How do you do it?

[GordonBlue]

Originally Posted by Sr. Mints

Anyone who's actually qualified to dispense medical advice in this thread literally can't - I think that needs to be stated.

Good luck CMP, I don't really have anything concrete to offer except moral support. Been there, currently there to some degree.

As touched on in the thread, a huge part of my social life was tied into work. And I've been off for the better part of 5 years for medical reasons, only working part-time, maybe 10 hours a week.

I've found some hobbies--I'm currently tearing apart my mom's house on Sr Mints Standard Time so it can be put back together to my liking. I also got a puppy. He came with the name Silver, but that sounded too much like Silver so I changed it. He brings much joy and happiness.

Leaning on family helps. It might start to piss them off, but they'll bend and be there for you. And those feelings of guilt that you're a burden can just compound all your problems, so you'll have to suppress that.

I also recommend speaking to a psychologist. It'll take you eons to get into a psychiatrist. They can help you see things from a whole different perspective. If anything, reach out to your family doctor - they can help set you up.

Depending on the family. That can also be just another burden that's part of the problem.

This thread is a good reminder that the best thing for CMPunk, myself and others to do is see a doctor and hope for affordable professional help.

So many posts are just suggestions of "what worked for me" which are not applicable to our own problems, finances and psyche.

although I see more support for people in one day of this thread than one might get in a week or two in the outside world. So that's really heartening.

cheers all. positive thoughts to you, CMPunk.

[GordonBlue]

Originally Posted by GirlySports

You've got to work less. You're grinding yourself into the ground, literally. Why are you working 6 days and two jobs? That's not worth it. You need to quit on of them.

You've got to invest in you, the things you like. Even if it's just sitting on the couch reading a book.

I know you mean well, but this is advice that sounds like you didn't bother to read the posts closely.

When you can't afford your bills, telling someone to work less is useless advice.

Unfortunately keeping a roof over one's head and food on the table ends up being more important than your own health. Especially if you're the only earner and the family is relying on you.

[Jbo]

Best decision I ever made was to talk to my doctor and open up that I had anxiety and some depression. Started me on a low dose of lexipro (anti-depressant) and it has honestly changed my life. Men by nature do not talk or reach out for help. We feel it is viewed as a weakness, so we suffer in silence.

I do believe the existential crisis we face is a natural part of aging. Facing the why on what we do. I went through it at 30. I don’t have an answer for it, but try to recognize the thoughts for what they are.

Your post had hit a nerve in the community for a reason. You are not alone.

[dammage79]

I honestly don't know. Hope?
I'm unmarried, no kids, living out of a car, work my ass off and live paycheck to paycheck and two paychecks behind.

The last 5 years has felt like scrapping and crawling and still slipping down the chasm.

I have moments of weakness where I break down and literally cry for hours every 6 or 7 months. Which is pretty much when I take account of my efforts in that time espan and see where there's progress being made only to realize you're falling further behind.

What keeps me going? Stubbornness, hope. Hope I'll finally sleep in my own bed once again. Hope I can see my nieces and nephews grow up and become amazing people.

But it's damned bleak man, and it's exhausting trudging through these current experiences. I'm weary, I'm tired, I don't care about a lot of things like I used to. Trying to let go of things to focus more energy on survival. I feel like I've been in survival mode for a few years now and I'm scared of how it'll affect me after this experience.

Can't tell you how the anxiety takes over every night, sleep isn't particularly friendly.

I'd like to think my deletion does more harm than good but I also have nothing really to tether me here. And thats a lonely ass thought to fight with. Self worth is questioned hourly.

It adds up and I see how many hit thay wall.

[Lanny_McDonald]

CM Punk, I appreciate what you are going through. What you're experiencing is something common, what most people will go through, where you feel like it's all downhill and there is nothing to look forward to. Some people like to refer to this as the "mid-life crisis" and dismiss it, but we do go through physiological and emotional changes as we age, and how we deal with those changes guide our long-term health, both physical and mental. There are many who will dismiss this event, but we all hit it and have to deal with it. For the men in the room, I like to equate it to women having to go through menopause, only the changes aren't quite so severe.

