guitar almost my whole life, never in a band, never really recording anything, but I've always known that it does something for me that is important. I tell people its a sort of therapy when I sit down and play for awhile.

Same with my other hobbies, golf, snowboarding, video games...I enjoy them all but they give me a real sense of joy, belonging, and again have a certain therapeutic value that is important to me.

Just food for thought.

[Matata]

I tried going to therapists and navigating the free resources available, got nothing out of it and gave up on it fairly quickly.

Next I did some psychedelics at a music festival and it permanently improved my mental state to a point where I was able to rebuild my life and it rolled into a phase of my life where I've experienced a great deal of personal success. Now I'm very optimistic about my 40s and getting older.

It may not work for you, but it worked like gangbusters for me.

[topfiverecords]

Originally Posted by CroFlames

Yes but a 40 year old watching a 25 year old instructor doing yoga can have some positive health benefits in and of itself.

This is true. Samsung TV has a Zen channel and watching yoga can be very centering.

[Finger Cookin]

I basically put my head in the sand and try to ignore that all I do is subsist from day to day because nothing matters.

[Sliver]

Originally Posted by Matata

I have every intention of doing psychedelics a few times in my 40s, there's even a decent chance I'll go to burning man and I feel bad for people that think that age has to limit their options in this way. The greatest tragedy people inflict upon themselves as they get older is they think they're not allowed to indulge in silly fun anymore and that all that's left for them to do is to grump their way into a grave.

While I don't think your advice was necessarily the greatest for the struggle OP is going through, you're not wrong that continuing to have fun is one of the keys to happiness.

When my dad and then my brother died in quick succession about 15 years ago I went to a psychologist. It was cool because he gave me super practical advice and the main takeaway was to get out there to have some fun again. My assignment was to pick something fun that I could just go do every day without a hassle or stress. I bought a remote control car and had a lot of fun just in front of my house with that thing. Before I knew it, I was at the playground by my house letting random kids take it for rips, which I really enjoyed.

Then back out for wing nights and slowly started getting well again.

There were other interesting things I had to do with this guy, like write letters to my dad and brother to get things off my chest, I guess? Anyway, obviously everyone's needs will be different and your mental health provider will have different approaches than mine, but hopefully you're able to find somebody that can help.

The neat thing about my experience was it only took four or five sessions and that was it. I was done. I still do a lot of the things I learned in those sessions, though. I still do cardio every day (that helps process stress), I meditate and I have fun as much as my energy level allows. There isn't a single weekend that goes by where I won't set aside some time for fun, though. It's mandatory. We'll even discuss in my house, 'what is going to be our fun thing this weekend?'. It's not optional; you need fun.

As for drugs, IDK, man. My friends and I are in our mid-40s and still do shrooms a few times a year and, of course, enjoy cannabis. Personally, I don't like tripping super hard on shrooms anymore, though. We probably take half of what we did in our 20s, except for my one friend, but he ended up hiding under a fataing towel outside in minus 30 like two guys' trips ago, so it's not without its risks.

Originally Posted by Cali Panthers Fan

Or...and hear me out here...we all matured and grew out of that phase.

I don't think not enjoying yourself is a sign of maturity. And having fun with your friends in a multitude of ways isn't a phase. If you have fun using drugs and hanging with your friends, you should absolutely fight against "maturing" out of that. We have one night a year where my buddies and I go to Banff (eight of us) and go completely overboard. It's the actual best time ever. We do mini-nights like that throughout the year, too, but that one main trip is where we go crazy.

We're not immature, either. Bankers, teacher, gov't employees, O&G guys, couple business owners, etc. All have families, kids and all the other things. We just know how to have fun still.

We actively keep guys that don't know how to have fun at an arm's length from us. You know the kind...boring dinner parties, polite conversation, no big laughs...fata that.

[Derek Sutton]

Originally Posted by CMPunk

My partner know, not the depth of how I feel, but she knows that "I want to die" based on jokes and comments I make and she is pushing for me to talk to someone.

I don't have much in the way of hobbies....hockey has always been it. I did have a job running a hockey league that I did quite enjoy until I was let go for...reasons?

I do work in a rink and retail. The jobs themselves are fine, however since both jobs are customer service, I see alot of the worst in people and the general public generally treats me like I'm a drooling idiot.

Maybe the men you hang around are the exception, but I find men are not receptive to talking about feelings, especially in a sports atmosphere. I do try to make myself available if someone is having a personal issue and try to check on them if I can, however it's not normally reciprocated.

