Let's talk about managing finances when you get married

[edslunch]

We just found that after years of managing our own finances and knowing exactly what was going in and out at any point in time that it was more comfortable keeping our own accounts. We consider all of our money to be jointly ours so there’s no issue of who pays for what. We usually talk once a month about major/variable expenses and who should cover what.

[WhiteTiger]

One of the things I'm seeing is that some folks are looking at "Why would you want the hassle of seperate accounts?"

Well...my wife and I enjoy talking about finances, where we are, where we'd like to be and planning to get there. We usually make a breakfast or lunch date of it, and find that it really helps us keep our eyes on the prize, while keeping us on the same page as to what that is (renos, vacation, etc)

Though if a couple didn't like/want to talk about finances, I could see where that would be "a hassle".

[dobbles]

Originally Posted by WhiteTiger

One of the things I'm seeing is that some folks are looking at "Why would you want the hassle of seperate accounts?"

Well...my wife and I enjoy talking about finances, where we are, where we'd like to be and planning to get there. We usually make a breakfast or lunch date of it, and find that it really helps us keep our eyes on the prize, while keeping us on the same page as to what that is (renos, vacation, etc)

Though if a couple didn't like/want to talk about finances, I could see where that would be "a hassle".

Keeping track of finances as a couple requires separate accounts??? Not sure what you are trying to get at here. My wife and I talk about our finances all the time. From the short term things like monthly statements not being in the red or how much we spend on gifts for birthdays, to medium term stuff like what home improvements we want to accomplish this year, to long term stuff like can I finally get rid of my crappy car this year?!?!

[Scroopy Noopers]

Originally Posted by dobbles

Keeping track of finances as a couple requires separate accounts??? Not sure what you are trying to get at here. My wife and I talk about our finances all the time. From the short term things like monthly statements not being in the red or how much we spend on gifts for birthdays, to medium term stuff like what home improvements we want to accomplish this year, to long term stuff like can I finally get rid of my crappy car this year?!?!

No where was that stated.

You either think finances are a hassle, or you don’t. Do them how you please.

[Amethyst]

Ugh, changing banks is something I hate so much that I currently have a list of annoyances that my bank does which I am over-looking. Nothing is yet bad enough to make me deal with the hassle of switching (and I have yet to hear the option that is better).

Also, after hearing from co-workers the hassle of changing your name when you get married, I've decided never to do that either.

[Swifty16]

If you make $100k and she makes $50k



then she makes $150k!!

[EldrickOnIce]

Originally Posted by Amethyst

Ugh, changing banks is something I hate so much that I currently have a list of annoyances that my bank does which I am over-looking. Nothing is yet bad enough to make me deal with the hassle of switching (and I have yet to hear the option that is better).

Also, after hearing from co-workers the hassle of changing your name when you get married, I've decided never to do that either.

Speaking of that name change, and I suppose this derails, the only issue I have is with children.
In most cases where name is not changed you see a child with hyphenated name. Which is also OK.
The problem is now when that child marries another hyphenated name person. Now what? 4 last names, backward slash between them?

[Amethyst]

Originally Posted by EldrickOnIce

Speaking of that name change, and I suppose this derails, the only issue I have is with children.
In most cases where name is not changed you see a child with hyphenated name. Which is also OK.
The problem is now when that child marries another hyphenated name person. Now what? 4 last names, backward slash between them?

Haha, I used to wonder the same about hyphenated name people!

For myself, I would just go with one last name, likely the father's, just because that's more common here. It doesn't matter to me if my kids have my last name.

[mikephoen]

Originally Posted by Amethyst

Haha, I used to wonder the same about hyphenated name people!

For myself, I would just go with one last name, likely the father's, just because that's more common here. It doesn't matter to me if my kids have my last name.

Some friends of mine gave their kids hyphenated last names. Her last name has 11 letters and his has 9. So including the hyphen, their kids have 21 character names! Good luck fitting that on a government form kids!

[OldDutch]

Bit late here but I had a friend ask me similar questions before he got married. He’s divorced now. They had lots of issues. However if you don’t enter into this with full trust and are always prepared for Plan B, your a smart man making a bad move.

When I got married my wife made $150K and me $75K. Ten years later I have eclipsed her. However I don’t remeber her dropping any of these questions at the time. She had faith I wasn’t a freeloader and pay what I could.

That said our finances are seperate. I like that. Every month I send her my portion and the rest is mine to manage. It crates less friction for both of us.

Last ask her Dad. I almost didn’t do it as I was not aware of the tradition. It was super awkward but I did the right thing. Looking back it was a very good thing to do for both of us.

