So I am getting married - wedding advice, expertise, past experiences needed.

[mykalberta]

All I could really find is the following thread

http://forum.calgarypuck.com/showthr...hlight=wedding

So I popped the question this week and the answer while never really in doubt was of course yes.

I am just looking for some advice who have been through this recently. I was a little slow in the proposal department as it appears as all Saturdays for 2013 are already booked and alot for 2014 are also booked.

We will be having the wedding in Canmore. We have a few dates we have been able to soft book at a few locations for end of August/early September that we will firm up by end of next week. Our guest list right now is between 100-120 with 100 ideal

I am just looking to get some opinons on the following:

1 - How do you feel about a Friday wedding? From our perspective since most people will be driving 3+ hours anyway then they can take a Friday off and then enjoy the Saturday/Sunday in the mountains.

2 - How do you feel about a long weekend wedding? The only Saturday date available at our top 3 locations is durring a long weekend. On the face of it I am 100% against long weekend weddings as I feel that I dont want to intrude on someones freebee vacation day.

Guest list questions:

For myself I have a relatively small family by most respects but the numbers when you count aunts, uncles, cousins, their kids, etc etc etc start to add up quick and I am having a difficult time trying to explain to my parents who I respect and realize there is a protocol to these things vis a vi relatives.

3 - When it comes to first cousins, how do you weed them down to the number you want.

4 - If a first cousin got married and you werent invited because either A it was rushed due to an "unexpected bun in the oven" or B they are cheap and introverted and only had a justice of the peace marry them with their parents what is your obligation to invite them if you are inviting their siblings who invited you to the wedding?

5 - I have about 16 guests that I am not sure will come or not and I would rather not wait until 2 months before I know if they will come or not, are "save-the-date" letters acceptable forms of intial weeding out?

6 - What would you say are the top 10 highest costs for a wedding?

We are meeting 3 different places about venues/catering this weekend and middle of next week.

7 - What are some of the questions you would ask the reception location/caterer?

I am sure as time goes on I will be asking more questions but for now, this is enough.

Thanks.

And yes, I am sure I want to get married, no I dont think its a horrible mistake, I realize the cheapest wedding is the one you never have blah blah blah.

[MarchHare]

How do you feel about a Friday wedding? From our perspective since most people will be driving 3+ hours anyway then they can take a Friday off and then enjoy the Saturday/Sunday in the mountains.

No. People get a limited number of vacation days per year. It's selfish for you to ask them to use one so they can attend your wedding (obviously this may not apply to any out-of-town guests you're inviting).

How do you feel about a long weekend wedding? The only Saturday date available at our top 3 locations is durring a long weekend. On the face of it I am 100% against long weekend weddings as I feel that I dont want to intrude on someones freebee vacation day.

That's fine. [Edit] Although it is interesting you don't want to waste someone's stat holiday but you're considering making them use a regular vacation day...

Guest list questions:

For myself I have a relatively small family by most respects but the numbers when you count aunts, uncles, cousins, their kids, etc etc etc start to add up quick and I am having a difficult time trying to explain to my parents who I respect and realize there is a protocol to these things vis a vi relatives.

This will obviously vary from family to family. When I was married, my wife and I decided we wanted a small, intimate wedding, so we limited the guest list to this: parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts & uncles, and a few close friends each. No cousins, no kids. Everyone was cool with it, and we never received any flak for not inviting someone. YMMV.

[Rjcsjc62]

Question #2 - Never mind other people giving up a long weekend for one event. Some people will prefer it, and others wont. Who cares its your wedding. What you really need to ask yourself, and what I should have asked myself 8 years ago is, do you feel like committing a long weekend a year for the rest of your life to an anniversary? I for one will never again be able to enjoy a Canada Day long weekend going camping with friends, or go to the Home Opener of the Stampeders because nobody asked me this question. Not a deal breaker, but something to consider.

[normtwofinger]

We had a Friday wedding and there were no issues at all. We gave everyone sufficient notice and they were able to have the day off for it. We had many positive comments from guests saying they wished more people would do this, as it gives them the rest of the weekend. We had about 150-200 people, and guests came as far away as NZ.

If it's the right time of year (summer), most people, if given enough notice, will be able to attend.