Oh man, I hope you can get to the root of all this, at 46 you should still have a long life ahead that you will want to enjoy. What makes you happy? What do you look forward to? This may sound lame, but as someone else mentioned, a goal list or even a task list may help out. Personal senses of accomplishment, I find, carry some serious gratification, and can be done at little to no extra cost.

[PepsiFree]

Originally Posted by Muta

Nobody did. It's a figure of speech, dude.

Okay? Go the medical route. I didn't suggest otherwise; you seem to have come to that conclusion yourself for some bizarre reason.

Uh, yeah, sure. Totally random conclusions on my end. The point is that it’s bad generic advice for someone who expressing feelings of preferring death over life and you shouldn’t give it because it could potentially be dangerous.

I know you didn’t mean anything by it.

[photon]

Yeah I think knowing what things you really enjoy really helps, though it's easy to be in a space where the answer to "what makes you happy" is "nothing".

And getting out of that space without help can be next to impossible.

[Muta]

Originally Posted by PepsiFree

Uh, yeah, sure. Totally random conclusions on my end. The point is that it’s bad generic advice for someone who expressing feelings of preferring death over life and you shouldn’t give it because it could potentially be dangerous.

I know you didn’t mean anything by it.

Thanks, but I'm not the one that first brought up the subject of psychedelics in this thread. Never suggested people do it, never suggested people buy them illegally, nothing - just that they're an option I support. Guess I'm just not sure why you're singling me out here.

[nik-]

The problem with the "what makes you happy" question, while a totally reasonable thing to ask, is that sometimes when you're in the hole, you don't even know what makes you happy. Or what typically makes you happy doesn't anymore.

Admitting you feel that way and asking about it is good first step and people here have really given a buffet of suggestions. Talking to a pro and physical activity will be a good start. Psychedelics (particularly mushrooms for me) really can help, but you need to be prepared for what you see, it's not always a good time if you're using them to do work. But on the other end you really do gain that perspective. I wouldn't "recommend" them, but I also wouldn't discourage them, it's pretty personal.

I hope it works out for you, there's lots of things to do out there, and hopefully you can get to more of them.

[SportsJunky]

Originally Posted by Matata

I tried going to therapists and navigating the free resources available, got nothing out of it and gave up on it fairly quickly.

Next I did some psychedelics at a music festival and it permanently improved my mental state to a point where I was able to rebuild my life and it rolled into a phase of my life where I've experienced a great deal of personal success. Now I'm very optimistic about my 40s and getting older.

It may not work for you, but it worked like gangbusters for me.

Was it the psychedelics that turned you into a conspiracy theorist? I'm a supporter of psilocybin therapy but now I'm afraid it will result in my supporting of Alex Jones.

edit - hang in there CMPunk.

[pylon]

I am certainly no guru in this field, but I am pretty weathered from life, namely a couple traumatic family tragedies that put me in episodes of depression.

First and foremost, you need to invest the time and effort into talking to a professional to determine if you suffer clinical or situational depression. In both my episodes, it was situational, which is similar to short term PTSD. For example: You see or experienced something tragic, and that event on it's own triggered the episode. Where as clinical is more akin to a chemical imbalance which is generally chronic, and usually requires anti depressants.

The bottom line is this, for me to snap out of it, I needed help working through the steps. Both related to young premature deaths in my family of siblings. I managed to tough my way out of the first one. The second one, I couldn't snap out of it as there was un addressed scars from the first, and after a year of suffering in silence, I finally sought out help.

I took a 6 month sabbatical from work, read a lot of books, did a lot of mindless stuff I enjoy, and came out on the other side stronger and wiser than I've ever been. If you are suffering from and are diagnosed with clinical depression, your benefits should afford you the ability to take time away from work, and get the help you need.

I know this isn't always solace for everyone, but when I hit little ruts along the way, I always try to remind myself, that no matter how bad things are for me, living where I do, and enjoying the freedoms I have, places me amongst the wealthiest and most fortunate people on the planet. And the same can be said for you, or any Canadian that has a job, a roof over their head and a hundred bucks in their bank account. I understand that's not necessarily a magic mechanism to downplay what you are going through and feeling, as your problems and feeling are as real to you, as someone being shelled in a Village in Ukraine. However, I do find it helps put in perspective, that the situation could certainly be worse, and a reminder of what I DO have.

I also find it incredibly fulfilling to do little things. Help a senior load their groceries in the car, shovel the neighbors driveway... We have been volunteering space in our home from time to time for adults who have recently been released from an addiction treatment program that's very important to us. Basically a clean 60 day halfway house for them. None of these things cost anything, but all of them greatly add to our emotional wealth.

