Dating Advice: Calling and texting etiquette

[Flashpoint]

Date women, not girls...

Don’t know it for a fact but you say you are 34 and dating “millennials”?

Are you following the half your age +7 rule? Its a min, not a recommendation.

[undercoverbrother]

Must stay married

[Timbo]

I have no problems communicating with my dates, I find my biggest problem is trying to get all the air out of them when I need to put them back in the dresser.

[nik-]

Originally Posted by Flashpoint

Date women, not girls...

Don’t know it for a fact but you say you are 34 and dating “millennials”?

Are you following the half your age +7 rule? Its a min, not a recommendation.

millennials are not as young a you think they are.

[Bigtime]

Take it for what it's worth (I've been out of this game for 13 years), but it seems like the preference now is texting. I base this solely off of the tweets I see from those not much younger than me (I'm 38). Actual phone calls seem to be dreaded or looked down upon. Perhaps that changes as a relationship becomes more solid, but it's a death knell in the early stages.

[Peanut]

Originally Posted by Flashpoint

Date women, not girls...

Don’t know it for a fact but you say you are 34 and dating “millennials”?

Are you following the half your age +7 rule? Its a min, not a recommendation.

A 34 year old is a millennial, so... sounds like he's dating in his age range.

I agree that based on the info in the OP, it sounds like you're not asking them out quickly enough. Chat a bit, flirt a bit, but make a plan to meet for coffee or drinks otherwise they'll probably think that you're actually not that interested since you're not asking.

If you're getting ghosted after a date or two, then it sounds like they just weren't that interested. No big deal and on to the next.

[bizaro86]

Originally Posted by Flashpoint

Date women, not girls...

Don’t know it for a fact but you say you are 34 and dating “millennials”?

Are you following the half your age +7 rule? Its a min, not a recommendation.

A 34 year old is a millennial by every definition, the oldest millennials are now late 30s.

I agree that if you are dating someone, the word "girls/girl" isn't the right one to use past high school, and certainly not into the 30s.

Maybe show the text communications to someone you trust - is there something similar that could be turning people off?

[troutman]

Originally Posted by Bigtime

Take it for what it's worth (I've been out of this game for 13 years), but it seems like the preference now is texting. I base this solely off of the tweets I see from those not much younger than me (I'm 38). Actual phone calls seem to be dreaded or looked down upon. Perhaps that changes as a relationship becomes more solid, but it's a death knell in the early stages.

How are those chat lines still a thing? Who calls anymore?

[CaptainCrunch]

Originally Posted by Bigtime

Take it for what it's worth (I've been out of this game for 13 years), but it seems like the preference now is texting. I base this solely off of the tweets I see from those not much younger than me (I'm 38). Actual phone calls seem to be dreaded or looked down upon. Perhaps that changes as a relationship becomes more solid, but it's a death knell in the early stages.

Man it just seems so lazy.

In my day (yeah, you all know I was going to go there). Dating especially early on was supposed to be a bit terrifying. Approaching a girl errrr woman, having a conversation where you don't fall flat on your face. Asking for that phone number, or even a date.

That first date exhilaration combined with moments of sheer terror. Then the wait after it, when do I call? What do I say? Is she going to blow me off? Not answer the phone?

At the same time it was intensely thrilling, especially when you make that connection, and you both realize that it could be a thing, or maybe its just a bit of phone.

Cut it was emotional and viceral, and fun and a bit frightening. What if you got to that sex date, and woke up in the morning with the terrified misjudgement because she stole your kidney while you slept and sold it to the Chinese Triad?

Texting seems like such an emotional shelter for people, and its so easy to disengage from a person to protect your so called safe space, and its seems a touch sad that its come to dating.

I really do believe that a big part of finding connections, and even falling in love, and not at the beginning because that can be creepy, is putting it out there and being able to see or hear the reaction. Maybe that's just me and I'm too old school to survive. But chances are I'm not going all Howard Hughes and dating 20 year olds.

But I'm sure that if you talk to any guy or girl in my generation and asked them about texting in dating they'd look at you like you farted in church and if you asked for feedback it wouldn't be good.

Just my 2 cents.


Add on because I wanted to dag nabbit, so sit right back down junior.


I think a big part of dating is the mistakes that you make, especially the ones in person, its the ultimate teacher and rejection can make you better and stronger at it because rejection hurts, but man if its just a matter of its not working out in text move on, what's the lesson learned?

[CaptainCrunch]

Originally Posted by troutman

How are those chat lines still a thing? Who calls anymore?

I was wondering about that because shockingly when your up late at night (Functional insomniac here) there are tons of ads for chat lines.

[topfiverecords]

Even though you're not using dating apps, the likelihood is that most of these women are. They're probably getting thousands of messages and matches a day. On an APP like Tinder, within a millisecond of the match they're communicating with the other person. Sadly, you're already old news even with the fact that you've been face to face first. In fact, that might be one of the challenges. There's no mystery, you're a boat, whereas with the other communications they're a mystery box. Behind the door, it could even be a boat!