As for question 7, make sure you have the date and time confirmed with the venue. We had the manager of our venue unofficially ok our time, only to retract and wanted us to push the wedding back 2 hours after the invitations were printed. We had to concede and reprint, since our contract stated the date and hour must be confirmed in writing. We didn't fully read the fine print and had to give in. One of life's lessons.

[calgaryrocks]

first off, good luck, planning a wedding can be a nightmare, and even with a wedding planner, it is up to you to figure out stuff like the date and guest list. the guest was the most difficult thing. we cut from 215ish to 150 after knowing 10 people weren't coming (knowing thier schedules etc as we discussed our wedding date). ended up around 140.
as per your questions
How do you feel about a Friday wedding? Not ideal, some people can't take fridays off, that depends on your guests, with 100 it might not be as big a deal
problem is if you want to spend a last night out with the buddies or do a wedding rehearsal the night before (or both) then people involved may have to take more time off even though they are already in Calgary
unique though
How do you feel about a long weekend wedding?
They suck. we thought about doing a long weekend, and it didn't work out. ended up going to a friends wedding that weekend, and it was beautiful, we could have been camping that weekend, so we were annoyed. its not about your guests, but consider them. also your anniversary will be on the long weekend, which initially seems great, until you realize how expensive travelling anywhere is (and how busy) on long weekends when celebrating your anniversary.

Guest list questions:


When it comes to first cousins, how do you weed them down to the number you want.
your situation is a little more difficult. we basically invited all our cousins from one side of the family each, because we weren't really close with the other sides (my dads and her dads sides). I only invited aunts and uncles from my dads, and only have a few cousins, none of whom are married on my moms side.all or none is probably good, otherwise it shows you are holding a grudge. depends how close you are with the ones you want to invite. I had one my dads side I considered inviting, but wasn't sure if it was appropriate to invite just him, so it was easy to remove him (and his wife) from the list


If a first cousin got married and you werent invited because either A it was rushed due to an "unexpected bun in the oven" or B they are cheap and introverted and only had a justice of the peace marry them with their parents what is your obligation to invite them if you are inviting their siblings who invited you to the wedding? none. it's your wedding, if it is too small to invite them, then that's fine. your situation is tough, but if those cousins which you feel like you should invite are upset, then explain it to them. inviting them but not the others is passive aggressive. invite all or none, IMO

I have about 16 guests that I am not sure will come or not and I would rather not wait until 2 months before I know if they will come or not, are "save-the-date" letters acceptable forms of intial weeding out?
they are totally acceptable, but don't expect much response from those letters. try and be sneaky and find out other ways of finding out if they are going to be busy. the risk of 'save the date' cards is those people actually save the date. if you wait until 3 months before, there is a good chance a few already have plans. and they cost money to send it depends how much you want those 16 people to be there too!

What would you say are the top 10 highest costs for a wedding?

the reception will likely be the biggest cost. of course i don't know how much it costs to rent a venue in the mountains.
my costs: reception with nice dinner for 140 guests - around $5000 (no alchohol or dj/band/dance)
reception venue $300 (discounted from $800 initially)
officiant: $200
photographer $800 (on the low end but she was fantastic)
wedding venue $300
invitations $60
wedding dress (it may not be your cost yet, but its your future money) around $1000
tux rentals $75 per person
dresses per bridesmaid $200ish each
just to give you an idea

What are some of the questions you would ask the reception location/caterer?

how much per person?
what is their history? (is it solid, any risk of food poisoning)
do they give you anything back if some guests don't show up?
when do you have to give them final numbers for guests?
will they throw in any extras for you?
wheel chair access? if applicable
do they have a backup plan if things go wrong?

[Rerun]

See answers below.

Originally Posted by mykalberta

All I could really find is the following thread

http://forum.calgarypuck.com/showthr...hlight=wedding

So I popped the question this week and the answer while never really in doubt was of course yes.

I am just looking for some advice who have been through this recently. I was a little slow in the proposal department as it appears as all Saturdays for 2013 are already booked and alot for 2014 are also booked.

We will be having the wedding in Canmore. We have a few dates we have been able to soft book at a few locations for end of August/early September that we will firm up by end of next week. Our guest list right now is between 100-120 with 100 ideal

I am just looking to get some opinons on the following:

1 - How do you feel about a Friday wedding? From our perspective since most people will be driving 3+ hours anyway then they can take a Friday off and then enjoy the Saturday/Sunday in the mountains.
I much prefer Saturday. I don't like wasting a work vacation day to attend someone's wedding

2 - How do you feel about a long weekend wedding? The only Saturday date available at our top 3 locations is durring a long weekend. On the face of it I am 100% against long weekend weddings as I feel that I dont want to intrude on someones freebee vacation day.
I like weddings on a long weekend. I don't like wasting a work vacation day to attend someone's wedding.