What you're feeling is the body and mind changing and you coming to the realization that your "best days" are behind you (not true at all), because in your younger-self context your body and mind are in decline where you will never perform to the same levels you once did. This is where our feelings of failing and inferiority come in and what many times leads to the depression you feel. Getting over this hump is difficult for a lot of people, so please understand you are not alone and not unique in the challenge you are facing.

Every person will handle this differently, so it is very difficult to give you advice on what will work for you. For some, it is that last act of rebellion (telling their boss to go #### themselves and then starting a new career/business). For some it is trying recapture their youth through extrinsic means (buying that impractical red sports car). For some it is trying to capture that youth the intrinsic means (going after that younger model partner and believing they will keep you young). All too often these strategies fail because they don't embrace the obvious changes happening to you. You only delay the self-realization that is certain to come.

I'm not going to tell you what to do because this is something you must come to grips with yourself. I would echo the sentiment of the older set on this board and tell you to look into some counseling, if only to have someone to talk to. I would recommend you speak to an older counselor who may have hit this wall themselves. The best counselors are the ones who have similar experience, so look for someone seasoned. Let them be your guide and sounding board. Just having someone to talk to will help immensely as you face this transition in your life.

As you have these discussions you may be referenced to a psychiatrist for possible medication. Understand what you are getting yourself into with medication. Have a very long talk about what the drugs are going to do to your brain chemistry and whether that is right for you. Cali has good advice here.

Originally Posted by Cali Panthers Fan

Also, if I may add, many of the common medications to treat depression are SSRIs (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors). New comprehensive literature (an umbrella review, basically a systematic review of a collection of systematic reviews) has come out in recent months that indicates that serotonin (or lack thereof) is not associated with depression.

https://www.nature.com/articles/s41380-022-01661-0

If this is true, that means that most anti-depressants aren't doing what they're intended to do. Medication may not be the answer either.

In speaking with many of my psychology colleagues, they argue for CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy). It requires regular work, but leads to long lasting benefits if done properly.

For all the talk about the dangers of mind-altering drugs in this thread - many of those drugs natural - the reality is that any drug prescribed to alter your mood is a mind-altering drug. The drugs are intended to mess with your brain chemistry and try to find a more "normal" balance in the soup. It is the long-term requirement of medication that should be concerning. Who determined what is normal is also why you should be having that conversation with the individual making the prescription. What is normal?
Bottom line on drugs, natural or synthetic, know what you are getting yourself into and what the long-term effects are.

Good luck CM Punk.

[Macman]

I think GirlySports means well and it’s a good point. Low paying jobs can suck the life out of you even for a healthy person let alone someone that’s struggling already. I know I’ve had trouble getting used to schedules and it feels like you’re working everyday. It’s certainly worth looking at.

[peter12]

Originally Posted by dammage79

I honestly don't know. Hope?
I'm unmarried, no kids, living out of a car, work my ass off and live paycheck to paycheck and two paychecks behind.

The last 5 years has felt like scrapping and crawling and still slipping down the chasm.

I have moments of weakness where I break down and literally cry for hours every 6 or 7 months. Which is pretty much when I take account of my efforts in that time espan and see where there's progress being made only to realize you're falling further behind.

What keeps me going? Stubbornness, hope. Hope I'll finally sleep in my own bed once again. Hope I can see my nieces and nephews grow up and become amazing people.

But it's damned bleak man, and it's exhausting trudging through these current experiences. I'm weary, I'm tired, I don't care about a lot of things like I used to. Trying to let go of things to focus more energy on survival. I feel like I've been in survival mode for a few years now and I'm scared of how it'll affect me after this experience.

Can't tell you how the anxiety takes over every night, sleep isn't particularly friendly.

I'd like to think my deletion does more harm than good but I also have nothing really to tether me here. And thats a lonely ass thought to fight with. Self worth is questioned hourly.

It adds up and I see how many hit thay wall.

Please go see a doctor and start talking about this. It's important.

[undercoverbrother]

Originally Posted by peter12

Please go see a doctor and start talking about this. It's important.

my man peter12 is correct.

In May 2016 I had a close friend kill himself. In the aftermath of that a number of us from the same friend circle committed to looking after each other.

