Tell me about being a Dad...

[Hockeyguy15]

Originally Posted by GreenLantern

Hrmm interesting, I never thought I would have the option to go home. Even this baby class we are taking put on by the health region has already told me I am the bad guy if I do. But it is also run by one of those nurses who thinks she knows more than the doctors. Gotta love those types. Wait, you've got years of school and training in this specific are? That's nice, I'm a nurse. *smug face* I'll just reference this thread during our argument.

If you're in a shared room they may not even let you stay overnight. 2 moms and 2 basinets really doesn't leave room for much else.

[GGG]

In the hospital if your wife is tired don't be afraid to pawn the baby off in the nursery.

[Knut]

I wasn't allowed to stay at the hospital past 11pm. That was the Rockyview

[Street Pharmacist]

Originally Posted by Cali Panthers Fan

What? No...let's scale it back there. Almost every healthcare provider I have spoken to says that breastfeeding is the best option. LITERALLY every OB/GYN I have spoken to says that breastfeeding is preferred, and that you should try it first before moving to formula. It isn't about shaming anyone, it's just the best option for BOTH baby and mom, and is actually the easiest when it comes to logistics of feeding a child. Nurses will often keep trying to get the mom to breastfeed for immunity reasons, but also because new mom's often have trouble with the process of breastfeeding, and many want to give up right away so they keep trying while being encouraging (most of the time) so that mom's give breastfeeding a really good shot before doing something else.

You quoted me out of context there. I agree with everything you said. Try breastfeeding first, absolutely. It is better, but not to the degree some say.

Full disclosure: my wife is an RN working solely on a maternity ward and is a lactation consultant. We both support breastfeeding and I regularly donate to the Kamloops Breastfeeding Society.

What gets me angry (and her) is that the pendulum has swung too far, especially in the maternity care wards.

[CliffFletcher]

Originally Posted by Cali Panthers Fan

What? No...let's scale it back there. Almost every healthcare provider I have spoken to says that breastfeeding is the best option. LITERALLY every OB/GYN I have spoken to says that breastfeeding is preferred, and that you should try it first before moving to formula. It isn't about shaming anyone, it's just the best option for BOTH baby and mom, and is actually the easiest when it comes to logistics of feeding a child. Nurses will often keep trying to get the mom to breastfeed for immunity reasons, but also because new mom's often have trouble with the process of breastfeeding, and many want to give up right away so they keep trying while being encouraging (most of the time) so that mom's give breastfeeding a really good shot before doing something else.

The issue is that:

A) Breastfeeding is better than bottle-feeding, but only moderately better. It's not way, way better.

B) New mothers are sometimes pushed to breastfeed to the point of almost having a breakdown, and are shamed and scorned if they switch to bottles. Given all the other stresses of being a new mom, the pressure to breastfeed is excessive.

[Cali Panthers Fan]

Originally Posted by CliffFletcher

The issue is that:

A) Breastfeeding is better than bottle-feeding, but only moderately better. It's not way, way better.

B) New mothers are sometimes pushed to breastfeed to the point of almost having a breakdown, and are shamed and scorned if they switch to bottles. Given all the other stresses of being a new mom, the pressure to breastfeed is excessive.

Yes, I get that, but it isn't that common to have health professionals shame you. It comes down to the mother speaking up if she feels she's just not up to it. This is really the problem and all it takes is a little patient education. I've never seen anyone in the new parent classes say that breastfeeding is the only option, or that you'd be a bad parent for not breastfeeding. It's largely on new parents trying to be perfect rather than just going with the flow.

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[Two Fivenagame]

Some good things about being a dad.

(My daughter is only a year)

#1 I freakin L O V E this little snot monster. She is by far the coolest thing in the entire universe. Other babies may be cool or even slightly interesting....but MY little girl is the coolest. It is known. Don't even try to compare.

#2 Picking her up from daycare....it's the greatest. The excitement she displays when she sees me at the door and then babbling with me all the way home. So awesome.

#3 The toddler-isms. The other day I was sitting on a chair, reading something, and I felt her crawling up my leg. I kept reading and she started saying "Da?" over and over again until I finally looked at her smiling face and said "Yes?". She just turns around and climbs back down to play with her toys, completely satisfied with herself LOL.

[IGGYFORMVP]

Congratulations and all the best! Being a dad is one of the best thing that has ever happened to me and there is nothing better than being woken up by a smiling face every morning (at 6am).

Be as patient and forgiving with your wife as you can especially during the 6 months. She is going to go thru a crazy time with her hormones, don't take anything she says to seriously even if it is mean.

One thing that we did with our first that was really great was to have music playing during labour. My daughter was born to Bob Marley telling us "every little thing is going to be all right". If music is soothing and important to your wife it might be something that will help.

