Question for a lawyer about 'without prejudice' Letters

[indes]

Merry Christmas Eve Everyone!

I had a quick question for a lawyer regarding 'without prejudice' letters I've been receiving from my ex wife's lawyer.

They are basically telling me they no longer want to follow our signed separation agreement. The letter says "Client X does not accept your terms to pick up your child, do not show up to pick him up."

Now my question is, if this letter cannot be used in court, why on earth would I listen to it? This is one of two letters so far where they inform me they are no longer following our signed agreement.

Obviously they are doing this because the courts are closed and my lawyer is off work until Jan 4.

Is 'without prejudice' a get out of jail free card? Or is there something I will be able to do about this at some point?

I'm beyond devastated that I apparently don't get to have my son this Christmas vacation (save Christmas day for 33 hours). I guess that's what happens when you lose your job for 3 months and have to cut child support back!

Thanks if anyone has any insight, I know this isn't legal advice I just keep trying to bend these WP letters around my head and don't understand their use in this context.

[afc wimbledon]

my ex screwed with my access a couple of times during the early stage of our seperation and divorce, nothing you can do in practice, if you turn up and demand to see your kid it will go badly wrong for you, will upset your kid and probably see you sitting in city cells for a very lousy Xmas dinner, the cops dont care about lawyers or agreements they will just arrest you and let court sort it out on Monday

You have my absolute sympathy, it sucks, its unfair but you will have to put up with it

[FlamesAddiction]

I can’t give you any useful advice but I am sorry to hear that you are going through that. I’ve seen how these custody arrangements can be totally unfair to one parent.

[monkeyman]

Not a lawyer either, all I can say is don't go crazy and think of the long term. document everything, and hopefully this kind of behaviour from your ex helps you with custody/visitation in the long run.
If the separation agreement was signed off by the court, I don't think they can unilaterally change it. You'd think if you showed up with the original agreement and the cops showed up, they’d have to side with you. But any altercation would probably not be good for your kid and reflect bad on you as well. I'd bide my time, wait for your lawyer and use it as an example of her unreasonable behaviour.
Sorry dude. I hope you have a good Christmas

[troutman]

Originally Posted by indes

I'm beyond devastated that I apparently don't get to have my son this Christmas vacation (save Christmas day for 33 hours). I guess that's what happens when you lose your job for 3 months and have to cut child support back!

Access should not be tied to support. Your lawyer should hammer this home in the New Year.

This seems to be a strange use of "without prejudice" which is normally used for off-the-record negotiations. Not for saying they are breaching a contract.

This may be "sharp practice" on your ex's lawyer's part to try and take advantage of the court break.

[CorsiHockeyLeague]

It's more likely that they just automatically put "without prejudice" on their letters unless they decide to explicitly make them "with prejudice". Those words being on the letter have no legal effect. The key question is whether the letter contains a bona fide attempt to arrive at a compromise about an existing dispute - e.g., a settlement offer. You'd need a lawyer to review the letter and advise you about whether or not that's the case in your circumstances.

[indes]

Ya it was hand written on before getting scanned and sent, but it is definitely not in regards to settling on anything.

Thanks for the replies guys, I definitely need to get a better lawyer as you guys have provided more insight in two posts than my lawyer provides.

I was more or less curious if it was a possibility I would be able to get these letters admitted at some point. The blatant lies and admissions of ignoring court orders are something I didn't expect to see in a legal document.

[indes]

Originally Posted by troutman

Access should not be tied to support. Your lawyer should hammer this home in the New Year.

This seems to be a strange use of "without prejudice" which is normally used for off-the-record negotiations. Not for saying they are breaching a contract.

This may be "sharp practice" on your ex's lawyer's part to try and take advantage of the court break.

Thanks for "sharp practice". I didn't know that was a term. Describes exactly what's going on.

[afc wimbledon]

I will add my now 30 year old daughter who was 10 when her mother was pulling this kind of crap remembers it all very clearly and thinks her mum acted like a jerk

[Makarov]

Is your wife's lawyer sending you this correspondence directly? Knowing that you are represented? If so, that is unethical.

[indes]

The letter says it was emailed to me which it wasn't, which I was kind of pissed off about.
It did go to my lawyer though.

[indes]

Originally Posted by afc wimbledon

I will add my now 30 year old daughter who was 10 when her mother was pulling this kind of crap remembers it all very clearly and thinks her mum acted like a jerk

I have a 4yr old son who tells me how "his mom always yells at him, how she makes him stay in his room and how she never plays with him" and more. It is absolutely heartbreaking. I'm sorry for putting my #### on here but honestly, I am pretty confident my lawyer is either awful or incompetent. I'm happy to hear the responses here and look for a new lawyer who will be able to represent me.

[indes]

Dp

[blankall]

If the other lawyer knows your are represented by a lawyer, they should not be contacted you directly.

Also were the terms of your agreement entered into a court order? If not, I would definitely have that done, as this would put her in breach of a court order.

[monkeyman]

The other things is like to add. Never bad mouth your ex to your kid and just be there for him. A single person in his life who he can trust, who he can talk to, who is on his side, can make all the difference in the world in his life. Bad mouthing his mom, who he loves regardless of what she does, only puts him in a difficult position.
Just remember, document everything. Keep a journal if you can.
Don't give up, but you might have to swallow your pride and take some #### from your ex. Just remember, your doing it for your kid.

[indes]

Originally Posted by monkeyman

The other things is like to add. Never bad mouth your ex to your kid and just be there for him. A single person in his life who he can trust, who he can talk to, who is on his side, can make all the difference in the world in his life. Bad mouthing his mom, who he loves regardless of what she does, only puts him in a difficult position.
Just remember, document everything. Keep a journal if you can.
Don't give up, but you might have to swallow your pride and take some #### from your ex. Just remember, your doing it for your kid.

This is definitely good advice. Honestly I never thought my ex would have been doing a #### job until my son wouldn't stop talking about it, and I've never said a bad word about her.

Hey lawyers, is it bad form to post these letters and responses online?

[Tron_fdc]

Originally Posted by indes

This is definitely good advice. Honestly I never thought my ex would have been doing a #### job until my son wouldn't stop talking about it, and I've never said a bad word about her.

Hey lawyers, is it bad form to post these letters and responses online?

Yes. Bad idea.

[Amethyst]

Originally Posted by monkeyman

The other things is like to add. Never bad mouth your ex to your kid and just be there for him. A single person in his life who he can trust, who he can talk to, who is on his side, can make all the difference in the world in his life. Bad mouthing his mom, who he loves regardless of what she does, only puts him in a difficult position.
Just remember, document everything. Keep a journal if you can.
Don't give up, but you might have to swallow your pride and take some #### from your ex. Just remember, your doing it for your kid.

Definitely this. I don't have kids of my own, but I work with a lot of kids who come from these kinds of situations. Find a trusted friend to complain to, but never around your child, even if it's not something direct. Children do a great job of interpreting everything you say to be their fault and blame themselves. Find a good lawyer and do everything through him/her.

And don't post anything online. Always take the high road even when it sucks.

[rain_e]

I have no advice but I really hope this works out for you.

[indes]

I appreciate the advice everyone! Can anyone tell me exactly how admissible text messages are in court? I have records of all of our texts from since before we separated. I have records of her denying parenting time due to money, I have records of her refusing to take our son unless she got money and I have records of her refusing to honor our signed and filed agreement. Does anyone know someone who actually gives a #### that can help me? My lawyer seems to just want to go through the motions and get paid.