So now we talk more about things that are really concerning us or we are struggling with. It makes a difference, there is no judgement, just the love and acceptance of old friends.

[Northendzone]

for those of you who are considering medication prescribed by a doctor, i would suggest going for a pharmagenomic test.

they take mouth swab (as i recall) and then analyze it to get a sense of what type of meds are better for your body.

my daughter was on some drugs for anxiety related issues and as a result of this test, we switched up the meds. and it seems to be a bit better.

These tests used to be $500'ish so they are not cheap; however, it can save many months of fiddling around with meds.

i hope that those in this discussion who are suffering can find something positive out there to get life energy from to be able to put one foot in front of the other and move forward

[peter12]

Mental illness is serious. What the OP, and some others, describe in here could be more than just middle-age blues. There are real disorders that have profound impacts on people's lives that can only be treated through the medical system.`

I really urge anyone struggling with significant anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts, obsessive or repetitive thoughts to reach out to a doctor.

I've had my own struggles with a significant mental disorder that impacted my life for a very long time until it was properly treated by my family doctor and psychiatrist. I am much happier on medication and seeing a talk therapist than I have ever been in my life, which is far more stable, productive and clear.

I know that for a lot of men there is fear of discrimination for opening up about problems or a general fear about not being enough or for having trivial fears.

Don't let that stop you. The consequences can be too dire.

Please DM me if you want to start a conversation about your mental health.

[Dion]

Originally Posted by dammage79

I honestly don't know. Hope?
I'm unmarried, no kids, living out of a car, work my ass off and live paycheck to paycheck and two paychecks behind.

The last 5 years has felt like scrapping and crawling and still slipping down the chasm.

I have moments of weakness where I break down and literally cry for hours every 6 or 7 months. Which is pretty much when I take account of my efforts in that time espan and see where there's progress being made only to realize you're falling further behind.

What keeps me going? Stubbornness, hope. Hope I'll finally sleep in my own bed once again. Hope I can see my nieces and nephews grow up and become amazing people.

But it's damned bleak man, and it's exhausting trudging through these current experiences. I'm weary, I'm tired, I don't care about a lot of things like I used to. Trying to let go of things to focus more energy on survival. I feel like I've been in survival mode for a few years now and I'm scared of how it'll affect me after this experience.

Can't tell you how the anxiety takes over every night, sleep isn't particularly friendly.

I'd like to think my deletion does more harm than good but I also have nothing really to tether me here. And thats a lonely ass thought to fight with. Self worth is questioned hourly.

It adds up and I see how many hit thay wall.

From my own personal experience, I fear that if you don't seek out professional help you may not be able to climb out of that dark hole your in. It's consuming you to a point where you are questioning weather your existance matters. How long can you keep fighting before the anxiety and deprssion tells you to throw in the towel and end it all.

You need to seek out professional help asap!

[DoubleF]

Others have already gone done the main crux of talking to a professional and that you likely need a change of some sort. I won't rehash it in too much detail, but yes, as others said, get a professional opinion.

I'm not as weathered as some of the others in this thread who have commented, but not long ago, I guess I ran into some of this as part of my quarter life crisis and a few other things that meant I was helping my dad and a few others navigate a mid life crisis. There is no strategy that is one size fits all. OP and others must find a solution that is unique to them. If there's similar solutions that will work to others, thus granting more resources to imitate and follow, great. If no, don't think that you must chase down something that is similar to others.

A few things I ran into that I still find are useful are the following:

1. Part of being an adult is not worrying what is child-like or adult anymore. (Paraphrased)
2. You are a culmination of who you are. (Based on #1), don't worry about who you are, just embrace it.
3. Do more for others than yourself. Their reinforced foundations will hopefully be helpful to you when you find your own foundation in need of repair.
4. Tell yourself to occasionally walk in the opposite direction of where the crowd is rushing to.