Guest list questions:

For myself I have a relatively small family by most respects but the numbers when you count aunts, uncles, cousins, their kids, etc etc etc start to add up quick and I am having a difficult time trying to explain to my parents who I respect and realize there is a protocol to these things vis a vi relatives.

3 - When it comes to first cousins, how do you weed them down to the number you want. Invite only the ones you know and like.... unless they're hot as you must take into consideration all the single guys that will be at your wedding.

4 - If a first cousin got married and you werent invited because either A it was rushed due to an "unexpected bun in the oven" or B they are cheap and introverted and only had a justice of the peace marry them with their parents what is your obligation to invite them if you are inviting their siblings who invited you to the wedding?Don't invite them.

5 - I have about 16 guests that I am not sure will come or not and I would rather not wait until 2 months before I know if they will come or not, are "save-the-date" letters acceptable forms of intial weeding out?Don't have an intelligent answer for this and the rest of the questions as my wife handled everything below

6 - What would you say are the top 10 highest costs for a wedding?

We are meeting 3 different places about venues/catering this weekend and middle of next week.

7 - What are some of the questions you would ask the reception location/caterer?

I am sure as time goes on I will be asking more questions but for now, this is enough.

Thanks.

And yes, I am sure I want to get married, no I dont think its a horrible mistake, I realize the cheapest wedding is the one you never have blah blah blah.

[Tron_fdc]

I was up at Sunshine last weekend and someone got married on the hill. I actually thought that was an awesome idea, have a ski weekend, get married on the slopes, and you don't have to worry about drinking and driving, etc etc. It looked super fun.

The added bonus to that is you weed out the freeloaders who only show up to eat your food and get wasted for free (guys like me). Make people pay something, and all of a sudden your wedding list is reduced to people who actually want to be there.

[topfiverecords]

1 - How do you feel about a Friday wedding? Wouldn't be a high preference.

2 - How do you feel about a long weekend wedding? Long weekend weddings are fine for me and the location you are doing it is a draw to get people to use their long weekend instead of being forced to waste their long weekend in a boring spot. My ideal was a Sunday on a long weekend so you'd provide travel days either side.

3 - When it comes to first cousin... Invite all or none or you're just insulting those you don't.

4 - If a first cousin got married... No obligation to invite someone because they invited you to theirs, but to not invite someone because they didn't invite you to theirs is odd.

5 - I have about 16 guests... Send out a save the date email and you'll get a feel for it as people will comment and be upfront if they can't make it, or tell you if they're excited and looking forward to it.

6 - What would you say are the top 10 highest costs for a wedding?
Our top costs were:
1. Venue/Meal/Bar
2. Bride & Groom Attire
3. Flights (we got married in Toronto)
4. Jazz Band
5. Accomodations
6. Photography
7. Gifts for wedding party
8. Invitations
Next items about the same costs; Rings, cake, officiant, misc.

7 - What are some of the questions you would ask the reception... Our venue provided everything down to printed menues of our meal choices so I'll skip this.

[OutOfTheCube]

I'm knee deep in planning my wedding for October 12, 2013. A Saturday on a long weekend next year. We don't have huge families or buttloads of friends so it's fairly small and we're doing our best to keep it on a modest budget.

Definitely get booking now... the first place I called was already booked on pretty much every Saturday. We then ended up going for the U of C Downtown Campus, which has a very nice event space. You can also rent it for just the amount of people you need, as it breaks down into three sections, is a very reasonable prices, and offers discounts for alumni (not sure if you/your fiance are, but I am, so that was nice). I can't recommend it yet, since our reception hasn't taken place, but they have been very easy to deal with so far. The guy there was very pleased to show us around, and you might be able to get a Saturday next year since I did (only about two weeks ago).

Good luck! It's a lot of work and a lot of money.

[Hockeyguy15]

Originally Posted by mykalberta

6 - What would you say are the top 10 highest costs for a wedding?

We are meeting 3 different places about venues/catering this weekend and middle of next week.

