General Purpose Parenting Advice

[CroFlames]

I'll kick this off with a question.

My (35M) middle child (3F) has been acting up lately. Won't listen and seems to be seeking attention. Her older sister (4F) is in soccer, and I think she's feeling left out, hence the attention seeking behavior.

I'm thinking of doing an outing only with her to show her she is just as important as the others.

1. Is a solo outing with her an appropriate measure?
2. Should my wife also do one with her on another day?
3. Ideas for outing? I'm thinking Saturday morning breakfast at a restaurant just us two.

[Northendzone]

Personally, i think that solo outings/dates with each one of your kids is a good idea. Allows you both to bond.

Two and three yr old kids act out - it is hard to control that. Barring them really getting violent, I think it is fine.

[Russic]

Perhaps your assumption is correct, or perhaps it's just a 4 year old exploring the world as a 4 year old (which is to say, like a wet gremlin). Either way, any activity with a kid that makes them feel special is well beyond worth it.

1. Totally.
2. I would argue yes, if possible. You have a 3 and a 4, so you're busy as hell... it's understandable if she's stretched too thin
3. Sounds like a great idea, but I think we also overthink these types of things. Your attention is all she wants, so you could probably do next to anything... so I say pick something that'll recharge you a bit also.

[Strange Brew]

Three year olds are going to act up. Don't beat yourself up over that.

One on one time with your kids is awesome for both of you. IMO it's best if it happens naturally vs. making a big event out of it lest you find yourself having to keep score so that things are even.

Maybe when older sister is playing soccer one parent can spend special time with the younger one? It's also a good way to break the habit of having both parents attending their kids every sporting event. So many families' entire lives revolve around their kids sports.

[Jordan!]

MY 2.5 year old is a big ball of emotion and mood swings, Angel to monster with little in between. lol

It's hard not to console or make them feel better when they act out, but now's the time to cement boundries and how to act.

[sketchyt]

Originally Posted by CroFlames

I'll kick this off with a question.

My (35M) middle child (3F) has been acting up lately. Won't listen and seems to be seeking attention. Her older sister (4F) is in soccer, and I think she's feeling left out, hence the attention seeking behavior.

I'm thinking of doing an outing only with her to show her she is just as important as the others.

1. Is a solo outing with her an appropriate measure?
2. Should my wife also do one with her on another day?
3. Ideas for outing? I'm thinking Saturday morning breakfast at a restaurant just us two.

You two seem like good parents. That's all I have to add.

[KTrain]

People talk about "terrible twos" but 3 years old was way worse with my kids.

[you&me]

Originally Posted by KTrain

People talk about "terrible twos" but 3 years old was way worse with my kids.

Three-nagers... Defiant little buggers

[CroFlames]

Thanks CPers, some good advice here.

Three-nagers ain't that the truth LOL.

[you&me]

Originally Posted by CroFlames

Thanks CPers, some good advice here.

Three-nagers ain't that the truth LOL.

Hahaha

Regarding your OP, we've done exactly what you're proposing... For example, I used to pick up my second-oldest at pre-school and have a "lunch date" with her at least once a week. It's been a few years and she still brings it up, which tells me it worked exactly as we'd hoped.

[Jordan!]

Originally Posted by KTrain

People talk about "terrible twos" but 3 years old was way worse with my kids.

Everyone is telling me this, and i'm not looking forward to it.. lol

[Amethyst]

One on one time with each of your kids is never a bad idea. I would recommend doing something with each child, based on their interests.

There's never anything wrong with doing these events more, unless it ends up being only one kid gets the special time. But people have busy lives, so it's also understandable if you can only do it occasionally. The important thing is don't make promises you can't keep. A once a month outing that actually happens is better than weekly outings that often get cancelled.

You could also get her one of those wall calendars that people don't use anymore and put a picture on the day when they outing is planned, so that she has a visual reminder that it is happening and when it is. When you put her to bed, look at the calendar together and count how many days or "sleeps" until your outing.

[Shazam]

Liquor is, in fact, not quicker.

[bc-chris]

Originally Posted by Amethyst

One on one time with each of your kids is never a bad idea. I would recommend doing something with each child, based on their interests.

There's never anything wrong with doing these events more, unless it ends up being only one kid gets the special time. But people have busy lives, so it's also understandable if you can only do it occasionally. The important thing is don't make promises you can't keep. A once a month outing that actually happens is better than weekly outings that often get cancelled.

You could also get her one of those wall calendars that people don't use anymore and put a picture on the day when they outing is planned, so that she has a visual reminder that it is happening and when it is. When you put her to bed, look at the calendar together and count how many days or "sleeps" until your outing.

i totally agree!!!

i've mentioned before on cp what my dad did when we were kids - we each got a "big day" with him. a 'big day" was one full day one-on-one with dad. this was a huuuuuge deal. my dad owned a paint and wallpaper store in brampton ontario - we lived in guelph - so about a 1 hour commute each way. his store was open 6 days/week and when it was open he was there. we might have seen my dad in the morning if we got up early enough and he usually didn't get home until after we went to bed. this was in the late 70's/early 80's and there was a brutal recession - so times were tight. if my dad was at his store he didn't have to pay another employee - so he worked a ton!
the result was we only really got to see him on sundays - which was great, but there just wasn't one-on-one time with him.
i don't remember which christmas it was, but there were cards for each of us kids from my dad inviting us each for a "big day" - a day when we got to spend the entire day with just dad and we got to pick what we did!
to this day i still remember those days with my dad (this is going back 40-45 years). over the years we went to blue jays games, the cne, the royal ontario museum, the planetarium, a leafs game, up the cn tower, did movie nights and the most amazing one of all - he got us tickets to game 2 of the cup final in '89.
all that stuff was so awesome to do - but what made it so memorable was that is was just me and my dad - just the two of us - no distractions, no interruptions - just us. that's what made those days so special.
they obviously had an impact on my siblings as well becuz 'big days' were brought up many times at my dad's funeral.
i wanted to start this same tradition with my kids so a few years ago i put cards in the christmas tree for them. my mom was over christmas morning and the kids saw the cards in the tree, got their cards and asked grandma to read their cards to them (kids would have been 6 & 4). my mom started to read the card and barely made it to the end. she teared up quite a bit - i think what hit her the most is how i wanted to carry on my dad's tradition and that meant so much. that was christmas of 2019 and unfortunately covid kind of threw a hard curve ball at going out and doing things - but we're hoping for them to really happen this year. my son wants to go to a young stars game in penticton and not sure yet what my daughter wants. we regularly do 'little' one-on-one things with our kids, but it's super fun to have an entire day and believe me - it will make a memory for life!

[RichieRich]

Have fun and certainly 1 on 1 time is important, as is family time, as is time on their own to learn to entertain themselves, and also teaching them respect and boundaries must exist and non they can’t have everything they want nor do what they want… so time also to implement the time-out concept when they do something undesirable.
The caveat being THE PARENT needs to be left calm, express the rules, how long they’re there for (typucally as many minutes as they are old), and then afterwards have a quiet calm chat about what happened and the impact/risk and child apology, and finally a good hug and expression of teamwork and love.

[RichieRich]

Double post

[CM ONE]

At three years old , swimming lessons are a good idea. Pop or Mom N Tot if they still call it that is great. Can be explained to the other children, that it is their lesson and Dad (or Mom) need to go with them. Mom and Dad could trade off since there are usually 6-8 lessons I can't remember and it starts a necessary life skill.