[FireGilbert]

Congrats and good luck, you will need it!

Becoming a dad is the best thing ever but also the hardest thing I have ever done. I love my daughter so much but am 99% sure she will be an only child.

Also, look forward to receiving unsolicited advice and judgement from everyone. My advice it to ignore them and just do whatever works best for you and your wife.

[calf]

Originally Posted by GreenLantern

Hrmm interesting, I never thought I would have the option to go home. Even this baby class we are taking put on by the health region has already told me I am the bad guy if I do. But it is also run by one of those nurses who thinks she knows more than the doctors. Gotta love those types. Wait, you've got years of school and training in this specific are? That's nice, I'm a nurse. *smug face* I'll just reference this thread during our argument.

Our instructor a couple years back wasn't even a nurse. She was a doula/birthing coach. The type that rolled her eyes when talking about mothers getting an epidural. Made everyone in the class feel uncomfortable.

That being said, all nurses are different but most are good and practical. Out of 14 hours of my wife's labour, a nurse was there 100% of the time. A doctor to check in every few hours and then to deliver. Follow what the nurse says and you will be fine.

Like many have said, all babies are different. What works for some might not work for you. You aren't a bad parent if you have to try different things or what works for your friends kid doesn't work for you whether it is feeding, naps, calming down, etc. Google, polling your friends, etc is a way to gather information and new things to try...But you will find out what works for you, wife and baby.

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[Rubicant]

Originally Posted by CliffFletcher

The issue is that:

A) Breastfeeding is better than bottle-feeding, but only moderately better. It's not way, way better.

B) New mothers are sometimes pushed to breastfeed to the point of almost having a breakdown, and are shamed and scorned if they switch to bottles. Given all the other stresses of being a new mom, the pressure to breastfeed is excessive.

Yes. The lactavism has gotten totally out of hand. There were some pretty dubious claims on those pamphlets promoting breast feeding.

For some mothers it works well and easy. Others have a hard time with pain, volume, or just flat out would rather not do it and they should not be shamed the way they are.

If your kid is hungry, feed it somehow - that is all.

[Peanut]

Originally Posted by GGG

In the hospital if your wife is tired don't be afraid to pawn the baby off in the nursery.

THIS!!! If she's just been laboring forever and delivered a child after not sleeping for 20+ hours (or however long), ask the post-partum nurse to take the baby to the nursery so your wife can get some sleep. They will bring the baby back when it gets hungry.

I almost dropped my daughter when I dozed off holding/feeding her in the hospital this last time. No good. Take advantage of the nurses while you can!!

[Minnie]

Originally Posted by Street Pharmacist

Try breastfeeding first, absolutely. It is better, but not to the degree some say.

What gets me angry (and her) is that the pendulum has swung too far, especially in the maternity care wards.

Originally Posted by CliffFletcher

The issue is that:

A) Breastfeeding is better than bottle-feeding, but only moderately better. It's not way, way better.

B) New mothers are sometimes pushed to breastfeed to the point of almost having a breakdown, and are shamed and scorned if they switch to bottles. Given all the other stresses of being a new mom, the pressure to breastfeed is excessive.

#fedisbestefftherest

You've gotten some excellent advice and good suggestions. There really isn't much to add, except perhaps...breathe. Everything can get very overwhelming, very quickly, and sometimes, you really all just need to stop and take a breather. Perfect the art of nodding as though you are in total agreement with everything you are told, and then just do whatever the bloody hell you feel is right. Books are great, people are awesome, but in the end, this is your child and your family and you must all do whatever is going to keep you sane and happy.

A most sincere congratulations to your and your wife.

[afc wimbledon]

Originally Posted by CliffFletcher

The issue is that:

A) Breastfeeding is better than bottle-feeding, but only moderately better. It's not way, way better.

B) New mothers are sometimes pushed to breastfeed to the point of almost having a breakdown, and are shamed and scorned if they switch to bottles. Given all the other stresses of being a new mom, the pressure to breastfeed is excessive.

Also breastmilk tastes dreadful

[Titan]

Frozen Maxi-pads. Apparently they feel quite good after the fact.

Cookie sheet. Soak the pads, put them in the Freezer. You will be thanked.

Unless it is a c-section then I don't know what you will do with them.

[GP_Matt]

I haven't seen it mentioned yet, but if you can, try kangaroo care. When you are sitting with your baby the first few days take off your shirt and hold him/her to your chest. I bet I logged 40 hours sitting in the lazy-boy at the hospital with my baby on my chest, my feet up and a blanket over both of us. Simultaneously the greatest and scariest moments of my life.
I did have a lot more time than normal as my baby was confined to one wing of the hospital while my wife was in another for the first three days.