[Amethyst]

Originally Posted by mikephoen

Some friends of mine gave their kids hyphenated last names. Her last name has 11 letters and his has 9. So including the hyphen, their kids have 21 character names! Good luck fitting that on a government form kids!

As someone who works with kids learning how to spell their names, I would never do that!

[tvp2003]

Originally Posted by mikephoen

Some friends of mine gave their kids hyphenated last names. Her last name has 11 letters and his has 9. So including the hyphen, their kids have 21 character names! Good luck fitting that on a government form kids!

I get why the wife would want to keep her maiden name. But why use both for the kids? Because it's "equal"?!?


I believe spanish (?) culture gives the kids both names, i.e. dad's last name and then mom's last name but they only use the one last name normally (dads): https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spanish_naming_customs

[Weitz]

My wife was worried about travelling with kids with a different last name. Heard of many issues on that front.

[bizaro86]

Originally Posted by Weitz

My wife was worried about travelling with kids with a different last name. Heard of many issues on that front.

My wife has a different last name than me and our kids (who have my last name). We've been on 15 flights and never had it come up. If she was travelling alone with them you need a notarized travel letter anyway for one parent to travel with kids, which should suffice. If you were really worried you could bring a birth certificate with the parents listed.

[Amethyst]

Originally Posted by Weitz

My wife was worried about travelling with kids with a different last name. Heard of many issues on that front.

It really varies depending on the officer you get, but any time one parent is travelling with children without the other parent, they should bring a notarized letter, regardless of name.

[dubc80]

You people with 100% shared account are crazy.

We have 3 accounts.

We each have a personal account and a home/family account.

We've agreed what % of our salaries goes into the home/family account and it pays for all the bills, expenses, investments, etc. Mortgage, bills, car and home insurance, RESP, RRSP, etc all come out of this account.

We over contribute to this account so it also pays for big family items too. Vacations, new furniture, renovations, etc. Things we discuss together.

Our personal accounts is "fun money". For clothes, nights out, individual trips, one-off merchandise, hockey tickets, etc.

Works awesome.

[OutOfTheCube]

Originally Posted by dubc80

You people with 100% shared account are crazy.

We have 3 accounts.

We each have a personal account and a home/family account.

We've agreed what % of our salaries goes into the home/family account and it pays for all the bills, expenses, investments, etc. Mortgage, bills, car and home insurance, RESP, RRSP, etc all come out of this account.

We over contribute to this account so it also pays for big family items too. Vacations, new furniture, renovations, etc. Things we discuss together.

Our personal accounts is "fun money". For clothes, nights out, individual trips, one-off merchandise, hockey tickets, etc.

Works awesome.

Why is it crazy, though? It just seems weird anyone is unwilling to accept that different lifestyles work better with different set ups. My wife only works part time -- if we had your type of set up she would never have any 'fun money' to do anything for herself while my 'fun money' account would be loaded. That obviously wouldn't work very well for long.

[Amethyst]

Originally Posted by OutOfTheCube

Why is it crazy, though? It just seems weird anyone is unwilling to accept that different lifestyles work better with different set ups. My wife only works part time -- if we had your type of set up she would never have any 'fun money' to do anything for herself while my 'fun money' account would be loaded. That obviously wouldn't work very well for long.

Well, originally it was the shared account 100% people saying everyone else was headed for divorce....

I agree that different things work for different couples. In the end, it doesn't matter how strange your arrangement may seem to those outside the marriage, it's that the people in the marriage are both on board.

[EldrickOnIce]

Originally Posted by OutOfTheCube

Why is it crazy, though? It just seems weird anyone is unwilling to accept that different lifestyles work better with different set ups. My wife only works part time -- if we had your type of set up she would never have any 'fun money' to do anything for herself while my 'fun money' account would be loaded. That obviously wouldn't work very well for long.

Definitely agree one size doesn't fit all.
Not sure why you suggest it wouldn't work with significantly differing incomes. In that setup, she contributes x, whatever x is. So her 'fun money' is still the money she earned from her job.
Saving and spending the money they earned is important for some, particularly when there is a big difference in earnings. In retrospect I discovered that the Ex wouldn't ever pamper herself because she felt guilty when she spent it on herself. Felt bad about buying me anything because she was using 'my' money for it (because her contribution to the pool was not enough, in her mind). Felt like she had to justify ever dime she spent, even though she was contributing everything she had. I was, of course, completely clueless.

It's certainly not necessary, and it's definitely not important to everyone. But to some it is, and dividing it up like that works really well for them.

[Calgary14]

What about credit cards, do people use a joint account or have completely separate credit cards?