Everything is expensive, just because it's a wedding the price will be jacked up.

It basically comes down to what you feel like you can do without. Obviously there are some things your future wife and you will not want to be cost effective on, but other little details may be where you can save costs. The best way to save money is do it yourself, make your own center pieces, if you have to rent the table cloths and chairs from the venue you might be able to get a better deal through someone else...Stuff like that.

[normtwofinger]

A word of advice. Don't skimp on photography. We chose a budget photographer and while he was ok, it wasn't spectacular. You get what you pay for, so why not invest in memories of the event, rather than some food, cake or flowers that you will forget about in a year or two.

[Flabbibulin]

6 - What would you say are the top 10 highest costs for a wedding?

Everything can be expensive, and everything can be "cheap". Establish a very clear budget per item and keep in mind that most people go over budget. We made the personal decision- parents assistance was a big factor- that we were going to go all out for our wedding. A big factor was the number of people travelling from out of the country and we wanted to give them an amazing experience. Anyways,

Flowers/centerpieces can get ridiculously expensive. Our first quote was unreal and even after bringing things down, it was still in the several thousands- all depends on what you want though. My wife was insistent on having great floral arrangements.

Your fiance should decide what arrangement she is making with her bridesmaids on the cost of their dresses and makeup/hair. Many brides decide to cover these, but many don't. Same with groomsmen- I chose not to cover the tux rental cost for my groomsmen (approx 225 each), but I was generous in other ways- covered hotel for some etc.

Rehearsal dinners can be steep, so be very cautious on who is invited- wedding party is obvious, but do you necessarily include ushers etc. Dont feel obligated to invite out of town family members to rehearsal dinner just because they are family- if they are not in wedding party, dont invite.

Our hair stylist and makeup guy on site is something I resisted up to till the end because of the cost (around 2000 I think), but it really was beneficial to have I suppose- getting a cousin or someone that claims to be good with hair and make up is an awful idea (at least thats what my wife said)

Most importantly, keep in mind that the division of costs among both sets of parents and bride/groom can get political- especially when one set has more money and different expectations for the other. It is always great when the bride and groom can pay for most of it, unless both sets of parents are on the same page- which was fortunately the situation in our wedding.

Booze adds up, so take a close look at what type of bar you want to provide- no doubles or triples etc.

DJs are all pretty straight forward and approx the same price in my experience.

Photographers can be very pricey, but don't cheap out- average prices in my experience were 3000-6000.

We did cupcakes, instead of traditional cake, which were surprisingly cheap- $600 I believe

The venues are so subjective that it is impossible to make recommendations. Obviously this is the biggest part of the budget, but pick what works for you- dont rush a decision unless you have no choice. Make sure you ask if there will be other weddings going on at the same venue on the same day.

7 - What are some of the questions you would ask the reception location/caterer?

Ask to see linens at both ceremony and reception hall- they may claim to have them, but even the nicest venues can supply garbage linens. Chairs are a big deal too- see how you want to decorate them. We rented chiavari chairs for our outdoor ceremony, and they need very little decorations to look great. Same goes for cutlery and plates- venues often provide junky stuff, but you can typically get cutlery the same place you get linens.

edit- just noticed you have canmore in your tag. That changes things quite a bit. We had our wedding in banff, but a lot of rentals and purchases came from canmore. The prices there are considerably higher than calgary. Try to get things brought in from calgary if possible.

I could go on forever- planning and arranging wedding was a good 6 months of our life, so I'm a fountain of knowledge.

[username]

Originally Posted by normtwofinger

A word of advice. Don't skimp on photography. We chose a budget photographer and while he was ok, it wasn't spectacular. You get what you pay for, so why not invest in memories of the event, rather than some food, cake or flowers that you will forget about in a year or two.

Ah I look at this another way...but to each his own. I didn't want to cheap out completely but at the same time didn't think 5+K was worth it.

If you think about it, you're only going to put up 4 or 5 of your favourite pics around the house. After that all remaining pictures are going to be in an album or stuck on a hard drive. So who cares if a photographer can take 100 nice pics or 5 - either way you're only showcasing 4 or 5. Knowing this I personally don't think it's worth spending 5K on something that's never going to be seen or used in my life. I think we spent 1500 on a guy that has done over a hundred weddings so I'm sure we will get a few nice ones

[Hockeyguy15]

What we did for our wedding was got a really good photographer, but we only booked him for 2 hours. No pictures of the reception, but then we have really good pictures of the ceremony and the couples shots afterwards.