The reason for #1 was that in my 20s and 30s, I had enough conversations of weird people who were "playing adult". They'd be miserable at life chasing the fakeness of social media and ridiculing peers for video games, comics, trading cards, toys vs hiking, yoga, self help and volunteering. This bleeds into #2. If you're an adult and you like yoga, self help, volunteering and "old soul" activities, good for you. But if you don't, then "new hobbies" like carpentry, gardening etc. is useless. I personally started going backwards and picking up more of the activities I did as a kid than a stopped as an adult. I felt happier. I tried picking up more of the workout, self help, social media creativity stuff and while it was OK, I felt more drained afterwards. Do what you like. For me, with kids, I think the happiness is accidental for many other parents. They do the things they loved as kids with their kids without feeling weird. Without kids though OP, you just need to do it with either peers or friends or social clubs I think. I think the pandemic has also helped to highlight and show that it's OK to chase down these types of hobbies regardless of age (heavily assumed because in general older people have the necessary money to blow up the values of certain items to these new insane values). I traded in my fun car for a van when we had kids and I was surprised that I felt more relief and satisfaction than regret. Things can change in how we perceive things.

A decade ago, my dad was wonky for a really damn long time after a relatively routine surgery. At that time my brother and I started picking up certain hobbies based on pictures we saw and stories of what he did in his youth. He perked up immediately with a few of them and others didn't have much effect. Focusing on stuff that isn't your thing is pointless. I'd recommend against new hobbies until you start poking around old ones that fell by the wayside first. Recently I think he's also struggling with his identity as a career person. I think he's ready for retirement but he's torn by the concept of losing so much of his career identity. This is likely causing and adding to late life anxiety. What I am saying is that things that used to give you satisfaction can be now giving you grief and vice versa. It's OK to try and redefine those.

#3 for me was important in the same way that others are saying, "My (immediate) family is what keeps me going." For OP, it could be a friend, extended family, a pet, clients/"work baby" etc. To accomplish this, I had to change how I viewed chore, career and hobbies vs personal satisfaction. Doing chores and improving things for others was my new hobby that gave me satisfaction. This was a bizarre and opposite realization that I had from when I was younger. Chores stopped stressing me out as much if I did them for others. It was just an activity that could lead to other things. The appreciation and smiles I received what the hobby and the satisfaction that filled me up more in the current stage in life. Now, again, not one size fits all. This might not work for OP and others and it might not work on everyone. The lesson is that certain pre-conceived conclusions we have in our head might be wrong and changing that view point of things we see normally in our lives can improve it.

The last one is more along the lines of us sometimes forgetting that we don't like what others are doing and we are unique. We've conformed so long that our grief is linked into our own loss of identity or burying or being embarrassed of our identity. I walked outside, grabbed and whittled a piece of bark for 5 minutes using a pocket knife. It was weird, like being a kid again and nothing else mattered other than doing something with intentional focus. The result did not matter. I've done the same with many other activities. Again, successes and failures. But in the end, I told myself to laugh whether I succeed or failed. We live in a bizarre world that makes us feel like we are not supposed to have failure anymore. That sucks. Like it's stated in Whose line is it anyways, "The points don't matter". For some people who fish, a good day of fishing doesn't mean you have to catch fish. Whatever hobby your activity you choose OP, you don't have to succeed. You just have to want to do. Another thing is to be able to focus on something to the point your mind sorta goes blank. Our minds are always going and we're always figuring out how to fill in that mental capacity. I think that's killing our mental health. This sorta ties into my recent random comment. How often do you hear about people day dreaming now? People don't day dream, they don't do things like stare at clouds for hours vs a few minutes at most. A car falls apart faster if it's redlined all the time. Metaphorically, our minds shouldn't be redlined all the time either. The world, like video games has also seemed to transition into a sort of "achievement farming" mentality which is stressful and not as fun. Pushing against that is going in the opposite direction of where others are going and that's OK if that's what you yourself need. It's kinda like a modern adaptation of the old adage, "If everyone jumps off a bridge, would you do it too?"

This isn't an easy journey and it's OK to blow off some steam and admit things aren't going as well as you hoped. Yes, I get that many are worried that others don't want to hear someone bitch about life. I do have a group of buddies where we say stuff like, "I have this that's eating away at me. I'd hope to be further along, but I'm still working towards progressing towards it or I think I need to ask for help to accomplish it". There is no need to default to saying, "Yeah, yeah it's going good" when it isn't. Sometimes we'll say things to each other that makes the other feel better about their situation, but we don't do it on purpose like we have to. "Oh, your thing is pretty awesome and it's way better than my situation, but sorry to hear it has been a point of burden for your."

