Edmonton is No Good VI: Chia•den•freu•de

[Steve Bozek]

Originally Posted by CaptainCrunch

Here's the dream


At the start of training camp, Nurse still holds out, his agent goes public with the now historical "It will be a cold day in hell before my client signs for anything less then $7 million bucks long term of $5.5 on a bridge deal of 2 years, he then proceeds to drop the mic

Lucic turns up at training camp fatter and slower then ever "No seriously coach I drank these weight loss shakes every day" T-Mac educates him that in no way are shakes from McDonalds weight loss shakes, and then tells him to waddle his 450 lb butt to the Sauna, this is the last we see of Lucic until April.

Ty Rattie completely fails on McDavids wing. Pool Party moves up to the first line and McDavid ricochets 30 goals off of him.

In November, the Oilers announce a new deal for Nurse at 6 million bucks for 1 year "F them" Nurse stated in an inteview "They saw how much their blueline sucked without the Nurse" From now on Nurse refers to himself in the third person.

RNH is traded for a second round draft pick, a box of crusty donuts and a prospect from Lower East Mongolia who posted a video of himself on youtube doing fancy tricks with a stick and a tennis ball.

The season ends, Lucic is found crawling across the dressing room weighing 138 pounds after being locked in the Sauna for the past 8 months. He talks about a terrible hallucination where he was playing for the Oilers. When he finds out its true he crawls back into the Sauna and locks the doors . . . from the inside

McDavid comes out with his agent, his parents and his spiritual advisor on a special 2 hour hockey night in Canada tersely called "The Wrath of Con .. . nor". At the end of his special he looks at the camera and demands that his talent be sent to Arizona

Draisaitl announces his retirement so he can pursue his love of acting and burgers. He secures a part in a remake of Hogan's heros, he also announces that hes purchased a Hulkaburger franchise.

Poolparty's agent comes out and states that his client is every bit as good as Connor McDavid the exceptional Arizona Coyotes Center, and as the new face of the Oilers His client demands the same pay as McDavid, he then thumps Poolparty on the shoulder and murmers "Lets Go". When new GM Keven Lowe demands to know why his client is worth that much, Poolparty's agent pulls a tennis ball out of his pocket and replies that he's holding a thermal detonator.

Great to see the Captain back in mid-season form!

[stemit14]

So many people seem to think the oilers will be better than last year simply because of McDavid. They had McDavid all season last year and were still terrible.

I’ll try to reference this post at the end of November when the oilers are at the bottom of the Western conference and Staples comes out with an article saying “Jack Hughes is the final piece that the oilers need to become the powerhouse of the NHL” and the tank for Hughes in Edmonton will be on. They’ll finish a terrible team once again. McDavid will get his 100 points. They’ll win the draft lottery. Ron McClean: “Not if but when”.

And then we start all over again as the oilers are out of it again by November 2019. Staples: “Lafrenière/Byfield is all this team needs to become a contender.” Tank is on. Draisaitl gets traded in the summer of 2020 for a #4-5 defenceman.

And the cycle continues... a never ending cycle of No Good.


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[Enoch Root]

I also think the Oilers will be better than last year. Not playoffs good, but better than last year

[bob-loblaw]

Originally Posted by Enoch Root

I also think the Oilers will be better than last year. Not playoffs good, but better than last year

That's a pretty low bar.

[Enoch Root]

Originally Posted by bob-loblaw

That's a pretty low bar.

Well, they are, after all, no good. So the bar needs to be low.

[topfiverecords]

The bar is so low ants are getting concussions.

[Deegee]

It would be really funny if the Oilers lose Talbot to a divisional rival because they don't have the cap space to sign him to an extension.

[browna]

The only way I can see Nurse signed for market value, though I am sure they are trying to guilt him into taking lesss like they (Lowe back then, and now he sees this falter (which he was still a part of creating) as a chance to move back into the Katz good books) did Comrie after his ELC, is trading a guy...and the only one with value in RNH, imo.

[Samonadreau]

^ Those open and close brackets just through me through mental hurdles.

[saXon]

Originally Posted by topfiverecords

The bar is so low ants are getting concussions.

It needs to be at least....3 times higher.

[Snuffleupagus]

Originally Posted by Saqe

Doesn't Nurse have enough upside to offer him a long-term deal, let's say, something like 6 years and 5.5 million? That would make things a lot more harder for the Oilers.

Offer sheet him at 2 yrs $8.1m, cost is only a second rounder but structure it as $2.7m - $5.4m so if they match they have to qualify him at $5.4 in 2 years

[hockeyhuman]

Originally Posted by Deegee

It would be really funny if the Oilers lose Talbot to a divisional rival because they don't have the cap space to sign him to an extension.

If he has a year like last year they probably wouldn't care

[the-rasta-masta]

Originally Posted by Snuffleupagus

Offer sheet him at 2 yrs $8.1m, cost is only a second rounder but structure it as $2.7m - $5.4m so if they match they have to qualify him at $5.4 in 2 years

I don’t think it works like that. Got to be cap hit for qualifying number, no?

[kukkudo]

Originally Posted by hockeyhuman

If he has a year like last year they probably wouldn't care

No goalie is going to be good with that trash defence.

[Bingo]

Originally Posted by Enoch Root

Well, they are, after all, no good. So the bar needs to be low.

I don't think either Alberta team finished where they should have, a pretty odd season.

The difference between Calgary and Edmonton though is the reaction and the limitations to turning it around.

Edmonton through cap issues, and a firm belief they were unlucky have done very little.

Calgary acted as though luck wasn't a variable at all and beefed up their forward group, added depth and changed their coaching staff.

[ColoradoFlamesFan]

duplicate post

[ColoradoFlamesFan]

Going to Edmonton today,
Wedding invitation
This trip will be NO GOOD
Too many Oiler fans in one place with alcohol

[Oling_Roachinen]

Originally Posted by the-rasta-masta

I don’t think it works like that. Got to be cap hit for qualifying number, no?

Nope, it's previous years salary. It's what the Flames did in the O'Reilly offersheet as well.

[Yrebmi]

Originally Posted by AC

Rattie's 29 goals is hilarious.

Because he scored 5 goals in 14 games = 29 prorated.

Using the same logic, Gaudreau scored 1 goal in 1 game his inaugural season.

Prorated = 82 goals!!

edit - yeah I was beat to this revelation several posts back

[GreenLantern2814]

Originally Posted by Yrebmi

Because he scored 5 goals in 14 games = 29 prorated.

Using the same logic, Gaudreau scored 1 goal in 1 game his inaugural season.

Prorated = 82 goals!! amirite?

49 NHL games over 5 years. 9 goals.

Sure. 29 this year. Monahan production from an AHL replacement player. Why not.