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Old 07-12-2017, 05:39 PM   #1
Prufrock
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Default Reddit Roast of the Calgary Flames

It's starting to be a slow off season and I found this somewhat entertaining, though kind of lame compared to the other roasts.

The reddit hockey community is doing a roast of each hockey team this summer and today was Calgary's day. I didn't see a thread about it, but please lock if it's being discussed elsewhere.

Enjoy? You can check some of the other teams' roasts on the subreddit as well.
https://www.reddit.com/r/hockey/comm...y_flames_1631/
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Old 07-12-2017, 05:55 PM   #2
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"With Mike Smith as their goalie, the Flames can definitely be sure that it was in" - Random Bolts Fan.

That one stings.
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Old 07-12-2017, 05:58 PM   #3
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Some of those are pretty good--like the one about Scorch's self-immolation to avoid staying a Flames fan, or how we don't want a new arena as bad as we want a new arena for Anaheim. Those are clever.

But man--there are a lot of people on there who "roast" the way Michael Scott did...
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Old 07-12-2017, 05:59 PM   #4
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LOL


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Old 07-12-2017, 06:07 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GreenLantern2814 View Post
"With Mike Smith as their goalie, the Flames can definitely be sure that it was in" - Random Bolts Fan.

That one stings.
This one actually made me laugh. Very clever
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Old 07-12-2017, 06:40 PM   #6
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Originally Posted by GreenLantern2814 View Post
"With Mike Smith as their goalie, the Flames can definitely be sure that it was in" - Random Bolts Fan.

That one stings.
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Old 07-12-2017, 06:50 PM   #7
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How about this post. State of California has had three droughts stop and start while the Flames drought continues...ouch.

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Things that have happened since Calgary last won in the city of Anaheim

Arrowhead Pond is renamed to the Honda Center
Jaromir Jagr leaves and then comes back to the NHL
An entire NHL Franchise moves leading to the creation of the Winipeg Jets
A new NHL Franchise is established in Las Vegas.
Boston Red Sox break an 86 year drought to win the world series
Chicago Cubs break a 108 year drought to win the world series
The Cleveland Cavaliers break a 52 year long city wide drought by winning in the NBA finals
The Edmonton Oilers qualify for the playoffs after a ten year drought.
State of California enters a drought in 2007.
State of California exits drought in 2009
State of California enters another drought in 2011
After record breaking precipitation in the winter of 2016-2017, California exits another drought.
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Old 07-12-2017, 07:16 PM   #8
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This one made me sad:

"You guys failed iginla harder than we did." - Avs fan
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Old 07-13-2017, 08:28 AM   #9
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"The goaltending situation has been so brutal that fans are genuinely optimistic to have Mike Smith as the starter."

"You guys are somehow the little brother in your province to a team that spent the last decade tanking"

Ouch
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Old 07-13-2017, 08:57 AM   #10
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I've never seen this comment before:

"They don't live up to their name except when they're burning out in the playoffs"

Damn. That's so savage.
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Old 07-13-2017, 09:01 AM   #11
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There are definitely some really good ones in there. Reddit is great for that sort of thing.
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Old 07-13-2017, 11:55 AM   #12
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You guys are like that little brother that always gets overlooked.
Sure, you just got accepted to a pretty good university, but we just got accepted to Harvard, full ride.
Oh what's that? You just started dating your highschool crush? Mother####er, we just got engaged to Wanda Gretzman, AKA Ms. Universe.
Okay, you worked hard and are about to graduate with honours! Oh yeah, we just finished up degree number five.
Finally, the fam falls on hard times, we lose our job, the wife leaves us, we move back in with the parents, but you're too proud. Ma and Pa are behind on their mortgage, we're about to lose the family house! Hold up, your fourth quarter sales figures have earned you a raise! A fat raise too! You're going to be okay, and you can cover mom and dad's mortgage payment! We don't have to give up the home! Finally! You get to be the hero!
"That's great news dear, but did you hear about your brother?" That dreaded phrase that has dominated conversation since your birth. "He just won the Lotto Max!"
Time to start that business we were always talking about. Wait our phone's blowing up, maybe we'll just take some cushy upper management job. Mom and Dad? Get ready to retire to the beach house courtesy of your favourite son. Sorry little bro, looks like it's time for you to go back to where you belong: our shadow.
Oh by the way, you were adopted from some couple in Georgia.
I feel like this is one of the big reasons I hate the oilers so much.
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Old 07-13-2017, 12:00 PM   #13
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I feel like this is one of the big reasons I hate the oilers so much.
Gotta admit - that analogy, however false, was pretty humorous ! He gets an A for creative writing.
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Old 07-13-2017, 01:28 PM   #14
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[–]muffminCGY - NHL 143 points 1 day ago
Sean Monahan is more interesting than these roasts.
Haha.
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Old 07-13-2017, 01:36 PM   #15
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Gotta admit - that analogy, however false, was pretty humorous ! He gets an A for creative writing.
I think it was Captain Crunch's good twin.
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Old 07-14-2017, 06:39 AM   #16
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I've only read the ones posted in this thread, but so far I'm pleasantly surprised. I thought it'd just be the usual stupid Oiler fan tired joke of "what's the difference between the Flames and a bra?" thing. Oiler fans take note that good chirps are about present day/recent history, not 30 fricken years ago.
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Old 07-14-2017, 10:01 AM   #17
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Have they done this for the Oilers yet?
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Old 07-14-2017, 10:19 AM   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sainters7 View Post
I've only read the ones posted in this thread, but so far I'm pleasantly surprised. I thought it'd just be the usual stupid Oiler fan tired joke of "what's the difference between the Flames and a bra?" thing. Oiler fans take note that good chirps are about present day/recent history, not 30 fricken years ago.
It's like chirping a Red Wings fan that they were terrible in the 80s. Like, yeah, true, but ...
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Old 07-14-2017, 04:06 PM   #19
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Have they done this for the Oilers yet?
I could only find last year : https://www.reddit.com/r/hockey/comments/4tjnpg/rhockey_roast_of_the_edmonton_oilers_1730/ , so I'm guessing not yet
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Old 07-14-2017, 06:18 PM   #20
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The last time your team won in Anaheim, Johnny Gaudreau wasn't even born yet
Thankfully not true, but it's sad that I had to think about it for a second.
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