Lamest autobiographies you've read

[Swift]

A lot of the time browsing second hand bookshops or thrift stores, you notice there's a whole lot of junk in the autobiography sections. Yesterday I saw an autobiography by David Beckham's dad and you wonder who on earth buys this stuff.

What are some of the lamest you've read (or owned because you were gifted them but couldn't be arsed to read) both in terms of being poorly written but also in terms of absolute bottom rung celebrity?

3. Aron Ralston - An example of the autobiography based on 15 minutes of fame. This is the guy who got his arm trapped under a boulder in Utah and had to amputate it with a penknife. I'm a sucker for a good survival story so I did actually really enjoy this book for the most part, but he does unnecessarily go into his childhood and relationship with his family quite a bit to pad out the book.

2. LaToya Jackson - An example of a low rung celeb and also a peripheral figure in someone else's fame. I actually think I did find this interesting at the time. She goes into detail accusing her father of physical abuse which the family denied but it then became public that a lot of her claims were true. Years later, she stated that her abusive husband at the time made her exaggerate some of the stories in the book to embarrass her family.

1. Chyna - Low rung celeb and badly written. For a time, I read a lot of wrestling autobiographies when they first became a thing (Mick Foley, Ric Flair, Kurt Angle, The Rock) but this one was pretty bad and not even from a person I cared about. The only part that has stuck with me was a friend explaining the acronym SOL (#### outta luck) to her and she then uses it quite a bit when things don't go her way. "SOL baby, SOL"

[CaptainCrunch]

The Rocks was awful, it was written in character and completely cringe worthy.

And I doubt you could class them as autobiographies as the WWE usually hired ghost writers to do it with very little input from their subjects. Read the foreward in Mick Foley's book when he tried to work with a ghost writer.

But one of the worst Wrestling Biographies written was by Diana Hart written by Kirsty McClellon. Not only was it this massive ego piece where Hart freely made up the Narrative and creepily got her demented Dad to write a cringeworthy forward about how she was his favorite child and most talented Hart evvvvvveeer.

But she got her a$$ sued off by Martha Hart and had to take the books off of the shelf. I have it laying around somewhere

But its bad.

[Puppet Guy]

Somebody gave me a copy of Kato Kaelin's book as a gag gift back in the '90s. I could never bring myself to read it, but it sat proudly on my toilet tank for years.

[Mightyfire89]

Originally Posted by Puppet Guy

Somebody gave me a copy of Kato Kaelin's book as a gag gift back in the '90s. I could never bring myself to read it, but it sat proudly on my toilet tank for years.

Haha, that’s a boss move. You wanna drop a deuce at my place? This is the tripe you get to read. Love it.

I love biographies and autobiographies but I could not get through more than half of the Anthony Keidis one. What a whiny, egotistical bore.

[Engine09]

I was a bout to mention "Scar Tissue" by Keidis. Damn boring, blathering on and on about heroin, how he kicked and was doing great and then started using again, then kicked then started using again. The guy sucks. I loved everything up to Blood Sugar but anything new they release is garbage.

[Knut]

Ron Maclean's was a tough read. A bunch of short sentences and it was quite self-aggrandizing.

[Huntingwhale]

Pimp: The Story of My Life by Iceberg Slim. Don't really know much about the guy, but the premise sounded interesting. Instead, what a slog that was. Terrible dialogue, terrible stories. Almost impossible to read due to all the slang and lingo. At least try to make the book readable. One of the best bios I ever read was Ozzy Osbourne's. But imagine his bio having all the words written out in mumbles like how he speaks. That how this Pimp book was written. Just because someone talks and has an accent like that, doesn't mean the words need to be spelt that way.

Also if you are an electronic music/DJ fan, Carl Cox's book is a lemon. The man will undoubtedly go down in history as the #1 DJ of all time, and with that should be some great stories of his upcoming, breaking out in the scene and struggles he faced as a black DJ. Instead it's just stories about various clubs and parties he played at. Rinse and repeat. No cool stories about what other DJs are like or anything like that. Just, I DJ'd at this venue, it was great, blablabla. Disappointing.

[Yamer]

Originally Posted by CaptainCrunch

The Rocks was awful, it was written in character and completely cringe worthy.

And I doubt you could class them as autobiographies as the WWE usually hired ghost writers to do it with very little input from their subjects. Read the foreward in Mick Foley's book when he tried to work with a ghost writer.

But one of the worst Wrestling Biographies written was by Diana Hart written by Kirsty McClellon. Not only was it this massive ego piece where Hart freely made up the Narrative and creepily got her demented Dad to write a cringeworthy forward about how she was his favorite child and most talented Hart evvvvvveeer.

But she got her a$$ sued off by Martha Hart and had to take the books off of the shelf. I have it laying around somewhere

But its bad.

Wrestling autobiographies as a sub-genre is so fascinating. In such a small, protected industry the stories are wild and varied. Everyone has an opinion on everyone else, and nearly every single book tells an entirely different version of reality regarding the same space of time.

The Diana Hart book is infamous in wrestling circles as being a sensationalized hit piece on the likes of the Hart's and the extended family. She even claimed that Davey Boy had drugged and raped her repeatedly. I've never read it but it's supposed to be a trainwreck of utter bull####.

One that hasn't been pulled from shelves but gives what I imagine is a similar vibe is Pure Dynamite by Tom Billington, aka The Dynamite Kid. The ramblings and re-imaginings of history from an extremely bitter man. It's one of the lamer autobiographies I've read as most of it is rubbish, but you definitely get a sense of the misery in which the man lived.