I've felt these feelings of hopelessness, and I can assure you, there is some sort of pathway to happiness. But you absolutely have to open up and allow a professional to help you chart that path. Because there might be something in the equation you haven't even considered, that could hold the key to that happiness.

PM me if you want to chat, as I know sometimes these things can be tough to discuss with those close to you.

[Macman]

And that's why you have to start with yourself and put some effort into your life to begin with. I've been on the self help/improvement "wagon" for years and it works for me. Not everything is perfect and you still experience ups and downs but creating an outlet for yourself helps. I have many hobbies and interests, some of which I've stopped doing and when I look back prior to doing them I would have never imagined I'd be doing them.

But people should also seek out real help like the OP here, I've gone through difficult times and still am to an extent but you have to carry on.

You have to figure out life and do what you like regardless of what your friends or peers may say or think. One of the things about self improvement is that you'll find that you leave people behind just because you can't relate or you simply don't want to be around them anymore.

But may be easier said than done if you have mental or addiction issues.
Self help and fitness have got me through some difficult times and it’s because I was doing them already.

[CroFlames]

Originally Posted by Sliver

While I don't think your advice was necessarily the greatest for the struggle OP is going through, you're not wrong that continuing to have fun is one of the keys to happiness.

When my dad and then my brother died in quick succession about 15 years ago I went to a psychologist. It was cool because he gave me super practical advice and the main takeaway was to get out there to have some fun again. My assignment was to pick something fun that I could just go do every day without a hassle or stress. I bought a remote control car and had a lot of fun just in front of my house with that thing. Before I knew it, I was at the playground by my house letting random kids take it for rips, which I really enjoyed.

Then back out for wing nights and slowly started getting well again.

There were other interesting things I had to do with this guy, like write letters to my dad and brother to get things off my chest, I guess? Anyway, obviously everyone's needs will be different and your mental health provider will have different approaches than mine, but hopefully you're able to find somebody that can help.

The neat thing about my experience was it only took four or five sessions and that was it. I was done. I still do a lot of the things I learned in those sessions, though. I still do cardio every day (that helps process stress), I meditate and I have fun as much as my energy level allows. There isn't a single weekend that goes by where I won't set aside some time for fun, though. It's mandatory. We'll even discuss in my house, 'what is going to be our fun thing this weekend?'. It's not optional; you need fun.

As for drugs, IDK, man. My friends and I are in our mid-40s and still do shrooms a few times a year and, of course, enjoy cannabis. Personally, I don't like tripping super hard on shrooms anymore, though. We probably take half of what we did in our 20s, except for my one friend, but he ended up hiding under a fataing towel outside in minus 30 like two guys' trips ago, so it's not without its risks.



I don't think not enjoying yourself is a sign of maturity. And having fun with your friends in a multitude of ways isn't a phase. If you have fun using drugs and hanging with your friends, you should absolutely fight against "maturing" out of that. We have one night a year where my buddies and I go to Banff (eight of us) and go completely overboard. It's the actual best time ever. We do mini-nights like that throughout the year, too, but that one main trip is where we go crazy.

We're not immature, either. Bankers, teacher, gov't employees, O&G guys, couple business owners, etc. All have families, kids and all the other things. We just know how to have fun still.

We actively keep guys that don't know how to have fun at an arm's length from us. You know the kind...boring dinner parties, polite conversation, no big laughs...fata that.

Wow, this post really spoke to me thank you for that. I think I might be adopting the bolded immediately as a new family rule.

[Locke]

Originally Posted by 8sPOT

I personally think a lack of hobbies can have a pretty big negative impact. My ex had zero hobbies, and she was very much not enjoying life, ever. I'm not saying a+b=c but there is a certain trend there.

I've played guitar almost my whole life, never in a band, never really recording anything, but I've always known that it does something for me that is important. I tell people its a sort of therapy when I sit down and play for awhile.

Same with my other hobbies, golf, snowboarding, video games...I enjoy them all but they give me a real sense of joy, belonging, and again have a certain therapeutic value that is important to me.

Just food for thought.

This is actually a really good point, because a lack of hobbies is basically driving face-first into a rut.

I experience this a lot, largely professionally.

So many of us have been conditioned to just 'Work' that we've entirely forgotten that there is more to life than that.

I think its a large reason why you see so many people dying rather quickly after retiring. 'The thing' that motivated people was gone and there were no other 'things.'

My dad was a professional driver for 40+ years and had to retire because he aged-out, but he had spent so many years on the move that he'd never accumulated the hobbies or the friend-groups and it was really hard on him.