[normtwofinger]

Originally Posted by username

Ah I look at this another way...but to each his own. I didn't want to cheap out completely but at the same time didn't think 5+K was worth it.

If you think about it, you're only going to put up 4 or 5 of your favourite pics around the house. After that all remaining pictures are going to be in an album or stuck on a hard drive. So who cares if a photographer can take 100 nice pics or 5 - either way you're only showcasing 4 or 5. Knowing this I personally don't think it's worth spending 5K on something that's never going to be seen or used in my life. I think we spent 1500 on a guy that has done over a hundred weddings so I'm sure we will get a few nice ones

I agree with what you are saying also. Don't spend the bank on a photographer, but don't get the cheapest option available. We only spent $400, as it was a family acquaintance who was the photographer. I would have never considered 5k, but 1500 seems like a good amount.

We put photography on the back burner while we focused our attention more on the venue, food and flowers. Then when it came to booking a photographer, we were already pushing over our budget. Looking back, we should have put photography out in front and focused on it more.

[GreenLantern]

I have never been married but as a guest I could answer a few of those questions.

Long weekends are OK as long as they aren't May/July/August long, any other day is acceptable. In Canada our summers are limited, and you must take into account that people want to do something that involves not wearing a dress shirt on these long weekends.

Looking at your post it would appear as though you would target Sept long, this is completely acceptable. Good job.

Also, not sure if this was a question or not, but as a guest I prefer the toonie bar to a free or loonie bar. I hate seeing idiots waste booze, even as a guest it just drives me nuts. We all have those slow minded cousins that we just shake our heads at, you give them an open bar they will half drink 15 drinks, then spend the rest of the night hanging off your bride telling her how awesome she is with his pukey breath spraying her in the face.

2 bucks at least it takes a twenty to get drunk, a small but initial investment, and will stop people from leaving half full drinks all around the venue. I also find that at weddings that do that free drinks till 9 or 10 thing, it just turns into an absolute #### show too early. You want the #### show to show up around 11-12 for the ultimate good time. Not while Grandma is trying to talk to you and your two college buddies are yelling "HEY MOTHA *#(@ER GET LAID GET *#@(ED!!!". Save that till the old folks are gone home.

[rd_aaron]

Originally Posted by topfiverecords

5 - I have about 16 guests... Send out a save the date email and you'll get a feel for it as people will comment and be upfront if they can't make it, or tell you if they're excited and looking forward to it.

I think sending out save the dates to people and then not inviting them would be in poor taste. A save the date is to let people know when your wedding is and to "save the date" so they don't plan anything else on the same date that would conflict with the wedding.

[return to the red]

With regards to the guess list I always found one piece of advice the best. Don't invite who you associated with in the past, invite who will continue to be part of your life in your future.

If you are limited in numbers screw cousin Bill who you haven't seen in 7 years and lives on the other side of the country. Send the invitation to someone who you really want to be there. In the end it's YOUR day, enjoy it, have fun and Congrats!

[Shawnski]

Originally Posted by Flabbibulin

DJs are all pretty straight forward and approx the same price in my experience.

As a licensed professional DJ, I would beg to differ. I am constantly hearing horror stories from people who regretted their choice of DJ after the fact.

Music is critical to a successful event, let alone all the work a good DJ does beforehand (and during) that event. The experience will have lasting memories far beyond the event itself so make sure you find a good match to your event.

To mykalberta, is the Canmore Miners Union Hall http://cmuh.info/ one of the locations you have looked into? I did one reception there last summer and it would fit your needs I believe. Good acoustics, size, style (my light show fit nicely there), and location (downtown Canmore).

If cost IS an issue, Fridays or Sundays are certainly options. Saturdays are at premiums for venues, photographers, DJs, etc.

Cheers,
SS

[topfiverecords]

Originally Posted by rd_aaron

I think sending out save the dates to people and then not inviting them would be in poor taste. A save the date is to let people know when your wedding is and to "save the date" so they don't plan anything else on the same date that would conflict with the wedding.

Never said anything about not inviting them. We knew from our save the date that about 15 people weren't going to come. Still sent them invitations. It's just helpful information to have many months ahead when trying to budget based on numbers.