Rather than worry about it, go ahead and consider becoming a monk then.

Thankfully I got married at a time when people had attentio

[Locke]

I think the only thing I'd say about 'texting etiquette' is to spell words properly and avoid 'txt spaek' as it were.

If you're a grown-up then you can spell and if the person is important enough to you to warrant a text then they're important enough to put the effort into writing like a normal human.

[PepsiFree]

There’s always Grindr.

[nik-]

One 8. Several equal signs. One capital d.

Just send this text over and over. It's the key to successful dating.

[DiracSpike]

Yeah calling is no bueno these days. If someone calls me I immediately assume it’s an emergency.

Sometimes if you’re being ghosted it’s because she finds your texts boring. And that’s not a chirp it’s something that has to be fought against and it can happen to everyone. There’s a ton of guys texting her “how are you” “how was your day” “what are you up to” or the
dreaded scummiest text if them all “hey”. You have to stand out against those no imagination lazy losers. Send her a meme, a picture of a cute animal that you can link to her (hopefully you know something about her at this point), a statement text about you being out and doing something exciting, or a random text that’s good natured and fun/funny that will hopefully get a response. You’re going for fun, funny, active, interesting, and unique with this. Stay away from straight up question texts to her, they’re easy to come up with which is why they get used a lot but they’re boring as #### and as mentioned, she has tons of loser guys texting her lazy questions all the time. You’re different, you’re better. Sometimes there’s nothing you can do, ghosting is a proxy of breaking up for people not mature enough to just say they’re not interested, but it’s amazing how often it can be turned around.

[Cecil Terwilliger]

Originally Posted by bizaro86

A 34 year old is a millennial by every definition, the oldest millennials are now late 30s.

I agree that if you are dating someone, the word "girls/girl" isn't the right one to use past high school, and certainly not into the 30s.

Maybe show the text communications to someone you trust - is there something similar that could be turning people off?

I think this is a millennial thing. Nobody I know in my age range says “women” informally, be it guys or girls. Girls as a term has moved beyond describing teenagers or children. It now seems to just be a synonym for women.

Strangely the term “guys” doesn’t seem have this negative connotation to denote children or immaturity.

Actually the more I think about it girl is totally normal, no matter your age. I was just with my adult friend and his mother and she asked him who the girl was he was dating, not woman. My friend and his gf are both in their early 30s. His mom is in her early 60s.

[afc wimbledon]

we live in an era when almost everyone who is dating is being presented with a smorgasboard of possible partners all the time therefore you can assume the girl you have seen a few times has also had 2 or 3 other guys she's considering, sometimes you come out on top sometimes you don't and it seems it is not required to be polite and explain this when you are the loser, when you get ghosted have a stock last text to send, 'haven't heard from you for a couple of days, I assume my chiseled good looks are not to your liking, thanks for the drink/meal/movie/time' humour is always good, then move on, doesn't matter how wonderful or sympatico it seemed to be, the worst thing you can do is get needy/stalky, neither women nor men like that, maybe she changes her mind if the guy she thought was better turns out to be a ######, maybe she doesn't.

Nothing you can do about it other than accept ghosting is todays equivalent of 'it's not you it's me' and move on.

[VladtheImpaler]

This is where my two history degrees really paid off - my written communication was always top notch. If text is how you communicate with dates and how they judge you, I suggest working on your vocabulary, grammar and written humour. You might be getting "dropped" for the most superficial reasons, such as poor grammar or because your writing is bland. Back during my online dating days I developed pretty much a "stock" communications package that would pretty much guarantee me a fair shot. This is really no different than PR or advertising - know your medium and work on your message.

[8 Ball]

[QUOTE=VladtheImpaler;7284659]This is where my two history degrees really paid off - my written communication was always top notch. If text is how you communicate with dates and how they judge you, I suggest working on your vocabulary, grammar and written humour. You might be getting "dropped" for the most superficial reasons, such as poor grammar or because your writing is bland. Back during my online dating days I developed pretty much a "stock" communications package that would pretty much guarantee me a fair shot. This is really no different than PR or advertising - know your medium and work on your message.[/QUOTE

Who would of thought that having two history degrees would help you text girls properly? Money well spent.

[VladtheImpaler]

[QUOTE=8 Ball;7284737]

Originally Posted by VladtheImpaler

This is where my two history degrees really paid off - my written communication was always top notch. If text is how you communicate with dates and how they judge you, I suggest working on your vocabulary, grammar and written humour. You might be getting "dropped" for the most superficial reasons, such as poor grammar or because your writing is bland. Back during my online dating days I developed pretty much a "stock" communications package that would pretty much guarantee me a fair shot. This is really no different than PR or advertising - know your medium and work on your message.[/QUOTE

Who would of thought that having two history degrees would help you text girls properly? Money well spent.

Resulted in 3 marriages - can't put a price on that.