Good luck OP and others. I hope things go well and you find what you're looking for.

[Macman]

I can relate to Damage as I went through something similar.
Sometimes people just need a hand up and if you’re able and someone you know is sleeping in their vehicle for example, help them out. It’s tough for a lot of people and people don’t want to go to homeless shelters. There needs to be more resources for people that are struggling and may have fallen on hard times.

[Dion]

Something to consider when it comes to mental health issues:

Suicide is not a matter of choice. The profound depression that motivates most suicides is a disease. This disease causes a level of pain so profound that it twists one’s ability to assess risk, to make good choices, to maintain a sense of future possibilities. When people act out of this depression, they are not exercising free choice. They are falling victim to a disease. This disease is not about logic or self interest. It is about an immediate desire to be dead

[flamesfever]

I have found, when experiencing extremely challenging situations, the best approach is to work on building as positive a scenario as you can. This is done by focusing on the positives and minimize thinking of the negatives. Anything that builds on one's hope is a good thing.

I try to take each day at a time, and stay in the "now". None of us know what's ahead for us...good or bad. I try to live each day at a time and get the most out of it as I can. I feel thankful each day that my name doesn't appear in the obits.

We all have flaws and make mistakes. I have found that guilt can be a lot of wasted energy. The old saying, "Forgiveness is divine", I think also applies to oneself.

Many of my physical problems are related to my age, and are quite common for my age group.

I think most problems relate to the unprecedented rate at which change is happening. Financial matters and technology are two of the biggest culprits.

I think it's important to listen to your body, and if it tells you something is not right, you should seek help in a timely manner.

It's nice to see so many offering to help the OP.

[Dion]

Imagine this possible sinerio in life.

You're trapped in this dark tunnel as you deal with the enormous struggles in your life. Everything seems too much to handle and you wonder how you're going to get out of this. A voice inside your head tells you not to quit. It tells you there's a light at the end of the tunel and you must fight to get there. The light represents hope, something you struggle with. That voice gives you a moment of hope.

Each morning is just like the last. You struggle to get out of bed and you put one foot in front of the other and solder on with your day. It's the only life you've come to know and you pray for sleep at the end of the it. Sleep never comes and it's replaced by the all consuming anxiety that dogs you. What a horrible way to live you tell yourself.

On one particular day someone you know recognises you are struggling and implores you to seek out some professional help. Your ego won't allow it and this voice in your head tells you that reaching out for help is a sign of weakeness and men are supposed to be strong! Be a real man and not a wimp! Maybe my ego is right so you ignore the implores of a friend and continue on with your life and it's struggles.

A day, a week and maybe a few months later, Death enters the equation while you're lying in bed and this voice whispers to you that all your struggles, anxiety and depression can disappear if you consider taking your own life. You want to resist but your will is broken and that light at the end of the tunnel you fought so hard to reach is gone. You can't believe what you're telling yourself. Death seems so peaceful, so calm and so inviting. What other choice do I have? I don't want to suffer forever.

In the end you listen to death and his advice and you cease to exist.

[puckedoff]

Some of the posts by folks trying to help are more depressing to read than the ones asking for help.

[FormerPresJamesTaylor]

Originally Posted by puckedoff

Some of the posts by folks trying to help are more depressing to read than the ones asking for help.

Plenty of wild sinerio's

[Dion]

Originally Posted by puckedoff

Some of the posts by folks trying to help are more depressing to read than the ones asking for help.

You want depressing? Have a friend you know comitt suicide. Plus all the questions of why they did it and how you missed the signs or that they ignored your pleas for them to get help.

[Mean Mr. Mustard]

Originally Posted by peter12

Please go see a doctor and start talking about this. It's important.

Just to add to this, get in contact with a physician who can help you find a social worker. If someone is living out of a car then the odds of them being able to address their mental health and wellness are diminished. Figure out if they qualify for subsidized housing or other social assistance.