On staying the night, it was only a year ago for me and I am wracking my brain trying to remember if I went home. I honestly have no idea.

[calf]

They kicked me out of Foothills around midnight. I think South Health Campus has a bed for dad in post-partum.

Also, bring snacks. For during (you) and after (her).

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[afc wimbledon]

Originally Posted by calf

They kicked me out of Foothills around midnight. I think South Health Campus has a bed for dad in post-partum.

Also, bring snacks. For during (you) and after (her).

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my wife shared a room with a women who had a severely premature water broke, 4 months or so, was not looking good, they tried to kick her husband and myself out of the room, telling each of us it wasn't fair on the other, we ganged up on the nurse and told her to go shove it, they left us alone after that.

[Sylvanfan]

Our second child was born 3 weeks early and due to a blood incompatability with my wife and jaundice she got transferered to a neonatal care unit. The stress of that plus the early birth made it tough for my wife to produce much milk early. So yeah all these people screaming breast feed, breast feed may not be helping.

With our first my wife got mastitus or whatever that blockage is. That looked as bad as child birth. She waited in emergency to see a surgeoon, and when he showed up said cut it open without any anisthetic it was that bad. Than stuffing the wound with gauze.....yikes. That was brutal. I will never blame anyone for going the formula route after seeing that.

I do wonder what I did with all my time before kids....and why I didnt sleep more!

[bc-chris]

congrats wooohooo!!

hope everything went well for you two (/three) today!

lots of good advice already given in this thread. i know some of this has been mentioned already, but whatever. here are my two cents....

don't be shocked if you don't instantly bond with your baby. i found with my daughter the two of us clicked right away but it took my wife and her quite a while to bond. when my son was born it was the complete opposite. he and my wife bonded right away and him and i took quite a while.

both of our kids were c-section. not sure if that's your situation but if it is, be prepared to do a TON of stuff for your wife.

hopefully you have a perfectly happy/healthy baby - we did not... both times. i think i'm lucky with my personality becuz i wasn't really phased too much when the docs went over what was wrong with our kids - my wife on the other hand was a basket case. me being stable and having a "it's fine, we'll get thru this" attitude was really helpful to her. i remember talking with one of the NICU nurses after my son was born and i straight up asked, 'how concerned should i be for my boy?' the nurse was great and said that they see issues like he had 'all the time' and he would be fine in time. his issues weren't the "norm" (that's why he was in the NICU) but they see stuff like it everyday and are trained/educated to deal with those issues.

hopefully you have a camera that can take some sweet pics. i've taken thousands of pics of my kids and it awesome to look back even now and see how much they've changed (my daughter turned 4 in march and my son is 2 in july).

there has been a bunch of discussion on breast feeding. i know for my wife it took forever for her milk to come in with our daughter. it started up a lot sooner with our son. with our daughter she was getting to the point that she wanted to give up trying, but when it finally it happened and she's so thankful.

babies LOVE routine. up at this time, feed at this time, play with this toy, nap at this time. we did our best to keep both kids on a routine and for the most part it worked well. one thing that we found though is our kids just don't need a lot of sleep (guess they got those genes from dad! ha!) we were lucky if our daughter gave my wife 2 naps during the day for 45 minutes each. then we talk to one of our neighbours and both their kids have a 2 hour nap in the morning AND afternoon.... seriously?? what is that like??

one thing my wife and i discussed a lot was 'how we wanted to parent' our kids. that way we were completely on the same page and our kids don't get mixed messages from us. they know that our yes is yes and our no is no. it can be tough at first (ok - really tough), but sticking with it will make things a lot easier in the long run.

one thing that we decided was that we really wanted to limit our kids' screen time. the only stuff my daughter saw on tv for the first 3 years of her life was hockey and some stampeders football. other than that the tv was off around her. as a result both our kids have a bunch (ok - a crap load) of toys.... but they are sooo happy playing with toys and going thru books. we've noticed their attention spans are considerably longer than other kids we know that regularly get plopped in front of a tv.

as your kids get older and learn how to speak they will totally rat you out if you do something. last week my daughter comes running up to me, "DAD!!! i've got a secret to tell you about mom!!! she has a lollypop in her car and i get it when we come home from piano lessons and when we get in the garage i get 5 more extra licks!!" ha! ha!

enjoy every minute of being a dad - it's freakin' awesome! i love it and wouldn't trade it for anything... although i do want to add that people told my wife and i on many occasions that "you won't even remember what life was life before kids"... i call bs on that!! ha! i remember what it was like having time to work on my truck, play hockey 3 nights/week, hang out with my buddies, never miss a flames game (and that usually involved getting together with friends), etc.