The pinnacle of these books, IMO, is Bret Hart's. This is likely due to the intense attention he gave to documenting his life as it was unfolding. It can come off as self-aggrandizing and was criticized at the time for that reason. However, over time it's turning out that Bret was right about a lot of things, and maybe wrestlers and the industry should have taken themselves a little more seriously.

[Cali Panthers Fan]

Originally Posted by Huntingwhale

Pimp: The Story of My Life by Iceberg Slim. Don't really know much about the guy, but the premise sounded interesting. Instead, what a slog that was. Terrible dialogue, terrible stories. Almost impossible to read due to all the slang and lingo. At least try to make the book readable. One of the best bios I ever read was Ozzy Osbourne's. But imagine his bio having all the words written out in mumbles like how he speaks. That how this Pimp book was written. Just because someone talks and has an accent like that, doesn't mean the words need to be spelt that way.

Also if you are an electronic music/DJ fan, Carl Cox's book is a lemon. The man will undoubtedly go down in history as the #1 DJ of all time, and with that should be some great stories of his upcoming, breaking out in the scene and struggles he faced as a black DJ. Instead it's just stories about various clubs and parties he played at. Rinse and repeat. No cool stories about what other DJs are like or anything like that. Just, I DJ'd at this venue, it was great, blablabla. Disappointing.

Spelled.

Spelt is a grain.

[Yeah_Baby]

Originally Posted by Knut

Ron Maclean's was a tough read. A bunch of short sentences and it was quite self-aggrandizing.

Didn't he also write this with Kirsty McClellon?

[powderjunkie]

I enjoyed Scar Tissue (but I'm also a big RHCP fan); I thought Kiedis' upbringing was interesting.

I also didn't mind Ralston's book (though I remember less from it), but I didn't really enjoy Wild by Cheryl Strayed (though I probably remember more scenes from it).


On The Road by Jack Kerouac was an eyeroller for me, though I know it's only semi-biographical

[habernac]

I'm a big fan of autobiographies, I thought Aaron Ralston's was great. I can't think of any awful ones I've read.

For biographies, the Bobby Orr one by Stephen Brunt a few years ago was terrible. No one but Phil Esposito would tell the author anything because Bobby will have nothing to do with you if you dish on him (guess Phil didn't care). It had zero good stories in it.

[OptimalTates]

Originally Posted by Cali Panthers Fan

Spelled.

Spelt is a grain.

Spelt is the past tense of spell.

Spelled is for stupid Americans who can’t spell.

[undercoverbrother]

Originally Posted by Engine09

I loved everything up to Blood Sugar but anything new they release is garbage.

I thought they peaked at Mother's Milk.

[undercoverbrother]

Originally Posted by OptimalTates

Spelt is the past tense of spell.

Spelled is for stupid Americans who can’t spell.

I guess he learnt something today....

[CaptainCrunch]

Originally Posted by Yamer

Wrestling autobiographies as a sub-genre is so fascinating. In such a small, protected industry the stories are wild and varied. Everyone has an opinion on everyone else, and nearly every single book tells an entirely different version of reality regarding the same space of time.

The Diana Hart book is infamous in wrestling circles as being a sensationalized hit piece on the likes of the Hart's and the extended family. She even claimed that Davey Boy had drugged and raped her repeatedly. I've never read it but it's supposed to be a trainwreck of utter bull####.

One that hasn't been pulled from shelves but gives what I imagine is a similar vibe is Pure Dynamite by Tom Billington, aka The Dynamite Kid. The ramblings and re-imaginings of history from an extremely bitter man. It's one of the lamer autobiographies I've read as most of it is rubbish, but you definitely get a sense of the misery in which the man lived.

The pinnacle of these books, IMO, is Bret Hart's. This is likely due to the intense attention he gave to documenting his life as it was unfolding. It can come off as self-aggrandizing and was criticized at the time for that reason. However, over time it's turning out that Bret was right about a lot of things, and maybe wrestlers and the industry should have taken themselves a little more seriously.

Pure Dynamite was facinating for one reason. After reading about his upbringing. You can understand why he was what he was. That and the prideful steroid use made for a unstable human being. Add to that he lost everything including his career, and he lost every friend he ever had. If there is ever a cautionary tail laced with a lack of awareness its Pure Dynamite.

I loved Bret's book. Yeah he had a heavy ego, and he unloaded a lot in terms of the post Scewjob stuff. But it was a good but really dense read.

I want to add onto the autobiographies.

Shatner wrote a 2 or 3 book autobiography about himself. And while at times it was a good read. There was never a guy that was more lacking in self awareness then Shat. Especially when it comes to the discussion that his former cast mates all hated him.

[GreenLantern]

Val Kilmer's wasn't great. I think it was mostly because he is a lot different of a person than I initially thought.

Really short on the key movies of his I really enjoyed. But he did talk a fair amount about Tombstone and how that one stuck with him through out the years.

[Huntingwhale]

Originally Posted by OptimalTates

Spelt is the past tense of spell.

Spelled is for stupid Americans who can’t spell.

*Phew!

[JohnnyB]

I thought Pimp was a great autobiography. Totally worth reading.

Worst I can recall reading was Bitcoin Widow, by the wife of the Quadriga guy who disappeared years ago. Just totally out of touch with how her husband lost so many people so much money while she was living a life of luxury.

[btimbit]

Originally Posted by Knut

Ron Maclean's was a tough read. A bunch of short sentences and it was quite self-aggrandizing.

Yeah that was one of the few I just stopped reading. I know by nature autobiographies are going to have a touch of self-importance, but his was bordering on narcissism and the smarminess just dripped off the page. It was actually the beginning of me starting to dislike him